So maybe I had been the slightest bit overconfident about the whole sea cave thing.

Everything had started off fine. We headed inside, the water was so clear, and the lava rock looked incredibly cool as it bended in various arches overhead. I'd managed to adequately tamp down the worry thoughts that tend to circulate through my brain every 10-15 minutes, pushing through images of some undiscovered sea predator that lurked within the caves, or a sudden earthquake that caused everything to internally collapse and crush us both.

And I was glad I had. I got to see hermit crabs with beautifully patterned shells scrabbling along the sand, fluorescent algae crawling up the rock walls, and the multicolored fish swimming around me in the calf deep water. Fish I never would've seen otherwise, since I was terrified of snorkeling to far out in the reef, away from the shore. Plus, it was nice to spend time with Maia away from the boys, just the two of us. I'd had a lot of Jake time lately, between work and home, and he was great, but there came a point you just needed some girl time. Besides, things had been so confusing with us lately, and with Maia I got a break from overthinking every time I caught him glancing over at me and I felt my cheeks burn hot.

I missed Reagan. More than that, I missed my sister...I always missed my sister. I'd missed her since she'd run off to Hawaii six years ago, but this summer was supposed to be different. Our chance to reconnect. She was supposed to be home tomorrow. I hoped that was true.

This little sea cave excursion was exactly what I needed to clear my head, and it was just too wonderful seeing the look on Jake's face when I'd wanted to go. In fact, I felt a little thrill go through me now as I heard his voice in my head. Pleasantly surprised. I don't think I've ever surprised anyone in my life

Needless to say, I was pretty proud of myself. That is, until about twenty-fiveish minutes in, when Maia muttered something of the expletive nature under her breath.

"What?" I glanced over at her questioningly.

"Nothing, just..." Maia frowned, looking warily up above us through the opening in the top of the cave we were in. "I think it's starting to rain."

I followed her gaze upward, feeling a light drizzle on my face. She was right. The caves had grown slightly dimmer as we'd gone further in, but I had barely noticed. Maia was still frowning.

"Is that...a bad thing?" I asked, skin prickling slightly.

"Not necessarily," she swallowed, not meeting my eye. "We should probably head back, though. I didn't realize how far in we'd gone."

Her pace quickened slightly, just enough for me to notice. She was right. I couldn't tell you how far we'd walked, but I could tell you I didn't recognize anything around me. The beach suddenly felt very far away.

We kept moving, and my panic sensors were firing like crazy as Maia remained suspiciously silent. Maia couldn't be quiet for more than two minutes, and by my count it had been four.

The water was at our knees. I didn't recall it being at our knees before.

"Fuck." Okay I definitely heard it that time.

"Maia," I said, putting a hand on her arm. "Is something the matter?"

"No." She wouldn't look at me. Her feet had stilled.

"Maia..." I shot her a look, arms crossed.

She bit her lip, "You have to promise not to go all Sophia on me."

"What?"

"You can't freak out, okay?" She looked at me earnestly, babbling in her typical Maia fashion now. "And I know that that's like your prerogative. Freaking out, I mean. But you can't freak out when I tell you, because it's actually not that big of a deal. Like actually, it's very very fine, but it's going to be even more fine if you don't freak out. So can you try not to freak out because—"

"Maia."

"Sorry," she exhaled. "Just don't—"

"Repeatedly telling me not to freak out is not the soothing tactic you think it is."

She winced, "Right, so..."

"I will try to stay calm."

"Okay." Maia tapped her thumb and pointer fingers together. A nervous habit of hers Jake had picked up on weeks ago. "Okay. So basically it's raining, and the tide is at rising, so we can't get out."

"What?" I said, deadly quiet.

"Right now," she immediately amended. "We can't get out right now. But we will! We just have to wait it out for a sec for the tide to go out, or for it to stop raining. Preferably both. Hopefully both. The important thing is, we are getting out. Just not...right this second."

I felt faint, the worry mill I'd managed to pause when we'd gone in here starting to rotate around again.

"I'm sorry— what?"

"I can tell that you're Sophia-ing out," Maia said, waving her hands around aimlessly, "but I need you to try to resist the urge."

"To throttle you for continuing to use my name synonymously with panicking?" I sniped, glaring at her.

