As I walk down the stairs, I begin to hear very loud music along with the guys' laughter and I tilt my head, curious to know what's going on in there.

I don't believe I have ever heard any idols have so much fun while rehearsing, they usually are very serious and treat this like... well a job they have to do rather than one they can enjoy.

"Hyung! What is that!" I hear Jimin ask between more laughter and I quirk an eyebrow when Jin's squeaky laughter resounds in the room too.

"The pumpkin dance" Namjoon answers, his voice so serious that I would almost believe their amusement to be for naught, but as I silently push the door open to slip inside the bright room, none of them aware of my presence yet, it's to see Namjoon doing a...

An original choreography all by himself, his eyes sharp and focused as he dances something I've never seen before like it's the new hit of the year.

Taehyung goes next to him to try and do the same and to my surprise, Yoongi eventually steps forward to mimic a flawless, although over-hyped version of the same dance, a huge silly smile on his face that has the others laughing even more as they clap their hands around the trio, heads bouncing as they giggle and chirp their support.

I sit in a corner of the room and take in the sight that instantly warms my heart, to see them having so much fun in a time that I would've believed to be only nerve-wracking for them more than surprising to me.

They are indeed different from what I've seen all my life, not like any other idols I've known, I muse silently to myself as I smile at them, wondering just how much time it's going to take them to notice me.

The answer is - a lot, because they still don't see me tucked in a corner of the room, a smile on my lips and stars in my eyes as I observe them all have the time of their life silly dancing to a spooky background music.

Not yet, not before they have all managed to successfully do one full round of synchronized pumpkin dancing together, after which they burst into more belly laughter that has Jimin rolling down to the floor, Taehyung holding onto Jin to avoid meeting the cold surface as well while the others head for the bottles of water to hydrate themselves after this intense session.

That's when Jungkook's eyes meet mine and he freezes, a blush starting to creep onto his cheeks at having been found out without any type of warning and when Hoseok notices it, he looks towards where I am to see me comfortably seated in the corner, eyes gazing at them patiently.

He freezes too, and that is followed by all of them finding me immobile one after the other, cheeks turning scarlet in embarrassment and shock, a sight that makes me want to grin and giggle though I keep it all in, instead raising an eyebrow at them when Namjoon tries to find a way to explain what it is that I just saw.

"Y-you... this... we..." he stutters out before giving up just as fast, his tongue and brain clearly not cooperating and I have to bite on the inside of my cheek really hard to not burst into laughter right here and now, not wishing to humiliate him even more than he feels at the moment.

"H-How long were you there for?" Yoongi asks, lips into a shy pout as he avoids looking straight at me, it shows me that he wasn't expected to be seen like that so soon, not without even knowing, a sentiment they must all share.

I shrug. "I've been here since Namjoon started the pumpkin dance all by himself".

Multiple groans and whines echo in the room and I let out a laugh before standing up to join them. How did the dance go already?

"Up to that point when he started turning while swinging his arms?" I briefly demonstrate the motion, watch as the man blushes even more before hiding his face between his hands and everyone coos at him, absolutely loving that the leader is currently in such a state of embarrassment that he can't even look at us anymore, something that seems enough to rid them of their own current shyness.

"You didn't look so shy when you were dancing earlier, Namjoon" I tease him with a giggle as Hoseok wraps himself around me happily along with Jimin who comes to hang himself around my arm, head tilting to rest on my shoulder, their slightly out of breath bodies warm to the touch.

"Namjoon hyung probably wanted you to see him as tough for a bit longer before showing you his goofy side but he must have forgotten that you would eventually come visit us in the studio at some point, I think we all did" the latter explains with a cute laugh and I hum before noticing Yoongi's eyes zooming in on my figure.

He looks up just in time to see me staring and bashfully turns around to start stretching in an attempt to ignore me, after which Taehyung and Jin both shake their heads with a smirk before tauntingly making their way to him, which the man can see from the mirror facing him, his jaw tense because he knows.

"Oh, Yoongi, you like that she's wearing your clothes, don't you?" the eldest murmurs to his ears, visibly relishes in the way his whole face turns a deep shade of red that contrasts so well with the rest of his pale skin.

I look down at the outfit I'm currently wearing, the oversized jogger pants and hoodie so soft to the skin while also keeping me warm, it makes sense to me that Yoongi would own such comfortable clothes.

"You should wear mine next time, sweetie, I'm sure you'd look good in my clothes too" Jimin coos as he leans forward to peak at me, to which I simply nod with a smile, heart melting at the gentle and full of hope request, eyes bright and devoid of any ill intentions.

