NAFEESAH POV

Life seemed to continue perfectly in Farhan's house. As you guys would have already guessed, Farhan had fallen off the face of earth again for the past eight days. Not that he was on a trip or something, he was definitely avoiding me.

Nadiya told me she heard from the Gateman that he comes home very late and leaves very early. If not to avoid me then why torment himself that way? When I don't even care if he's alive or dead.

Well that was a lie. I missed him every second he was away and it was gut wrenching.

I've been moping around the entire time, growing more and more angry at myself for that pull in my chest whenever I think of him, which is all I seemed to do.  Though yesterday felt better because Husnah and my mom visited and we spent the whole day together, I didn't really think about him as much as I did when they weren't there.

How i wish i could just go back to staying at my mom's. The fact that I miss him so deeply only adds to my self destructive misery.

I felt like I lost something that wasn't even mine in the first place and the more I try to make sense of it, the more confused I become.

It's like he's dangled hope at the end of a string, far out of my reach just to rip it away from me as I'm about to hold unto it.

It almost felt like it was his intention to get me exactly where he wanted me. Where he knew I was too deep to crawl my way out. And he left me there without a second thought.

The one question that has been ripping my sanity into shreds was why?

Why did he claw his way into my heart just to walk straight out of it the minute I gave in?

Why do any of that if I was no more than a baby carrying machine to him?

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I picked up my phone and dialled husnah's number.

" miss me much?" I heard her say. I wanted to laugh but my current situation of emotions made even my laugh sound pathetic.

" you okay?" She asked me and as if that was what I was waiting for, my water tanks popped and I silently sobbed.

"No husnah I'm not okay" I replied in a cracked tone.

" I'll be there in twenty minutes" she replied and ended the call.

I rested my head on my pillow and let the tears fall freely, I hated the way I was, seems like pathetic is now my second name and maybe vulnerability should be the third.

I couldn't wrap my head around the reason why this was happening to me. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to this surrogate thing in the first place.

When I agreed to do it, deep down I know I couldn't ditch the baby and move on like it never happened. As stupid as it sounds, I actually thought I could change his mind by being the best mother I could be so he would let me be with the baby.

Little did I know that I would fall for him seven months in and I'd become a total mess.

"Ya Allah help me" I whispered a silent prayer.

The door opened and husnah bolted in. Panting heavily, she tore the covers off me and inspected me before sighing.

" Alhamdulillah I thought you were having contractions" she panted.

"its seven months old not nine" I replied.

" yeah I know " she answered, before sitting comfortably on the bed.

"so tell me what's wrong" she demanded, staring right into my eyes.

Right then I offloaded everything going on in my head to her. I don't want to go into details because it entailed alot of crying and cursing.

She didn't try to stop me, which I was grateful for,she only listened and let me display all the type of madness I could.

She then stood up to the mini fridge in my room and took out a bottle of water, uncapped it and gave it to me. I took it and drank the whole bottle before setting it aside.

"go take your bath you look horrible. I'll arrange your lunch before you finish so we'll talk after that. No crying in the bathroom woman" she said as he dragged me into the bathroom and shut the door.

I took a look at the mirror and she was right. I wouldn't look out of place in a horror movie right now. I proceeded to pull of my clothes, brushed my teeth and took a warm bath.

I came out of the bathroom and she had already made the bed and changed the sheets. I smiled and silently thanked God for having her in my life.

I wore a blue knee length gown and brushed my hair, letting it fall freely on my right shoulder.

She came in with a tray of food and placed it on the bedside before gesturing for me to dig in and I did.

It was dumplings and it tasted exactly like my mom's. " she finally taught you how to make these" I smiled and she smiled too.

I finished in no time because I was seriously hungry and a maid came in to clear the dishes.

" babe listen, your husband is a very complicated man we all know. You falling for him wasn't your choice or your fault. Most people fall in love when they least expected it especially with the people they didn't expect too. Blaming yourself for falling for him wouldn't make any wrong right. And the way you explained everything to me I think he likes you too. He's just having a hard time accepting it"

" by shutting me out? By avoiding me husnah? Who does that?" I cut her off, starting to get more frustrated.

" calm down feenah maybe he's scared. You know yourself and it didn't take you long to accept the fact that you fell for him. And you wouldn't tell me that you also didn't deny your feelings in the first place. So chill okay. What I want you to do is be patient and keep praying about it. Then try to steer away from his coast. He needs time to welcome feelings that feels foreign to him, give him time" she said taking my hands into hers.

" I know it hurts, I do. But you have to let nature take it's own course. If you force things its going to end before it even started. Just stay clear and when you cross paths just be yourself okay" she added and I nodded.

" even though what you are asking of me is harder than trying not to think about him, I'll give it a try. And talking to you lifted alot from my mind" I answered her with a smile.

" okay I'm so sorry I have to go feenah I have lectures and I'm already late. But I promise to come back tomorrow and keep you company" she stood up and glanced at her wrist watch.

"okay sweetie thank you" I replied and gave her a side hug.

"oh that reminds me. Fahad brought me here because I was in a hurry if you want to you can come downstairs and greet him buh it's fine if you don't want to. I'll just tell him you fell asleep" she added before picking up her bag.

" I'll be there in a jiffy" I replied then went into my closet and took a long flowing hijab.

I got out and he was getting ready to leave too. We exchanged pleasantries and he teased me for scaring his girlfriend and I didn't make any attempts to defend myself because he was right.

After they left, I sat in the sitting room and watched TV, munching on pringles.

Around 5:14pm I heard the gate open and he drove in. I was surprised because he didn't normally come in this early.

I heard the door gently unlock and he staggered in. Barely keeping his balance. I rushed over and held his arm.

" Are you okay?" I asked him. He replied with a hum and removed his hand from mine. I felt a sting but ignored it.

" let me take you to your room" I said and draped his arm over my shoulder, my arm snaked around his waist for support. Damn this man weighs a ton but if I wasn't seven months pregnant maybe I would have done a better job.

Nevertheless, I tried because I took him to his room, and helped him lay on his bed. I took off his ties, belt and shoe then covered him with a blanket.

"are you sure you're okay?" I asked again and switched on the Air conditioning.

"yeah I'm just tired" he replied.

"Should I give you water?" I asked again. And there was this unnerving feeling that was telling me he was more than tired but I decided to ignore it.

He nodded and I handed him the bottle of water that was already on his bedside table.

He took it and drank a reasonable amount before handing it back to me.

"do you need anything else" I asked again, intently staring at him

"No I'm okay. Thank you" he muttered. I nodded my head and left.

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Much love  Nightingale ♥️✍