Been feelin panicky so I'm up late even though I'm also waking up earlier than needed or required or whatever tomorrow so my mind's been racing and I came up with some random stuff that I might as well share, I don't know why I keep posting these chapters that a little voice tells me I'll regret but hopefully they'll be entertaining :)) that is my purpose in life after all

As a hopeless romantic average 14 year old girl I obviously wish for a boyfriend all the time, well not really but like ponder what it'd be like to have one? I always tell people I never will because it's true lol, I'll be a crazy cat lady when I'm older and nothing in high school

Anyway the thing connected to that was what end of the physical contact meter I'll be on, I always feel like I love affection, hugs, embracing, cuddles, spooning, it all sounds absolutely amazing, but it's always been a little awkward around family members (the first two obviously) I mean I'd love cuddly cheek kisses but do I just think I would?

I don't understand how polar opposites get along, my friend who is one to me is obviously trying to get along with me but I can tell I get on her nerves, she's so patient yet I hate doing this to her

Why am I so at ease with LGBT content and talk and all that when I'm straight and cis, how did I manage that in a relatively conservative place, probably my privileged access to the internet

Does art actually work ever as a career or no, who's lying about that

Will I ever really be a progressive person when I live in such a white bubble, if I had an autobiography it would be called whiter than wonder bread I need to stop using that joke because I know it annoys everyone (irl and online) I just don't know what else to say and I'm really scared for something that's another thought

Why does hyperventilating hurt though?? I thought it would just be panicky, but instead it leaves me anxious with a lot of chest pain, obviously not anything close to people who actually have anxiety but yknow

Why do I give myself so much extra time to do things I'm worried about (i.e. my alarm a little under two hours earlier than needed) yet not actually use it? Is my procrastination really because I'm such a perfectionist?

I think I, going to regret this but I'm an attention whore so I'm posting it anyway, hopefully something in here made you laugh! My escapades, specifically the fail ones, are hopefully very hilarious because I think that's the main things I can actively aspire to do with my life