I ran up the mountains as far as I could, past rivers and trees, until I was so high up that the air was lighter, and snow covered the ground. I couldn't stop cursing myself with every step I took. I tried not to think about what just happened, of my foolishness to let myself be tricked by a human, but the more I tried to chase the thoughts away, the more I focused on it.

Memories of the past weeks filled my mind, and my anger grew. Moments that felt nice and so real, of tenderness and admiration, turned into a poisoned remedy that I had swallowed gladly. The fool I was, I laughed when I was warned about the danger. I should have known that my kind had my interest in mind to the flaky humans who were too easy to lure into danger. I had given up my pride and purpose for a charming smile and deep eyes that had looked into my soul, or so I wanted to believe.

I slowed down as I reached the higher parts of the mountain, not even sure why I ran for so long. I wanted out of the castle and achieved that hours ago. There was no need for me to continue the escape from my own mistakes. I looked around. I was in an old forest with tall trees reaching so high up that I could barely see the sky. Despite that, the snow had found its way and covered the ground, making my paws sink slightly.

I had a decision to make. Where to now? I was a yokai, and I had one purpose: to toy with and prank humans. But the events from hours ago made me unwilling to be anywhere near humans. The internal dilemma was terrifying. Even if I stayed away from them, wouldn't that mean I was going against my nature? That worked out well last time. As I was sitting in the snow debating on what to do next, a rock fell right in front of me. I jumped away, realizing it could have easily crushed me or hit my head.

I looked up, but there was no cliff or anything, and there was no earthquake I could feel sending a rock my way. I shook that away. I was focusing too much on my imagination when a second rock almost fell on my paw.

I immediately turned into my human form, feeling larger than a fox could protect me. I looked around and saw the faint trace of wings in the trees.

"I see you," I shouted in frustration. "I'm not a human, you idiot!"

I spoke in anger, but frankly, while I was frustrated with the creature, I was mostly angry at myself for everything else. Neither the rocks nor the hiding beast were the reason for my gloomy mood.

"And this is not your forest, kitsune." The voice sounded cracked, and there was more wing flapping of wings before the creature stood in front of me.

I always disliked tengu. They could be rude and evil for no particular reason. Their features lacked elegance, and their tricks and mischief were often juvenile. The one in front of me had the familiar red face of their kind, a body that looked something between a very large human and a monkey, and immense black wings.

"Why are you even here? I doubt humans pass these woods often," I asked as I looked around. The hill was steep, and there was no road. The snow was probably making it even harder for humans to climb up.

"Who said I care about humans passing?" The tengu tilted his head like a curious dog.

"It's your nature to prank them...." I argued stubbornly. It was ironic how I used words like that when I tried to fight my purpose. I tried and failed.

"Says who?" The tengu laughed and looked at me like I had grown a second head. "What is a kitsune doing so far in the mountains?"

I didn't answer. Not because I didn't want to, but because I had not figured out why from all the places I had chosen to be as far from civilization as possible. If I was so determined to restore things to their natural order, I should be somewhere on the road right now, luring an unsuspecting traveler. However, even interacting with another human made me sick and unwilling to be anywhere near their kind. Vengeance filled my heart, but I didn't want to hurt them. My naivety had brought me where I was, and all that anger was for my naive beliefs and childish hopes.

"Don't be offended, but you look terrible. There is this dark glow around you." The tengu waved with a hand, but his wing made a similar gesture.

I looked around, trying to see what he was talking about, but I couldn't see it.

"It's a metaphor, you silly fox." He sighed. "Come, we can share a fire, and you can tell me all about why a kitsune looks like a stray cat."

His words should have offended me, but I was lost and felt as if I had no purpose, so I followed him up the hill to a cave. Neither his kind nor mine needed a fire, but as we walked into the enclosure, the fire was lit, and fish was hanging over it. I sat down and hugged my knees, looking at the flames.

The last time I looked at flames like that was still in Tojiro's castle, and I had been with him, firmly believing that this one human had managed to overrule my nature and our relationship was somehow special.

"So? Why so far from humans?" The tengu finally asked.

"I have nothing to do with them," I responded without lifting my eyes from the flames.

"Well, that is funny because you did greet me that it was my nature to prank them, and it is your nature to trick them...." His grotesque lips curved into a smile.

"A human tricked me." I finally admitted it, and I realized it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

The pain I was feeling in my heart was one of a loss, a future that might never be, and a hope that had been shattered, but this past week, even if it had been a trick, filled me with more purpose than my entire life luring unsuspecting travelers.

