山有樞、隰有榆。
子有衣裳、弗曳弗婁。
子有車馬、弗馳弗驅。
宛其死矣、他人是愉。

On the mountains are the thorny elms,In the low, wet grounds are the white elms.
You have suits of robes, But you will not wear them;
You have carriages and horses, But you will not drive them.
You will drop off in death, And another person will enjoy them

***

The following seasons went by too fast. Every night, falling asleep in Jīn Sù's arms, Xiān Chí feared it would be the last. Jīn Sù knew she was scared, knew she was preparing herself for the worst.

It strained their relation.

"Xiān Chí."

Xiān Chí had been practising in one of the courtyards, away from the prying eyes of the Imperial Palace. She had hoped to find some peace and quiet, to pull herself together and savour the moment.

"Do not ignore me."

She didn't want to speak with Jīn Sù, didn't want to hear the same old argument and promise again. She knew she was being stupid, that this was not the way she should act to Jīn Sù. That this was not the way she wanted to spend their remaining time together.

"You were gone before I woke up."

It wasn't fair to Jīn Sù. It wasn't fair to anyone.

"Xuán Hú came by, he said he had sent Chéng Tù to you. Did you see him?"

Xiān Chí raised her arms, her sword in hand, ready to follow the motions of the tàolù again, and again, and again.

"Please, you know what he has said, don't you."

Jīn Sù was standing too close, Xiān Chí couldn't think with Jīn Sù's parfum on her mind. Knowing what she only had to take one step back to be engulfed within her arms. To pretend for a moment they could have this for an eternity.

"Xiān Chí, please, just say something. Anything."

It would only hurt to pretend that they had time. But now that there was no more left did Xiān Chí realise how much better it was to pretend. To act as if the cosmos would never arrive at this point of no return.

If only she had known.

If only she had acted without a care, taking as much as she could.

Anything to have a moment longer with Jīn Sù.

***

"Xiān Chí? Xuán Hú asked me to come and see you."

Xiān Chí had just returned from the kitchen where she had fetched herself some early breakfast. Jīn Sù hadn't been up yet when she had left, and unwilling to wake her lover up for some food did she carefully get up to find something herself.

"What is it? Did something happen to the Queen Mother?"

In her haste to find out what had happened, and unconsciously reaching for her weapons, were the dumplings she had made left forgotten on the ground.

"Oh no, nothing like that. It's—you dropped something—Xuán Hú has gone to talk to Jīn Sù."

Xiān Chí, who had been in the process of retrieving the dumplings, let them fall to the floor once more in shock.

"You know it is already official and everything, and as Jīn Sù's family isn't here, everything will be a bit different, but. It is really going to happen now."

She had known this day would come, had hoped it would never arrive. But never had she thought it would be Chéng Tù to be the bearer of the news, hadn't thought the Crown Prince capable of such cruelty.

"I think we both know what is happening behind closed doors. We should speak about it soon, at least before the wedding, we won't have long before Xīwángmǔ will notice our presence."

Chéng Tù gently steered her towards a lesser used courtyard, all the while speaking of a plan. She couldn't listen, couldn't hear his cold, calculated words. How he accepted his Prince to leave him behind, and thought that she should do the same. That it would be better for anyone.

"Alright, it will happen after the ceremony. I don't think Xuán Hú will be able to talk with Jīn Sù about it. Can you tell her what the plan is? What needs to be done?"

Xiān Chí nodded in acknowledgement. She had always known this would happen, her mind had accepted that long ago, but now her heart still cried out in pain. She needed to be alone, to think, to practise for her duty as guard.

That was her role in this play, a silent guardian. Good enough to stand beside the heroine, but not good enough to have her own happy ending.

***

"Can you help me with the veil?"

Xiān Chí picked up the bloodied veil and carefully draped it over Jīn Sù's hair. It looked stunning on her, anything would, but to see Jīn Sù in red had been beyond Xiān Chí's imagination.

She had seen her in these clothes before, when they had arrived at the Imperial Palace. But then it hadn't really sunk in, that these clothes were the ones she would marry in.

Would bow before the Queen Mother twice before exchanging one with the Crown Prince.

"You are beautiful."

Xiān Chí forced a smile on her face she knew wouldn't deceive Jīn Sù, but would the maids lingering around the dressing room.

"Thank you."

The maids had initially tried to dress Jīn Sù, with Xiān Chí standing guard by the door. But Jīn Sù had stood up to her full height, looking down her nose to the maids, and had banished them to the corners.

Xiān Chí would be the one to dress her.

To drape the clothes around her body, to brush her hair and braid it into its complicated style appropriate for a wedding.

Xiān Chí was the one who pulled the veil over Jīn Sù's eyes, obscuring them, and Jīn Sù in the process, from the rest of the world.

'My love.'

The last thing Xiān Chí saw of Jīn Sù were the mouthed words only meant for her to know.

***

The wedding was over.

The feast was over.

The Jīn Sù and Xuán Hú had disappeared in his rooms, leaving Chéng Tù and Xiān Chí behind to help the maids and eunuchs clean up. Xīwángmǔ had disappeared the moment her son and daughter-in-law had left, that had been the only consolation for Xiān Chí. She did not need to look at the Ruler of the Heavens while mourning her loss.

Chéng Tù waved to her, while she returned to the palace she had shared with Jīn Sù. His hand moving in several quick motions before disappearing in the darkness, leaving Xiān Chí truly and utterly alone.

The palace was empty of all character, the maids had joined their mistress in her new home, wherever that may be. The guards that previously had patrolled around the courtyards to ensure the safety of the Crown Prince Consort to be, were also gone.

It left Xiān Chí ample time to wallow in her tears.

In the end she wandered through the courtyard, anything to get away from that empty palace that had once been a home. In her wanderings she arrived beside the palace of the Crown Prince, saw the lights shining from inside his rooms.

She turned away, this was not something she wished or should see.

The lights starved away in the darkness of the night, shady figures following her shadow in the dark. She did not wish to care and let them be, the guards would handle them.

A bell resounded in the night, torches were light as Xiān Chí stumbled upon a scene she had only seen in her nightmares. Spears were aimed at her as the Queen Mother of the West, Ruler of Heaven laid on the filthy ground. Her robes dyed red as she screamed in pain.

Xuán Hú laid lifeless on the ground, his burning palace behind him as the eunuchs managed to drag Jīn Sù to safety, away from the inferno.

The bells resounded, the Crown Prince was dead.

***

山有漆、隰有栗。
子有酒食、何不日鼓瑟。
且以喜樂、且以永日。
宛其死矣、他人入室。

On the mountains are the varnish trees,
In the low wet grounds are the chestnuts.
You have spirits and viands; -Why not daily play your lute?
Both to give a zest to your joy, And to prolong the day?
You will drop off in death, And another person will enter your chamber

Fragments of 《山有樞 - Shan You Shu》Odes of Tang