The bitter cold winds swept through Dublin. The barren trees swayed in the freezing squalls of winds. The days were shorter and grey and the nights were long, very long. But it was festive season. Lights glittered in each street celebrating the Christmas season. In Faraz and Samreen apartment, it was a conflicting atmosphere where Samreen was exhausted for the last one week because of her never ending chores. There were times everyone wanted attention at the same time or other times when one after other of the children wanted some needs to be fulfilled. She was in a whirlpool of jobs to be completed. It seemed she had the magic wand that answered everyone's pleads including her husband's.

Faraz had become sullen day by day where it had become intolerable to even have a decent conversation with him. He was very busy in his new project. Many times, he was coming home late night and leaving early morning. The time he was home, he would be lashing out at Samreen as a means to express his frustrations. But she was fatigued herself to be the target of Faraz's non-stop ranting. At times, she wished she had earplugs that would obliterate her hearing abilities.

This was the first weekend the couple was spending at their apartment after Salim's birth. There were nothing special planned. Instead, Samreen was looking forward to a restful weekend when Faraz would be home and share the responsibility of taking care of their children. But she was disillusioned.

"Faraz, do you think you can mind Daniyal while I chat to Ammi on Skype?" Samreen called out to Faraz.

Since the birth of Salim, Samreen hadn't been able to chat to her mother properly. She missed her parents. It had been nearly two years since she last visited Jeddah. The busy schedule and the endless chores kept her busy to take out time for herself or even a phone call.

"Not now Sammy I am working on something," Faraz muttered as he typed on his laptop.

Irritated, Samreen grabbed Daniyal's hand and seated him on the floor in front of the sofa where Faraz was seated with his laptop. She spread lots of toys around him. "Just keep an eye that's all I am asking you to do."

Faraz was too engrossed in his work to respond. This was the best time to talk to her mother as Salim was asleep, Liyaanah was colouring her new Frozen colouring book at the kitchen table. There was no cooking or cleaning to do as she had cooked dinner already.

Settling on the bed, she dialled her mother on Skype on her iPad. To her, it was ages since last she had seen her mother. The call was answered and her mother's face appeared on the screen. Nostalgic tears filled her eyes. She missed her terribly.

"Ammi, Assalam u alaikum," she said hoarsely.

"Samreen beti Walaikum salaam it has been so long finally I get to see you." Cheerfully Razia replied but Samreen observed her mother's moist eyes.

"Beti look at your face. You look pale. Are you not taking care of yourself?"

"I am" Samreen squeaked.

"And your puffy eyes, is the baby keeping you awake?"

Tears dripped down her face, and she swallowed so that her voice didn't tremble. Only a mother would be concerned of her daughter's health and wellbeing. She had been so busy fulfilling her children and husband's demands that many times she wasn't able to look at herself in the mirror. How many days had passed by that she wasn't eating well? She should be eating a nutritious diet but not until her stomach grumbled during the day that she remembered she was hungry.

Razia'a eyebrows furrowed in concern, "What is the matter? Are you feeling ok? Tell me."

"It's nothing Ammi. I get tired all day that's all."

Razia's eyes softened, "Beti, I have gone through the same as you. You are four siblings and all were born within the first 7 years of my marriage. I know being a mother of young children is not easy. But remember, there is no one to take care of you. We need to become selfish sometimes and look after ourselves. Above all, you need your strength for your family."

Samreen wasn't able to speak, being emotional, she barely nodded.

How could she explain her mother that she forgot about herself as she had so many dependent on her? She was the answer to everyone's cry. But who was there to listen to her cries?

"Try to take out some time only for yourself. It's not easy as you are running on the clock but you can. Time where you do something for yourself whether it is just browsing the internet, watching television or reading a book. Your mood will be uplifted."

How was it possible to watch television or even read a book, when all day she didn't even have spare time to scratch her head? She was sceptical her mother's advice was effective. She quietly listened to her mother's advises and then they gossiped about family and friends. This was the best part of the conversation, listening to other's stories, she tend to forget her own problems.

