Parang kailan lang ako nag junior high, ngayon, grade 12 na ako. Ewan ko ba, lahat yata ng napag-aralan last year, nawala na sa isipan ko. Naglaho nang parang bula.

Hindi ko na maalala kung kailan ako huling nakagala kasama si Eleazar dahil sa hectic ang schedule namin pareho.

Bakit pa kasi kailangan na i-solve 'tong mga inutang ng ibang tao? Charot. Buhay credit, debit nga naman.

Naging jowa ko na rin ang calculator. Looks like calculator will be forever with me.

Mayroon pa kaming presentation na kailangan gawin para sa PE at mga reportings and research. Mas nagmukha na akong extremely haggard. Dati ay halos araw-araw akong naka-braid dahil nahaharap ko pa ito. Ngayon, tinatamad na ako.

Sinusubukan kong maaga magising pero dahil sa antok, napapabalik ako sa higaan. I would always sleep late too. Of course, because of acads.

Hindi ko na rin maharap kumain. Palaging nagmamadali o kaya naman, hindi lang talaga kaya ng oras. Ang hirap hati-hatiin ang oras. Kulang na lang na hatiin ko ang katawan ko.

My phone from my pocket vibrated while I was analyzing the problem on my paper. I immediately knew who it was. Sunod-sunod kasi ito. Kilala ko na kung sino ang putol-putol mag-text.

Mayaman sa load.

From: Eleazar

wag mong kalimutang kumain ;)

or gusto mo bilhan kita?

importante ang pag-aaral pero mas importante pa rin ang healh okie?

I pressed my lips together while typing a reply. We just have our recess time but I didn't have the chance to go out and buy some foods. We will have a quiz tomorrow and I want to get a high score so here I am, analyzing a problem I could not understand.

To: Eleazar

Huwag mo na akong bilhan. Di na kailangan. Oks na ako dito. Ikaw, rin. Aral mabuti pero 'wag kakalimutan ang sarili :)

Everything seems fast even if you are busy or not. Parang patagal nang patagal kulang na ang 24 hours para sa lahat ng kailangang gawin.

My head is spinning. Wala akong maintindihan sa mga lectures. Walang pumapasok sa utak ko.

I felt a soft tap on my left shoulder. "Lhads, you okay?" someone whispered from my back. Were were not seatmates this year which kind of makes me sad.

I turned my gaze around to answer Cheryl. I mouthed, "Ayos lang," and gave her a small smile before looking back on my paper.

I was scratching my head using my pen while trying to focus. There were knocks on the door. Hindi ako lumingon dahil busy alo rito pero nang marinig ko ang pangalan ko, napaangat ako ng tingin.

"Primrose... may ibibigay lang." A guy. A familiar one. It took me few seconds to identify him. Nasa labas siya ng room, harap ng pinto, at nay hawak na binatog at maliit brown paper bag sa iisang kamay.

He is one of Eleazar's friend. Tahimik akong tumayo at nagtungo sa pinto. He plastered me a small smile as I was in front of him.

"Ano 'yon?" malumanay kong tanong at in-adjust ang eyeglass ko na dumudulas sa nose bridge ko.

Inabot niya sa 'kin ang hawak. "Ah. Pinapaabot ni Eleazar." He turned around before looking back at me. "Nahihiya siyang iabot mismo. Ayaw niyang pag-usapan ka ng ibang tao dahil sa malisya nila sa inyong dalawa." He shrugged. "Utos ni boss," he joked with a soft laugh.

My lips parted. Eleazar and I just texted each other a while ago. Tapos, heto, may binili siyang meryenda para sa akin?!

Naalala ko tuloy bigla iyong nag-birthday siya no'ng May 17. We ate at Foodquake Grill. Kami lang. He told me that he didn't want to actually celebrate his birthday. Gusto lang niya na makasama ako sa araw na 'yon.

Ang kanyang pinsan na si Kuya Matmat ay busy naman daw. Pero kinabukasan, tumawag sa akin si Eleazar at sobrang saya niya dahil niregaluhan siya ng pinsan niya ng Funko pop na si Steve Harrington, character sa Netflix series na Stranger Things.

