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When I entered, the classroom was a bit different. Suho had moved across the room into another desk rather than his usual next to mine. In place of him was a girl I had spoken to a few times, but had never really gotten to know.

Surprisingly, when I walked inside, the attention of my peers stayed on the same places as before, to the doodles on the side of my peer's notebooks, the ceiling, out the window, or even to the teacher who was getting ready for her lecture.

Thank goodness.

I was able to walk to my desk in the back without a single glance my way.

That is, except from one person. I wasn't even surprised it was Suho, though he didn't hold it for long.

Ironically, as the minutes ticked by, and the classes progressed, I wished for him closer by my side.

By the time I'd gotten to lunch, it just wasn't right. Nothing was right. Four people had given me their well wishes or asked a question about Jiho. I had walked away from them, holding my breath. It wasn't something I would normally do.

I didn't have room to worry about that. I continued through the day until lunch. The group sat outside, including Suho, Dae, Seojin, Niko, Haneul, and the others I hadn't gotten completely acquainted with yet.

Our little lunch group was back together, along with some new additions, but there was an underlying tension. Suho laughed, smiling and chatting along with the others. Daehyun watched on fondly, ready to share his own bits and pieces of stories or opinions.

Niko fit in perfectly, friends with everyone in the group even though they were the newest to join. They seemed to catch Suho's attention quickly, and for the most amount of moments in one time. They seemed like they had themself figured out pretty well. I couldn't get my eyes off their hair, which was a sky blue. It came up once as Suho and they were approaching the table that they were going to change it soon. I couldn't imagine any other color fitting them as well, but a pink was mentioned during the conversation, which seemed valid enough.

"Hey, guys, are you busy tomorrow?" Haneul asked as she pushed away her empty tray towards the stack at the side of the table, Kyung finishing the movement for her since he was the closest. "I heard about this market that's coming to town, my sister and I went last year. It's super cool and I'm planning on going again, you all can join in if you're free. We'd be heading over after school."

I thought about her offer. The boys wanted me to get out more with friends after staying cooped up inside for so long, and I knew I had nothing scheduled for tomorrow. I didn't really want to go, but I needed something new. Something different. If I had to come back to school, I could come back to friends.

At least, people I tried to call my friends.

"I'll ask my brothers when I get home, but I should be able to come." My words weren't recognized by anyone in the group, except maybe a twitch of Suho's head. I wasn't sure. I quite frankly didn't care.

Kyung shot off a quick text before nodding. "I can come,"

Various people from around our table nodded in agreement, vouching that they could join their group trip. Haneul was obviously pleased that she could have friends join her this year, her warm smile making me give her a small one back.

"Suho, do you think you can come?" She directed her attention towards the more subdued, as of late, table members. "I remember they had some art supplies, and some music too," she tried appealing to him.

"No." I couldn't remember when he had started speaking so softly, but he was rarely ever as loud as before Jiho. He was still there, bell and all, but he was withdrawn at school. "I've got some prior commitments, but I'll still have my phone. Text me if you find anything good, I'll pay you back if you end up getting anything for me."

Haneul and a few of the others agreed quickly. Suho always made sure to pay someone back for the amount they spent on him, all you had to do was give him the tag or receipt. He was good like that. "Dae? Niko?"

"I can if you don't mind stopping on the way for my dog, though I wish Suho were coming..." Niko's voice was soft, but not in the same way Suho's was. They were always a mellow and kind presence in the group, the kind of person you could tell anything and not receive any judgement. "But, I know the market you're talking about, I've been a few times over the years since it's near my apartment."

"You'll have to show me what's fun, then," Haneul said, taking his answer as a yes. Niko grinned, agreeing happily with Haneul. "And I don't mind stopping by to get your dog! I'd feel bad if I kept my puppy inside all day too."

I looked over to the older blonde who was resting his head on the table, likely asleep. He had been doing that more often, always catching the limited hours he could with his busy schedule in the idol band. I was sure Suho forced him to sit down and eat whenever he missed meals though, like Daehyun did for him. Suho looked to be in an internal debate about whether or not to wake him, shaking his head fondly with a small huff.

