Amaya's heart was set on her, on the beautiful woman across the room kissed by melanin and blessed by the bounties of healthy, tight black coils on the top of her delicate, heart-shaped face. Rae, the woman of her dreams, of her reality. Rae. Desirae Hall. The woman whose smile lit up the candles from within, the candles Amaya once believed were immune to love, and slowly but surely threatened to melt away her very soul into oblivion.

Amaya was, without a doubt, smitten with Rae, but it wasn't as simple as that, either. Something about that woman took Amaya's breath away every time even the thought of her crossed her mind.

It was something raw and instinctive, that begged Amaya to share the rest of her life with her.

She felt it in Rae's majestic mahogany brown eyes, when they would drown out all sense of self, overwhelm the slow beats caged within with their glow, spark immediate warmth in the harsh winters of her lonesome nights through the simple video calls they met her with on the days Rae was miles away from her reach, miles away from the comfort of her mattress.

She felt it in Rae's luscious, soft lips, when they would greet hers and speak in an amorous tongue that demanded the same from their partner.

She felt it in Rae's tender touches, from their playful pokes on her chin down to their artistic strokes on Amaya's thighs, as if they were nothing but the most valued of canvases to spill all her vibrant colors of passion on.

Looking at the woman across the room was a privilege, one that Amaya understood to be the sole ingredient required for a moments' worth of bliss. Being with her? Making a wife out of her? No pretentious unit of measurement, no inconceivable number, could ever compensate for the concentration of bliss that would be found running in Amaya's veins, but it wasn't as simple as that, either. For Amaya, everything and anything revolved around or in relation to Rae was a miracle in and of itself, one of the wonders of the world, a cog in the wheel of the universe's mysterious ways── if not the wheel itself.

And Amaya could only dream to be a part of it, unless...

Careful so as not to startle the goddess before her, Amaya swiped away the warmth that had bled out of her eyes, and just as carefully, reached over to grab the pair of thick round glasses on her nightstand. As she slid them up the bridge of her square nose, a sneeze softer than a mouse's escaped Rae.

"Salud," Amaya muttered.

Rae briefly tore her attention from the buttons on her pale blouse to reply with a "thanks." It was more than enough to leave Amaya's heart tripping over itself, like that of a schoolgirl's. She had to remind herself of how old she was to make it try to calm down. Thirty-four, Amaya Milagros Santana, that's right── thirty-four years old, and counting!

Alas, it didn't work. Amaya knew why.

Enough years had flown by in the breeze of time for both women to have grown out of the curious excitement and novelty of the time they shared under the sheets, but something entirely different summoned butterflies in Amaya's stomach and made it all too vibrant for her soul to bear.

Every day it grew stronger, every day it turned their affairs into something much more meaningful than intended when compared to their first night together, a night so long ago but forever embedded in Amaya as a core memory. Every day it became increasingly difficult to hold within, and no matter how many times Amaya had pushed it down, it always found its way back up. Now, she didn't even try── the last time she'd done it, it hardly lasted a day── and that was almost a year ago. All she did now was beg for mercy to any god that could possibly hear her out, if any at all, but it wasn't as simple as that, either.

So many feelings, so many of them were trapped right at the tip of her tongue, held together so tight, to the point where a single sigh from Rae could easily be the trigger that would make Amaya snap like a twig.

Somewhere in her mind, somewhere in her soul, Amaya knew she wouldn't last another year, unless...

One by one, Rae's buttons covered up more and more of the kisses Amaya had left behind on the figure she loved to caress. Seeing them go tugged at the strings that held her bliss together in one piece. The rational part of Amaya knew what it meant, but she didn't want the high from Rae's presence to fade. As she held a deep breath, she closed her eyes and did what any lovesick person would do in such a situation; she stuffed the bitter thought in the outskirts of her mind, where no light shined.

In the comfort of her eyelids' darkness, Amaya saw colors take hold of her vision in sporadic, short-lived bursts── greens, blues, reds, and yellows── come together over and over again to form the perfect image of what she wanted of her future.

She saw herself sitting on a wooden bench shielded from the hot rays of the sun by the shade of a young oak tree, beside the one and only woman in her mind; no one other than Rae. Their fingers were clumsily intertwined. Together, in absolute peace, they were looking ahead at all of the children playing in the park as they heard dogs bark in the distance, giving special attention to Diamond, the one who casually hung upside down on the monkey bars, bragged about it to anyone who passed by, and occasionally, dropped by the young oak tree for a quick juice box break.

" ...Well?"

Amaya blinked. "Hmm?"

By the time Amaya came back from her desperate attempt to keep her bliss alive, the god-forsaken blouse was snug against Rae's flushed auburn brown skin, and Rae herself was in the middle of having a match with her pants, mumbling under her breath every curse she could find in her mental dictionary. At face value, one may assume she couldn't slide them on easily because she'd put on an extra three to five pounds, but in fact pure muscle was all that existed in her legs from all the power walking through the neighborhood as a mail carrier. If anything, Amaya thought the pounds came from all the muscle build-up, and even so, the problem with the pants struggle stemmed from something else entirely── Rae had simply grown out of her wardrobe nearly a decade ago. Quite literally. The love of Amaya's life refused to buy any attire that fit her, with the exception of her USFPS uniform. Always claimed it was unnecessary, a complete waste of money. Always, always claimed tears were nothing a little stitch couldn't fix.

