XVIII

"Buy in, it'll shut you up

Try it, it should shut you up

We've brought someone in to shut you up

It's a life's work"

"While We Were Hunting Rabbits" -Matthew Good

A flurry of emotions took over every part of Harper's mind. Not like when she was alone with Eric where none of it really mattered and it all felt great, but the kind where she was unsure if she would be able to speak coherent sentences in front of Jeanine. Anger was her most prominent emotion, bubbling up and probably showing in her eyes. Below that was fear and sadness, both of them mingling and trying to pull her in other directions. Neither of them wanted her to be anywhere with Jeanine, especially anywhere alone. With Eric she felt that they both had secrets from one another, and that allowed them to be together in the weird way that they found themselves together. Jeanine Matthews was an entirely different story and she posed a threat.

After having gotten out of the fear simulation, Harper was already nervous but also feeling relatively elated due to finally getting through the entire initiation. Now she felt irritable and trapped, listening to Jeanine's high heeled shoes sounding completely misplaced in the Dauntless hallways. It appeared that there weren't a lot of people around, and for some reason that bothered Harper. As they maneuvered deeper into Dauntless -or out of it, Harper wasn't too sure- she felt as though there was no one she could shout to if Jeanine decided to kill her. Then she remembered that she was Dauntless, she was supposed to be the brave one, the one who could get herself and others out of a life or death situation.

But walking one pace behind Jeanine, she wondered if she had chosen the wrong faction.

Eric had shown too much; though he had a playful demeanor around the right people, he had chosen to show it in front of Jeanine, and that had been his first mistake. The woman was hard headed, and while she had given Eric his purpose, he did not trust that she wouldn't kill anyone who might stand in her way. Harper Von Treese's father had stood in her way, and she killed him like it was an afterthought, she did it without any question or concern, and he had been relatively high up on the political spectrum. Eric had doubts about Harper's knowledge about her father's death as well as Jeanine's plan, but he did not think that she was a threat to the system, nor a threat to the plan. His view was clouded, obviously, but he knew that having her close to him would either erase all her concerns about Jeanine and her plan including her fathers death, and he thought that down the road he might be able to convince her to see things his way. It was far too soon now, but in the not so distant future, he hoped that he could enlighten her to the way he saw things. She was a well rounded Erudite-turned-Dauntless like him, and that gave him the impression that she would see things clearly soon.

As long as Jeanine didn't see her as a threat.

Jeanine saw her as an opportunity.

But there were many things that needed to be addressed before Harper had potential, according to Jeanine.

She was going to start with the hard hitting questions, however. "So Harper, how are you liking your new faction?"

"It's given me a run for my money, but I wouldn't change my decision for anything." Harper's words came out better than she had expected, but her mouth was dry.

"Well that is good," Jeanine mused. "Being in the wrong faction can really do... damage."

"I can only imagine."

"When you were in Erudite, did you always know you were going to choose Dauntless?"

Harper began to wonder if these simple questions had underlying other questions, and so she had to think about her answer before she said it. This was all leading up to her father, and his ideology that clashed with Jeanine's. Harper wasn't an idiot, she was Erudite-born after all, and she knew that her choice of words was going to gain or lose Jeanine's trust. While the last thing she wanted was to be liked by Jeanine, it was the safest option for the immediate future. Get in close, that was what her father had told her to do, and now that was exactly what she was doing. Carefully planning out the words in her head, she hoped that she could say them with as much faux sincerity as possible, and that it would come off as authentic.

"There was a time where I was questioning, as I think everyone does. An existential crisis of sorts. There was a moment where I decided it was right for me to change factions-" Harper was cut off.

"Your father's sudden and unfortunate death?"

"No." She stopped Jeanine from going on, from talking about it and making her snap. She had formed what she wanted to say, and Jeanine had cut her off, ceasing her train of thought. But she was back on the tracks, and cleared her throat. "My father's unfortunate way of thinking."

There was a moment of silence; they had reached the part of the hall that opened up and overlooked the pit. It wasn't very loud today, as most of the people were working or watching the final test of initiation. Harper suddenly thought about Eliza, and was glad that Jeanine was here instead of overlooking her test. Something told Harper that Jeanine was here because of that, seeking out the people like Eliza. Harper crossed her arms over her chest and overlooked the pit like Eric overlooked the Mess Hall on some nights. 

Jeanine spoke up then, "Your father was a very outspoken man, very political and... ethical, I suppose."

"Ethical doesn't always mean efficient." Harper's vision was throbbing, as if everything aside from what she was focused on was going black. The words that were coming out of her mouth were hard to say, and would be even harder to continue lying about for the rest of her life, but she had to say them. "My father wanted to disrupt the way the world is, he wanted a change and the world isn't ready for a change. Not a change like he was looking for. He was naïve, and I know you think I'm here to follow his footsteps, but Ms. Matthews, I can assure you that I am here because Dauntless is my faction. I will not cower like my father, I will be brave like the Dauntless I am. Faction over blood, Ms. Matthews. I knew that when I chose this faction."

