Chapter 17- She didn't come out, like out of a closet , she fell out face first.

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I cannot believe my ears. It feels as if the ground has moved from below my feet and I am falling into a void. I feel wet, hot tears filling up my eyes. Before I know, the streams of ears start flowing faster than my heartbeat. 

"Maya committed suicide."

These words echo around in my brain. Deep emotions stir around with no other outlet but through my long lasting sobs.

"Are you okay beta?", my dad asks cautiously.

"I am going to my room", I say between my sobs.

I drag myself up the stairs slowly into my room, my eyes first fall on the photo frame next to my bed which has a photo of Maya, Sarah, Jash and me. I climb onto the bed and immediately call Sarah, not bothering to wipe my tears.

When she picks up, I can see that her condition is no better. She mumbles incoherent things through her hands and chokes on her sobs. 

"Why  did she do this?", I ask her, barely able to speak.

"She was being bullied for being gay.....our fucking Indian society."

"She committed suicide because she was fucking bullied? But she is the strongest person I know ."

"She is....yet she did it. Uncle and aunty also didn't totally accept her."

"I feel guilty , because I  was the one who pushed her to come out."

"But she didn't come out, like out of a closet, she fell out face first.", Sarah says and that line hit me. I feel it.

"How did she....how did she do it though?"

"Please don't make me do this Nyra.", she pleads.

"I understand . But at least promise me that you will tell me when I come to India. I need to know."

She nods.

"How's Jash?", I  ask.

"He hasn't been taking it too well either. He swears he will kill each and every fucking bully."

This time I nod. 

"Maya was the one the strongest person yet she took such a hard step. Imagine how many people do this every day or year because society does not accept them for who they are. How many take their own lives because they are bullied by people who have low self esteem, want power. Many people do it because they themselves were bullied. Such a shitty society. I feeling so frustrated.", I  allow Sarah to rant.

I ponder over what she said. There are so many people who commit suicide. Bullying is such a big problem everywhere. I knew that our Indian society would not accept her easily, but I  didn't know that hey would take it would to such an extent, that my best friend would do this.

Just as I hang up with Sarah, the door to my room opens and Liam, Andrew , Emily , Wesley, Jake and Amy stand there. When I see them tears well up in my eyes again. They all rush in and hug me, everybody at once. Tears spilt over and flow down my face like a river escaping a dam. 

"We are so sorry", Emily whispers.

I hum in response. My tears slowly dry and muster, "I can't breathe guys."

They all pull away quickly as if I might blast if they don't pull away.  I know I am very lucky to have these guys here with me. 

"I am so lucky to have you, I hope you know that", I say looking at each and every one of them.

"Are you going to go India for her last rites?", Amy asks.

I remember my mom mentioning something around that she is booking tickets for her and me for tomorrow.

"Yes, my mom and I  are going"

All of them nod. 

"How are you dealing with it? We are all here to listen you rant.", Andrew says.

"I just finished my ranting session with Sarah and I am really not in for another session of tears and cursing at the society. But I appreciate your efforts so much guys."

"We get it.", Emily hugs me and doesn't leave me.

"So what did I miss at school by the way?"

"Nothing much. We were actually worried about you, but Wesley kept us distracted with his stupid puns",Liam summarises. 

This is the first time Liam spoke since he entered the room. 

"Oh and also some 2 guys got into a fight into the corridor over some chic and ended up in the principal's office.", Jake adds.

There is an awkward silence as for the first time nobody knows what to say. My mum enters the room with some snacks.

"Our fight is at 6 tomorrow. In the morning.", she says and leaves without waiting for a response.

*Liam's POV*

"I last talked to her when she told me she came out to her parents.", Nyra says out of nowhere. 

All of us nod for her to continue. We  all were aware that something is wrong when her mom called her urgently, but when her mom told us about Maya's death we were shook. Being shook would be an understatement. We didn't  know Maya personally but from how much we heard about her and from the time we met her, she seemed an amazing and strong women. I guess you never know a person truly even after knowing them. Bu we knew Nyra needed us so here we are.

"I didn't bother checking up on her after she told her friends there. If I would have contacted her and told her that everything was going to be ok or that I am there for her, she would still be alive. She needed me to be there to remind her that she needs to love herself, that it is the only opinion that matters. I was not there when she needed me the most."  

Is she shitting me?

"You don't have to be so hard on yourself. It is not your fault. If she had her mind set, nobody, not even you could change it.", Emily says for all.

We all spend the next 10 minutes convincing Nyra that she couldn't have stopped this from happening in any way.

From the past few days I cannot push her away from my mind. She clouds my each and every thought. She sees color even in the darkest times and seeing her like this breaks me.

I need to go to India with her.

                          **********

A/N

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