Before ending the call, her mother requested, "Show me my grandchildren, it's been so long since I have seen them and especially my darling Salim."

"I will show Salim but others are busy right now and I don't want to disturb them." She tilted her iPad so the camera captured the image of Salim, "Can you see?"

"yes yes mashaa Allah. He is adorable. He looks so much like you when you were a baby."

Samreen chuckled, "I hope he doesn't look like a girl then."

"No he won't. But he will be one good looking boy Mashaa Allah."

Samreen then bid her mother farewell and cancelled the call. For many minutes, she slumped on the bed thinking over the conversation with her mother. The house was quiet. Too quiet. Dubiously, she silently walked out of her room and the scene in front of her stunned her. Daniyal and Liyaanah were sitting on the kitchen floor with their legs tucked under them. The ground kitchen cabinet was open where all the grains, rice and lentils were stored. They had opened all the jars of the lentils and rice and had mixed the colourful lentils and rice grains together. There was rice and lentil scattered all over the kitchen floor.

Fumingly, she called out, "FARAZ!!!!"

The children jerked as they were startled. They guiltily looked up at their mother. But first, Samreen had to unleash her anger on someone else.

Faraz jolted in his concentration on the designing the line graph on Microsoft Excel. He frowned and answered, "What?"

Samreen stomped in the living room with her hands on her hips, "Why didn't you keep an eye on the children?"

His eyes widened, "Of course I did. Look at Dani..," his voiced died when he pointed at the floor where Daniyal was previously playing with toys.

"Do you have any idea what they did?" Samreen gritted her teeth.

"What?"

"Put that laptop away and come here." Samreen said furiously.

Quietly placing the laptop on the sofa, he followed her and was shocked when they entered the kitchen. It was drowning in multi-coloured lentils and rice. After a moment of eyeing the damage, a laugh left his lips. This infuriated Samreen further, "You think this is funny is it?"

He abruptly shut his mouth and forced a poker face. But she saw through his façade. Rushing to the press, she took out the broom and thrusted it in his hands, "You are cleaning up."

"Oh no way. I am not cleaning." He backed away.

"Why not?" her eyes narrowed.

"I still have a lot to do on my report. I don't have time for this." he justified.

"You can't spare few minutes to help me?" she asked in disbelief.

"No Sammy this is big what I am working on. Not now ok?" he replied turning around to go back to the living room.

"I am fed up Faraz. You and your children are driving me crazy!!" she seethed.

"Well, it's not like you are doing anything else. All you do is cook and clean." He shrugged nonchalantly as he spoke without looking at her.

"That's what you feel don't you? My work isn't important to you?" She fired back.

"I am working my ass off here so that I can earn more. I don't have time for your tantrums." He raged.

"Well, I am equally working hard to raise the children and keep the house running. When I can understand the importance of your work so can you understand the importance of my chores."

"I can't help you with house chores right now. I have more important work to complete." with that he stormed out of the room.

The young innocent children watched quietly their parents' unpleasant quarrel. Liyaanah's eyes widened in fear and Daniyal quietly observed. Both children had stopped their mischief of mixing the grains. Instead, they sat frozen in fear.

The parents were unaware of their children observing their argument. Samreen hands curled into fists on her side. He wasn't cooperating with her at all. She will retaliate. She was definitely not giving him any good dinner tonight.

She spun around, staring fiercely at her children, "Get up both of you." The children remained stagnant in their place in fright. Tramping towards them, she grabbed an arm of both children and yanked them up.

"If you both try this again next time, see what I will do to you." Samreen warned them and Liyaanah swallowed in panic.

They squirmed but Samreen paid no heed, instead dragged them to the bathroom to bath them and then get on the tedious task of cleaning the kitchen.

From the looks of it, it was going to take her hours to clean.

****

"What is this?" Faraz exclaimed gazing at the food on the table.

"Food" Samreen replied in a monotonous tone.

"You always cook biryani on Saturdays. Why didn't you cook it?"

"I had other unimportant chores to do. So I quickly fixed chicken pasta." She replied indifferently.

