Song for this chapter:

Normal Song - Perfume Genius

Halo - Lewis Watson 

"I'll meet you here tomorrow. Be on time," Kira says sharply and then makes her way back down the dark hallway without another word.

The lift doors open in front of me and I'm pleased to see a semi-familiar face. Alexandra greets me with an apprehensive smile and I'm glad that I get to ride the lift up with her instead of Kira. When I walk in, I do my best to stay quiet and keep a conversation from starting. I don't want to talk about anything that just happened. I keep my head down, hoping that she'll get the hint that I'm in no mood to talk.

"How was it?" She asks timidly, obviously not picking up on the hint.

"It was fine." I shrug, feeling a little guilty that I'm brushing her off when she's obviously trying to be friendly.

We stay silent for the remainder of the ride up, which is just as shaky and unpleasant as the ride down had been. My brain feels like it's rattling in my head from the jarring motion of the lift when we come to an abrupt stop at the top. When the doors open, I welcome the heat that instantly rushes in and warms my body, re-awakening my limbs. 

"I hope tomorrow is better for you." Alexandra attempts another smile and I decide to smile back at her because I don't want to seem like a jerk. It isn't her fault that Elijah and Kira are both psychopaths. 

The walk home is quick and I let my feet carry me while my thoughts are consumed by the events of the day. The sun is just now setting. All my days will be made up of darkness here. I'll go from spending my days in the darkness of the underground to coming up to a brief sunset that will turn into the darkness of night. 

I walk up to my front door and don't even notice Logan as I pass by him.

"Nya," he says, to grab my attention, from his seat on my porch.

I jump, obviously startled and he stands to hug me in a greeting. He throws his arms around me and my arms are held down stiffly by my sides from his embrace, so I awkwardly try to pat his back. His hold on me is too tight and there's no passion beneath his touch. It feels like a friendly gesture, nothing more. 

"How was your first day?" He asks and I immediately tense up. I'm still wearing my jump suit. I have to change before he notices and makes me tell him where my work program is. I gently push him away and he grabs my arm to stop me.

"Hey, hey. Nya, it's alright. Alec told me your work program is in the underground," Logan blurts out. His cheeks tinge red as he blushes, embarrassed from outing my secret. 

That stops me in my tracks. I can't believe what I'm hearing. Why would Alec tell him that?

His hand is still clasped around my forearm. He speaks again and his voice is calm, holding no trace of anger or resentment. 

"You shouldn't have felt like you had to hide that from me. Did you think I'd be mad?" He scrunches his face with worry. He looks concerned about the possibility of that.

"Maybe," I answer quietly, trying not to hurt his feelings. 

"Is that how you really see me? You think I'm the kind of guy who would leave you after finding out?" His hand is still on my arm and it makes me feel slightly trapped. 

The thing is, I don't think he would leave me. But the idea of him staying with me after finding out about the underground only makes me feel guiltier about leaving him. I know I'll leave him eventually. I'll break his heart. I've known this all along, but standing here and looking at his worried face makes it that much harder.

"No, no, I don't think that," I whisper, leaning forward to hug him. This time his arms are gentler around me and I rest my head on his chest. Relaxing for the first time all day feels nice, even if only for a brief moment. 

I wish that I could make this work. I wish that we didn't have to leave this moment right here, with his chin resting lightly on my head and my arms looped around his back. Because if I close my eyes, I could imagine that he's someone else, and then it would be simple.

But the truth of the matter is that I can't pretend, or at least I can't for long. Because there will be a time when I'll have to open my eyes, and when I do, I won't see the person that I want to see. I won't see green eyes or long brown curls. I'll see Logan.

Even though I know I have to leave him, there's a part of me that wishes I could stay wrapped in his arms. I wish I could be the right person for him. It would be so easy if we were right for each other. I can only hope that when I leave and break his heart, he'll understand one day. And maybe he'll see that he couldn't have done anything differently to prevent me from running from Amberly. Deep in my soul, I realize that a part of me has always known that I was going to run. I just didn't know where to run to until now. 

"I'm glad," he says, running a hand against the back of my head. It's soothing to me.

I pull back from him and notice that there's a wet spot on the front of his shirt where my face had been. My fingers fly up to my cheek and I feel the wetness there from tears that I hadn't realized were spilling. Hoping that he hadn't seen, I turn quickly and begin to run.

"Nya!" Logan steps forward and wraps his fingers around my wrist to hold me back. I scream out, squeezing my eyes shut and halting in my tracks. Logan jumps back and holds his hands in the air, trying to look like he meant no harm.

I rub my wrist gingerly, just now noticing that bruises have bloomed all around it where Kira's fingers had been. 

"What happened to you?" Logan asks, his brows knit in confusion.

"I made a mistake underground and got hurt. First day jitters and all that." I try to smile as if it's no big deal and luckily I think Logan buys my story. 

"Be more careful tomorrow, alright? I can't have my beautiful partner show up with bruises on her arms on the day we take vows." His smile is so genuine and the joy in his features so evident that it breaks my heart even more. 

It sounds like he thinks taking our vows will happen sooner rather than later. I'll have to tell Harry. We'll have to figure out some way of leaving before then.

As I look at Logan's hopeful face, my heart sinks to my stomach. This will be harder than I thought.