"Amaya," Rae said, finally forcing her pants to give in to her stubborn pulls. "You're just going to lie there?"

Amaya smacked her lips. "Uh, no, no, good... good question?" She felt the heat of a million degrees rush up to her cheeks and ears. "I was just thinking. About something." You.

There was a small glimmer in Rae's sudden gaze on the smoldering mess on the bed. "About what?"

Amaya jerked herself off the bed and zoomed to the coat rack by the entrance of her bedroom for a robe to cover herself with. "Drinks. Drinks!" she blurted. "I'm going to make some ginger and lemon tea for myself. Would you like some?" Her favorite.

Rae's head dropped down to her feet. "Sure."

On her way to the kitchen, Amaya felt her heart plummet. From the corner of her eye, as she'd walked out of the room, she noticed Rae slip on her socks── Rae was essentially ready to go. The only thing Rae needed now were the pair of boots chilling by the front door.

As soon as the tea's in her system, Rae will leave her. And Amaya knew very well that Rae wasn't going to come back anytime soon.

An oily, tar-like substance crept in Amaya's body. It clogged up her throat, made it hard for her to swallow the dread that was rushing past her parted lips. It found its way down her stomach, and out of a sadistic whim, drowned the pretty butterflies her helplessly lovesick self had summoned.

The icy moans of the wind pitched in, teased her from the small window above the sink. In her ears, at every possible opportunity, the wind whispered all the facts Amaya's rational self had stacked against her, and drew out the bitter thought she'd worked so hard to keep from hurting her. Loneliness. Loneliness will become you once again. As always. She will be gone. Gone, gone, gone... joy will be no more... woe is you, woe is...

The bubbles in the pot of boiling hot water brought Amaya back to the real world, where bliss was not yet gone, but not a hundred percent present. She licked her lips and poured the water in the two mugs resting on the counter, making sure to fill one of them only halfway. She then dropped a tea bag in each.

As the aroma of ginger and lemon filled the air, Amaya found herself staring at the steam that waltzed out of the tea's surface. It left the mugs in a vigorous manner, grabbed the air that was around it by the hand, and swayed with it back and forth, forward and back. Amaya could sense its joy, its excitement── she could smell it── it'd been freed from the dense liquid it was once confined to, pushed around with.

It called out to her.

Amaya heard nothing── the kitchen was as silent as it could possibly be, but there was an unmistakable beat she recognized from within, one that was coming out of her, one that the steam danced to, but it wasn't as simple as that, either. Something about the way the steam left the tea and faced its precious new world resonated with her... no, the steam itself felt like a part of her. Why?

In her heart, in her very soul, Amaya came to realize, right then and there, that she knew.

So, so many feelings held together, so tight...

"Amaya," Rae whined from the room, stretching out every vowel in Amaya's name. "I can't find my purse. Where's my purse?"

Amaya couldn't reply. Long before she could recognize it, Amaya had lost all of the air in her lungs, forgot to breathe. She felt every blood vessel in her body burst and lose themselves to god-knows-what. Everything, from her blood to her butterflies, gushed out of her, and left behind one hell of an empty furnace that had nothing left to burn save the tips of her ears. Why?

She'd finally come undone, but it wasn't as simple as that, either.

Amaya licked her lips and finished preparing their teas.

On her way back to the bedroom, as she held the hot drinks by their handles, her legs trembled and threatened to melt away into nothingness, but something held them together and even walked for them when needed. Something firm and powerful, overwhelming, that had gained strength with every stir she had made of the spoon to mix the contents of the drinks. Something that pumped courage into her with every breath she had taken in the kitchen. Something she'd always wanted to express, and could no longer hold within.

"Thanks," Rae said, kindly taking the mug Amaya held out for her. Rae's eyes quickly fell down into its creamy contents, surveyed its gentle swirls and bubbles.

Now's the time.

"There's half a cup of almond milk there," Amaya said. "And honey, with a pinch of── "

"Brown sugar?" Rae pitched in, giggling lightly. A rushed, warm smile crossed her face.

"Yes." Rae smiled back and sat on the edge of the bed, beside the goddess. Their thighs touched and set ablaze places Amaya had believed were done for the night. She took a quick sip of her tea. At the tip of her tongue, beneath the sweetness of the tea, she felt the universe line up the stars in just the right places. "Just the way you like it, Desirae."

The goddess took her time, tracing her index finger along the rim of her mug, before nodding. "I found the purse, by the way. Not sure if you heard me, but it was under the bed."

"I did. I heard you." That was it. That was the moment. Amaya took another sip of her tea, felt its warmth go down her parched throat, then closed her eyes for a brief second. Now, the time's now. "Desirae," she breathed. "What... what are we?"