There are times when I doubt in death.

What is it exactly?

Is it disappearing, and everyone forgetting you even existed? That you once were a person too, or anything living, really. Or perhaps there really is something after death, recreation maybe. Or might one just travel forth or back in time after death.

Or possibly just turn into a ghost.

I didn't know. And frankly, I didn't even want to know.

I was swimming. Swimming in dark, bottomless lake. I couldn't see it, but I could feel its steady, cool flow against my frozen and tired limbs.
A feather light touch healed my wounds, tenderly and with so much care I wanted to shed a tear.

I raised my hand, feeling the droplets of water make its way down my scarred arm.

Scars. They can't be healed, but the longer I floated, the more it made me realize that every pale pink scar on my body was slowly staring to ache.

That's not death. Death should be painless. Death should be silent and make you rid of quilt.

Maybe I was in Hell.

There was some kind of quiet ringing, it was in the distance. I tried to locate it, if that was the source of my aching scars, I needed to get rid of it. I swam faster, trying to reach the maddening ringing, it was making me crazy.

I gasped in a deep breath, trying to get as much oxygen in my lungs as I could. My eyes traveled around the room, jumping from one wall to another. They were all identical, pale, cold and lifeless.

I tried to sit up, only to be stopped by something tugging at my wrist. I ticked my jaw, glaring at the vibranium shackles that were firmly locking me down.
Only then did I realize that I was covered only waist down.

I froze, looking down at my torso. Usually there would be thin, jagged scars littering around my chest and stomach, but it seemed that my collection got richer, a whole lot richer. There was a small wound on my left side, it was cleaned and smelt of cutacept, it had couple of stitches. Yet that small upcoming scar couldn't compete with what was on the right side of my torso.

I gawked at it, pale pink, wrinkly flesh with couple small droplets of blood that oozed from my damaged skin. My whole right side was covered with damaged flesh, as well as upper half of my hand and possibly back, considering the dull ache I felt everytime I shifted a little. It was covered with ointment that burned my nose, but it a made it feel cold and it dulled out the pain a lot.

I looked up, some kind of alarm went off as a light above a metal door started flashing slowly. “P-Pietro? Pietro” I asked, hoping the guy would pop up, and let me know that we were safe.

My gut feeling was telling me the exact opposite.

With a quiet hiss, the door opened and I remained quiet, glaring at the man suspiciously. He was tall and lanky, bald head that I swore it reflected the light above us. The man's brown eyes were emotionless as he stepped in the room, walking past me as if I was dirt under his feet.

“Project BEAST.” the man said, he was American I noted. It made me believe that we were still in US then.

I said nothing, feeling my throat close in as anxiety slowly built up. “we are disappointed. You were a remarkable subject among our ranks. And in the time we needed you the most, you escaped Germany.” the nameless man clicked his tongue, all the while he stood with his back towards me, I couldn't see what he was doing.

But I realized one thing, I was back. Back in the claws of HYDRA.

“betraying Hydra is punished by death.” he said, raising a needle as he pushed it down a little, making sure it worked. I jolt of fear ran down my spine. I wasn't afraid for myself, I didn't care for it. But... Pietro.

Where was Pietro, and what had they done to him?

“of course, at the moment you're too valuable to be... Erased from the data. Or, until Project Alpha, Beta and Delta shall take your place.” he turned around, looking me straight in the eyes.

I didn't know what he was talking about, but Project Alpha sounded vaguely familiar. Again, I didn't utter a word. The bald man rolled his eyes, taking a bold step closer. Instinctively I wanted to cover up my wounds, they made me vulnerable.

“what did you think you would accomplish? Huh? You thought that because Loki broke the locks, that you could just, what, waltz out of there with your buddy? How stupid are you? We always thought you were intelligent, Asset. Guess everyone is wrong sometimes.” he said, his voice filled with hatred as he sunk the end of the needle into my burnt flesh and pushed the liquid into my hood system.

“I do not have the permission to kill you, but I do have a permission to punish you.” he said, evil smirk appearing on his lips as he took out the needle, leaving small droplets of blood behind. I could feel the cold liquid run in my veins, it hadn't done anything yet.

“Back in NY, we were trying to get SHIELD off our backs. We tricked them, making them believe we had a base near their facilty. And who did we stumble upon? You and Mister Quicksilver. Your friend escaped, and now it's your turn to say where is he.” immediately wave of relief washed over me, yet, I showed no emotion to the strange man. Pietro had ran.

After brief moment of silence, only the hum of computer behind me making quiet sound, I could sense the man's building frustration. “Where is Quicksilver, answer me!” he screamed at my face, his spit flying on my cheek.

“I don't know.” the palm of his hand met with my cheek, making me snap my head right. “Not the answer I was looking for. Two of Hydras most needed assets take off, and you lie to my face? I thought you were taught better than that.” he said, scratching his chin thoughtfully.

Whatever liquid he had earlier injected, was making my instincts duller. My limbs were growing heavy, I was almost paralyzed. The man sighed, standing up from the chair he had previously sat on.

“You know, hard punishment in middle-ages was lashing. Around 30-50 whip lashes were considered deadly to any person when given all at once. But you, you are no human, are you?” he said, his voice calm. I didn't move a muscle as he crouched lower, I could feel his breath hit my ear. “You're something we, Hydra came up with. You are a thing, Project BEAST. You might think you will fit into human world. But really? You're just... Abnormal. Genetically engineered freak, a lab rat. A mutant. Don't ever forget that.” he whispered.