"You were very brave to tell me that, Harper." Jeanine seemed stumped for words.

"Well, I didn't want to end up like my father," She said through gritted teeth.

"Allergi-"

"No." Harper stopped her right there. "I'm not an idiot. Someone had him killed, I don't care who, I don't want revenge. Whoever did it, they did it for the right reasons. He was a kink in the system."

Jeanine eyed her, and then clasped her hands in front of her, a slight lift in her lip that showed a grimace. Dauntless was dirtier than Erudite, and Harper could see that she was avoiding touching the railings, the walls, breathing in the different air. Harper couldn't help but smirk, and took a long, deep breath; glancing up through the glass roof, she spotted the sun in the far corner. It was early afternoon, and the entire day was still ahead of Harper. She felt pleased with what she had told Jeanine, what she had made her believe, but was also terrified of the consequences. What if she had to do something down the road to prove her alliance? What if she had to kill Eliza? She shook the thoughts from her head and reminded herself that she had to take this day by day.

"I must admit I am surprised with what you have told me, here today," Jeanine said after a few minutes of silence. She didn't turn to look at Harper, but focused on the pit below. In the distance the river could be heard. "But from what I saw in your fear simulation, I suppose you are telling me the truth. You must know, I have to be skeptical given your origins."

Harper wanted to punch her. For seeing her simulation. Jeanine must have gotten a kick out of watching Harper put a gun to her father's head and pull the trigger. "He was a threat, but he was my father. I won't say I didn't love him, that I wasn't devastated when I found him dead in our very kitchen." Harper made sure her words were sharp. "But it freed me from what he wanted from me-"

"And what was that?" Jeanine snagged the opportunity to press Harper further.

Harper hesitated, what did she want to say? 

"He wanted me to believe what he told me, about Erudite becoming the governing faction. And how it was a bad thing. I think he is wrong; knowledge is power, and-" she wanted to say 'power corrupts' but she stopped herself. "And power should be at the top. Why should Abnegation get the title of governing faction when they haven't gotten the slightest clue of how to do it right."

Jeanine felt as though she had heard her own thoughts relayed back to her via Harper. This was certainly not how she expected this conversation to go, but she was relieved. It was one less thing to worry about, as long as Harper was telling the truth. The fear simulation had confirmed it all, though. Jeanine was led to believe that Harper was scared of her father's ideologies, his goals, his plans, and how they would ruin the factions. They would ruin Erudite. Dauntless and Erudite were close knit these days, even since Eric had reached leadership, and so it was important that there were no outliers putting Jeanine's plan at risk. Harper was no longer a kink in the system.

"Harper, tell me one more thing before I go," Jeanine began, and without waiting for Harper to say anything in return, she carried on. "Have you heard of the term 'Divergent'?"

Harper hadn't, but she had a gut feeling she knew what it meant. Able to mask her emotions flawlessly now, as she had lived in fear of being caught since the day her father asked her to take on the world by herself. Scrunching her eyebrows and contorting her face ever so slightly, she released the expression and widened her eyes, shaking her head to show her innocence, her naivety to the word. Truth was, she had never heard the word. "No, what does it mean?"

Jeanine paused, and then decided to tell her. "There are people who are Divergent, and they defy everything the factions stand for. They are dangerous, and it is difficult to tell who is Divergent. But it's not entirely important, I won't bother you with the details. You have enough on your plate. Which reminds me, have you chosen a career?"

"Trainer, of new initiates."

"Ah." Jeanine seemed displeased. "Have you considered a political position?"

"No," Harper said quickly. "At least, not now."

"I understand completely, though if you reconsider, come talk to me or Eric." she offered, disappointed that Harper didn't leap to a higher position and would rather spend her days training initiates. What a dull job, how aggravating it would be watching people struggle like that. Though it was below Jeanine, Harper thought of it as the job of a lifetime, and she was lucky to have snagged it before anyone else did. Jeanine decided to add, "Testers and trainers are the people who tend to spot Divergents', I hope you keep that in mind when the next batch of initiates come into your... capable hands."

"I will," she added, though she would only look for them in order to tell them that their lives were in danger. She smiled as sincerely as she could towards Jeanine, and then cocked her head to the side. "Am I free to go? I want to celebrate a little before I have to crack down and start training with Carson."

"Carson?" Jeanine raised an eyebrow. "Not Eric?"

Harper made a face, "Carson trained me, it only makes sense that I work with her. No sense in busying the leader of the faction with something that, to you, seems so below that ranking."

Jeanine nodded, pressing her lips together tightly so that the colour began to drain. "Right. Well, enjoy the rest of your day, Miss Von Treese, I'm sure we'll be in contact soon."

Though Harper had held back on being sassy and snarky until her last comment, hints of her built-in sass showing through her words towards Jeanine- she just couldn't hold back this time. The words were thick and dripping with hidden sarcasm. "Oh, I do look forward to it."