She didn't remember. She didn't remember any of it. Or maybe she remembered all of it and was pretending as if she didn't because she couldn't possibly see me that way and was trying to spare us both the embarrassment and awkwardness. So we wouldn't ruin our friendship. Or whatever.

That was somehow worse than her not remembering it at all.

Not remembering that she had asked me to dance. That I had held her close as we swayed and she'd melted into my chest. That she'd called me pretty and sexy and said I had nice, distracting eyes. That I was her favorite person at the party. Her favorite.

How could that not mean anything? I knew she was drunk. I knew that. But she thought I was sexy. That had to mean something. How could it not?

I could hear her now, eyes all glossed over and bright. Her cheeks deliciously flushed and warm as she looped her arms around my neck, and whispered, "Maybe I want it to get me somewhere..."

I groaned, burying my face in my hands. My crush on Sophia had grown so massive I was afraid everything I felt for her would start spilling out of me like emotional lava. Meanwhile, I was fairly certain that Sophia had some weird situationship thing with her best friend from back home. A friend she would soon be heading back to, forgetting all about the boy who sat next to her on the airplane and managed to worm his way into her life.

If only I knew how she felt about me.

If only I could tell her how I felt about her.

"You ready to head out?" Sophia waltzed into the room, looking positively perfect in cutoff denim shorts and a striped button up thrown over her swimsuit. Her dark hair was piled up on her head, sunglasses perched among her waves. "I think Kai and Maia are already there."

By there, she meant the beach we were supposed to be at twenty minutes ago. In exchange for their help tidying up the house yesterday, Sophia and I had agreed to go with them on what they called an "island adventure". Supposedly this spot was a local favorite. It had sea caves, and a considerable hike to get there, which is why Sophia had balked at the idea when they'd first brought it up. But she couldn't refuse after yesterday. I knew she felt terrible about her drunk/hungover behavior, even though it had been more funny than anything. Cute. 

At least, I'd found it cute, but that could just be a result of my ridiculous crush on her,

"I'm set," I said, putting my hat on. Backwards. For Sophia.

"So how bad do we think this hike is?" Sophia said, once we were cruising down the highway, windows down. She was chewing on her fingernails, and I swatted at her hands. "Hey!" She cried indignantly, "Eyes on the road."

"We lead hikes every day, Randall," I reminded her. "It's literally our job."

"I know that," she huffed, fingering the gold chain around her neck.

"That why you fiddling with your necklace then?" I asked, smirking at her knowingly.

Her cheeks went pink, "Stop knowing me, would you?"

"Never," I grinned. I couldn't resist. I couldn't resist flirting with her. Even though I knew I shouldn't.

We parked on the road, and I saw Maia and Kai waving at us from the trailhead.

As we approached the trailhead, Maia and Kai greeted us with wide smiles and excited chatter. Sophia's nerves seemed to dissipate in their presence, her laughter ringing out like a bell as she fell into step beside them.

"About time you two showed up," Maia teased, nudging Sophia playfully. "We were starting to think you'd ditched us."

"Believe me, she tried," I laughed. Sophia kicked at me, rolling her eyes.

With eager steps, we set off down the trail, the dense foliage enveloping us in a canopy of green. The air was alive with the sounds of nature, the chirping of birds and rustling of leaves a symphony of life.

As we ventured further along the trail, the path grew narrower and more rugged, the dense foliage giving way to towering cliffs and jagged rocks. The air grew thick with the scent of salt and sea spray, a tantalizing promise of the hidden paradise that awaited us. Sweat dripped down my neck, and I willed the wind to pick up. It was getting more humid by the second, and I couldn't wait to jump into the ocean. I had mud all up my calves as well that was starting to crust uncomfortably

Suddenly, we came upon a rushing stream, its waters cutting a swath through the forest floor. Sophia hesitated, eyeing the churning rapids with uncertainty.

"We have to cross here?" she asked, her voice tinged with apprehension. Maia and Kai were already hopping across the rocks to the other side.

"Almost there," Kai called over his shoulder, beckoning us across. I stepped into the water, teetering slightly as I tested out the stability of the rocks.

"C'mere," I said, holding out my hand. She hesitated for a moment, and then took it, following me gingerly into the stream.

As we reached the other side, Sophia let out a relieved sigh, her cheeks flushed with exertion. "Thanks for not letting me fall in," she said, her eyes sparkling with gratitude.