"Dae would probably say yes if he were awake, but he needs the rest, so I'll have to say no on his behalf." Suho told Haneul who nodded understandingly.

"It's alright, I know you two have been super busy lately! And Seojin, too." She didn't push further and whipped out her phone to text the details to anyone who said there was a chance they could go, a chorus of notifications ringing around the table. I didn't open mine, leaving it on my screen as a reminder to ask the boys later.

"Don't feel bad if anything comes up last minute and you can't make it." She gripped her pink phone tightly giving everyone a close eyed smile. "I know this is kinda last minute, but I'm happy you all want to come with me. Let's make sure to have some fun tomorrow!"

From there, the conversations went back to what they were before Haneul offered the invitation. It varied around the table, from a homework assignment to a singing technique.

"Suho, do you know how this..." A boy who I hadn't caught the name of stopped mid sentence. "Niko, where'd Suho go? Wasn't he just there?"

I glanced over to Niko and Dae who had since moved closer together to fill the gap left by Suho. Now I was the one darting my eyes across the cafeteria, wondering just how a taller guy like him, who was also wearing a noisy bell, could just slip out under a dozen people's noses.

Daehyun was still sleeping, and Niko was still happily munching on their sandwich, but Suho had vanished.

Niko hummed and let their eyes slowly flit around the table. "Well," they took a sip of their water, "He said he had a book he needed to pick up, so I'd assume he's headed to the library. Then again, Suho likes to take detours on the way to his actual destination, so with some luck, you could find him near his locker."

The boy slowly shook his head in defeat. "I won't be able to find him. He's just so quiet, you know? Could you ask him to text me later though, I have a few questions about the math."

"Sure," Dae mumbled, clearly not as asleep as he was portraying himself. "I'll ask him, no guarantees though. He's got this new piano piece he's trying to write and when inspiration hits, he gets into this zone. Everything gets done. Everything."

Dae groaned tiredly, "If only I had that amount of focus. Do you know how many school things I could do? How many dance moves I could memorize and learn? The amount of music?"
"There there," Niko patted his head patronizingly, "we can't all have that kind of focus."

"Well I can wish," Dae pouted.

"Sure you can," Niko said as they glanced up to the clock. "Lunch is just about to be over, so let's clean up. I don't wanna be late for math."

I took my tray and slipped away.

I'd never been extremely close to the group other than Dae and Suho, but I'd never felt as out-of-place as I did that day. I wished my dilemma with Jiho wasn't why I suspected I was feeling that way.

--------

It wasn't until dance class that I heard his name again. We were warming up, and I was ready to speed-learn all the new techniques and routines I'd missed while I was gone. That was when I heard it.

"Right? At least Daehyun still goes to our school, and I guess Seojin too. It's just sad we don't have Ji-Ho around anymore. Like, I just feel like I can imagine him hitting all these moves perfectly." Turning my head slightly, I saw it was a group of three girls. The one that had just talked had shiny black hair, while the other had blonde and bright makeup. The last was standing by, watching the conversation through the bangs and short hair.

"Ji-Ho? Eun-E is the main dancer, you know," the blonde retorted.

"Yeah, but Jiho would be my bias."

"Ooh," the one with blonde cooed, "so like, since he went to our school, imagine him teaching you a dance move."

The black haired girl squealed, "It'd be almost as cool as J-Hope or Jungkook doing that!"

"Sure, but Hoseok and Jungkook are more professional. They've just been working longer. Besides, Jungkook goes to this school anyway. What's the difference?" Bangs asked.

My stomach turned at the sound of my brother's names. I preferred to keep Jiho and my brothers in different worlds. One brought me happiness and the other didn't. They weren't meant to mix.

"The difference is that HXSTS is the new band, the cooler one at the moment. The hot debut that's already gotten a number one! And, two of the members still go here. Seojin and Daehyun."

"Aish, we were so lucky," Blonde said. "There could have been three members here."

"Members at our school mean possibilities for dating an idol," Black-hair added.

"As if we aren't already working towards that ourselves," Bangs retorted, "you know, becoming an idol?"

"Well, sure" Blonde thought, "and... Wait. Didn't Ji-Ho have a girlfriend anyways?"