"Sure, Jimin, maybe for the night?" I let out and he nods eagerly, face flashing me a beautiful smile that makes his eyes turn into tiny crescents, I resist the urge to pinch his cheeks and kiss them, instead turning my attention to Taehyung as he saunters over with a hum before stopping in front of us, Hoseok's arms tight around me as he remains silent, observant, content.

"I talked with Jin earlier and we decided that I would be the one taking you shopping with Jiminie and Jungkookie tomorrow, is that okay with you?" he asks me, words that have me surprised because... all three of them?

"I'm fine with that, but what about practice? Are you sure you're comfortable with losing such precious time?" I ask them, watch as the three of them nod their heads without any hesitation.

"We're fine, we're the most comfortable with the choreographies, plus we don't have any special parts to play in the show compared to Hobi and Namjoon hyungs so we're not too worried. It's mostly these two that will need to spend more time in the dance studio" Taehyung explains and Jungkook comes to join us to keep explaining the plan.

"Yoongi hyung has a solo song but he doesn't dance too much, more like walking around and Jin hyung also has a solo song, they're a bit similar on that, they don't do any fancy dancing since it's not really their thing" he says as he hooks an arm around Taehyung's shoulders.

I let my eyes fall on the three men facing the mirrors as they talk softly about something that I can't hear and then turn my face to stare at Hoseok whose eyes are already on me, head slightly tilted to the side as he waits for me to say the question I had meant to ask for a while now.

"Is there really music when you dance sometimes?" I ask him, remembering what Taehyung had said about that yesterday, and I watch as the man's eyes turn excited before he smiles his sunshine smile at me.

"Right, you have yet to experience that. I don't want to spoil the surprise, you'll see during our show, my solo part will come up near the end so it'll take a little while, but I'm sure you're going to love it" he muses and I pout slightly, wishing I could see it now but he boops my nose with a grin before stepping back to join the others, leaving Taehyung, Jimin, Jungkook and I behind.

"Other than that, pup, did you need anything when you came here?" Jungkook asks as he brings his attention back to me, but I shake my head with a light shrug.

"Not really, I was just curious to see what was happening down here, but I think my presence might be distracting you a little so I might just go and start listening to your music, familiarize myself with them before the concert, maybe watch some videos too? We have a couple of hours before dinner, I might go and make some snacks later with what I find around in the kitchen if that's fine with you? I wouldn't want to do anything I'm not supposed to" I say and Jin heads over at that, clearly having heard what was said.

"You can use the kitchen if you want, love, that's fine, just don't overdo it today, it's your first day with us at home, you're allowed to take it easy, we're not so helpless that we can't do anything just because of the incoming concerts" he muses as he comes to caress my hair softly with a warm smile.

"I know, Jin, I just... just yesterday, I was running all over the place, you know? It feels weird to not be doing anything so suddenly, I never really took any vacation either, my brain is constantly in work mode" I mumble and Jimin snuggles closer to me as a frown takes place on his pretty features.

Jin sighs and nods before forcing a smile back on his face. "Alright then, but I maintain my claim - don't overdo it. You nearly drowned yesterday, that has to count for something, even if you have to see it as a sick leave" he insists and I chuckle with a nod.

"A sick leave it is then. Can I use the home theater? I feel like it would be better than a small phone to watch the videos, I also saw the speakers, hearing your music on those would be the experience" I ask, hopeful eyes gazing at the four of them and they all melt at the sight gracing their eyes.

"Of course you can, bunny, I can even show you how it all works, we have a laptop connected to the projector so you can search everything from it" he offers before pulling me by the hand and out of the room under the others' gazing, a quick wave of the hand for them before I can't see them anymore.

The dance studio's door closes soon after and when music begins once more, no more spooky background music this time, I try to pay attention to the song, wondering if I could recognize it later among all the ones I'm going to hear, but with it being so muffled thanks to the thick walls and door, there's not much I can tell apart except for the heavy bass that dims as we walk.

I'll just have to discover them by myself it seems, I can only hope that I'll have time to hear them all at least once before the first concert.

"Here, go take a seat there, I'll get everything ready for you" Taehyung offers, his hands gently pushing me onto the couch/floor before he heads to where the machines are all cleanly organized and ready for use.

"Thank you Taehyung" I say, hear his hum in response before comfortable silence takes place, the low bass of the others' music making the floor shake slightly the only background noise that accompanies his going through controllers and buttons to turn on the speakers and projector as well as turning on the laptop.

