(Major TW: Details of self-harm, suicide, refusing to eat, forcing one to throw up after eating)

September 5th, 20XX

I found this journal. It's brand new but had some scuff marks on it, but no matter, it didn't bother me. It's not important anyway, I guess the real reason why I found this and decided to write in it is because... my feelings are irrelevant. Because of course, why not? Everyone else's important but mine. Whatever... just whatever.

I kept my distance and instead of talking to myself in the damn mirror. I'm not sure if this is any better, but I'll see. I guess it's less weird than being caught talking to your reflection and being made fun of. Though, it wouldn't be the first time I would be made fun of. It's nothing.

It's nothing. It's not relevant. I know others would agree.
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September 10th, 20XX

As always, I got blamed for something that I didn't do, once again. The same thing every single day for various things that are either minor or major. Yet, when they found out that I wasn't at fault, there was no apology. Whatever. I'm used to it.

Anyways, I felt an odd sensation and after a bit of digging, it was from the nanomachines that my body was made out of... and my damn body craved... craved for something to relieve hunger. I shouldn't be hungry. I decided to ignore it. It was gross. My damn body shouldn't be craving anything, let alone food.

I just hope this is the only occurrence with all of this shit.
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September 15th, 20XX

I caved. I fulfilled my hunger and instantly regretted it and made myself throw up. I hated the feeling of food inside me, I hated the mushy feeling inside me and the squishyness. I don't want it to think about it. It's too disgusting.

I'm avoiding any kind of food at all costs.

Well, besides that I overheard the others talk about me, like always. Am I the only thing that they can talk about. Why am I the main topic?! Talk about anything else, damnit! The things they said... almost haunted me.

I overheard they talking about my overall appearance. Thanks. It's not like I don't have any insecurities or what not. But, whatever. No one ever cares. They all care about themselves and only themselves. Yet, they still continue to talk about me!

They said my appearance is just a knock off of Sun. Ok. It's not like my line of code was forgotten and put into your brother's damn head, Moon! So, my stupid base model went off of your idiot brother. I hate my appearance anyways. I hate my name. I hate...

I hate myself.
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September 20th, 20XX

Is it normal to make yourself vomit? I don't know. Maybe the comments are getting to me, although I don't know why it would.

This body of mine... I found out it's so much more sensitive. One of the times I found out was making myself throw up. It felt... weird, but good. I didn't have any contents in my stomach to begin with and yet, it felt good. Should it feel that way? I don't know.

That was one of the times. Another time I found out and came to the conclusion that my body was sensitive was when I was distracting myself by creating a small project and cut myself on the spinning saw. I didn't yell or react or anything like that. In fact it felt... pleasing.

I don't know how else to describe it. I'll update once I test out more features on myself.
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September 25th, 20XX

It's quite sensitive. I've tested myself on a few things. I've cut myself on the spinning saw again, I branded myself with a hot iron, I punctured myself with a knife, I ate excessively and threw it all back up; my throat still burns a bit, I slammed myself into some glass...

I wonder how my body will react to being crushed under a hydraulic press.
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September 30th, 20XX

I had to put my arm in a brace. My body can handle it, but my endoskeleton snapped, so I had to fix it and put it in a brace. What a good day to be left handed.

Well, maybe I should take a break from testing my body out. On the bright side, I least I hope, my body's gotten slimmer. So slim, my endo-spine shows perfectly. My clothes start to slip a bit, but I can just tailor it to fit on my body.

However, I can't really figure out why the others are staring. My body is flawless. Sure, few dents here and there with a bit of scars as well, but who cares. Surely, not them. And, they shouldn't worry.

Worry about yourselves, you assholes. Don't pretend you fucking care about me when all you did was talk about me behind my back and blame me for every single thing!

God... get a grip, assholes.
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October 5th, 20XX

I feel so tired all throughout the day. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I slept good and worked, and yet I feel exhausted. It's only ten in the morning.

At least it's autumn. The leaves will be nice at least.
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October 10th, 20XX

Everyone needs to stop staring. The keep pointing out every little thing about my damn body.

"Your spine is showing." Ok. So?

"Your faceplate is sucken in." Thanks for noticing, jealous?

"You looked exhausted." Feel it as well.

For god's sake, leave me alone and mind your business. I'm fine!
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October 15th, 20XX

It's so cold.

It took four sweaters for me to feel warm. The scars on my arms and legs grew more and more with each passing day. Right now, my lower left hand is writing this while my lower right is holding the book open, all while my upper arms are wrapped around my body.

The brace is still around my arm. My body is getting slimmer. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm fed up. It doesn't help that everyone keeps pestering me about my so-called health. Why do they care so much?

I've said before and I'll say it again, mind your own fucking business. You never cared about me before, so don't act like you care about me now! Not after all the talking about me behind my back. Leave me alone!

I feel so drained.

Why is my chassis turning grey?
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October 20th, 20XX

I hurt myself again.

My guess is depression is really taking over. I'm now covered in so many blankets and sweaters. Now, I really look like a depressed person. Or is that stereotyping?

Sometimes, I wish my mind wasn't so blurry. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe it isn't. Who knows.
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October 25th, 20XX

They're planning a Halloween party at the PizzaPlex. I wanna join, but I ultimately decided not to go.

Not like anyone's gonna notice... right?

I feel so weak. Like my life's draining, but I'm not low on battery.
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October 30th, 20XX

Tired.

Hungry.

Weak.

Everything hurts.

I'm sorry, but you did this. I think I'm just gonna rest up a bit.
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Eclipse encased himself in sweaters and blankets, laying down to sleep.

Only to go into an eternal slumber.