The next morning Rey decided to start training with Finn, to keep busy if nothing else. Thinking about her dreams the night before, one in particular, had her blushing. They seemed like someone else's rather than hers and left her wondering if maybe it was Ben's dream she had tapped into somehow. Had he fantasised about them being together before his turn to the light? She wondered if the Rey in the dream had taken his hand when he had asked and turned towards the Dark side. It had been Kylo rather than Ben, she was sure of that at least. She had to admit that her thoughts had strayed in that direction before, she had imagined what it might be like to be with him. She knew what was meant to happen in that situation as it was hard to avoid hearing things you shouldn't when living in close quarters with others. But what would it be like to be with Ben she wondered? 

She missed Ben so much it was physically painful. Each morning for a few seconds she would feel ok and then the weight would descend into her chest again as she remembered that he wasn't there. It made her feel nauseous and the only way to survive was to try and keep her thoughts busy with other things. But she hadn't forgotten what Maz had said. She resisted the temptation to get his shirt out, it would simply upset her. She was comforted slightly by knowing it was there but the rawness of the associated emotions was too much for her to deal with.   

She forced herself to concentrate on getting ready for the day, washing and putting on clean clothes. She tied her hair back and picked up her crystals, putting them in a pouch at her waist. She was determined to find time to construct her saber, wanting something good to come out of the trip. Going to the Bar last night had been the right decision, it had stopped her from ruminating on what had happened a couple of days ago. She let out a deep breath. So much had happened recently that it seemed to stretch time, making weeks seem like months. 

She hurriedly finished getting ready, wanting to be distracted from her own thoughts. She left her room and headed for the Mess Hall for breakfast. She wasn't concentrating as she went through the double doors and she walked straight into Rose. 

"Sorry Rose, are you ok?" she asked anxiously.

"Fine, honestly" Rose replied, and smiled at her. "Breakfast?" she enquired. 

"Yes. I'm going to start training Finn today so I need . . ." Rey trailed off, realising that she might have said the wrong thing. She blushed in embarrassment. 

"He spoke to you huh?" Rose asked her. 

"Erm, yes," Rey replied deciding that honesty was probably best. 

"It's ok, really, I kind of knew he didn't feel the same. I'll be alright. You looked like you were having a good time in the Bar?" Rose said, changing the subject. 

"I did actually, it was fun." Rey grinned at her. They joined the line for hot food. 

"What happened to your face?" Rose asked her. It looked better than it had, the anti inflammatory cream the medidroid had given her had really helped, but there was still a bit of bruising. 

"The short version is that I went on a trip, well a mission I guess, to Christophsis and ran into some unfriendly locals. I was after a Kyber crystal, but it turns out they were basically after me. "

Rose raised her eyebrows in surprise. Rey shrugged, there wasn't really anything else she wanted to add and Rose didn't press her. Rey selected some porridge and some fruit and carried her tray to a nearby empty table, and was soon joined by Rose. 

"I don't know much about Kyber crystals," Rose said.

"I don't know that much myself. They are what powers a lightsaber. They channel Force energy, and when someone who is Force sensitive is around they glow. The colour is meant to tell you something about that Jedi, what their character is like." 

"Wow! So what colour was yours?" Rose asked, munching on a piece of toast.

"Yellow. I've only seen blue, green and red before but I know other colours exist in theory. I'm sure there's a meaning to why I got yellow, I just have to figure it out."

"Couldn't you choose a different colour if you wanted?" Rose asked curiously.

"No, not really. They kind of choose you, rather than the other way around. I could feel a kind of pull towards a specific place in the cave, it's hard to explain." 

They ate in silence for a few moments. "What will you do now do you think? Now the war is over I mean," Rey asked Rose.  

"Honestly I'm not sure. Finn and Poe want me to get involved in setting up the new Government, construct new routes of communication and that sort of thing." 

Rey nodded, "Sounds like an interesting project." 

"If we're going to have a new Government up and running they need decent communication. Next time Poe goes to a meeting I'm going too to discuss the engineering. You coming too?" Rose asked her. 

"I'm trying to avoid it. I know that I will have to make some decisions about a new Order, but I'm not sure the Jedi, or whatever comes next, should be involved in politics." 

"You won't just restart?" Rose asked her, surprised.

"Actually no. I don't think the strict rules were that helpful, it's too easy to break them. I have the start of the idea how to do it but I'm not sure yet. And no-one seems prepared to wait for me to figure it out." Rey sighed. "Anyway, I'd better get going."

"Sure. Have a good day," Rose smiled and waved as Rey cleared her stuff. 

She  went towards the Comms room, thinking that Finn might be there. She found him sitting with Poe, looking at reports from different planets about what was going on. 

"You two are basically in charge now huh?" she asked them. 

"I wouldn't say in charge . . . " Finn replied.

"I definitely would," replied Poe. "Headache this morning?" he asked Rey. 

"No, I feel good actually," Rey replied. "Can I borrow Finn for a bit?" 

"Sure, we can do this later, the messages will keep I think. We are going to have to talk about the bounty for you at some point though." Poe looked at her seriously. 

"Great, something to look forward to," Rey scowled at him. 

"Don't blame the messenger. You can't pretend it isn't happening after the other day," 

"I don't want to think about that!" Rey snapped back at him. She turned on her heel and strode out, throwing the door open. 

"She is definitely not herself at the moment," Poe said shaking his head. 

Finn looked at him. "Give her time, she's been through a lot," he replied. Poe held his gaze for a second. Finn touched him lightly on the arm, and then tore himself away and went after Rey. 

He jogged to catch up, she was already halfway across the landing pad. 

"Hey, wait up!" Finn called after her. She didn't slow down. 

"Rey!" he caught up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. When she turned she had tears streaming down her face. "What's going on?" he asked her. She turned to look at him, wiped her face and then started talking, pacing back and forth. 

"I can't do it. I can't be everything that everyone wants. I don't fit in with the old Jedi, I have Dark skills as well as Light. I'm a powerful Force user as far as I can tell and I'm the only one. There's no-one to ask! Luke appears when it suits him, and the texts are impossible to understand. And just when I need space to think, to build my saber, to train, to figure out what to do about a new Order I get this other stuff about having to watch out for people who want to kill me all over again. It's too much. I'm done." 

"So what, you're just going to quit? Go back to Jakkuu? This isn't like you," Finn replied. He was frowning at her, struggling to understand what was going on in her head. 

"I can't be the sole hope of the Galaxy. Others have to help." She looked so weary and sad, Finn really felt for her. 

"So train me, I can help. You don't have to do everything by yourself." 

Rey's shoulders fell. "I don't have enough control. What if I lose my temper and hurt someone? And I appreciate your offer but it's going to take a while for you to be up to speed."

"I know it is, but you can at least talk to me about it. I know that I don't have a fraction of the power that you do, but at least I have an idea of the Force. And if we don't start I'll never be up to speed. I trust you, it's going to be OK." Finn smiled at her reassuringly. 

"I think I'd better go and apologise to Poe first," she said sheepishly. "Start this afternoon? After lunch?" Rey turned and walked back towards the buildings. 

Finn raised two fists in the air. "Yes! Finally!"