I smiled, squeezing her hand gently. "Always looking out for you," I replied, my voice filled with warmth. I should probably stop saying shit like that. Especially since I was completely and wholly unsure about what her feelings for me were like. There were moments I was convinced she might want to kiss me at least half as much as I wanted to kiss her, but there were others I feared her heart belonged to her friend back home, and still others I had no earthly idea what signals she was sending.

The only thing I was sure about was that I was falling harder for her with every day that passed, and that with every day the passed, I got closer and closer to never seeing her again.

Her hand slipped from mine as we clambered over rocks, shoreline finally in the distance. I wanted nothing more than to grab it back and pull her tight to me, but I didn't. How could I?

I kicked off my shoes, feet sinking into gritty sand. Shells littered the ground beneath me, and jagged pieces of coral that looked as though they were fresh from the glittering reed before me. The water was clearer than I'd ever seen it, and there wasn't a tourist in sight, barely any people on sight, period. Just a man and a fishing pole sat atop the rocks a few yards down. Kai and Maia had really delivered this time around.

 "I know, right," Maia beamed at Sophia and I, practically cackling with pride.

"We haven't said anything," I reminded her pointedly, still gaping, mind you.

"Please," Kai snorted, slapping his sister a smug high five.

"It's gorgeous," Sophia gushed, awestruck. Apparently the hike had been worth it, even the part where she saw a giant centipede and practically leapt five feet in the air in horror. To be honest, I thought she'd refuse to go any further after that. Bugs were the only thing Sophia hated almost as much as she hated heights, and...driving...but I wasn't supposed to know about that.

Thank you so much for that one, Abigail. Who still hadn't gotten back from her trip yet, because of course she hadn't. Sophia was pretending like it wasn't bothering her, because of course she was. Sigh.

"This has got nothing on the waterfall, just you wait," laughed Maia, slinging an arm over Sophia's tanned shoulders.

She blanched, "Waterfall?" You would've thought Maia had said "abandoned mine shaft" based on her reaction.

"Never mind that now," Maia brushed her off breezily. "Look," she exclaimed quickly, eager to change the subject. "Those are the sea caves I was telling you about. They're sick."

Sophia appraised them curiously, "Can we go inside?"

"Duh," Maia grinned. "It would be totally lame if we couldn't."

"Totally," mimicked Kai. Maia hit him almost immediately.

"Shut up, asshat," she scowled, grabbing Sophia's hand. "C'mon."

"You're going into the sea caves?" My eyebrows shot up. "Voluntarily?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Oh, I don't know," I replied, pretending to mull it over, "maybe because you're you?"

Sophia's blue eyes narrowed, hands on her hips, "And what's that supposed to mean?" Scary eyes in full force, be cool, Jake. Be cool.

"Nothing," I gulped. " I l-," I stopped, dangerously close to revealing something potentially relationship ruining. "You is great. I'm just—" I shrugged, lips twitching at the stubborn girl in front of me, "pleasantly surprised, Randall."

"Glad I could provide that for you," Sophia's lips turned up into a small little smile, pleased with herself. "Let's go, Maia."

"Be careful, Randall," I called after her.

"Okay, Dad," she rolled her eyes, as her and Maia skipped off together, disappearing behind the cliff face. I marveled at the role reversal that had just occurred. Usually, it was her telling me to be careful. All stern and disapproving. Don't climb up there. Don't walk on that. Sherlock, I swear to god, you cannot make that jump!

She was adorable.

I thought about the girl that had sat next to me on the plane, the one I'd fallen for so instantly. And I thought about the Sophia I'd come to know so well, the Sophia I'd kept falling for. The one who wanted to explore sea caves, even though I knew her mind was filled with a million things that could go wrong in a sea cave. Who held her head a little higher every day, whose strength and courage kept growing, doubts drifting away easier, quicker. The girl I'd seen glimpses of in the airport. The Sophia I saw. It felt like maybe she was starting to see her too. A Sophia who...might want to take a chance.

"Dude," Kai's voice broke me from my thoughts. He shook his head.

"Don't 'dude' me," I groaned, turning to face him

"Then don't watch Sophia walk away like she's the very force binding you to the earth's surface."

"Maybe she is."

"Dude."

"Whatever," I huffed sullenly.

"Dude."

I buried my face in my hands. "I know," I mumbled. "I know."

Kai clapped me on the back consolingly, "Yeah...well, I'm gonna grab my board and head out past the reef. The waves out there are unreal." He tilted his head, smirking, "Now I'd ask you to join me, but I think we've learned you and surfing don't exactly get along..." I shoved him.

