Before entering college, every day Hyungwon was learning new things about Hoseok and their relationship, positive and negative.

For example, he learned Hoseok's body was much better sculpted than he originally thought. It was obvious from simple muscle tees and jeans that Hoseok was muscular, but the sensual nights they shared revealed to Hyungwon how perfect his boyfriend's body really was. Each muscle was defined, hard, and the obvious result of diligent fitness workouts and diets.

Aside from the physical aspects, Hyungwon also learned how caring Hoseok was. Hyungwon's hands might be roaming Hoseok's milky white skin while they were showing their love in bed, but his mind was occupied by how gentle his lover was, always taking it slow at first, and constantly asking questions about, "Are you sure you want this?" or, "Baby, are you ready? Tell me to stop if you need to." The concern evident in his tone and his soft touches always melted Hyungwon's heart, the feeling never getting old. But of course, as the night progressed, the atmosphere would change to rough and passionate, no more sentences being exchanged, and instead just moans and screams of pleasure.

Unfortunately, everyone and every relationship had its downsides.

Hoseok was loyal to Hyungwon, but at times, his personality contradicted that fact. He would occasionally flirt with other guys and girls, showing the same winks and smirks that Hyungwon believed had been reserved for only him.

On the one hand, it was all fine and dandy for Hoseok to flirt with others, but as soon as Hyungwon so much as glanced in the general direction of someone — or something — attractive, Hoseok immediately got jealous. And his version of jealousy was frightening, pure insanity, the kind of incident that ended in screaming fury, drowning tears, and violently slammed doors.

There were countless other examples of hypocrisy or problems for the couple, but Hyungwon was fully capable of handling it and loved Hoseok endlessly. The issues were easy for them to overcome, but it was one fateful afternoon that changed it all.

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"Hey mom, dad," Hyungwon greeted nervously. He didn't have any classes to attend that day, but Hoseok had a booked schedule of lectures and labs, so Hyungwon was all alone when his parents called him up to invite him out for dinner.

If his parents were any different, he'd be elated from the invitation. University was an exhausting endeavor that required students to have practically no time for spending with family, especially if they lived out of town.

Alas, his parents just had to be successful and famed in the business world, so rather than Hyungwon not having time for them, it was always the other way around. And if they miraculously did have time to give to Hyungwon, it would be dedicated to discussing business, having no relation to 'quality family time'.

"Hyungwon, darling." His mother gave a tight smile, motioning for Hyungwon to sit in the chair designated for him.

He had been given the address to a formal restaurant, which only added to his nerves. An invitation to eating out translated to talking serious business involving Hyungwon. And he would be in no position to object or disagree, for they were in a high-class public area, and he couldn't afford any tabloids or news about him creating a scene.

Hyungwon sat down with his spine straight and proper, chin held high. "Why did you invite me here?"

"I'll get straight to the point." His mother's fake smile dropped, revealing her 'game face'. Hyungwon couldn't spot any pores or blemishes on her perfect plastic skin, but he could just make out a hint of frown lines. "We know you've been dating that Hoseok boy."

Hyungwon's jaw hinged open only slightly — he taught himself to hide obvious emotion from his parents — and he shifted his gaze, flicking his eyes back and forth between his mother's eyes and his father's.

"You have found someone who makes you happy," his father finally spoke up in his gruff tone.

Hyungwon shut his eyes, waiting for the 'But...'

"But he is male. And you know how inappropriate that is. It is wrong, it is mortifying, that two of the same gender should feel sexual attraction towards each other." His father leaned back, narrowing his dark eyes, while Hyungwon's mother merely nodded along, taking a small sip of her champagne.

What scared Hyungwon the most was how upfront his parents were. To any other observer, this might have seemed like a mellow conversation between a teenager and their homophobic parents, but Hyungwon knew his parents too well despite almost never being with them. Under their logical sequence of words, malice, anger, and manipulation were churning.

He knew then, all he ever had with Hoseok would be no more.

It was his father's turn to nod as his mother continued, "Son, trust us, this is a phase. We're doing what's best for you, and your future. We have already done so much for you, provided all you could ever ask for. We are not even forcing you to become heir to the business."

