Theseus was having what could definitely be described as one of the worst days in all of human history. He woke up in some kind of space hospital with a splitting headache and a menagerie of cuts, scrapes, and bruises, and now he was being poked and prodded like a barbie doll. At the moment, he stood in this futuristic looking bodysuit while being looked at by a group of strangers from behind a clear wall.

    "Am- Am I done yet? I'd like to get in some real clothes at some point, thanks." he wrung his hands together, not enjoying having so much on display for complete strangers (although they did look somewhat familiar, somehow), nor wearing so little in the first place. He was more of an oversized sweaters and dad jeans kind of guy.

    "Yes, thank you for your cooperation, you can exit the chamber now." an analytical voice came over the intercom, and a door (that seemed to appear out of nowhere), opened with a hydraulic hiss.

    Two guards in red uniforms greeted him as he exited, grabbing him by his arms. A young man (though older than him by several years) spoke from the opposite side of the room. "Sorry for the high security. We can't exactly trust you yet, I'm sure you understand."

    "Um... No? Not at all. What is this, anyway, some weird MKUltra shit, with a kitschy Sci-fi theme?" Theseus inspected the walls carefully, looking for hidden cameras (nothing was outside the realm of possibility at this point).

    A man in a blue shirt and a bowl cut materialized next to the one who spoke previously, and said something in his ear. "Hmm." He seemed to consider something "That's a good point, Spock. Smith, Jones, escort our visitor to his quarters, do not let him out until further instruction."

    As he was dragged out of the room, Theseus noticed the blue shirted man had pointed ears. Something clicked in his brain "Wait- Spock? Like... The Spock? Hold on, hold on, I have some-"

    The door slid smoothly shut behind their captor. "I really hope you're not right, Spock. I don't think I can deal with that bag of shit again." Jim's mouth formed a thin line of contemplation.

    "Considering the similarities, captain, I wouldn't consider it outside the realm of possibility" Spock raised an eyebrow.

    "I hate to say it, but the pointy eared bastard might be right, Jim. The scans are saying that this man is hundreds of years old, despite the fact that he's completely human. He's got an advanced immune system, several bodily enhancements, I mean, the resemblance is... not exactly subtle."

    "Not to mention the fact that he seemed to recognize Spock." Jim scratched the back of his neck. "Fuck. What do we do?"

    Uhura spoke up "Captain, might I suggest we find out his point of view before jumping to any conclusions. Did you see the way he's been acting? He hasn't exactly been malicious."

    "Hmmm... That's a good point, lieutenant. Spock, do you wanna be good cop or bad cop?"

    "My opinion on the matter is irrelevant, sir."

    "Good cop it is. I wanna throw a chair."

What the fuck kind of clothes were these? The first thing Theseus had done when he'd gotten to his room was open the closet (or try to anyways, it opened with a strange button-clasp system). The closet was filled with a mixture of weird shiny robes, grey jumpsuits, and a single baby blue tuxedo. Theseus opted for the jumpsuit, which, it turned out, had this weird magnetic-clasp apparatus that acted like a zipper. He barely had time to get it on before two women (One of whom had pink skin and antennae) with frightening looking guns came to escort him somewhere else.

"I'm guessing we're not going to Denny's?" Theseus smiled, trying to crack a joke.

Theseus sat in an uncomfortable metal chair and had cuffs on his wrists and ankles, which he thought was pretty unnecessary. He was a middle school history teacher, after all. He didn't exactly have military training or anything. He had taken some archery classes in high school, but that was several years ago, and he didn't see a bow around.

The two men from earlier, the friendly-ish one and the one who's diabolical parents had named their child Spock, walked in, and sat opposite of him.
    "Is someone gonna tell me what's going on now? I'm hungry, and tired, and I'm not sure if my tiny hamster mind can comprehend... whatever this is."

Friendly slammed his fist on the table "Who are you? Who made you? How did you end up on Asgard?"

All Theseus could do was blink "Ok, hold on there buddy, isn't this a sci-fi thing? Why are we all of a sudden talking Norse mythology? You gotta keep some sort of continuity here."

"Answer the question, please." Spock (Holy shit, like, Spock Spock) smiled in a way that was definitely forced.

"Not until you tell me what in the fantastical fuck is happening. It's not really that much to ask, considering I'm being held captive by some psycho ComiCon fanatics."

"I suppose that is logical." Spock nodded "You are aboard the starship USS Enterprise, and had attacked us a few hours ago as a member of the Asgardian army. I knocked you unconscious, and you seemed to have suffered some sort of amnesia or fugue state, causing you to forget who you are."

Theseus sat stunned for a moment, blinking rapidly. "Huh. Ok." He took a deep, shaky breath "My name is Theseus Miller. My parents made me, as far as I know. And as far as how I ended up in the realm of norse gods, that's an I have no idea, your honor."

"Your name is Theseus? Like the ancient Greek hero?" Spock asked

"Yeah, I chose it myself. I'm big into history, and I have a soft spot for ancient Greece."

"Well that does make sense. Where are you from, Theseus?" The one in the yellow shirt, the not spock one, asked.

"Illinois. Sorta near Chicago. How about you?"

"Iowa."

"And your friend?"

"Vulcan."

"Right." Theseus laughed "The whole Spock thing."

    "I do not understand." Spock's eyebrows furrowed slightly.

    "And you must be... uh... why didn't I get into this shit when I was younger... Captain Picard?" Theseus silently muttered that middle part under his breath.

    "Kirk. Captain Kirk." The captain had evidently decided to humor him.

    "Right! Yes, Captain Kirk! You're the one who does the... Well I would show you but my hands are currently handcuffed. You know. The meme."

    "Theseus seems to be presenting symptoms of shock, captain. I suggest we allow him to rest for the evening." Spock stared directly at Theseus as he said this.

    "Hold on, Spock. We haven't even asked him what we came here to ask. Are you sure you trust him?"

    "I do not detect any signs of deceit. But if it would satisfy you, captain, there is no harm in asking."

    "Right. Ok. Do you have any ill intent towards the enterprise, any individuals of the crew of the enterprise, or the united federation of planets?"

    "Seeing as I literally haven't the faintest idea of what the 'United federation of Planets' is; no. At least, I don't think so." Theseus shrugged

    "Great." The captain stood up "This interrogation is over. Spock, have Theseus escorted back to his temporary quarters."