XI

"Welcome to the inner workings of my mind

So dark and foul I can't disguise 

Can't disguise

Nights like this

I become afraid

Of the darkness in my heart

Hurricane"

"Hurricane" -Ms Mr

 There was something different about Eric, but Harper chose to ignore it. Ignorance could be bliss, and in that moment she wished her father had never told her about Jeanine and Eric, about Erudite overthrowing Abnegation with such violent means, or about any of the suspicion he had. It was terrible of him to do such things, to put that weight on his young daughter's shoulders, but that was the world, and she wouldn't deny that she was glad she knew. Only that it would sometimes be a lot easier if she had not a clue, and lived like everyone else. The dull throb of the fresh tattoo reminded her of her past, but the feeling inside of her when she walked beside Eric drowned it out.

Both of them walked along silently, Eric was a step ahead so that he could guide where he wanted to go as he had not told Harper. His thoughts were still on who her father was, and he tried to see what she was hiding, but it appeared to him that she was either hiding nothing, or like him, had developed too strong of a skin to penetrate. The evening had come to a close, and the night had welcomed them with a cold breeze and a brilliant moon. There was not a single cloud in the sky, and it was littered with the sparkling stars so far away. Harper let her eyes follow through the Milky Way, smiling at its beauty.

Oddly comfortable in the silence, Harper hardly took note of where they were headed. They had left the pit, and nearly left all of the lit-up faction. Outside of the faction was the wall, where more Dauntless ended up working. Though many went to other factions to deliver security, most ended up holding a gun they would never use, watching the vast nothingness that was beyond the wall. But Harper had never seen the fence nor what was beyond it, and it began to excite her as she realized she was nearing it. It seemed to grow taller as they got closer, Harper needed to crane her neck back and still couldn't see the top of it. It would take a decent amount of time to get to the top, and she suspected that's where they were headed as Eric wrapped his strong hand around a rung, glancing at her.

"You're not scared of heights, are you?" he asked with a grin.

"Wouldn't you love to know my fears," she mused.

"I might sooner than you think." He began to climb.

She joined him, hoping that he wouldn't ever discover all of her fears. "The next section of training, right. Do you see it all or just the final?"

"I can overlook the training, but I like to see how people respond on their official test."

"Well, I'd rather people not be in my head," she said, clicking her tongue.

"Why?" he asked. "Any deep, dark secrets?"

Harper's heartrate wasn't beating faster than usual because of the climb. They were about fifty feet up already, every fifteen feet there was a platform for them to break, but Eric didn't at any of them so far. "Doesn't everyone have a few secrets?"

Eric listened to her words, trying to see if she was playing her usual game of banter and jests, or if she was trying to avoid telling him the truth, or spilling something she didn't mean to. There was an underlying tone in her voice that suggested he had secrets, which in fact he had many. He couldn't push her to tell the truth without it coming back on him, and so he simply chuckled and repeated her own words back to her. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

As they came over to the halfway point, nearly one hundred feet of climbing, Harper could feel the strain in her muscles as well as on her tattoo. Though she didn't want to ask for Eric to stop, she didn't want to push herself after four hours under the needle; she could pass out if she wasn't careful. But Eric seemed to understand or read her mind, and he stepped off onto one of the platforms. While they were climbing, there had been some people here and there, but the wall was more heavily manned at the bottom, and it filtered out after the first fifteen feet. They were utterly alone up here, but Harper felt as though she wasn't alone for the first time in a while.

When she was training, she was so focused on doing well that she didn't truly feel as though there were people surrounding her. When she was in the dorms, she felt as though she was too tired to carry on proper conversation, too tired to become friends even though she had two now. Making friends was never her strong suit, but she did prefer to be on her own. However, being on your own and feeling absolutely lonely were different feelings. 

Some nights she would get to thinking about her father and she felt as though she had no guidance, nothing to help her through the hard times ahead, no one to tell her that she was being an idiot by spending so much time with Eric. She knew that if she avoided him, she would lose feelings for him. But she had never once felt this way for someone, and she didn't want to lose that feeling it gave her.

