It was still the usual dream. I walked through the freezing forest of skeletal trees and found the playground Marina and Tristan eternally played at. Today they weren't doing anything out of the ordinary - both of them were playing on the slide. I smiled to myself, walking over and sitting down on the bench.

Everything was going fine until Marina eventually noticed I was there. She turned and said something to Tristan, who was coming off the slide, before running over to me. Tristan remained behind, sitting at the foot of the slide.

She didn't seem to be coming to ask me to play with them, so I stood. I knelt down as she got close so she didn't have to crane her neck to see me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

Marina hesitated, then nodded. I frowned. "What is it?"

"It's Daddy." Marina seemed sad as she spoke. I'm worried for him."

"Why now specifically?" It wasn't big news, really, we all knew he hadn't been dealing with his grief properly. Of course I didn't really know what that meant, but that's what Agnes said, so I trust that's right.

"H-he's talking to our graves again." Marina rubbed her arm. "I can hear him. H-he keeps responding to nothing like we're talking to him, and I don't think that's very good..."

"I'd... also say that isn't good," I said. I've seen him do things like that before, have conversations with the air or the wall. I think it's called talking to yourself. But it's, like, talking to someone else through yourself like they're standing right in front of you. What does that mean? Is there something wrong with Mazhun? Or is it normal? I've never seen anyone else do it, but I've only ever seen people in public. Mazhun doesn't really do it in public, so maybe people who do it hide it. I talk to myself sometimes, but it's not to someone else unless Marina and Tristan are talking to me. Or maybe that's just me. Maybe it's normal.

I don't know.

"I can probably talk to him when he gets back," I suggested with a shrug. "Maybe he'll tell me what's wrong."

"Okay, then!" Marina immediately seemed to feel better about the situation, an invisible smile crossing her mouthless face.

I smiled back at her. "Go on and play. I'll leave once I hear Mazhun get home."

Marina nodded happily and skipped back to the playground to Tristan, who got up and started running around with her. I sat down on the bench as usual, but I didn't read like usual. Instead I closed my eyes, listening intently. Through the gentle breeze, the raging snow outside the clearing, and rustling of pines that immersed most of my senses, there was another sound. A backlayer of penetrating silence, the overwhelming bass support of the natural symphony. It was almost too surreal, too fake to truly exist, but I knew it was there. That hidden silence was what I focused on, not the pines or the snow or the wind or my siblings. That silence filled me, muffling every other sound until that silence was all I heard.

As soon as a disturbance came my way, I told myself:

"Wake up."

-

The grey light split and made way for black darkness.

The disturbance was a noise, a noise that barely struck the night air. Silent, but audible. A creak of a door, a swoosh and click as it swings on its hinges and closes. Shuffling as a coat is taken off and hung on the coat rack by the door.

Still slightly groggy, but determined to help Mazhun, I got up and stood. After regaining my bearings, I slowly made my way across the dark room to the door. My hand felt around in the dark until a round, cold metal surface found its way into my palm. My fingers grasped at the object and turned it, pulling what was now obviously the door open to reveal the slightly less dark hallway outside. Less dark only because there was a light on down the short corridor.

Quietly I slipped out the door, keeping my hand on the wall as I walked across the carpet below my feet into the living room, then into the kitchen, where the light was coming from. I didn't, however, cross fully into the kitchen, instead I stood just behind the doorway, watching from the frame.

Mazhun wasn't there. I knew he hadn't gone to his room yet, for I didn't hear him ever leave the kitchen, so I waited silently in the dark.

Eventually he did show up. He came from the basement, silently closing the door behind him as he stepped from the stairs to the kitchen tiles. His eyes were hidden by his hair, but I could tell he wasn't looking at me, even as he turned my direction and leaned against the island in the center of the kitchen with his arms. He looked sleep deprived, which was fair, considering it must be maybe one in the morning. But the fatigue seemed more emotional than physical. Like his feelings were sinking into water and drowning inside of him. His expression was unreadable.

I decided to come out from my place behind the doorframe.

"Mazhun?"

Mazhun jumped a little, wide, surprised eyes searching and finding me before he relaxed and sighed.

