XVI

  "It hurts to love when I remember

We were born unto chaos

When I move it pulls me closer

When I swim it drags me under

When I dream it steals my wonder

Then sets me free from my slumber" 

"The Abyss" -Chelsea Wolfe

Their kisses were filled with more than Harper could figure out; passion, anger, desire, hunger, secrets, among other things. One of her favourite parts of kissing Eric was how much it confused her, all while letting her forget about the world around her and only focus on him. While his lips were on hers, his hand slithered underneath her shirt and over her smooth abdominals. Just when she thought his hand might cup her breast, he slid it around her back and pulled her close, so that she was pressed against his strong chest. Breathing heavily as the thoughts of the dream entered her mind, she realized that she wanted this, she wanted whatever she could get from Eric right then, though she knew he couldn't offer much unless they snuck up to his apartment. She wondered what it really looked like, if her dream was even close.

Stuck between a wall and between Eric, Harper didn't have a damn thing to complain about. Her head was spinning as she felt the pleasurable neurons firing all over her body. Every place Eric touched sent shivers down her spine, made her shudder, and even made her knees weak. His other hand, the one not on her back, reached towards her shorts. His eyes locked onto hers as he broke from their kiss, his eyes asked everything, and Harper could hardly get herself to nod fast enough. 

From there, Eric knew what he was going to do to her, but he was gong to take it slow, make it last. They were already breaking the rules they had put in line for themselves, but it just seemed right. They continued to run into each other, as if the world was trying to place them in the right situation, to test how resistant they were, and they were currently proving that they were not resistant at all.

They seemed to be drawn to each other like magnets, like lightning and water. Attracted to one another, and yet dangerous.

Eric slid his fingers along the line of Harper's shorts; the stretchy fabric would only make everything easier, but he was taking it slow. Back and forth, with his fingers hooking into her shorts and moving deeper down her torso with each stroke, Eric was able to entirely immobilize Harper. This was exactly the situation she wanted to be in, and she pushed her hips forward slightly to show Eric just how much she wanted to feel his touch. A light moan came from her lips when Eric's hands slid beyond her final layer, sliding along the hem, nearly her most sensitive of body parts. His other hand was still around her back, pressing her lower spine so that she was arching her back, which she would have been doing anyways. The stimulation she was feeling was overwhelming, and Eric hadn't done anything yet.

His hand ran over her mound, sliding two fingers inside of her with ease; it all happened so suddenly that Harper had to inhale sharply, chilling her teeth. He pumped her fingers inside of her over and over again, and after a few minutes of bliss, he pulled them from her and ran his wet fingers over her throbbing clitoris. A whimper escaped her lips and Eric grinned; in a swift movement he slid his finger back inside of her, and brought his lips to her neck. His teeth grazed over her flesh, his fingers teased her in ways that made her head spin; her hands were gripping the wall behind her as she bit her lip, trying to withhold from releasing the build up of pleasure. Harper wanted to savour it forever, to remain here with Eric all night, but she knew that it would be over sooner than she could even know. Just like in the dream, it had to come to an end.

Eric kissed her lips then, forcing her to release the vice grip that her teeth had upon her lower lip. He felt the vibrations of her whimpers through his tongue and his lips, and he savoured it; he loved how much he could make her quiver while hardly doing anything at all. Adding a third finger and using the palm of his hand to rub against her clitoris, he felt her walls tighten around his fingers. A smirk appeared on his lips as he kissed hers. Harper threw her head back and bit down on her lip, but her jaw opened to allow a soft, breathy, but long moan come from her lips as she reached her climax; Eric slowed his hand down only when her moan dulled and disappeared from the air in the gymnasium. His lips went to her neck again, his hand withdrew from her shorts, he kissed that purple mark he left behind, and he whispered in her ear.

"There are plenty of things I can show you."

Harper moaned at his words, she was coming down from the high quickly. Her eyelids fluttered open and she looked deep into his green eyes. Pleasure was so much better in real life than it was in the dream, and they hadn't even done what they had in that dream. Harper couldn't wait to see what else Eric might show her, but she bit her lip. She went to speak, but Eric cut her off.

He had to maintain some leadership, as much as he loved Harper standing up to him, he wanted to show her that he did enjoy being in control. Now that he had given her a taste, he knew that she would want more, though he had no idea just how much she wanted. It showed in her eyes, but he couldn't read beyond the first layer of her thoughts. He had no idea what she had dreamed a few night earlier. He nibbled on her earlobe, kissed along her jaw, and then looked right into those green eyes of hers. "But it's way past your bedtime."

Harper chuckled, still a bit shaky in her legs. "We both know... you like to bend the rules, don't you, Eric?"