Bumalik ako sa sarili. "Talaga ba?" Hindi ko mapigilang ma-touch sa ginawa niya. I smiled shyly. "Pakisabi sa kanya na maraming salamat." Tatalikod na sana ako upang bumalik na ako ngunit may naisip pang sasabihin. "Pakisabi rin na kumain din siya nang maayos at 'wag siyang mag-alala sa akin." Itinaas ko ang kanyang bigay. "Thank you rin," I added.

He gave me a brief nod with a smile. "Ubusin mo raw 'yan, ah." He chuckled before saying goodbye. I went back to my seat, hiding my smile and placed the foods on my desk. Ayaw kong makita ako ng mga kaklase ko na parang asong nakangiti! My phone suddenly vibrated.

From: Eleazar

eatwell :)

PAKABUSOG KA

AHSDFGHJLKLM

NADELIVER BA NI ZANDREY NANG MAAYOS YANG PAGKAIN MO???

MAMAYA BAWAS YAN. LAGOT SHA SAKEN!!

My mouth twitched while typing for replies.

To: Eleazar

Yes po. Dineliver ng kaibigan mo nang maayos ang pagkain :>

Nakarating din ba ang mensahe ko sayo? Haha!

From: Eleazar

oo sinabi niya sa akin na mahal mo raw ako.

alam ko naman e ;))

I bit the insides of my cheeks, fighting the urge to laugh. Bwisit talaga 'tong si Pineda!

To: Eleazar

Wow ha. Feeling! Fake news 'yang si Zandrey! Hahaha!

Kakain na ako :) Thank you Eleazar ♡

Binalik ko na ang phone sa aking bulsa. Turon ang laman ng maliit na brown paper bag. Tatlonh piraso. Masarap din ang tindang binatog. I glanced at Cheryl. She was busy writing on her notebook.

"Pst, Cheryl," I called her. She lifted her head and met my gaze. I pointed the seat beside her. Wala na 'yong nakaupo kanina. Lumipat na sa close na kaibigan niya na nasa likuran. "Tabi ako. Okay lang?" paalam ko.

Her eyes brightened. She nodded quickly and I stood up to sit beside her. Pinatong ko sa mesa ang mga pagkain. "Gusto mo?" Pinakita ko sa kanya ang binatog.

Her brows creased. "What's that? I've seen that before pero 'di ko pa na-ta-try. Is that good?" she asked innocently. "Daddy said marumi raw 'yan." She huffed.

Mahina akong natawa. "Cheryl, every person with a heartbeat should try this At saka school canteen naman nagtitinda. Hindi 'to madumi, okay?" I smiled. "Binatog 'to. Try mo..." I scoop enough amount for her small mouth. "Ito..."

Kinuha niya ang kutsara at sumubo. Napatango-tango siya habang ngumunguya. "I should try that more often," she commented, smiling.

Inalok ko siya ng turon ngunit tumanggi siya. "He brought that for you." The side of her lips lit up.

I pouted. "Wala kang kakainin..."

She chuckled. "Pwede namang bumawi mamayang lunch. I could eat tons of rice and meat," she uttered.

During lunch break, we ate together. Eleazar sent me several chats saying he's not going to come with us because he wanted to study really well. He will use his free time to study instead of eating...

That's was why I decided to take out igado and rice for him. May twenty minutes pa naman bago mag 1 PM kaya may oras pa siya para makakain at naglalakad na kami ngayon ni Cheryl pabalik ng school.

Bahagya na rin na lumalakas ang ulan na kanina ay mahina lamang na pumapatak kaya nagmamadali na kami. She released a squeal when a thunder strikes.

Naglagay ako ng note bago ko ipinaabot kay Zandrey na nakasalubong namin sa hallway. "Pakibigay kay Eleazar. Sorry sa istorbl at salamat na rin." I smiled genuinely.

I visited my mother's tomb after our class. Last month was her one year death anniversary. Binisita namin siya at kita ko pa rin ang lungkot sa mga mata ng kapatid ko at bigla na lang umiyak si Eston... ganoon din si Brielle.

As the oldest, I keep and trying to be strong. I won't let them see that I am still susceptible about her death.

And today, I just suddenly want to visit her. I need her now. I always need my Mama.

