[036] sweet dream/beautiful nightmare

                                                 Suki was exhausted, her lungs feeling as though it was on fire despite the freezing cold air that left her pale lips. She didn't know how much longer she could keep going, her own body beginning to fail her. But at this point, Suki felt that it was too late to go back.

                                                She rests alongside one of the trees, seeing the symbol etched onto the tree bark. Suki lets out a small chuckle, only to suddenly begin coughing. Suki tries to keep moving, feeling as though she was going in the right direction. But as she kept walking against the strong, freezing cold winds, her legs managed to give out. Her whole body was failing her and there was nothing she could do about it.

                                                 Falling to the ground, she expects to be met with freezing cold snow. But the ground is hard and... surprisingly warmer than she thought it would've been. It takes Suki a moment to recognize the hardwood, realizing that she was back home.

                                                 Suki gasps as she rushes up to her feet and look around. Sure enough, she was in her living room. Nothing had changed whatsoever. Everything was the same as it had been from before her mom took her own life - from the old floral wallpaper to the random pottery pieces her mom had collected from over the years. Suki then made her way to the table where she saw a picture of her mom and dad on their wedding day. She hadn't seen the picture in such a long time, not since her dad hid it away so he couldn't be burdened by her memory.

                                                Suki holds up the picture, her thumb trailing along her mom's features. She could see similarities in both her features and her mom's. After all, she had managed to take after her the most. She had even inherited the very gift that had driven her mom insane. Suki sets the picture down before she continues to look around, deciding to call out for her parents.

                                                "Mom? Dad? I'm back home! I'm home!" Suki shouts, making her way towards the staircase.

                                                But she pauses when she looks up, seeing nothing but darkness. It makes her falter for a moment, feeling the hairs on the back of her hand. It was Suki's first inclination that something wasn't quite right and so she backs away, deciding to stay here and try to find her parents instead.

                                                 The faint smell of something warm and sweet hit her nose almost instantly, making her pause in her steps. Suki glances at the window but she could only see darkness, making her think that it was the middle of the night. Faintly, Suki could hear the sound of wind howling but she decided to focus on following the heavenly, sweet scent instead. Now that was definitely odd, especially when she realized exactly what she was smelling. It was the scent of pancakes, one of the few dishes her mom could make without nearly burning the kitchen down. Suki looks around before making her way to the dining room, hearing her heart pounding in her ears.

                                                Her eyes water as she sees her mom sitting at the table. Although she looked absolutely horrifying, her body appearing like it had just been pulled out of the water, Suki couldn't help but wander closer to her. She makes her way right to her side, holding onto her hand which felt warm. She could even smell the lake water on her.

                                               "Mom?" Suki smiles, tears streaming down her face. "Where's Dad?"

                                               "He's not here. It's not his time yet," is all she says, holding onto her hand and caressing her skin. "Oh, Suki. It's been a long time. I'm sorry it took so long but now I finally have a chance to say everything that I need to."

                                               Suki softly chuckles. "What are you talking about? I see you all the time. I talk to you. Have you not heard me?"

                                               "Please sit," she gently ordered, nodding towards the closest chair next to her.

                                                Suki does as she's told, glancing down at the pancakes. There were three of them in a stack, coated in syrup exactly the way her mom had done them. As much as she knew this was all a dream - it had to be - Suki wanted it to be real for just a moment. Who knew when she'd ever get another chance like this?

                                                "You have to listen to me," her mom begins, a desperate look on her face. Suki had seen that face once before. It was the last time she'd ever see her mom alive before she drove her car into the lake.

                                                "What?" Suki reluctantly asked.

                                                "It's not too late for you. You don't have to let the wilderness consume you. You can fight it," her mom replied.

                                                "What are you talking about? I - I did everything you asked me to. I listened to the voice, I let It in," Suki shook her head. Why was her mom telling her to denonce her gift when she had been encouraging her all this time?

                                               "It wasn't me," she denied.

                                               "What?" Suki frowned, even more confused than before. "It had to be you. I saw you. You talked to me. You comforted me. If it wasn't you, then who was it?"

                                               "It wears many faces. But It's always there, always watching, waiting. It finds a way in, but you don't have to. There's another way for you. I tried the first time but now...," her mom trails off, glancing down at the food in front of them.

                                              "W - what are you saying? What am I supposed to do?" Suki asked, shaking her head.

                                              "It's okay. Just eat, Suki. Eat and stay with me forever. I'll protect you from it," her mom answered.

                                             Suki glances down at the food, the syrup running down the pancakes appearing more and more crimson. She looks back up at her mom who just nods, encouraging her. She grabs a hold of the fork, cutting a piece and beginning to raise the food up to her lips.

                                            "Suki!"