"But I hate pasta." Faraz moaned.

"Tough. That's all you will get."

She was being even with him this way, he thought. Crossly he said, "This is very childish of you, Sammy."

Taken aback, Samreen pushed away her chair from the table, "I am being childish? What about your behaviour? You are worse than Daniyal."

"I am not going to argue with you. I was busy all day and now I just wanted decent food but I get to eat this junk," he grumbled dragging the chair out of under the table.

He continued to whine throughout the dinner and she ignored him. She was not going to give in his to demands. It was time he stepped up and take his responsibility.

This was much difficult than Samreen realized.

****

Late night, the children were asleep in their beds. Daniyal had finally started sleeping with Liyaanah in the children's room. But he would always come to Samreen in the middle of the night disturbing her sleep. Salim still woke up twice during the night that again disrupted Samreen's sleep. Now that all the children were sound asleep, Samreen just wanted to lose herself in slumber.

Since evening, they hadn't spoken much to each other and now Faraz rested on the pillows aligned against the headboard, watching comedy YouTube videos on his phone. Samreen ignored him and turned to her side, facing away from him and closed her weary eyes. Her hands beside her head on the pillow, her body relaxed. Each muscle and bone ached after a long day. Sleep was slowly taking over her senses. She was going into oblivion when fingers lightly grazed the curve of her waist. Her eyebrows knotted in irritation but she didn't move a muscle. She was adamant to sleep and definitely not going to concede to his coercive and persuasive touches.

His hand down her hip and he squeezed. There was no reaction. Slowly inch by inch his hand moved upwards, his fingers grazing the side of her breast. Still no reaction. Frustrated, he scooted behind her. She could feel him right behind her. They were not touching but his warm breath on her neck raised the tiny hair at the back of her neck. The first touch of his lips on her neck escaped a gasp from her lips. His lips curled knowingly.

"Sammy girl"

The day's events were still swarming in Samreen's mind. If only he would have been a little more understanding she would have easily returned his affections. But not now. She pushed his hand from her breast and turned on her back. Glaring at him, "After what you did, do you think I would happily let you touch me."

Shocked, his eyes rounded. Before he could reply, she hissed, "You didn't even bother to apologize."

His expressions rapidly changed from alarm to anger, "Apologize for what? You can't expect me to do everything here. I am tired as it is."

Her raging black eyes never left his, "Fine then stay away from me. You need to apologize first."

He shifted back on his side of the bed leaving a large gap between them, "Fine have it your way. I am not begging here."

She whirled around on her side and closed her eyes. His audacious behaviour was enraging her to the limits. One night will not make a difference. He can wait. With those thoughts, her eyes drooped and within minutes she was fast asleep.

He was wide awake, his blood boiling in rage and in need. He wasn't going to wait. If she wanted to show attitude let her. Her evened breathing made him make the rash decision. He picked his phone and went back to the website he had visited few nights before. He muted his phone and then clicked on another explicit video. His hooded eyes captured the scene unfolding in front him. His blood rushed through his veins by the second as he was aroused. He lowered his pyjama pants, his probing hand sneaked where he needed and desired to be touched. His hand moved. There was subtle movement on the bed. In fear, he glanced at his oblivious sleeping wife. Confident, she won't wake up, his movements speeded until he found fulfilment.

As his hand became wet and sticky, Samreen stirred in her sleep. His hand stilled in terror. His heart thudding loudly. Locking his phone and hiding it under the duvet, he closed his eyes. He exhaled deeply when he lifted one eye cautiously, his wife was still fast asleep. Soundlessly, he pushed the duvet away and went to the bathroom to clean up.

He was remorseful of his action. Standing in front of the mirror, he reasoned with himself. He was a man. He had needs. As he washed his hands, a voice within him contradicted him. He couldn't even look at his own reflection. He was ashamed. He will not do it again. He promised himself.

But promises were made to be broken.

So after few days Faraz went back to it. He feels bad but for how long?

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Until next time,

Assalam u alaikum warahamatullahi wabarakatuhu.