Dear the boy who speaks to snakes,

That's so cool. So to anyone who isn't a witch or wizard, Hogwarts is like invisible?

Huh, that's true. I mean I kinda feel bad about judging Slytherin so harshly but then I think back to all the things you've said about the Slytherin house and I don't feel so bad anymore.

Oh, I see now. I mean I wonder how the Sorting hat came to be? Like was it around when the founders created Hogwarts? Or did it come after when someone had the bright idea to make one? Was the Sorting hat made or did it just simply exist without anyone knowing how it got there but was never questioned because it's the wizarding world and weird stuff always happens there?

I can't believe you can talk to snakes. I can't believe one winked and nodded at you. You know you actually sound insane! To think if that Dementor never attacked us, I would never have seen you perform magic and I would still think you were a liar and slightly crazy.

I can't believe you had a conversation with a boa constrictor and let it loose. Well Dudley can't say he had a boring birthday, can he?

You saved someone from getting struck by a snake and they looked at you like you had done something wrong? I mean shouldn't they have been thankful, if you weren't there to do your magic and calm the snake down then someone might have gotten seriously hurt. I mean that snake could've been poisonous or deadly. This Malfoy bloke sounds like a prick, no wonder you don't like him.

Okay now I see why everyone looked at you like you did something wrong. I really need to start reading these letters all in one before I start writing my replies. They still all overreacted anyway, even if you did speak some rare, long lost language. Anyway, just because Salazar Slytherin could speak to snakes and was evil, doesn't mean you are. Like has your school not heard of stereotyping?

Don't worry Harry, now you've explained why you were in the girls toilets, I definitely still see you as a creep. I'm kidding, you don't need to explain yourself to me.

That must have been terrifying for Ginny, I'm glad she's okay now though.

You're kidding?! The girl who died when the Chamber was first opened 50 years ago is the ghost who haunts the girls toilets now and she happened to be around when it was opened again? I know I should feel bad for Myrtle but that shits like some plot twist from a movie or something.

What in the gods name is Quidditch? It sounds like some kind of disease but I'm guessing it's some kind of sport or something as you said Quidditch practice?

Who comes up with all these names in the wizarding world anyway? I mean 'Hogwarts, Quidditch,' they're just weird names, aren't they?

So if you looked at the Basalisk you would die? Wow, that's like some Medusa shit. Wait, I just realised that if you looked at the snakes on Medusa's head then you would turn to stone right? But if you look at the Basalisk's reflection you would be paralysed, unable to move, like stone. I wonder if there's some kind of link between the two?

Shouldn't Voldemort's old followers be in jail or something? Or receiving some kind of punishment? Not in a public area where people buy there school supplies and pass on Voldemort's old belongings.

And yes, I'm surprised you remembered Chloe. We would also bitch about the teachers and basically everyone at our school. Me and Cass hate everyone there apart from each other.

Wait vampires are real? Why are you only telling me now?! What about werewolves? Oh, my god please tell me werewolves are real too? Have you watched twilight? Is it anything like twilight? I mean I hate twilight with a passion but honestly if you turn around and say that the vampires and werewolves look anything like the ones in twilight, I can look past all the cringe because I at least know how to appreciate fine art. And let me tell you the vampires and werewolves in twilight are the only reason to watch the movies, they are all so beautiful. Like you.

Anyway, I should go. I've embarrassed myself enough in this letter now. But I was always told to tell the truth.

Love,

the girl who is hoping werewolves are real.

(Disclaimer: I don't like twilight and I don't think any of them are attractive. Sue me.)