And there, the manipulation shone through the seemingly relaxed facade of his parents' words. It was common knowledge that children of CEOs were tethered to an unfortunate destiny of taking over their parents' business. But Hyungwon's parents purposefully retracted that expectation and duty, so that they could easily exploit him later in the future.

"And so, we want you to break all ties with him," his mother commanded, but to anyone else, it would just seem like a simple, unselfish request. "We will even make it easy for you - we're moving to Canada tomorrow."

Hyungwon almost screamed, but willed himself to only ask, "What do you mean? I'm in university, I can't drop out in the middle of the first year."

"We've already taken care of that," his mother replied smoothly. "Besides, schooling and work are generally better in North America - we want the best for you. All you must do is say goodbye to your friends, and completely cut off from Hoseok."

A myriad of thoughts of anguish, shock, and pure outrage flooded through Hyungwon, but he knew he was helpless. His parents were capable of so much — they could destroy Hoseok's life with a single short phone call. 

He didn't want to risk anything, and he didn't want Hoseok hurt, so he breathed in, and complied in a steady, calm tone, "Fine, I'll do it."

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Hyungwon couldn't.

He did it, but he couldn't bear it.

He told Hoseok lies, a pool swirling with made up words and feelings, and the whole time he didn't look once at his boyfriend — who was technically now his ex-boyfriend.

But when he did meet eyes with Hoseok, he ran away, the image imprinted in his mind and still haunting him, day and night.

Hyungwon was already in Canada — he had been for a few months now, and he was finally able to put his knowledge from high school English to good use. He could even speak a little French, though there was no need to use it much while studying in the expensive British Columbia.

But even all the new scenery, the new people, the new life, that look on Hoseok's face seemed to be everywhere Hyungwon went.

His plush lips forming a perfect 'o' in surprise.

Eyebrows were drawn upwards, yet slightly furrowed in confusion.

And his eyes, oh God, his eyes. Those shimmering, dark orbs, previously alight with joy. Those now dimmed, broken orbs, reflecting nothing but sorrow. It was so sad, seeing the light fade from Hoseok's eyes as they turned to what resembled shattered glass. Then they morphed into pools with emotion trickling out in thin, shiny streams. Tears dripping down his beautiful face and to the ground. Eyes shining with the most despairing, painful phenomenon.

Heartbreak.

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Hoseok was never the same. He knew his relationship with Hyungwon embodied imperfection. But he had never stopped to think that maybe all those undesirable occurrences would add up and ultimately break the relationship.

He never stopped to think that maybe Hyungwon had had enough.

Even now, several years later, having heard nothing from Hyungwon, he still lived a gloomy cloud. The pain had never stopped, it had only become easier to manage. But it was still there, poignant in the atmosphere and his thoughts.

He had gone through so much ever since. Fooling around with other guys and girls whom he had no interest in. Studying tirelessly to get himself a substantial job and living. Aggressively visiting the gym to ensure his physique never disappointed, and to vent out his frustration in his workouts.

He had tried many things to try and ease the pain. Smoking, but the contaminated air only clogged his lungs and made him feel sick. Other drugs, but they had only reminded him of how addicted he had been to Hyungwon. And sex — the harmless flirting and fooling around with others always ended in blurred nights, messed sheets, empty eyes, and deep regret.

Now, he had resorted to drinking. The pungent liquor always burned his throat and his insides, but he made sure to never drink too much. Hoseok made sure to drink only enough to ease the pain, drink enough to make him feel happier than when he was sober.

Minhyuk and Kihyun were married now, the wedding of which he attended before becoming endorsed in dealing with his heartbreak and self-loathing, and were so sweet in always checking up on Hoseok. They were like his second parents, and helped him unconditionally, despite his bad habits.

But none of it really mattered anymore. He was almost done anyway, emotionally and physically.

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Hyungwon breathed in the fresh air, revelling in the nostalgic look of Korea.

His parents ordered him to visit their headquarters in Seoul, since he had just graduated, to oversee how well everything was running. To Hyungwon, it was more of an offer for temporary freedom. He could finally find his old friends and reconnect — and possibly meet Hoseok to come clean and tell him the truth.