She gave me a sheepish smile, "You're cracking jokes. That's a good sign."

"So what's the plan, exactly?" I tied my hair back in an attempt to normalize this situation, taking deep, even breaths. I had chosen to come in here, and it was going to be okay. I was not going to "Sophia" out. I was going to behave rationally. I was going to accept that this was unfortunate timing and nothing more, but it was not a cause for an absurd amount of alarm. This happened to people every day, I was certain. And they were fine. Because this was not a big deal. Maia said it wasn't a big deal. That it was fine. Several times, in fact.

"We are going to go sit over there," she pointed at a patch of sand above some rocks a couple feet away. Higher ground, it seemed. "And wait. The water shouldn't get above that rock line."

"Shouldn't?"

"Won't," corrected Maia hastily, "it won't." She took me by the hand and led me up the rocks, plopping down in the sand with a thud. "Besides," she glanced upwards at the sky, visible through the wide opening in the top of the cave, "if it does, we'll just float up to the top."

"Right, so that's not helping," I shut my eyes, shaking my head vigorously to prevent the image of the cave filling with more and more water from appearing in my brain.

"Sorry," she let out a short laugh, "are you—"

"I'm not Sophia-ing," I rolled my eyes, but my fingers were fiddling with the chain around my neck even as I said it. "Kind of..." I really wasn't in full freak-out mode, surprisingly enough. I trusted Maia. And until I saw her confidence falter, I wouldn't let my worries get the best of me. We were just sitting. Waiting. It wasn't half as scary as some of things I'd had to do here. Like, oh I don't know, zip lining.

"Any way I can help?" Maia nudged my shoulder, "What does Jake normally do?" I threw her a look, huffing. "What?" she giggled.

I shoved her, "You know what."

"Oh, come on, Sophia," she smirked.

"Come on nothing."

"Soph, I know you haven't known each other very long," she started, "for that matter, neither have you and I, but," she sighed, smiling slightly, "anyone with eyes can tell that that boy gets you. He just does." Maia traced the sand with her fingertips absentmindedly, "You think we don't see how he notices you? Him whispering in your ear every time you go slightly Sophia? I mean— you rode a zip line."
"So?" I murmured, looking down. My cheeks felt all prickly with embarrassment.

"Jake gets you," she repeated softly. "So I ask again, what does he do?"

"I don't know, really," I shrugged. Jake gets you. I wondered what he was doing right now. I hoped him and Kai weren't worried. "He just distracts me, I guess. He always knows," I shook my head, smiling in spite of myself "He's annoying like that. Gets me to talk by teasing me or picking a topic he knows I really like, or really don't like..."

"Sorta like I'm doing now?" Maia raised her brows at me, eyes twinkling.

I breathed out a laugh, "Ah, well played."

"I try," she bowed her head magnanimously. "Now the real question is, is talking about Jake a topic you really like, or really don't like? Or maybe...both?" She grinned at me mischievously.

I bit my lip, blushing "No comment."

"Duly noted," chuckled Maia. It had stopped raining, weak sunlight beginning to filter into the cave again through the covering of clouds. We were both damp, and I could feel wet sand everywhere. I couldn't believe how calm I was managing to stay, even without Jake and his melted chocolate eyes and his gentle, slightly gravelly voice that got all low when he was being sweet to me, that dimple in his cheek that always appeared when he was teasing me, his lips that—

"You're thinking about him right now aren't you?" Maia's smirking voice broke me from my totally totally normal thoughts about my coworker.

"No." Her laugh echoed off of the dripping cave walls.

Maia turned to me, eyes searching, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead." It wasn't as if we had anything better to do. Even though I was certain I wasn't going to like whatever the question was.

"What's the deal with the dude who keeps commenting on any Instagram post I tag you in?" she said. I choked on my own saliva. "Thomas or something?" I coughed loudly, red in the face. That was just about the last thing I expected to come out of Maia's mouth.

I managed to sputter out, "What?"

"There's totally a story there," Maia clapped gleefully. "I was so right!"

"There's no story," I swatted her arm. "He's my best friend. Him and Reagan." It wasn't a lie. Mostly. Maia was going to call bullshit and I knew it.

She squinted at me, "Just your best friend?"

