Rae's heavy black boots crushed the salt crystals on the sidewalk beneath her with every step she took, and she couldn't help but feel some sort of child-like joy in it. The sound was music to her ears. It sounded like the 'living' ticket machine of an arcade near Busy Gardens Mall, where the heart of the city pumped, one that she brought her daughter to on occasion. It would munch and crunch on the tickets it processed, and burp out a receipt if its big red nose was pressed. As much as she pretended to be against the whole idea of the arcade being an animatronic rat family's sewer hide-out in front of her family and friends, Rae loved it. She loved the aesthetic, and witnessing time fly by in the glow of all the childrens' eyes. She was sure it was something her younger self would've spent her time in too, had it existed in the earlier days.

It was too late now for her to indulge herself in, with a full-time job and a child to take care of and all, but boy was it a good time spent nevertheless── Diamond would know.

Perhaps, if Diamond finished her homework on time, Rae could take her there today. It's the middle of the week but this could be a special day just for them. An exception to Rae's rule on night outs. How long has it been since Rae's left work early enough for the sun to still be up and about behind the cool gray clouds, after all? Might as well take advantage of it rather than spend it indoors like every weekday.

No! ...No, nevermind.

Rae stopped walking for a moment and sighed as she moved her hands from her coat's pockets down to those of her uniform pants. She reached for the gloves in them and quickly slid them on, sucking her teeth as bits and pieces of memories from her last time at Ratt E. Cheese's Arcade flashed in her mind. A certain someone was there with her and Diamond, three godforsaken months ago. They'd snuck a kiss in the women's bathroom that left Rae flushed for the rest of the night in all the wrong ways. They were never supposed to do that in public. It was too bold of an act, it's not like they were together.

She remembered asking herself over and over again why it happened as they sat on their sludge table with Diamond, eating their hot buffalo wings, and it's only now that Rae understood why it happened, because that day... that day was the day before everything ended, once and for all.

"Desirae... "

It was about time it did.

Rae dusted off the fresh heap of snow that'd fallen on her hat and shoulders and put one foot in front of the other to get herself moving again. As she neared the school gates, the cries of the salt crystals beneath her died down. The loud yapping and unnecessary gossiping of the parents and guardians cluttered by the school gates were too loud to phase them out. That's the one thing she definitely didn't miss about picking Diamond up after school. Her sister, however, fit in just right. It's no wonder why she took 'joy' in doing the job for herself and Rae. She just never shut it, simple as that.

Rae squeezed her way past the crowd until she could see the other side of the gate and gave herself a moment to look around. From the corner of her eye, she eventually spotted a neon green backpack leagues bigger than its owner, who was running around with another child behind their teacher's back, laughing and throwing snowballs at each other. Rae called for one, and almost simultaneously, that child dropped a snowball to the ground. She stood on her tiptoes and held onto her backpack's shoulder straps before searching for whoever had called her, until the moment her eyes locked with Rae's.

"Ma?" the child exclaimed, tilting her head to the side. "Ma! Mama you're here!" She zoomed over to Rae, past her teacher and the security guard keeping the human clutter by the gate in check, for a tight hug. Rae bent her knees down to hug the little girl back at her eye level, and kissed her on the forehead. After a good second passed, they let go of each other. "So, so wait Ma, I'm not going over to Auntie JamJam's today?"

Rae brushed off the snow from her daughter's backpack and parka. "No not today Diamond," she replied. "I left early from work."

"Oh! Are we going somewhere then?"

"No."

Diamond puckered her lips. "Oh. But can we?"

On their way to the car, Rae did── for a brief moment── consider dropping by the park for an hour or two for Diamond to let loose, but Diamond's shoes were not going to hold out for that long in the snow considering how much she moved around. Her feet would freeze over and turn to tiny bricks of fleshy ice. If only Rae had turned on the TV in the morning for the weather forecast, she would've made Diamond put on a pair of boots instead of some random pair of sneakers that matched her school uniform. Of course Rae didn't say that to Diamond. She would've thrown a fit.