"Our password is bulletproof, everything in small cap, so if the screen ever goes in sleep mode, just type that in" he informs me while handing the console to me and I nod, eyes instantly taking in the background picture, a group photo of the guys together at what seems to be one of their previous concerts, so many lights from the crowd flashing behind them.

It's easy to see how happy they are, how alive they feel on stage and it warms my heart, the smiles I can see so very similar to the smiles I've been granted myself. Those are real ones, yet again showing how genuine the guys are.

"When was this taken?" I ask him, he doesn't need to turn around to know what I'm talking about when he smiles softly.

"Six years ago, things were starting to go well around that time and we had sold out our first stadium, we were so thrilled, we just had to take a picture with ARMY to commemorate this moment. You would love them so much if you were on stage when we sing with them, there's this bond that just cannot be explained with our fans, the energy they give us... there's nothing else like it in this world" he explains, his love for them so thick in his voice that I feel my own heart swell with emotions that aren't quite my own.

"I'm sure they feel the same way about you" I murmur, mind remembering every time I would hear them talk about their fans, this love and trust for them that they have, it's much more powerful than what I thought ever possible.

"ARMY is precious to you, so the seven of you must be precious to them as well, fans are good at feeling how sincere people are, I've been here for two days and I can already tell that this bond you share is much stronger than what words can be used to describe it" I add and he nods, eyes wet with unshed tears when he turns back to me.

"They helped us through so much darkness, bun, they were always there, behind us and supporting us through our worst times. Sometimes... not having you with us... we could hardly function properly, this hole that we felt within ourselves would swallow us whole, but it's as if ARMY could tell when we were falling into this overwhelming sadness because they'd start sending us words of encouragement, words of love and slowly, they would create a bandage over the hole, enough to help us keep going until it would fall off again.

You should see the things they've done sometimes to help us, going as far as painting portraits of us with our eight soulmate, they worked so hard to mend our broken hearts. I swear, sometimes it looked like they felt your absence as much as we did, it brought us closer as a family" he explains in a whisper and when tears start flowing down his cheeks, the memories, the feelings so clear in his soul, I beckon him over, heart breaking at what I'm hearing, seeing.

He carefully comes over and lies down next to me, his head going to rest on my stomach, arms circling around my waist and I bring my hands to his hair, fingers slowly combing through his long strands as he quietly weeps into my hoodie's fabric.

"It must have been hard... but I'm glad ARMY took such good care of you when I couldn't... I'm sorry it took so long for me to get here" I murmur softly, and when he shakes a little, hands clenching tightly around me, I feel my own eyes start to water.

"If we were together and still had such a hard time... what about you who were alone?" he asks with a pained voice that cracks, an arrow shot straight through my heart that has my chin wobbling slightly.

I lean down and press a kiss to his hair, hands moving down to rub his back soothingly.

"Don't think about that, Taehyung, it doesn't matter anymore, it's all behind me now" I assure him but he quickly shakes his head and sits up with some difficulties before wiping his face, hands then going to get my own.

"Stop talking like that, stop talking as if your pain doesn't matter. We all felt it so deeply, it still hurts just thinking about the times when we would cry over you, so don't speak as if it's not the same for you, as if your whole life doesn't matter because it does. It's the life our soulmate lived, the life that we missed, it matters so fucking much" he counters, wet eyes hard as he scolds me with the best of intentions.

I try to look away from him, but his palms meet my cheeks to keep me from turning away, his long fingers threading through my hair and almost meeting all the way to the back of my head, warm and gentle.

"Your pain matters. Up until yesterday morning, it was still very real, it still had a reason to be. You're here now, yes, in another dimension, yes, but you, Y/N, you are still the same. You are the same as you were yesterday, or the day before that, the same girl who did her best to get through her days, the same girl who spent her nights thinking of impossible dreams, you can't pretend like it was nothing so easily, don't do that" he continues softly, eyes filled with pain as he wipes my cheeks tenderly.

My chest hurts so much, all of my emotions compressed into a small ball that I try to tuck away in a corner, a ball that I try to keep from bursting because I can't keep crying all the time, not when life keeps going, but gosh, he makes things so hard when he looks at me like that, when he says the words that I need to hear, but don't want to hear.

"I don't want to acknowledge that this life was real" I whimper in a hushed voice, watch as his face becomes a visual of the way his heart crumbles at those words, more hot tears rolling down his flawless skin, his mouth opening to say something before closing just as fast.

