It was a different dream. This happens sometimes. But it usually manages to circle back to the normal.

It was less of a dream than it was a memory. I was standing in a big room, a sea of people surrounding me on all sides. I was a foot or so away from what appeared to be a dance floor, crowded with more people. Every single one of these people looked like (and I knew to be) high schoolers. They were all jumping and dancing and being rowdy as deafening music engulfed the minimal empty air between them. There were lights, colorful lights, flashing excessively and switching between red and purple and blue. Everyone was dressed in the semi-formal fashion that had been asked of them, girls wearing dresses and heels while boys wore suits and dressy shirts.

"So, you wanna dance?"

Through the music I heard a feminine voice speak. I turned my head to find bright blue eyes, framed by pale blue eyeshadow and black eyeliner. Blonde hair fell in perfect curls around her face, which was filled with various sorts of makeup. Her dress was the same color as her eyeshadow, an icy blue that glittered in the spotlights. Bright red lips smiled at me from that pretty face of hers, expecting an answer for the question she had spoken.

Out of pure instinct I began to yell at myself in my head, screaming and begging myself to walk away, end it there. But high school me was too dazed, too blinded by the moment to hear what was, technically, not there.

I smiled back. "Why not?"

Before we could step onto the crowded dance floor, however, I heard someone call my name through the chaos. I looked around, searching until I found none other than a younger Agnes running towards me. His hair was pulled out of his face in a small bun on the back of his head, and he wore a black blazer with a red shirt underneath, complete with a black tie. There was a small bunch of flowers pinned to his blazer collar as well, with red and white flowers that I thought were roses.

My heart stopped for a second or two before continuing with its normal activities, and I snapped out of my sudden panic. I stopped and turned fully to him, not letting go of the girl next to me's hand. "Oh, hey, Agnes. How are you?"

He didn't answer. "We need to talk." His eyes flickered to the girl. "In private."

"Why not just here?" The girl crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. Her tone was very obviously ticked.

"I just need to talk to Mazhun a moment, it'll be quick, okay?" Agnes hid it well, but I could tell he wasn't really in approval of being within five feet of the girl, much less talking to her.

"I'll be right back, okay, babe?" I assured her. She huffed, but let me go. I gave her a quick kiss on her forehead.

"Don't be long!" She called after me as Agnes pulled me away from her. I smiled at her before obliging and following Agnes.

Agnes led me to a corner of the large room - it was no quieter, but it was away from all the lights and activity of the dance floor. Finally he turned around and said blatantly,

"We need to talk about Delilah."

I blinked, surprised by this sudden statement. He was never fond of my girlfriend, so I assumed that was what this was about. Immediately I wanted to return to the dance floor. Who was he to judge my choice in lover? "Okay. Why?"

"I'm not just gonna stand around and watch you sink into a puddle you can't get out of." He got straight to the point. "You two need to break up."

"...what?" I laughed a little bit, thought it was more of a breathed chuckle. "No, I'm not breaking up with her. Why would I do that?"

"Mazhun. You may be living in denial, but I can see what's happening." Agnes shakes his head, as if in disappointment. "You're not the same, man. She's blinding you."

I laughed, rejecting what I'd thought was a lie. "Blinding me? Believe me, I can see just fine. I love her, she loves me, and it's gonna stay that way."

"You're not listening to me!" His snap made me step back in surprise. Agnes relaxed after a moment, recollecting himself. "Seriously. Delilah's bad news. We both knew that, and since you two got together you're acting like nothing I ever said matters." His eyes are pleading. "Aren't I your friend? Won't you listen to me? I just want what's best for you!"

"Tch. I'd say you're just jealous." I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms and glaring at him.

The comment was... less than appreciated. "Jealous?! Two things: one, you know I'm gay. I've told you this, it isn't new news-"

"You could be lying."

"Why the hell would I lie to you about that?!" He sighed. "And two, believe me when I say I want nothing to do with that woman. She's crazy, man. Everyone knows that."

"I don't think she's crazy." I was trying to keep my cool, but I was on my last nerve at this moment. What, was he in love with me or something? He didn't have a right to say who I liked. "She's great, actually."

"And that is where we differ." Agnes delivered those words coldly. "And if you're not gonna listen to me, then I'm sorry, but I won't be associating myself with you if you're staying with her."

"Well, good luck, then." I spat my response. "Because nothing's changing. Goodbye."

Agnes seemed somewhat startled in the moment, as if he didn't expect me to actually agree to that. But before he could continue, I was already lost in the sea of people that swept in between us.

I found my way back to Delilah. She was standing alone, arms crossed and an impatient look on her face. It immediately softened as she saw me making my way through the crowd, and her hand found mine as we came close.

"What was that about?" Delilah asked.

I smiled with a shrug. "Oh, you know. Acting like he's the only one I can be close to."

Delilah laughed. "Wow. He's a jerk."

"Yeah." Deep down I felt that something here was wrong. Definitely wrong. I knew this was wrong. What am I doing? Why did I do that? God, I hope Agnes forgives me for this.

