i cried myself to sleep last night.
there are a lot of reasons i did it

one reason is because i hate being a teenager
but that's a pretty universal experience

another is the fact that i can't get my shit together
i try and try and try and almost always fail.

i'm emotional about everything
books, movies, shows, people...especially people

i cried last night because i complain about love
but i had it right there
and it's my fault i don't have it anymore

i mostly cried last night because i don't deserve them
the people who love me everyday
my favorite people ever
they aren't perfect, and i'm far from it
but they continue to love me
they hug me when i'm sad
they understand that i'm growing up,
but i'll still always be their child

i'm so lucky
because they could be worse
they could be abusive
or separate
or just plain awful

but they try
they give me all their love
but i can't even give a fraction of it back

so to them i'm sorry
i'm sorry i can't give back
i'll try as best i can
but that still might not be enough

i cry after arguments because the thought of you mad?
you mad at me?
makes me want to crawl back into despair
the very pits of it from which i originated

i cry when the two of you bicker
because the thought of you separate
that makes me even more sad

i don't think i tell anyone how i really feel
but especially you

i say so many things i regret
and i don't have the guts or the balls or anything
not enough to apologize

so despite the fact that you'll never see this,
im sorry

im sorry im such a teenager