"Ma," Diamond began as she heard her mother tell her to put her seatbelt on. "So is Papa picking me up today, then?"

Rae shook her head. "No, Diamond. He's going to pick you up on Sunday, not today." When she turned the car on, Rae turned to her doe-eyed daughter and gave her a small, bittersweet smile. "Nothing special is happening today, DD. I just left work early, okay? We're just going home." Something in Diamond's eyes tugged at Rae's heartstrings, so she had to look away. For some reason, there was guilt in her heart now, even though she did nothing wrong. "But, we can make it special."

Diamond's eyebrows perked up. "Hmm?"

What can I do to make it up to her? Rae thought to herself, and sure enough, an idea crossed her mind. "What do you want for dinner tonight?"

Rae knew the answer before Diamond ever got to respond to her question; Diamond was going to ask for either pizza or mashed potatoes. Out of everything Rae cooked, they were her favorites, because in Diamond's mind there was no such thing as yucky vegetables or mushrooms in either of them. Little did she know that Rae snuck them in there, whether it be through mixing spinach and mushroom purées with the tomato sauce for the pizza, or mashing chickpeas along with the potatoes. Rae couldn't help but smirk at the thought of successfully going under Diamond's picky-eater radar every time it happened, just like she will tonight when dinner is served.

Rae sneaked a peek at Diamond through the rear view mirror and saw Diamond's toothy smile, if the cute gap where her front milk teeth would've been didn't count. "Well?"

"I want pastelón! Pastelón, Ma!"

Had the road not kept her busy, everything in Rae would've stopped functioning in that very moment Diamond responded; her heart had dropped and all the blood in her system froze. She was too shocked to function. Rae knew perfectly well that she had never cooked pastelón. In fact, she'd never dare to either. Too many memories would bite her back.

It was a dish Diamond would only know of through a certain someone.

Rae knew she couldn't blame Diamond, it was one of her top favorite foods. Rae's witnessed her eat it regardless of whether she's aware there's vegetables in it or not, because it simply tasted like heaven. Rae would know── it's one of the best dishes she herself has ever tasted too, hands down.

"Desirae... "

Rae gripped onto the steering wheel as if her life depended on it.

"How about something else?" Rae gasped, looking straight ahead at the road. Her heart was beating a million beats per second, as it had done not too long ago── three months ago── and oh, how she hated the feel of it. She buckled her knees as she rushed to lick her lips. "Pizza? How about pizza, huh? DD?"

"No Mama, I'm good. Pastelón please!"

Rae imagined the flash of her daughter's smile at the mention of pastelón, and it wasn't as heartwarming anymore. It made her wrists feel weak, her palms sweaty. She knew perfectly well that Diamond wasn't to blame. It was all Rae and that one goddamned day, creeping up from behind every time something even remotely reminded her of that one woman who shall not be named.

"Wanna make pizza together? We can buy the dough on the way home, Diamond... DD."

"But Mama, I want... "

Rae swallowed and took advantage of the traffic light turning red before her to take a breather.

It's over, Rae, it's about time, she thought to herself. It's over, finally. She was in your way, taking the time you didn't have and couldn't afford to waste. She would've ruined you and all you've worked for. Calm down. Everything's fine now. As it should be. As it should have always been.

By the time the traffic light turned green, Rae did calm down, exactly as she wanted, but at the cost of everything in her; she felt nothing, she felt... dull. Numb. The odd, rubbery cover of her steering wheel no longer bothered her. Neither did the loose eyelash that poked her eye every now and then. There was no such thing as warmth either. There was only cold. Cold that rivaled the icy weather outside, but as much as it seemed to have an effect on her, it had none. No teaseful chills ran down her spine at the thought of anyone's mischievous lips. Her heart beat only when necessary, and even then, Rae could no longer hear it. She heard nothing, really. But it was expected, all of it; the sea of silence, the emptiness within. It was totally fine for her. Sooner or later she would be back to 'normal,' whatever that was.

"We're having pizza, end of discussion Destiny Diamond."