"Only for you." He ran his hand along her jaw, holding her chin in his index finger and thumb. Kissing her as deeply as possible so that she might swoon until she saw him next, he pulled back and smirked. "I'll see you after your final test."

Harper watched him walk away, her back still pressed against the wall, her body still throbbing, and her heart beating fast. How dare he have so much power over her; and yet she couldn't help but smile when she watched him disappear. Not because he was gone, but because she knew that he would come back soon. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him, and that was a power she never knew she had until now. She didn't know anyone could have power over someone like that, and it went straight to her head. 

Shaking her head with a smile on her lips, Harper reached down to her bag and slid her jacket over her shoulders. She hadn't gotten much of a work out in, as Eric had posed a very big distraction, but she felt that her heart rate had gotten high enough, and sleep was what she desired now.

***

After going through her fear simulation a few times, Harper was beginning to get a handle on it, and was less fearful of the idea of Eric inside of her head. She had not gained nor lost fears as some people had once they faced and overcame them, but she was happy with the six that she had. Some people had upwards of twenty, but Harper hadn't ever been scared of the little things like spiders or heights. She tried not to think of other things that might scare her, as they might start showing up in the simulation. Often times she thought about Eliza, and realized that she had no answers and no idea for what she was talking about. It didn't make sense to her, and at the same time, she understood exactly what Eliza was talking about when she said that no one should have to adhere to a single trait for their entire life.

But that was a dangerous way of thinking, according to Eliza, who had been told not to tell anyone about her differences.

Harper opened her eyes after conquering another fear simulation and looked up at Carson. "You've shaved off another two minutes."

"Good." Harper nodded. "I just can't wait until this is all over."

"Next week is the final test." She grinned. "Have any thoughts on what you might do after?"

It appeared that Carson had forgotten about their little chat after Harper's first time in the fear simulation, but Harper couldn't have been more wrong. Carson was still thinking about it, it was eating away at her as she tried to sleep at night. But she kept her mouth shut about it, because you didn't cross Jeanine Matthews. Instead, she did her research and was beginning to find a variety of suspicious deaths in Erudite, and the heat between Erudite and Abnegation was obvious to any onlookers. She thought of Harper losing her father and felt sympathy for the woman, but she also wasn't sure that Harper knew how serious it all was. Her initial plan was to keep Harper close, to take her under her wing, she just had to convince her to trust her. There was no distrust between them, at least.

Harper slid out of the chair, and shrugged. "Not... entirely."

"Have you considered training initiates?"

Harper blinked. "Well, it has crossed my mind, I didn't think it would be a good choice though."

"Why's that?"

"It's a year until the next choosing ceremony. What would I do until then?"

"Train, with me or Xander, or anyone of your choice. They prefer new trainers stick with their own trainers, like an intern project." She explained. "I'd be more than happy to take you on."

"Do I have to think on it?" Harper asked.

"Normally people ask if they can sleep on it." Carson raised an eyebrow, pleased that Harper seemed keen on this idea already.

"It sounds like something I could do, something I would be happy doing. Something that will help the factions." She was looking up at Carson like a role model.

The older woman grinned, placed her hand on Harper's strong shoulder and nodded. "Well, you've got the job then. We'll start right after your initiation is complete."

Harper felt joyous, lifted up, that she had a place in the world that didn't have to be secret. Avenging her father and saving a faction, that had to remain a secret. Being with Eric, that was mostly a secret until after she had completed initiation, and even then she was unsure if they would suddenly go public. Having no idea what it really meant, what they were, she considered them still a secret that wasn't sure what it really was yet. But having a job after initiation, that was something that Harper could slap a label on and be proud of. Dauntless was one label. Initiate trainer would be another. Both of those things would solidify who Harper would be as she became and adult, living in this real world. It also seemed like a better career than manning the wall or even going to other factions for protection. After confirming with Carson that she would indeed take on the internship and in a years time, the job, Harper left the simulation room with a grin on her lips.

To complete her satisfactory day, and week if you included the intimate moment with Eric, Harper took off to finish her tattoo. The ink had healed and was part of her flesh now; nothing could take that away aside from knife or fire, both of which she didn't think would ever happen. It too was something that was solid, something that defined her. In the remaining four hours of her tattoo, she rested her eyes and realized that the world had a lot to offer her if she allowed herself to be exposed to these things. Jobs and friends, body modifications and relationships. She didn't have to save the world to make her mark in the world, but she would try to save Abnegation and thus save the delicate balance of the factions. It would be dangerous, hard work, but if she kept herself opened to opportunities, she might soon realize that there are people trying to do the same thing, and who would gladly help her if they only knew.

But then there were the people who would try to stop her.

One of those people was Eric.