He checked in at his hotel, then flopped back onto the bed, scrolling through his phone contacts. He still kept in touch with Minhyuk and the others, so their new numbers were all saved. Pressing the 'call' button beside Minhyuk's contact photo, he grinned, excited to talk to his friend.

"Hyungwonnie!" Minhyuk's cheerful voice rang out through the phone.

"Hey, Min," Hyungwon laughed.

"Wait, isn't it like 3 AM there?" Minhyuk suddenly asked, his delighted tone turning concerned. "We're best friends of course, but I don't want to be the reason you're not getting enough sleep."

"Wow, you've changed," Hyungwon commented, silently reprimanding himself for calling at a time that would raise suspicion. "Remember when we used to stay up talking 'til 5? Now you're like my mom!"

"It's different now," Minhyuk replied simply. "Anyway, how have you been? Why are you calling now?"

Hyungwon ignored the second question and merely answered with, "I'm okay. I'm at a, um, 24-hour cafe. Where are you?"

"You're clearly not okay if you're calling right now," Minhyuk reminded. "And I'm at a cafe too! With our friends! The old cafe we always went to."

Hyungwon smirked, satisfied that his plan had worked well so far. "I wish I could be there! But I gotta go, love you, bye."

Before Minhyuk could voice out his probable confusion, Hyungwon hung up and set out to the cafe. He was right at the front when he spotted Minhyuk and some other figures inside.

Discreetly opening the door, he made his way over to their table, creeping up until he finally yelled, "MIN!!"

The said male visibly jumped, whipping his head around. When he saw Hyungwon, his eyes lit up and widened, and he jumped onto his best friend, squealing and giggling. The two danced together, shouting over each other.

"Your hair is pink!"

"Your hair, it's black!"

"You trolled me, damn!" 

"Murica is so boring without you!"

"I missed you!"

"Is your dick still small?"

"No homo though."

When they finally released from their embrace, Hyungwon joined Minhyuk at the table for four. Hyungwon suddenly remembered the other friends there and looked up quickly to greet them. He saw Kihyun, with his hair also back to black, then laid eyes on the last.

Black haired as well, but with teal streaks and highlights. Casual clothes, from what Hyungwon could see over the table. And a beautiful face, perfect skin, gorgeous eyes, plump lips.

"Hoseok," Hyungwon greeted softly. The atmosphere changed, and the Kihyuk couple was sharing knowing glances while Hoseok averted his ex's eyes.

"Hyungwon," Hoseok said, equally softly.

Looking at Hoseok, Hyungwon missed everything about him. The pangs of intense emotion came crashing back, overwhelming Hyungwon with misery, regret, longing, nostalgia and disregarded love.

Hyungwon quickly muttered to Minhyuk and Kihyun, "Congratulations on being husbands," as he rushed to the bathroom, locking himself in one of the stalls. He sank down to the ground, anxious.

He didn't know what Hoseok thought of him anymore. Did the older still love him? Or was Hyungwon just a distant memory of pain?

Despite the strongly lingering sadness, Hyungwon knew he was blushing, his heart pounding, skin slightly tingly.

And Hoseok's face. He looked the same, but even more handsome, if that was possible. His hair contrasted his pale skin so beautifully. But his eyes. Those eyes that reflected the same thing they did when Hyungwon left. Heartbreak, and emptiness.

When he decided he could go out again to face Hoseok and possibly confess everything, his feelings, and the truth, he was disappointed. His ex had already left, and only Minhyuk and Kihyun remained.

"Hyungwon," Minhyuk started. "I haven't asked this, ever, to respect your privacy, but we need to know why you broke up with him. You really broke Hoseok, you know."

"I didn't want to," Hyungwon murmured.

Minhyuk sighed, obviously disappointed in his friend's plain answer. "Well, he asked to meet up with you in three days here, just you two." He stood up with Kihyun as they were preparing to leave. "And you better meet with him. Don't think I haven't noticed how depressed you sounded over the phone, so resolve your shit with him."

