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Pearl: "9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I'm crazy. The tenth is just humming."

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Scott: "After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF."

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Jimmy: "I'm so glad we have brown cows, otherwise there wouldn't be any chocolate milk."

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Joe: "You should always knock before opening a fridge, just in case there's a salad dressing inside."

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Lizzie: "A successful man is one who earns more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who knows where to look for such a man."

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Cleo: "A pessimist is someone who has spent too much time listening to optimists."

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Beef: "Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

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Joel: "My tallest finger loves giving people standing ovations."

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Bdubs: "Every woman should marry an archeologist, because the older she gets, the more he'll love her."

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BigB: "6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down."

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Jevin: "I used to think I was indecisive. But now I'm not so sure."

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Grian: "A bag of money can represent not only wealth, but also massive inflation."

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Hypno: "It's funny how the cost of living is going up but the chance of living is going down."

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Fwhip: "Try calling someone just to tell them you can't talk right now."

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Gem: "I am a great housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house."

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JoeHills: "Is there a connection between candy corn and corn nuts?"

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Doc: "I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them."

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Etho: "The next time you buy a donut, complain that there's a hole in it."

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Scar: "A cookie a day keeps your sadness away, but an entire jar of cookies a day brings it back."

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Cub: "I'm not going to remarry. I'm just going to pick a woman I don't like and give her a house instead."

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Impulse: "If hamburger meat makes a meatloaf, then laziness will make me-a-loaf."

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False: "I had used up all of my sick leave, so I called in dead."

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Iskall: "I've always thought air was free. That is, I did until I went out and bought a $3 bag of crisps."

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Katherine: "An apple a day keeps the doctor away...if you throw it hard enough!"

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Lizzie: "Organized people are those who are just too lazy to find their things."

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Shelby: "Hi, I am Shelby, but you can call me tomorrow!" *Disappears with magic*

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Skizz: "A psychiatrist is someone who will charge you money for answers that you can get for free from your lover or friends."

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Oli: "If a market is well stocked, is it called the stock market?"

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Martyn: "Earth is like the insane asylum for the universe."

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Sausage: "Sure, alcohol doesn't solve any problems. But then again, neither does milk."

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Ren: "Barbie is so popular and yet, kids still buy friends for her."

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Mumbo: "I don't suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it."

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Pix: "Always remember that you're unique...just like everyone else is."

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Stress: "LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say.""

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Taurtis: "I promise to step on your feet if you dance with me."

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Tango: "I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'"

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Wels: "I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."

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Xisuma: "A best friend is someone who clears your search history immediately after you die."

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xB: "Is cardboard more board than card or more card than board?"

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Xornoth: "I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem."

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Zed: "Except for a parking meter, change is inevitable."

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W1 Scott: "If you think no one cares whether you're alive or dead, just skip a handful of credit card payments."

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Tiff: "I tried rearranging the alphabet, but for some reason, the letters U and I would never separate."

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Joey: "Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them."

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Lauren: "A balanced diet simply means having bread in each hand."

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Pris: "If you are on a diet, the first three letters of that word are probably feeling pretty accurate right now."

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Eloise: "I don't understand how people can be so open-minded. Whenever I try, my brain keeps falling out."

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W1 Cleo: "If history repeats itself, I'm getting a pet dinosaur."

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Gregg: "You are so annoying. You are so weird. You are so crazy. You are so stupid. You are so clingy. You are...just like me." (He's probably talking to Grian's other many children he has)

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Hermes: "When someone tells you, 'Have a nice day!', stare at them and say, 'Don't tell me what to do!'"

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Tortoise: "Isn't it strange that cigarettes are sold in gas stations, since smoking is prohibited there?"

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Winnie: "Why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator if you're not supposed to eat at night?"

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Bubbles: "If we were on a plane about to crash and only had one parachute, I promise I'd give an amazing speech at your funeral."

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Author's Note: It's literally just hermits, empires, and witchcraft members+BigB, Taurtis, the children, and Xornoth saying random sentences I found on the internet.

And one more random sentence from me :)
"It was as easy as a walk in the park...Jurassic Park."