TW: mentions of multiple types of abuse

veda henderson

   Tick

   Tick

   Tick

   The sound of Mrs Kellys ever slow office clock was the only thing keeping me company as we both sat, staring at each other. I've only been to see her one other time considering I don't come to school often, in fact, I was kept down a year because I missed almost a whole school year when I lived with my Dad. I'll be surprised if I even graduate this year. 

   "How have things been living with your Mum and brother?" She asks, surveying me as if I were an experiment and she was waiting for me to react exactly how she hypothesised. If I was, I had no idea how I was meant to react.

   "Good," I reply, crossing my arms over my chest in a self-soothing manner. It felt so cold in here despite my forehead having a slight layer of sweat on it. Fucking withdrawal symptoms. I've been too stubborn to go to Eddie for anything after what happened a week ago.

   7 days sober. 

   Longest I've been in a while.

   "Do you talk to them about your night terrors?" She asked gently, her soft voice sent a sort of tingle throughout my body whenever she spoke, it was calming. Maybe that's why she's apparently good at her job.

   I scoff, smiling to myself and looking to the window behind her. "Mum doesn't like talking about the incident. She definitely wouldn't want me telling Dustin about all the gruesome details,"

   "The Incident being your father's suicide?" She confirmed. I nodded, attempting to swallow the bitter taste that the forbidden word always left in my mouth. Hearing the word was like swallowing led, and I was trying not to poison myself anymore. "What was that like for you, Veda?"

   "Pretty shit," I laugh bitterly, keeping my eyes focused on the window outside and the view of the woods it gave me. I sink lower into the chair, pulling my left foot up to sit on the space of the chair in front of my butt, feeling the warmth of my hoodie engulf me. "Not many people can relate to watching your father blow his brains out all over your bedroom. Not many people to talk to about it,"

   "Is that what you want? To find someone to relate to you?" She questioned, locking her fingers together and placing them neatly on her desk. Besides her frizzy black hair, not a single thing was out of place, even the seemingly out-of-place strands looked like they were perfectly chosen.

   I shrug, shaking my head slightly and finally drawing my eyes away from the clearing in the woods, meeting her eyes. "Kind of a weird thing to hope someone else has gone through," 

   She nodded, clearing her throat as she slowly moved some papers on her desk to a different spot. Once that was done, she turned back to me with a sorrowful look, "Do you ever talk about the abuse?"

   I pause, a shiver running down my spine at the mention of it. I hated talking about the abuse. All it did was remind me how small I was and how powerless I felt. It doesn't help to release anything pent up it only brings it closer to the surface. "Well, that depends. The verbal stuff? Yeah, I told my Mum. But the Physical and.... the other thing. No,"

   "Do you think no one would believe you?" She asked, the question dropping a weight onto my heart that I didn't want there. That was something I was always scared of so I just never risked finding out.

   "I don't really care if anyone believes me. Honestly, I don't.. understand," I try to explain, realising there were no words in any language that I could string together that could convey the weight of what that man did. I lick my lips, suddenly feeling dry. "While he was doing it he was.... he was crying. He didn't know it was me,"

   "That doesn't make it any less wrong or painful, Veda. You don't have to excuse his actions," She responds, looking at me with a frown. I grab the strings of my hoodie, pulling them until the hood enclosed around my face, my eyes diverting back to the window where the clearing was.

   I could see two people out by the bench in the forest, a girl and a boy. The boy was standing, talking wildly with his hands. I couldn't make out who they were beside the fact that the girl was wearing a cheerleading outfit. 

   "It only happened once," I whisper more to myself than to her, keeping my eyes on the couple in the woods as a means to distract myself. I turn back to her, licking my lips once more as I pull my other leg up onto the chair. "It's not like he... y'know... raped me or anything."

   "Trying to is just as bad as doing it. The fact that you had to snap him out of his delusion while also protecting yourself is just as traumatic-"

   "Can we talk about something else?" I cut her off, holding onto the armchairs to help readjust myself in the seat, my feet falling flat onto the floor as I pull my hoodie off of my head. 

  She nods, taking a moment to think about what to say. "Your brother, Dustin. How is your relationship with him?"

   "There barely is one. He prefers Steve and Eddie over hanging out with me. That's expected though. Young boys always wanna hang out with cool older guys, not their lame older sister," I laugh, the mention of Munson making my stomach tighten. If Dustin really told him about my Dad dying, I'll kill that little twerp. 

"It seems like that upsets you," She points out, leaning forward at her desk. 

   I shrug, pursing my lips and looking down at the corner of her desk. "It is what it is, Dustin still hangs out with me. It's my fault for not having any friends to hang out with," I pause, thinking. "I did have a friend for like two weeks. But, we had a fight and he mentioned that Dustin told him about my Dads death. I think, or he was just bluffing,"

   "That scares you. Why?" She pushed.

   "Dustin found out by overhearing conversations. I'm scared because I don't know what Dustin thinks he knows and what he's repeated," 

   "Why not just ask him?"

   Good Question. "Because I don't want to know what he's heard,"

  Silence. 

   Tick.

   Tick.

   Tick.

   "He would never think any less of you, Veda," She tells me calmly. I don't respond, instead, looking out the window to try to find the couple again only to notice they were gone. Sighing, I divert my gaze to the annoying clock, noticing our session is almost finished. 

   "Thanks, Mrs Kelly. I gotta get to class," I say, standing up and picking my shoulder bag up off of the floor. I laugh as I stand up, glancing at the clock one last time "You should really reconsider that clock, it's so irritating,"

   She furrows her eyebrows, following my gaze to the wall before turning around and looking back at me in confusion. My eyes leave the clock, looking down at her. "Is that a new slang? I don't have a clock,"

   I frown, looking up from her and to the clock. Only, there was no longer a circular analog clock, just a plain patch of the wall above her desk. Laughing it off, I look back at her, "Just kidding, gotta keep you on your toes,"

  She laughs, "Enjoy your day, Vera," 

   "You too Mrs,"

   On my way out, I sneak one last look at where the clock was. Still, just wall. These withdrawal symptoms are getting out of hand. Maybe, I should just swallow my pride and go to the Munson's house. 

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a/n

ahhh thank you guys so much for 1k!

I'm so sorry if this plot is triggering in any way, look after yourself first and click off if it's not doing you any good x

tysm for reading, lmk your thoughts