They walked out of the cafe, leaving Hyungwon there alone, drowning in his sea of guilt.

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Hyungwon found himself regretting a lot of things lately.

1. Breaking up with Hoseok.

2. Not immediately apologizing and talking to Hoseok when he saw him at the cafe three days ago.

3. Showing up to the cafe again, and waiting.

Hyungwon had ordered a latte and was seated at one of the tables, having waited for three hours and counting for Hoseok. His latte was already drained, and his fingers were sore from being drummed so anxiously on the table.

Hyungwon didn't want to assume anything about Hoseok not showing up yet, so he had called and texted, but he'd been sent straight to voicemail and wasn't even left on 'Read'.

The tall male sighed, ruffling his hair. He called Minhyuk's number, and when his friend picked up, he vented out his frustration. "He fucking stood me up. He stood me up! I've been waiting for a whole three fucking hours!"

"Slow down," Minhyuk demanded, confused.

"Hoseok," Hyungwon almost cried out. He didn't realize how deeply this affected him, but waiting for someone who didn't show, especially if he still held potent feelings for that someone, was too much for him to bear.

And the sea of guilt crashed again, as Hyungwon believed this was probably revenge for breaking up with Hoseok. This was probably a diluted sense of what Hoseok had felt that day so many years ago.

"Hoseok?" Minhyuk asked. "He definitely did not ditch you. He's been even more depressed and sad than you, it's obvious how strong his feelings are for you."

"Then why isn't he here?" Hyungwon snapped. He was angry, filled with a burning fire. Anger aimed at Hoseok, at his parents, at himself.

"I'll find out what I can, but keep waiting, okay?" Minhyuk reassured. "Not even death could keep him from you."

With that, the male hung up while Hyungwon stared out the window, watching the people bustling around outside. But when he laid eyes on a couple, all grinning and pecking each other, he made a face as if he'd tasted something unbearably sour and looked away.

It seemed like another three hours passed when his phone rung again. Kihyun was on the other side of the line and was rushing his speech, stumbling over his words in panic.

Hyungwon almost dropped his phone as he fled out the cafe, rushing to his destination, his actions automatic because he'd done this so many times in the past. 

He fished out the spare key from one of the potted plants on the porch, and rushed inside the house, sure to close and lock the front door again. Racing through the rooms, halls, and corners, leaping up the stairs in unbelievably long strides, he burst into the room. Kihyun and Minhyuk were already there, and upon seeing Hyungwon, they left.

Hyungwon almost tripped on his way to the bedside, and he squeezed Hoseok's hand. Without any greetings, they jumped right into conversation, talking in quiet voices, reminiscing about the old times, pretending their current situation didn't exist.

Hoseok was in the middle of ranting about their old dreams for the future when he coughed, and asked Hyungwon to talk, claiming he's quite fatigued.

And so Hyungwon did, ranting about old plans for a wedding. Where it would be, who they'd invite. The cake, the suits, the simple decorations. The rings, and vows of love that would last for forever.

The whole thing was so hysterical, both of them ignoring the anxious storms inside them, and focussing instead on being here and present with each other. Just pretending nothing was wrong, that they were just two lovers casually hanging out.

Suddenly, Hoseok hushed Hyungwon. His voice was low and raspy as he uttered, "Hyungwon, I never stopped loving you, you know. And...I know you don't love me back, because why else would you have broken up with me? Then left me?"

Hyungwon opened his mouth to speak, to explain what had really happened, but Hoseok firmly shook his head. "I'd like to thank you, though. When I saw you again, everything was back. The old feelings and good memories. But I was flawed, and you were too perfect, and now we're here."

Hoseok had to stop for a moment to cough violently, pain racking his body. His voice sounded so terribly broken and scratchy as he confessed, "Thank you, for seeming to love me now, and being with me. And...Hyungwon--"

More coughs, paler skin, tears pricking and dripping onto the floor.

"I...love you forever...forever and always... Please...just remember...even if I'm not there...I'll always love you...forever and always....."

His eyes drifted close, his heartbeat faint until it disappeared.

Hyungwon didn't even get to say "I love you".