彼澤之陂、有蒲與荷。
有美一人、傷如之何。
寤寐無為、涕泗滂沱。

By the shores of that marsh,There are rushes and lotus plants.There is the beautiful lady; -I am tortured for her, but what avails it?Waking or sleeping, I do nothing;From my eyes and nose the water streams.

***

It didn't take all that long after their initial first meeting with the Crown Prince for the official one to take place. Xīwángmǔ had told them a week later that she expected the both of them to be present during the banquet that evening when she would introduce the Crown Prince to them.

Xiān Chí was not looking forward to it, but there was little she could do, apart from dressing Jīn Sù in her finest dress. She wasn't supposed to shine or even truly attend the banquet, no she would stand guard next to Jīn Sù where she would be available for whatever would be desired of her. Jīn Sù would attend in her finest silken, like the Crown Prince would attend in his finest clothes, whereas their companions would be wearing their usual garb.

Chéng Tù in his eunuch clothes, Xiān Chí in her guard ones, including the armour and weapons that accompanied it.

It truly was a sad sight, two sets of connected people and Xīwángmǔ in the middle without acknowledging either connection.

They made small talk as Xiān Chí served Jīn Sù another portion of the best meat in the entire world, her own body going hungry for as long as the festivities would take before sneaking off to the kitchen. Jīn Sù looked at her with worried eyes and tried to slip her small bites from time to time, but it was next to impossible to consume any of them under the watchful eye of the Queen Mother of the West.

Chéng Tù wasn't doing any better, though Xuán Hú was able to feed him some small bits while his mother was focusing on her soon to be daughter-in-law. It was disheartening for Xiān Chí, even though it was good to see that the Crown Prince was capable of tenderly loving another being than himself. Thereby destroying some of Xiān Chí's worst fears.

It would never be enough. Jīn Sù for Xīwángmǔ, Xiān Chí for Jīn Sù, Xuán Hú for Jīn Sù.

Xīwángmǔ would never think anyone was good enough, for her, her son, it didn't matter. She was the Leader of Heaven and ruled it with an iron fist. No one would stand in her way, like there was no one who would stand with her in face of adversity.

Xiān Chí could never give Jīn Sù what this marriage could give her. With any other husband it might have worked out in the end, but Jīn Sù was too important to stay at Xiān Chí's side forever. The world was laying at her feet, she deserved so much more than could be given to her by a poor cultivator.

Xuán Hú would never be able to love Jīn Sù like Xiān Chí did. Oh he might come to love her, but it was different, a love lost and one gained. He would have to give up for her, both sides feeling resentment for the forced bond. Xiān Chí would not be able to love someone that way, did not know if there would be anyone after Jīn Sù regardless of how this would play out.

***

"Do you think we can stay like this for much longer?"

Jīn Sù's hand was draped over Xiān Chí's waist, trying to catch its counterpart without too much success.

"I hope so."

It was too much, the warmth, the comfort. The knowledge that they had fallen asleep like this a thousand times before it had even started to mean anything more than friendship. Now they didn't have a thousand times left and it made every nerve ending on Xiān Chí's body stand on edge.

"You do know that I won't let her take this from us?"

Jīn Sù's arm pulled Xiān Chí even closer till there was no space left between their bodies, Xiān Chí's back plastered against Jīn Sù's front. The best place in the entire universe, she would travel across all the stars to have this for an eternity.

"I know."

And yet. It was an empty promise for Xiān Chí. Jīn Sù could not promise this, she could fight for it, Xiān Chí trusted that she would.

"But I don't think she does."

Jīn Sù on the warpath was a sight to behold, but Xiān Chí knew she would never be able to win it from Xīwángmǔ, the Queen Mother. She would never be able to stand in front of anything if it was against the wishes of the ruler of the Heavens.

***

彼澤之陂、有蒲菡萏。
有美一人、碩大且儼。
寤寐無為、輾轉伏枕。

By the shores of that marsh, There are rushes and lotus flowers.
There is the beautiful lady;Tall and large, and majestic.
Waking or sleeping, I do nothing;On my side, on my back, with my face on the pillow, I lie

Fragments from《澤陂 - Ze Po》Odes of Chen