And I realized he was right. I was a mutant.

“Guards! Bring Subject to floor B3 for his punishment.” four Hydra guards with masks entered the white room, two of them grabbing me from my elbows, pulling me off the bed.

Wearing only shorts, I was dragged throught corridors, and only then did I realized what that shot earlier had been about, whatever liquid it was, it made me unable to use my claws, or any my senses really. It was making me insane, of course I hated to feel everyone's emotions, but now it felt as if... If I was alone.

My heart was beating wildly as the guards marched to lower levers, dragging me along as if I was a rug.

I was tied to some kind of pole, I could hear someones blood curling screaming coming down the hall, I knew this place, it was called The Hollow Room. Most who were brought down here, never made it out. Every base had one of those, I had always been disgusted by the people who had been dragged down the lowest levels, now I was one of them.

I could hear the crack of the whip as it landed on my back, making me jolt in surprise.
What was more startling, was that I could not feel the pain, I could feel it ripping open my back, and the blood running over it, yet I couldn't feel the pain. I couldn't even feel the side of my torso that was burnt in the explosion they made.

All my nerves were shut down, they could have stabbed me for all I knew and I couldn't even know. I cursed them, knowing that once the shot wears off I'd be in severe pain.

And my claws? I couldn't use them, if it wasn't for the injection earlier, I knew they would have came out.

I counted the lashes in silence, they stopped on number 40. I still couldn't feel the pain, I could, however, see the droplets of blood on the floor. And I just knew it was going to be hell later.

I had expected them to drag me back in the room, or any cell, but my anxiety grew when we passed by every one of them.

And we were outside, it was night, my favorite time of the day.

Were they going to fly me back to Germany? Just a thought about flying in this condition made my stomach drop, I was still paralyzed.

I could see a gigantic electric fence and the unknown man standing next to its door. He tapped his foot impatiently, his eyes flashing with judgement as he watched me being dragged in. He crunched his nose. The familiar hum and weight of the collar was tightened around my neck.

“Act like an animal and you shall be treated as such. Go on, crawl like the monster you are, Freak.” the Hydra doctor hissed, kicking dirt in my face.

I couldn't do anything, I was still unable to move any part of my body. I treaded the moment my nerves would start working again. “lock the gate and turn in the heat signals, he's not going anywhere, but precautions is always needed, Until Master Budnikov gets here, you do as I say.”

The gates closed, and I could hear the electricity run throught the metal. It was like a gigantic enclosure, the metal grid went even over my head, at least I could still see the sky.

I laid on the ground, breathing in the murky smell of soil and grass.

The moment I slowly started feeling my fingers again, I dragged my body away from the gate, towards the darker corner of the... Cell. My movements slowed down the more I started getting the feel back in my nerves.

I couldn't shuffle the groan when my right side throbbed with pain.

I froze near the back, after being satisfied with the amount of space between me and the closed door.
It was going to be a sleepless night, if only the shot could have lasted longer... But considering how little he injected me with, it was understandable. He simply wanted me to not injure his men, he cared not for the pain, it was called punishment for a reason.

A silent tear escaped from the corner of my eye, it fell on the ground, getting lost in the grass.

The turmoil of emotions was confusing me, why was I feeling like this, like I... Like I wasn't alive. Like I never mattered unless in battle field.

Because I probably didn't.

I should have been happy, happy that Pietro wasn't here, that I was alone. He had gotten free, he didn't die under the ruble. He couldn't die under the blown up house, Pietro... Pietro doesn't die.

I buried my head in the soft grass, wheezing as I could start feeling the awful damage they had done to my back. I shuddered, unable to keep the shaking at bay.
I flinched, the full force of my shredded back becoming agonizingly painful. I snapped my eyes open, staring up towards the moon I tried to blink the tears away.

I called up to moon silently, begging for death to come and sweep me away into pile of dust, I wanted to vanish into thin air, to be carried away up towards the moon.

“Hey, little dude?” I choked in a sob, almost missing his quiet whisper in the darkness of the bushes as he hid himself from everyone's eye, the darkness covered him well.

Pietro, he was really here.

“Hey, hey, don't cry, I'm here to get you out, you hear me? I'll get you out. I followed their van when they got you. I'm sorry I didn't.. I didn't get you sooner. I'm so sorry” Pietros voice was quiet, but it didn't soothe the burning pain.

I couldn't answer, I couldn't say anything to him. In fact, I didn't even dare to look towards him in fright it would send another jolt of pain to my bruised body. I could hear him shuffle closer, I wanted to tell him to leave, to go before he gets caught. I couldn't bring myself to utter a word. “oh God... What have they done to you. What have they done.” he gasped in horror, making me choke in another sob.

He tried to soothe me, but I heard a patrol coming, and Pietro had to go further into the forest. Before he dashed away in blue hue, he gave me his word he'd get me out of that place.

I found myself not caring.

As the guards marched by, sneering at me, all I wished in that moment was for the misery to end.

Stop it, leave me alone. Please, I just want it to end.

A/N

Well, that turned depressing didn't it. Hope this chapter didn't scare you away, i just needed to get my mind off of things so here you go, 2332 word chapter.

Home is empty and I'm in Hell, come to my tea party.

P. S. I promise you this book will stop being so, uh, bloody, hopefully soon.