"Ah! You allowed a human to be your equal." The tengu shook his head. "Sounds familiar."

"Don't act as if you understand. You don't know anything about that." I hissed in anger. No one could understand what had happened. No one could understand the heartbreak and the pain of loving someone who had used you just as a precious object to show off in front of his retainers and friends.

"You kitsune think you are smarter than everyone and better than all, but you do exactly what we all do." The tengu laughed. "What difference does it make if you lure travelers in the mountain with your charm or make them drawn in rivers."

I had no response to that. I never thought of myself as better than any other yokai, but I also never thought of them. I had my part in the world; they had theirs, and our paths rarely crossed.

"I didn't always live here, you know." He finally continued. "I lived by the river, down next to the fishing village." I wasn't sure why he was even talking, but I was adrift. If the wind blew east, I would move east. If he wanted to have a conversation, I would have it. "I did what our kind always did, I liked the fish, and I also found some kinship in the fishermen. They were respectful, they gave me my due, and for the most part, I let them be. Not counting the days when I was bored." He laughed. "I met a girl once. She was the daughter of a fisherman, and she was helping him carry his catch. She was so beautiful...even your kind cannot create such innocent beauty."

"Why are you telling me that?" I asked after he paused for some time and did not continue speaking.

"Because it is written all over your face, kitsune. A human betrayed you. I don't know if it was a lover's quarrel or a broken friendship, but we yokai don't just run away from humans because we are bored. Our connection with them is far too deep to abandon and pretend it doesn't exist." The tengu shook his grotesque head. "No, we do what we do until something changes, and then we question ourselves, and then comes the disappointment."

There was wisdom in his words, but I initially denied it. Instead of a response, I just looked around the cave. It was dark outside, and flames danced on the stone walls. Being created with purpose was very easy, and even a lazy life. It might take effort to fulfill that purpose, but I never woke up wondering what to do now. Even after I met Tojiro, I found something else, even if that purpose had changed. The need to exist with someone and be next to someone...so many feelings that I have discovered in a such short time and now it was all gone.

I didn't even know what had replaced it. I felt as if I needed to be angry and ask for revenge, but it was all just one emptiness, a lack of desire to do anything. What a human feeling that was! Seeking for purpose when none was visible.

"What happened with that girl?" I finally asked, realizing how long it had passed since either of us spoke.

"I fell in love. I confessed my love, but she rejected my feelings." The tengu sighed. "She married someone else, had children, died of old age...typical human things."

For the first time since we came to the cave, I turned and looked at him, truly looking into his dark eyes, the expression on his face, and the emotion behind his lips. Was it possible I wasn't alone? Yes, yokai and humans shouldn't mix beyond our designated purpose, but was that even possible considering how close we lived? Tojiro had told me about his grandfather finding a dragon on this same mountain and the dragon interacting with him. This tengu had encountered and fallen in love with a human woman...it wasn't rare for us to have relationships with humans beyond what faith designated for us.

"How long ago was that?" I asked. Part of me wanted to share my own experience, but I also found it too painful.

"Long time ago, two human generations perhaps, a bit more." He shrugged as if it was not significant.

"Is there a dragon who lives in this mountain?" I asked with curiosity. This story somehow seemed essential to Tojiro, even if he was not the one who encountered the dragon it had led his life, including part of his desire to meet me. I felt as if this dragon, so many years ago, had led to my faithful meeting with this human.

"A dragon?" The tengu started laughing. "No dragons here. I did, however, pretend to be a dragon once. A lord was walking the mountain. I was upset in my grief, the girl had just died, and even if I wanted to hate her, I mourned her. I wanted to scare the lord, and pretended to be a dragon, but the man wasn't easily scared, so eventually, I talked to him. I told him if he built his castle where her grave was, a great fortune would come to him and his family. I wonder what happened with that..."

My jaw dropped. I shouldn't be surprised, tengu were cunning creatures, but that was more than I could credit them. It didn't matter, but that one event had dictated Tojiro's life and probably his father's before him. That one event filled him with so much purpose turned out to be a simple illusion. In the same way, meeting him had filled me with a new purpose, even if it had been built on a lie.

"It did bring great fortune to his family." I finally responded. "His grandson is a great man." Despite the pain, I believed that. He defended me when he had no reason to do that. He didn't kill me when his retainers were asking for that. He could have, and he didn't.