It's so much easier to believe it all an old dream, a nightmare now over, I don't want to admit that it was my reality for so many years anymore, because doing so means accepting that before I met these guys, I had to fight for a will to live that would flee me every mornings, it means accepting that in my strength, I was also so incredibly weak, heart constantly begging for love that would never come my way.

I made it to now because of my soulmates, but I also hurt so much because of them and I don't want to associate my pain with them, because since I've met these seven men, they've made my soul fill with rainbows, with warmth and most of all, they filled my whole being with more love than I could've ever wished for, a love that continues to flow without limits even today.

"Let me pretend like my life is starting only now, let me pretend like I never had to live a life without you, please, just let it go" I plead, sincere in my request because I don't want to ever think about that life ever again, that empty, worthless life. If only they could leave it behind too.

Taehyung wordlessly pulls me into his arms and holds me tightly, his body shaking against mine and I burrow my head into the nook of his neck, needing to feel some more of his warmth to calm down, and I barely notice when arms wrap around us until a soft voice speaks up.

"Why am I finding two of my dear soulmates crying like that with such pained hearts, hm? What's going through your sweet minds to be hurting so much?" Jin's voice whispers, kind, soft as he holds us in his embrace and Taehyung's crying only gets louder, his hands squeezing me as if I might disappear any seconds now, unable to let go of me.

"Okay, that's it, we've practiced enough that we can take the rest of the week off, I don't care if I end up messing up, this... I'm not going to push back caring for my soulmates just because of a fucking concert, we can't just go and act as if everything will fix itself" Yoongi growls out before joining us on the couch, his arms adding themselves to the lot, his deep breathing loud over Taehyung's sobs.

"Agreed. We'll explain to our fans the reason behind any mistakes we might do, they'll understand. Jimin, come with me, we'll go and get the pillows and blankets in the closet, all of them" Namjoon says and we all hear Jungkook's quiet voice mumbling that he'll help too while Hoseok comes over to the couch behind Taehyung, his hand to my hair soothing as he presses a kiss to my temple while his other joins mine around our crying soulmate.

It's weird to feel the way my bottled up pain wants to explode and expose itself to the light as much as it calms down under my soulmates' caring and it causes such a mess of confusion within my heart, but I try to focus solely on the men, on their presence, on their breathing, everything to keep me from following my poor Taehyung into crying, because clearly, he needs soothing more than I do.

"I'm okay, Taehyung, I promise you, I really am" I insist one last time while rubbing his back softly, but he shakes his head again, as if he can feel the state of my soul, as if our connected chests, our beating hearts are a straight link to my emotions.

"Stop lying, don't do that, not to us" he lets out weakly and I sigh, unaware of the eyes that meet around us, concerned because they don't know what was said before they got that gnawing feeling that something was going on, before Yoongi's shadows told him that we were sad.

"Then... I promise that I'll be fine very soon" I try, but again, he shakes his head unhappily.

"Don't promise something that will make you force yourself to smile. Don't promise me that you'll feel better because I can already tell that you'll neglect yourself even more just to prove your point. Acting strong and being strong aren't the same, don't put up a wall to hide behind it, how are we meant to help you if we can't see anything?" he asks while pulling back to stare at me, his eyes red, fresh tracks of tears wetting his cheeks over and over again as he takes in my expression, my eyes only to have his heart break even more.

Eyes are the windows to the soul, they say, and I am struggling to make it into tinted glass.

I am struggling and he can see it so easily and I don't know what to do to make it stop, but as if sensing my struggle, Hoseok decides to separate Taehyung from me and onto his lap to hug the young man, his eyes pleading for Jin and Yoongi to take over with me before I hear his hushed voice whisper sweetly to Taehyung who then clings onto him for dear life, his sadness radiating off of him in such strong waves that it feels like my whole soul is burning.

"Come here, hun" Yoongi murmurs before taking me to another corner of the couch, Jin close behind to give some space between us and when the feeling dims, when it becomes easier to breathe for me, I hear Taehyung also start calming down, his tiny nods to what Hoseok says giving us hope.

When Namjoon, Jungkook and Jimin come back, I almost want to laugh when all I can see from them is their feet, gigantic mountains of pillows and sheets of all sizes and kinds in their arms that they just dump in the middle of the couch before stepping in to start getting everything ready, the coziest cuddling station that will ever exist in the whole world, much like a nest, a place of healing.