"Hey, Taiga- w-why are you still up, it's, like, one A.M...?" He rubbed his eyes as if making sure he wasn't just half asleep and dreaming.

"I... wanted to know why you left." I was about to continue before I hesitated a moment. "I-I heard you leave and it woke me up, I just wanted to know why you left."

"Oh." Mazhun relaxed a little more, though there was still an exhausted, dazed look in his eyes. "I-I wasn't doing anything, I was just going for a walk, is all. Go back to bed."

"No you weren't, it's too cold for that." I could hear the wind outside. Whether there was any sort of weather accompanying it, it must be much too cold to be "going for a walk."

"No it's not, Taiga."

"What were you doing? Why are you lying?"

"I'm not lying, why would I lie to you?"

"I don't know, why would you?"

Mazhun exhaled. "Alright. Fine. You got me. I was just... visiting your brother and sister. That's it."

There. "But they can't talk to you. How did you visit them?"

"Sure they can. I talked to them a bit, then came back. Nothing's wrong with that."

"Yes there is."

"What, what's wrong with it?"

"They don't talk to you, you weren't talking to anyone but yourself."

"Well, why is that?" A sudden snap in emotion forced me to step backwards in surprise. "If you're so special and can talk to them, why don't you ask them why they don't talk to me?"

I was without words for a moment. I knew exactly why they didn't talk to Mazhun, but they told me not to tell him. I frowned, looking at the ground. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad."

Mazhun's angry gaze softened a little. "Yeah. I know." He looked back down at the table.

I waited a moment in silence before I talked again, regaining my step towards him. "But... why do you talk to them even though they can't talk to you back?"

Mazhun took a shaky inhale before replying. "Because... Well, I can't talk to them, like you said, so I just act like I can. That's all."

That seemed valid to me. However, the action he described still bothered me. I didn't even know why I thought it abnormal, I just did. I guess I just never see people talking to no one like it's someone. "But why?"

"Why are you asking me this?" Mazhun's tone went back to anger, but not quite. More just frustrated. "Go back to bed."

I didn't want to go back to bed until I got my answers. "Is it okay that you act like they're alive? I don't think that's okay, are you okay? I don't think it's good-"

"What would you know about it?!" Now he was angry, truly angry. Alight in his eyes was something I'd never seen before in him, something more than the monotonous, dead father I knew him to be. What was it? I didn't know. I couldn't describe it. I couldn't even say the emotions I could probably guess he was feeling at that moment, because I was so overwhelmed with shock and terror that the whole thing was a blur.

One moment we were talking normally, and the next his hand gripped my arm tightly enough to bruise, his voice loud despite being so close to me. I barely heard him. I stared into his furious dark green eyes, trying desperately to pull away from him. It was a moment before I realized I was free, and I immediately scurried away from him. It wasn't before I closed my door and pressed my back to the wood that I realized I was crying. Crying from pain, from terror, from utter confusion as to what had just happened and why. What did I do? Was it something I said? Was that even real? Am I just dreaming? Wake up, please wake up, I don't like this, I don't want this...

I could barely breathe through my sobs as I crumpled to the ground, my legs falling out from underneath me and my body hitting the carpet without much of a sound. It felt too real. I didn't want it to be real. I want this to just be a bad nightmare, I wanted to wake up in my bed across the room with Mazhun telling me to get up and taking me to school with Marina and Tristan. Why can't things be the way I wanted them to be? I don't understand why this is happening. Is someone punishing me? We're not at all religious, but I've heard of how people think there's a god up there in the sky that made us, created us, and watches us, determining our fates like with dice in a game.

If there's a god, and he's a good guy, why is this happening? I thought sadly. Does he hate me? If he didn't, I don't think this would be happening.

Maybe that's why we're not religious. Maybe God hates Mazhun, and because of that he hates me, too. Does he love everyone else and just not us? What'd we do? Are we wrong about something?

I didn't care.

I was still crying when I slowly drifted to sleep there on the floor. I doubted I would stop until morning came.

And all the while Mazhun's words rang in my head. I could barely recall what had happened when he'd grabbed me, but those words rang out clear as day in my mind.

"I won't let you die like I did them..."

-

1846 words

Surprise, another chapter >:)