I sighed, "He— Tommy— might... potentially harbor more than friend feelings for me, but—"

"Might?" scoffed Maia. "He's low-key obsessed, Soph. No one who is 'just a best friend' is stalk commenting like this guy." I groaned, burying my face in my hands. I'd been choosing to ignore the fact that Tommy was seeing and commenting on the pictures Maia had been posting. Mainly of me and Jake. Okay like, all of me and Jake. Partly because I couldn't bear looking at the numerous photos of me acting all foolish and shit draped all over Jake, and having to psychoanalyze the way he smiled at me when I was mid-laugh, arm pressed against his, and partly because I couldn't bear thinking about Tommy looking at the pictures too.

"He's like totally in love with you, huh?" Well, those words definitely didn't scare me at all.

"I don't know if I'd say—" Maia gave me a look. "Yeah..." I relented reluctantly.

"And you don't feel the same way about him?"

"I don't know," I pressed my fingertips to my temples. Talking about the Tommy situation— hell even thinking about it gave me a killer headache. "I love Tommy. I really do. I just—"

"You're not in love with him."

I groaned, "I don't know." This was what so utterly frustrating to me. Because how the fuck was I supposed to know? "See— that distinction is so confusing to me," I said, "I care about him so much— but how do I even know the difference? I don't even know what that feels like. I could be— I'm just—"

"Not in love with him," Maia said again, sounding more certain this time. "Not like that."

"I—" I started to protest, feeling the urge to defend myself? Tommy? Our feelings for each other? I don't know. I was thrown off by how decisive she sounded.

"You'd know, trust me."

"But how would I—?"

"Sophia," she cut me off, voice softer, but still sure. "If you were in love with him, you would know. Even if you didn't know know— there would always be a part of you that did know, no matter how deep down..." Maia squeezed my hand. There was a long pause.

I thought about Tommy. How sweet he was to me, how cute it was when he snorted at my bad jokes, how he never ever made me feel out of my depth or my comfort zone, how he made my heart feel safe and warm. I thought about the fact that I'd told him I loved him about a million times throughout our lengthy friendship. And that it was true every time, and I thought about how confused and frustrated I got whenever I tried to consider the possibly of something more. I thought it was because I didn't know how to see him that way. Honestly, that I was afraid to see him that way, afraid to risk the security of a friendship I'd depended on for so long. Now I wondered if it was because I couldn't.

"So what about Jake?" Maia grinned at me. I glared right back at her.

"What about him?" I replied suspiciously, side eyeing her hard.

"Any 'more than friend feelings' there?"

I rolled my eyes, heat flooding in my cheeks, "Shut up."

"I'm sorry," she clucked her tongue, practically vibrating with delight. "I was looking for a yes or no answer?"

"Maia."

She raised her hands, eyes wide, the picture of innocence. "Well, at least I know your dear friend Tommy thinks there are."

"He does not," I said, panic rising in my throat. He couldn't. I barely mentioned Jake for a reason. He didn't even know us living together had become a more than temporary situation and that it was all my idea. The reason being I didn't want him to think anything weird was going on between us. Because there wasn't. Obviously.

"He for sure does," Maia patted me consolingly. "Those comments? Dude is marking his territory. Hard."

"He is not— marking his territory." Tommy was not jealous of me and Jake. That was ridiculous. There was no reason to be— territory? I was not territory. I was a human being. And Tommy would never—

"He's peeing all over you, girl."
"Oh my god," I mumbled, burying my head in my knees. I was mortified. And possibly even more confused than when we began this conversation.

"Sophia?" Maia tapped me on the leg, beaming. "Guess what?"

I didn't even look up. I wasn't sure I could take any more questions.

"Hm?"

"We can go back now."

Thank god.

okay icon

two chapters in one month???

who is she?

please comment like genuinely please i need the validation you know the drill

i love writing and also hate it

the girl, so confusing

like that's me fr

anyways stream brat

maybe new chapter out soon???

like atp i might not be lying

new me????

xxxx,

colleen

comment seriously

like...

I WANT TO KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS

OR EVEN RANDOM SHIT ABOUT YOUR LIFE

YOU CAN RANT AND BE REAL THAT SO COOL WITH ME

are you having a brat summer?

im asking important questions here

sophia's fs not...like she is so secret of us summer coded

and you know what she's real for that