                                            Suki sucks in a sharp breath as she opened her eyes, realizing that she was still lying on the snow. She sees Courtney rushing towards her and Suki looks around at her surroundings, wondering if she'd see any sign of her mom. But there was none to be found and Suki looks up at Courtney who looked genuinely concerned for her.

                                           "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I'm going to fucking kill Mari! I swear I'll kill her!" Courtney shouts as she grabs a hold of Suki's hand, pulling her up so she could stand on her own two feet. "Do you think you can walk properly?"

                                           "How did you find me?" Suki asks, clinging onto Courtney now.

                                           Courtney sighed. "I don't know. I just kept walking until I saw you lying on the ground. How long were you passed out for?"

                                           "I - I don't know," Suki admits.

                                           It had only felt like a couple of minutes but Suki couldn't help but wonder if it had actually been much longer than that. Nonetheless, she holds onto Courtney who begins leading her back to the cabin. She was absolutely exhausted and her lungs felt as though they were on fire, her body trembling from the cold. There was a chill in her bones but it had little to do with the brutally cold weather around them.

                                           Suki had a brush with death and if it weren't for Courtney, she probably would've died. On one hand, she would've been with her mom. On the other, she would've been without Courtney.

                                            By the time they arrived back to the cabin, the others were already there. Even Natalie who appeared to have just bathed, her hair wet and stringy. Everyone immediately looked over at Suki who was still clinging onto Courtney, looking as though she might collapse at any moment. Once again, Lottie felt overwhelmed by the fact that she had basically let her go. This was because of her.

                                           "What the hell happened here?" Courney questioned.

                                          "Nat found a moose. It was already dead and stuck in the ice. We tried but... we couldn't pull it out," Misty explained.

                                          So the both of them had been unsuccessful.

                                          "Did Suki find anything?" Crystal questioned beside her.

                                          "Does it look like she fucking found anything?" Courtney snapped.

                                          "I can take care of her," Natalie immediately offered but Courtney moved away from her.

                                          "Are you serious? After what you've done? You're the reason she's like this in the first place," Courtney glared at her. Everyone in the cabin had their role to play but it was Nat who had proposed the challenge in the first place. So naturally, Courtney was more than willing to direct her anger onto her.

                                          "It's okay. You've already done so much for me. Besides, we... we need to talk," Suki relented, looking at Courtney and letting her know that she was going to be fine.

                                          Courtney glared between the two of them before she reluctantly let Suki go, allowing her to be led into the bathroom by Natalie. Natalie helps Suki out of her clothes as much as possible, still being as respectful as possible and allowing Suki her privacy as she climbed into the sub and sank down into the scalding hot water. Hugging her arms around her body, Suki tries to stop shivering as she looks over at Natalie who was already beginning to set up clothes for Suki to change into.

                                            "I'm sorry," Suki apologized, interrupting the tense silence the moment her teeth were able to stop chattering.

                                            Natalie turned around to look at Suki, surprised and confused. "Why are you apologizing? I should be the one telling you sorry. I nearly got you killed."

                                            "You felt like you had to prove yourself and I didn't try to stop them. I know you probably think I hate you but I don't. I never did," Suki explains, relaxing a little more in the tub as she looked over at Natalie.

                                             "I - I don't hate you either. I just...," Nat trails off before looking away from Suki entirely. She didn't want to admit that she had thought Suki was absolutely insane for all of the things she said, especially over the Javi situation. But Suki already knew so she decided to spare Natalie from having to explain.

                                             "I know. I don't blame you. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't believe the things I say either. I won't fault you for it. I just don't want us to fight anymore. Can we try and be friends again?" Suki offered.

                                             "You'd want that?" Natalie paused.

                                              Suki nods. "Besides, we both lost. We can bond over being losers."

                                              "Fuck you," Natalie says before chuckling, causing Suki to soon join her.

                                               Suki was happy that she had managed to rekindle her friendship with Natalie. But something new had now begun to plague her. She kept thinking about her mom's words and the frightening possibility that everything she thought she knew had turned to be an absolute lie.

                                              Had she really been talking to her mom this whole time? Had she made a mistake in letting the Wilderness use her? Had she been better off dying in the woods instead?

 ( 🌲🔪🦌 )

word count: 2112
notes: can't remember where i saw it but there was a theory about food in yj that i thought was amazing. there always seems to be food whenever anyone is about to die (with the exception of nat). like jackie with the hot cocoa (or whatever it was she was drinking, i forgot), shauna's baby which finally fed before it was revealed that it had died, even lottie and her vision at the mall where she almost ate the food but didn't - basically coming back to life. so this is basically suki's version of that.

now that suki's slowly beginning to realize that she may have successfully gotten played by the wilderness, what do you think is gonna happen next?

also check out these cute little doodles i made for suki and courtney using picrew!!!!