Jin hums softly in my ear, his fingers gently rubbing my arms as I rest my back against Yoongi's chest, his arms meeting into the huge front pocket of his hoodie to lock me in his hold, and I let myself relax, tensed muscles slowly letting go now that I don't feel like I have to hide anymore, like my pain isn't threatened into being exposed anymore.

"Taehyung's ability allows him to talk to animals, but it's not the only one he has. Although not officially confirmed as such, he also has a second ability, which makes him into a very sensitive empath. He will feel our pain as if his own and it can become hard to disconnect when there's too much closeness to it, especially when the source of the pain matters so much to him. That's why we put some distance between the two of you, to give him time to settle" Namjoon explains after a while when he notices the man in Hoseok's arms dozing off, nearly asleep under the caresses he receives from him and Jimin.

My heart sinks at that knowledge. So he did get a good feel of what I did then.

Jin nuzzles my cheek softly before giving me a few butterfly kisses. "Don't worry, baby girl, he'll be fine. He doesn't always feel everything to this extent, it only happens when his whole focus is on it, but if it ever happens again, please don't leave him alone, call for us so we can take care of the both of you. It's okay if you don't want to talk, but don't hide in a corner all by yourself. If Taehyung reaches that state... it means that you need the comfort as much as he does".

I purse my lips at that and look down before making myself smaller in Yoongi's hold.

It's so easy to ignore your pain when you start doing that, but facing it? It's like melted lava slowly crawls under your skin, to your organs until all that is left behind is a raging heart, exposed and painful.

Yesterday already had me reaching a limit with everything that happened.

First with attempting to end my life, then opening my eyes to find myself with my soulmates, it was enough to put all my barriers and defenses down and the crying I did was more than I've allowed myself all my life, but to do it more? When I'm trying so hard to make them give it up, to allow this past of mine to be forgotten, an old nightmare that doesn't need to be remembered?

How do I pretend that I'm fine if every time they try to make me talk about it, it feels like skinning myself alive?

I just can't.

"I'm fine" I can't help but state in response, my walls rising up easily around my heart to keep from feeling anymore unwanted emotions.

All I want now is the happy emotions, I crave them, my heart desperate for them, like getting your first taste of the most addicting drug and now needy for more and more and more because it's my fuel, what helps me function now.

I know it's not healthy, I will still face struggles and negative emotions, but while I can, I want to focus only on the good, even if it means hurting myself more in the process.

I hear multiple sighs, but no one insists, no words are added and I appreciate that, even if the mood sours, even if it becomes slightly heavy and awkward. That's still better than facing the burning hell hiding in the darkest corner of my soul.

"Jungkookie, you want to go choose a movie for us? I think we could all do with something easy to watch for now, something to help us calm down and unwind, hm?" Jin asks and the youngest man, eager to please, nods before crawling to the laptop settled besides the couch on the solid floor.

Namjoon directs Yoongi and Jin so that we can cuddle comfortably in the sea of blankets and pillows, my body like an accessory in the man's arms as he sits down again to resume our previous position, but this time besides Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung who's now sound asleep, completely knocked out after crying so much.

I use my foot to take hold of a random blanket still in the middle of the couch and slide it over myself and around Yoongi's shoulders in a cocoon, watch as Jin uses some of it to cover his legs besides us before we all turn our gaze to the now bright screen on the wall.

"How about Zootopia? It's a cute one, it's fun" Jungkook asks and after a few hums and one "That's a good idea, Jungkookie", he comes to join us right in the middle between Jin and Jimin, his hands going to grab theirs tightly while Namjoon goes to dim the lights before joining us as well, next to Yoongi and I, his warmth as he leans against us both comforting and grounding.

I bring my gaze to Taehyung, on his curled up form tucked in Hoseok's hold, strong arms keeping him safe, heart chagrined because I made him go through that, no one else but me, but I couldn't do any better, facing my emotions is something incredibly terrifying to me and I do much better when I avoid doing that.

Thankfully the movie should keep my thoughts from wandering too much, it will keep my mind busy while my soul bathes in my soulmates' proximity, but I can't help but be annoyed by myself.

My misery all stemmed from not having them with me, from thinking them dead all my life, and now they're besides me, alive and so loving, so why does it still hurt?

It shouldn't have to matter anymore, what I had to go through to reach this point, it all led to them, I really want to believe that, yet it feels like a shadow behind me, grips crawling around my legs and waiting for the right time to pull me back into the dark and cold river where I almost died, where I almost said goodbye to this beating heart.

Can't I just get my forever happy now? Or do I still have such a long road in front of me that I can't even see the end, even now?