"Surfing is the problem, not me," I informed him haughtily. "Besides, I'll have you know that there are plenty far more pressing activities I'd rather partake in."

The far more pressing activities included re-reading Wuthering Heights, reorganizing my phone's homescreen, texting Danny, and staring obsessively at the pictures Maia took of me and Sophia on the fourth, trying to psychoanalyze her body language so I could figure out what the fuck was going on between us. Which was not at all creepy, and was actually an exceedingly normal form of observation.

I screenshotted Maia's instagram page for Daniel. I needed another set of eyes, and a more objective opinion, to be completely honest. I chose the one of us out on the porch, her arms wrapped around me as she leaned in, smiling for the camera, my hand pressed into the small of he back.

Jake: ok so does this picture say im madly in love with Jake and want to grow old with him or he's such a great platonic friend of mine who I work with professionally and live with platonically

Jake: totally cool with either answer!!!

Danny right so

Danny: you're crazy confirmed

Jake: Just answer the question

Danny: be honest do you have a locket around your neck with a strand of her hair in it

Danny: jacob did you photoshop these pictures

Jake: I did not ask for judgment

Danny: you texted me so yes you did literally

Jake: I hate you

Jake: also answer me plz

Danny: you love me

Danny: you're also insane

Jake: And?

Danny: okay like

Danny: you certainly seem cozy

Jake: cozy is good

Jake: Right?

Danny: sure

Danny: but also clearly there was alcohol involved and maybe she's just a cute lil clingy drunk

Danny: but then again in some of the other pictures she's looking at you in a way that is not giving platonic energy...although its nothing compared to the looks you're giving her. seriously dude calm down

Jake: I'm sorry

Jake: how have you seen OTHER PICTURES

Danny: please.

Danny: i followed maia WEEKS ago what am i? an amateur?

Danny: not to mention in LITERALLY every post of the two of you, you're all over each other

Jake: Stalker

Danny: nope pretty sure thats you crazy heart eyes

Sweat dripped down my forehead. I wasn't that bad, was I? Another quick scroll through Maia's Instagram proved that I was, in fact, that bad. I sighed heavily, there were clouds gathering in the distance, thick and heavy, like the air was becoming with every passing second.

Mother: Returning to the moors?

This was in response to the picture I'd sent her of the cover of Wuthering Heights. It was one of her favorites. She'd read it to me before bed when I was younger. She loved the Bronte sisters, and of course Jane Austen. Anything British and romantic. It was one of my favorite things about her, her love of romance novels. Of course, she'd never admit that's what they were. She always described them as critiques on social hierarchy and gender and blah blah blah, which they were, but also...romance.

Before her and Dad got divorced, and I would spend summers and holidays, and honestly half the year in England, we visited the village where the Bronte sisters had grown up, saw their home. She'd drag my begrudging dad to a showing of Pride and Prejudice every year, the BBC version, of course. Because Beatrice Sullivan would never accept the derivative work of Keira Kneightley in 2007. He hated it.

Jake: Always

I responded with a smile, thinking wistfully about my days in England. I hadn't been back in nearly a year and a half. My mother had almost chosen Heathcliff as my middle name, but my dad never would've let that slide. She used to tell me I was such a Byronic hero, repeating that Lord Macaulay quote fondly whenever I had a sulk as a child. You, Jacob, are a boy "proud, moody, cynical, with defiance on his brow, and misery in his heart, a scorner of his kind, implacable in revenge, yet capable of deep and strong affection..."

Deep and strong affection. She always sounded vaguely surprised about that. As if she couldn't imagine how a child that she'd grown in her womb could possibly possess such a thing. But she was right. She usually was.

It had begun to rain.

Kai appeared on the beach. He headed over, grabbing a towel. "Had to paddle in," he said, slightly out of breath. "It was getting a little rough out there with the rain."

"Ah," I nodded, as we scurried for cover under the canopy of trees further up the beach.

He looked around, frowning suddenly, "Girls aren't back yet?"

"Nope." It'd been at least an hour since they'd gone.

"Huh," he kept frowning. "That's weird..."

me when i finished a chapter??????

IM ALIVE FR

PLEASE COMMENT ITS LIKE MY ONLY MOTIVATOR ACTUALLY

writing is really hard chat

anyways ttyl

probably MUCH later if we're being real

yours in realness and procrastination,

xxxxx,

COLLEEN