I shook my head. Why should I care? If he wants to be possessive, then he'll just have to leave me the hell alone.

"Now. Time to dance." Delilah smiled at me. "Come on."

And so she led me through the crowd.

-

Little blue eyes surrounded by soft, pale skin looked up at me from a bundle of blankets in my arms. I couldn't help but stare in wonder at her. Doubt that clawed at the edges of my mind was muted, unfelt as I stared into those tiny pools of life on a fair, tiny face.

I stared. Stared. Stared.

Marina.

-

"Delilah, we can't just do that!"

"Goddammit, Mazhun, that's what it's for!"

"We're not. We can't just get rid of them. They're our children, for god's sake, Delilah!"

"Those things are not children of mine. I didn't ask for this!"

"Yes they are. You brought them into the world, technically. And I didn't ask for it, either. But I'm willing to take the challenge for their sake! I love them, they're my kids, too!"

"Then good luck."

"You won't leave, I know you won't."

"..."

"..."

"...why the f-"

-

"-OR GOD'S SAKE, JUST LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE-"

I stood idly. I didn't intervene. My eyes stared blankly as the scene unfolded. Tristan was in the ground - uninjured, but staring up at his mother in terror. She wasn't even looking at him. Her hand gripped Marina's arm with a strength that made me question whether Marina was crying out of fear or pain. Marina herself struggled to jerk away, sobbing tears that spilled down her face, red from crying. Delilah's eyes were hidden from me, but I felt the fury that they held from here.

I needed to intervene. I needed to do something.

But I didn't.

Marina's tear-ridden blue eyes looked at me. "D-Daddy, I t-tried, r-right?"

"Listen to your mother, Marina." I was only half listening. I'd learned to tune out outbursts like this.

Delilah kept yelling at her. Tristan ran into another room.

-

My dark room filled my vision. The voices faded, the voices of her and the kids and her, no I still heard her, she-

Stop. Deep breath. My hand found my heart, which hammered with a vengeance in my chest. I focused on my breathing. In, out. In, out. In. Out. In. Out.

There. My head stopped spinning. I was alone. I heard no one, nothing, nothing at all but the wind outside. Just me and the empty room.

I blinked once. Twice. Finally I confirmed that I wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon.

I sat up. My hand reached through the dark, finding the lamp by the bed. A click, and warm light illuminated the room. I flinched away from the light as it stung my darkness-adjusted eyes, but eventually I could see again.

I sat there idly for a moment before getting up. I changed my clothes, walked out of my room, and grabbed my coat from the hooks by the door. Soon I found myself on the road.

It was snowing. I could tell it'd calmed down a bit since earlier in the night, as maybe an inch or two covered the ground despite the lightness of the flakes that fell. The heat in my car was finally taking effect, the warmth seeping into my skin and replacing the empty cold that had once been in its place.

It still remained, though, deep inside of me.

I drove for a bit. Maybe twenty minutes passed in the car before I parked it. It was 12:54 AM when I stopped the car and stepped into the frigid air.

The icy wind bit into my skin like fish with sharp teeth nibbling at my flesh. I zipped my coat up, though I had forgotten gloves at home. And a hat. I tried to pull my hood up, but the wind blew it back off. I just gave up, and walked without warmth.

Snow crunched underneath my boots. The white powder kicked up in small clumps as my feet trekked through, disturbing the smooth blanket that laid itself over the ground. There were stones all around me, bearing names of people long gone, maybe forgotten. I paid no attention to those. I knew where I was going.

I followed a row of stones and sat down in the snow. It was wet, and soaked into my pants, but I didn't care. I smiled, looking at the two headstones as if they could see me back.

"Hey. I haven't come in a while, I know, but I had to... come see you," I said apologetically. "Dreams, you know? Always get to me."

I didn't get a response.

"I assume everything's been fine," I continued. "Taiga never told me much, but he says you're both doing okay. What're you so anxious about, Tristan? He said you were worried."

"..."

"Hey, it's probably nothing. I wouldn't worry."

"..."

"Mom? Oh, she's..." I hesitated. "...she's still sick. She will be for a long time. She probably won't get better."

"..."

"Why? Well... it's hard to explain. Do you miss her?"

"..."

"No? Yeah. I don't either."

"..."

"What? No, I don't miss her at all. I'm not lying."

"..."

"Okay, then, whatever you say."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...it's cold out here, isn't it? Finally getting some snow this season."

"..."

"I know. I wish we had some sleds and a good hill. You guys would love it."

"..."

"Someday. Someday. Not much we can do now, you know?"

"..."

"Yeah. I know."

"..."

"Not too sure how to answer that, kiddo."

"..."

In my head I was back at the playground, Tristan silently swinging and Marina quietly floating. The pond was slightly more opaque than usual, ice creeping across its liquid surface. The rope holding the swing was coated in frost. What was that whimpering sound? Eh, probably nothing. The wind's blowing pretty hard. I'm probably just imagining it.

It's all in my head.

Nothing. Is. Wrong...

-

2094 words

Surprise, Mazhun's traumatized as hell and mentally insane

Anyway finally finished this, take it