Harper sat so that her legs were dangling on the outside of the fence, her arms rested over a metal bar. Her legs swung and she could already feel blood pooling into them, but she ignored that and gazed out over the black emptiness that was beyond the fence. It wasn't really all that exciting, but perhaps it was the idea that this was the last bit of civilization left that was thrilling. Or better yet, that there might be other people, other colonies and cities out there. Would they be different from here? Would they have factions? She pondered, but she didn't say any of it out loud. Something told her that Eric didn't care for questions like that; the existential thoughts.

"Do you come here often?" Harper asked, not looking at Eric but feelings his eyes on her. It felt... good.

Eric felt the rock inside of him settle, the agonizing feeling that he didn't know everything, and would never discover if Harper was telling him the truth or lying through her teeth. It sunk a little deeper, settled in a crevice, and he was able to ignore it for a while. He was crouched beside Harper, his head turned to the side so that he could look at Harper for a moment. She seemed to not have a care in the world up here, and the lack of tenseness in her shoulders, the ease she seemed to be in, Eric suddenly couldn't believe that she might be lying to him. He was not an idiot, and could tell the difference between authentic and fake interaction. Harper seemed real. He let out a sigh of relief even though nothing had been answered, and joined Harper in her relaxed state.

"It loses its appeal after a while," he said truthfully.

"Do you bring all the girls up here?" Harper mused, looking over at him and realizing that he was looking right at her; she flushed red, but it was dark enough that Eric wouldn't be able to tell she looked like a radish.

Eric chuckled. "Most don't make it this far."

Harper wasn't sure what to say, she locked eyes with him. "Are you saying I've gotten under your skin, Eric?"

He had that smirk on his lips like he always did. 

Harper shifted, swinging her legs back onto the platform, and adjusted so that she was on her knees. Eric, still crouched, turned every so slightly so that his whole body was facing her. The closeness was exciting, and Harper hadn't even done anything like this before, and so she felt herself unsure of what she should be doing. Her body, however, seemed to know exactly what to do. She leaned forward, her hand reached up to Eric's strong jawline, feeling his smooth skin underneath her palm. 

Eric closed the gap, the first time making a move upon Harper, and his lips crashed down upon hers. Alone on the fence with no one around to see them, the kiss was allowed to be far more passionate than their first kiss. She felt her tongue pressing against his, their lips moving in perfect rhythm like they had rehearsed for this. One of Eric's hands wrapped around the back of her head, tangling in her loose brown hair. She moved closer, between his legs now, and pressed her body against his.

What Eric felt in that kiss surprised him; something inside of him that had previously been dormant began to stir. It felt right and it felt wrong; like something he was told never to feel, and yet it was a euphoria. Instead of trying to identify it, he simply absorbed it as Harper moved closer, her own heart rate staggered with his. When she did finally break from him, she pulled back and brought her hand to her lips just as she had done the night she first kissed him. She looked like she was surprised from her own actions, and then a seriousness fell over her expression, darkening the mood between them.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," she said in a whisper, as though someone might overhear.

Eric narrowed his eyes. "Don't complicate it."

Realizing that he had just simplified everything, she nodded. They didn't have to announce anything, they didn't have to say that they were anything, there was nothing expected between them, and that was the easiest way to deal with what was between them. It was far more complicated than either of them realized, but if they took it day by day, kept it simple, it could work for the near future. Harper breathed out a shaky breath, still elated from touching Eric, still close enough to his body that she could feel his warmth. Her green eyes met with him, and they looked dark even in the bright moonlight that poured down on them.

"I think..." She tried to find the words, but she had spent so much time focusing on studies and then training, that she didn't really understand the complex dynamics of relationships. "We should wait until after my training is done."

Eric knew what she meant, and he couldn't agree more. What he didn't realize, was that Harper simply wanted to wait on pressing things further because she didn't want him in her head, interfering with the mental tests that were just around the corner. She had to drown out all thoughts of her mission, of her father's goal, so that no one looking inside of her mind could find it. Even though nothing was making sense to her, Harper felt a smile tug at her lips, and for the first time, she felt like maybe things would work out for the best, somehow.