"Ma, paramdaman ka na naman..." I joked with a soft chuckle. "Miss na miss na kita, Mama." I caressed her name on the grave after removing the dried leaves over it. "N-Nakakapagod po...." I inhaled deeply. "P-Pero..." I swallowed. "M-Magpapatuloy a-ako..." My breathing hitched. "I believe myself and I trust Him. Kakayanin po... A-Alam k-ko naman na h-hindi mo po ako, ka-kami papabayan...." I forced a smile.

I didn't realize that tears were already flowing on my cheeks. I let them. I let myself be vulnerable this time. Wala namang makakakita, eh.

Humangin bigla nang malakas kaya tinangay ang aking buhok. Ginala ko ang mata ko sa paligid.

I gasped upon seeing a familiar figure, from afar. He was holding flowers and on his other hand, it was placed on his pocket. Naka-school uniform pa rin siya katulad ko.

Agad akong nagpunas ng mukha at mata gamit ang dala kong panyo. Inalis ko rin ang glasses ko at pinunasan itp dahil napatakan ng luha. Baka naman namamalik-mata lang ako!

I inhaled deeply and practiced a smile. Ibinaba kong muli ang tingin sa puntod ni Mama. Moments later, someone poked my right cheek. From its touch, I already knew who it was. So narito nga talaga siya.

My eyes looked up to him. He was wearing his dazzling smile. Like he always do.

I cleared my throat. "Anong ginagawa mo rito?" curious kong tanong. Sino kayang bibisitahin niya rito sa sementeryo?

Lumuhod siya sa tabi ko, paharap sa puntod ni Mama bago inilapag ang mga handpicked flowers na kanyang dala. "Si Tita," he responded. "Matagal na akong 'di nakadalaw, eh. Hindi ko alam na magkikita pala tayo rito."

I licked my lower lip. "Kaya nga. What a small world nga talaga." I snorted.

Nagsimula siyang mag-sign of the cross bago pinikit ang mga mata. Pinanood ko siya sa ganoon. When he finished praying, he opened his eyes and met mine which made me swallowed. Para akong nahuli sa isang krimen. Nahulo niya akong nakatitig sa kanya...

My heart pounded so loud when he grinned. "Ano ba 'yan. Para akong natutunaw. Huwag ka namang ganyan sa harap ni Tita." Mahina niya akong siniko habang tumatawa.

"Dapat pala nilagyan ko ng lason 'yung pagkain mo kanima," pagbibiro ko.

His back straightened. "Oo nga pala! Thank you, Prim!" Ngumiti siya nang malawak. "Nahihilo na ako kaonti kanina siguro dahil sa gutom... tapos nagulat ako kasi nag-abot ng pagkain si Zandrey!" masayang litanya. "No'ng nabasa ko 'yong sulat sa loon sabi ko 'Ay, si Prim 'to!' Na-energize na ulit ako."

I jokingly rolled my eyes. "Ikaw 'tong pasabi-sabi ng huwag pababayan ang sarili at kumain tapos ikaw rin 'tong kabaliktaran naman ang ginagawa." I hissed.

He plastered a small pout. "Sorry na, boss." He pinched my nose. Pinalo ko siya at sinamaan ng tingin. "Ay, may sasabihin pa pala ako. 'Di ko pa 'to nakukuwento." He heaved a sigh. "Parang gusto kong maging interior designer..." he trailed off.

I unconsciously smiled. "Talaga? Hoy, pagpatuloy mo 'yan!" I beamed. "Kukunin kitang interior designer ng magiging future house namin."

"Natin," he corrected, smiling. My face heated with his short remark. He then, suddenly heaved a sigh. "Pwede ba 'yon, nag-ABM ka pero hindi align 'yung plano mong course?" alanganing tanong niya.

"Arts and design yata ang align na strand para doon... Baka kailangan mag-bridging program ka..." I bit my lower lip when he sighed again and ruffled his hair. "Bakit ba kasi ngayon lang ako nakapag-decide."

"'Di ba nga, wala namang rush sa pagdi-discover ng mga bagay na gusto natin?" I gulped. Wala ngang rush... pero feel ko, left behin na ako. Wala... Wala pa akong plano sa kukunin kong course sa college. "At least now, alam mo na kung anong gusto mo... If you truly want something, you'll going to push through it. Strive harder kahit mahirap..."

Lumamlam ang mata niya at umiws ng tingin. He looked up on the blue faint sky. "Sabay nating abutin ang pangarap natin, Prim. Mga pangarap..."

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