Probably the worst part of depression is feeling nothing, losing motivation to do anything, and being tired all the damn time. Because no, depression isn't about being sad all the time or wanting to die or feeling like you're being a burden, although they are part of the package.

I guess the reason I made this book is to make my readers aware of what's really happening to a depressed person. Cause I'm not just gonna talk about my own experiences, but also those I know that suffers from it (or anxiety, and I'm not gonna namedrop anyone).

Numbness. It's feeling nothing. Just that. Something exciting can be happening, something you like so much, and you could feel nothing. You're numb to happiness. You're numb to sadness. You're numb to pain (sometimes even physical). You're numb to pretty much everything.

Loss of motivation. I know you probably heard about having troubles getting out of bed in the morning. Some people actually talk to themselves just to get out of bed. Or do something. They talk themselves out of staying in bed or just sitting on their ass on their phone or pc. Honestly, I recommend listening to Easy's Never Been This Hard by Citizen Soldier. It tells how the easiest tasks are sometimes the hardest to do when you're on a major depressive episode.

And probably last for this chapter is exhaustion. You're tired for no reason at all. Sleep doesn't help for the most part. You're just exhausted. According to my therapist, it's because of your thoughts. They're constantly running in your head, keeping you awake even while you're sleeping.

Exhaustion. That's not just physically. Sometimes you're tired of being alive, of existing, of breathing. You're tired of being a burden. You're tired of chores and your daily activities. You're tired of waking up. You're tired of people, of everyone. You're tired of changes, of no changes. You're tired of absolutely everything.

Sometimes they're all just small and persistent. Almost like being lazy but not really being lazy. You can do the stuff you need and want to do but you lack the usual luster in doing them. Or the energy. You can do chores. You want to play but you stare at your phone or pc and you just don't feel it even though you want to play. You want to write a story, but nothing comes to your mind even though you have the plot in your head already. You want to draw but you just stare at your paper, and nothing comes forth. 

You're constantly exhausted and you want to sleep and you have no motivation to do anything and you just stare at the floor or the wall or the ceiling and feeling nothing and doing nothing but you're so fucking tired.

That, my readers, is what depression sometimes is. But it's not always like that. But that's for another chapter.