Tomura's life - His suffering

Third Person POV:

Life is cruel. We need to be cruel in order to live in this world. Being passive or oblivious to this fact will only lead to suffering.

That wasn't the case for Tomura Kitsuo. His fate was laid the moment he realised what he was to others.

Trash, garbage, a disgusting being, sh*t. Those words were what he heard describing him most of the time by others. Hardly anyone saw him as a living, breathing entity. Much, much less a human.

And that tinder spark of not being accepted into society only grew from an ember into a blazing inferno through the course of time....

[A/N: It's not that it's happening in present society to this extent but this was the case where he was. And in this book, society treats those people as scum. Even if there are rules and rights for homosexuals, they can only take action if the victim accepts their God given, or rather, natural personality. There are some who are afraid of saying who they are. And this injustice happens to them.]

He stopped hearing his own heart beating but he needed a cause to end this feeling once and for all.

He was not in acceptance with himself but he wasn't in the soul to listen to it. He was a living contraction.

He agrees as well as disagree each and everything. Life was soft on him but it was also cruel. It was a blessing as well as a curse. It gave him gifts as well as take everything from him.

A perfect definition of an oxymoron....

And so, he felt obliged to end this all. And this was something that didn't have an opposition.

But he needed a cause.....

He was firm on that fact.

He felt like dying for just the fact that he can't live with these horrors would be a shame to all others. It might seem like an easy way out. It might seem to the people like him to do the same if they experience the same. And he didn't want that.

As twisted as that was......

He wanted a cause and he yearned to end this life. But it stopped for a few moments when he saw him again.

Nakarugi Matsuki, his hope.

The one that he left behind from his own selfish reasons.

His childhood friend, his bestie, reduced to a hollow shell of someone who he used to be as he walked back home. He sent his arm out to call him but.....

He stopped.

How could he face him again? And so, he pulled back his arm and went on his grim way.

Tomura Kitsuo's POV:

How could I leave him like this but help him wade from the river of pain this society is? But I'm happy. I'm happy I could be of some use in this life.

And so, I started to stalk my own friend.

I don't even know if he remembers me. I don't know if he even likes me. He might hate me. I stayed in the same school, avoiding him, lying to him all this time. I was scared he would hate me.

But now I don't care. I WILL help him.

I was notified that he lost his mother and father who had left town nearly a year ago. And three months ago, he lost his grandmother.

She knew all about me but she vowed to be silent.

" When you feel you are ready, come and meet my dumb grandson. He is not in the right path. So don't worry about this old hag, go on, Kitsu-chan"

She was an angel.

And so, I gathered the strength and encountered him in a fight. He used to love them. Always getting in fights when we were kids.

His hands all in scratches and minor bleeds but he didn't mind.

I might try to fight him........

But I don't know if I can land a hit with this frail body. But I'll try.

Boy, I feel helpless....

That is apparent...

*****

After dispersal, I tried to sneak up on him and confirming that this was the day, I began the work.

I walked upto him, and hoping he doesn't remember me, I grabbed his collar and shoved him onto the wall. Also hoping I won't hurt him.

He stood, and did nothing.

" Why won't you fight back!?" I slammed him a bit more harder but he didn't want to get into the aura of fights.

I punched him ever so soft, right on his chest.

But as I looked into his eyes, I felt as if I had looked into a soulless puppet. One more worse than me.

He seemed to be in a pit of darkness....

No way out. But I wanted to be his rope.

I HAD to be one.

I wanted to let the rope help him before someone became a noose for him and not me.

And so, my fists clenched harder and my punches went harder.

" WHY WON'T YOU FIGHT!?" I threw an uppercut right on the centre of his chest.

I felt the rigid structure of the sternum it came into contact with and I flinched inside.

sorry I hurt you, Matsuki. but please don't be hurting.

He placed a hand on his chest as I walked back, tears starting to form. He spat out blood as my heart stopped for a second. As if it stopped beating at the sight of him being hurt.

Oh, how much I wish it did.

" Satisfied?" His mouth formed the word but blood just dripped down its side.

don't hurt me more, Matsuki; please.....

" W-why?" My voice broke as he looked at me as I noticed his eyes gaining a bit of light. He showed the slightest emotion of happiness but that smile disappeared as soon as it appeared.

" Fight back, dammit! What happened to you?" Tears started to sting my eyes ever so more as it accumulated to the side. His expression went blank as he said my name.

" Tomu-kun?" Tears started to fall out as I screamed inside as I mouthed," You gave me a reason to smile, figured it was time I did the same. Although I don't think I'll do a job as good as you"

Get back up.

get up, dammit.

*****

That's right....

I wanted to give him a reason to smile again. And I'm sure this will bring back his emotions...

And that's why I accepted that.

*****

"ILL DO ANYTHING!" I yelled, desperate to help him with this worthless life.

i'll accept any fate....

any hell. just leave him.

" Oh, is that so?"

even death. please, let him live...

" Y-yes! So please stop!" I fell on the ground on my knees, pain shooting up my bones and begged that he left him. I don't care what happens.

They chuckled as I saw Matsuki looking at me in fear as I smiled at him but he swayed and fell on his face; he fainted. The leader placed his foot on my head, pressing my face against the ground.

it hurts...

hurts so much.....

why do they hate me? didn't they enjoy enough?

didn't they enjoy hurting others?

why aren't they satisfied?

why did I stay alive?

" Why don't you just go off a bridge? We would love to see sh*t like you die. Scum like you are just a f**king hinderance anyways."

I smiled at that.

" What's so funny?!" He stomped the back of my head again, the skin bringing me burning pain.

How long have I wanted a reason to end my life. At least then, I could die happily; for a cause.

" Y-y-yes! I will! I will go die as soon as possible!"

He took his foot off.

The air fell silent. I heard him spit to the side as he kicked me on the face and on the gut while I rolled over in pain.

" You're no fun, you bloody g*y sh*t." He turned back as he yelled at his fellow bullies.

" Let's go!" He kicked me in the guts another time and two others stomped Matsuki for good measure.

it hurts.

it hurts I can be of help, but it'll be the last I'll be with him......

it's not fair.

*****

He groaned as he woke up.

" Wh-what happened?" I handed him a cup of tea after throwing him a roll of cotton.

" We got beat up. Simple"

" Seems legit." He snickered but he froze. He looked at me but returned back to enjoying his tea like a giddy child. I giggled at his actions as I tackled him in a hug and held him tight.

" One final time. One final time..." I mumbled to myself as I left for imminent doom.

I walked out the door as he hollered out to me.

" What's this letter here?!"

I stopped in my tracks. " Who knows!? Probably a flier! Take a look if you have time or after you take a bath!"

Pause for effect.

" You STINK!"

Perfect.

good bye, Matsuki.

till next time.

when I'm able to be frank with my feelings.....

*****

End of Part - IV

The next instalment in this side series will probably be the last.