"I think we just found out it's Hoseok and Jungkook's sist-"

"Quiet, won't ya?" Bangs finally shushed as their heads turned my way. "Sujin's in the class. She knows like... all of the people y'all just mentioned in the last minute."

With a sigh, I wished I could just be angry about their mentioning of my brothers. As if that wasn't enough, the whole situation of Jiho was starting to press down on me again.

They really didn't know. No one knew why Jiho did it.

And I was still grieving.

It just wasn't right. It just wasn't the right time for this, and I was exhausted. I didn't want to do it anymore.

I didn't care if it was weak of me. I was weak right then.

I turned on my heels and left the dance room before heading into the deserted girl's locker room and quickly changing back into my uniform.

From there, I headed down the halls with my stuff and found my locker. I threw my belongings into my backpack before finding the nearest bathroom I knew wouldn't be occupied. One I found down the hall was good enough.

I brought up the contact of the first person I knew I could trust.

"Sujin?" the person on the other end asked after the first ring.

"Hoseok, ah, I think I want to come home now."

"Now? School isn't over, is it, hm?"

"I know, Hoseok, but please. I gave it my best shot. Should I call one of the others? Does someone else have the car-"

"Of course, of course." I heard shuffling on his end of the line. "I'll bring Jimin. We just finished going out for lunch, so we can come."

I nodded, though I knew he couldn't see.

"I'll see you in a few, Hoseok."

The halls were empty as I made my way nearer to the office. That was helpful, certainly.

Of course, I should have expected to run into an uncomfortable situation. Before I hit the staircase that led directly to the school gates, I recognized a few of Jiho's old lunch table buddies.

I attempted to keep my head low so I could easily walk past. I didn't feel like conversing with them, sharing condolences, or exchanging sorry looks. I hadn't heard from them at all since Jiho was gone, and I wasn't anxious to hear from them now. Not right now.

My hand had just found the top of the stair railing when another hand landed on top of mine. I flinched as if my whole body was shocked. I looked up to see the face of one of the older boys that'd kept the conversation going at lunchtimes.

"Sujin, I think I have a few words of advice for you," he said, pulling something out of his jeans pocket with the hand that wasn't on mine. I tried to pull back, but his grip tightened. It was suffocating.

From the corners of my eyes, I could see the others slowly pile around. The few girls that'd flirted with Jiho, but he'd never expressed much interest towards. There was the more suppressed one that he'd talk to, and then there was the quiet boy I thought was my age. There were the twins, the boys I thought I'd heard Jiho mention hanging out with at times.

As if their eyes weren't already causing a surge of anxiety inside of me, their faces were bringing back memories. It was going to be too much, and fast. I needed to get out of there. I didn't belong anyways. I hadn't ever belonged with them.

I watched as the one with his hand on mind pulled out a collection of colored papers, sticky notes that were attached to one another.

His hand finally released from mine, and he shoved the papers towards me.

"Take it," he said, "come on."

I looked at the papers for a few moments. The last few times I'd been told to read something, I was told another thing about Jiho that I wasn't ready to handle. I wasn't inclined even in the slightest to see what this was about, but I was feeling the pressure of the group of intimidating peers older than me.

"Take it, Moon Sujin. I bet Jiho would have wanted you to see this."

One of the twins chimed in. "Oh, the highness Jiho would have wanted his queen to join him, eh?"

"Yeah, definitely," the harshest girl said, taking the papers from the boy and placing them in my hands. "We're just delivering the message to you, Sujin. Read it. Now."

I looked at the papers that were now sitting in my hands, and then back at the group. I was stuck, and afraid.

"Look at it, for goodness sake," the other girl said, taking half of the papers from me and unfolding them right under my nose. I would have closed my eyes if the first few words hadn't caught my attention. And then I was stuck, reading them all in a matter of seconds.

Join him. Join him. Make the same decision he did.

Jiho wasn't enough for this world. Maybe you weren't either.

Maybe Jiho was weak. Are you weak too?

a/n: ey guys, hope you had a good Christmas if you celebrated! 

I hope you're all staying safe, healthy, and happy! Especially right now, a lot of scary stuff is going on. 

And happy new year!