A/N: Donghyuck is babie :(( Also! Long chapter cause I feel bad for making you wait for so long.
Warnings just in case!! : breakdown, vomiting (from drinking), and a make out session.
—
Donghyuck feels awkward. He's now lying in bed looking up at the ceiling with a pout. He's embarrassed, unmotivated, and heavy. Heavy with everything going on. His breakdowns at the college, Haechan coming back a lot more than before, the change in scenery and routines, and the struggle of keeping everything in.
After Johnny had lectured the three he had come back over and gently took Donghyuck away from Mark and thanked him. He took him home silently. Johnny had stated he was going to work and changed and left so now Donghyuck is alone in the apartment. After Donghyuck had changed into a huge sweatshirt and took off his jeans he laid in bed. He curled up onto his side and felt a hot tear slide down his cheek. He whimpered and started to cry. He's such a damn burden! He grabbed his stuffed bear and held it close to him curling further into a ball as he cried into a pillow. His settle crying turned into sobs and those sobs were muffled by him burying his face in the bear's soft tummy. He's just so... tired. He has no one to talk to because Johnny is at work, he doesn't want to bother his older brother or hyungs at school. And his mom and dad... god he surely can't bother them. They've dealt with him for a very long time. Every since they adopted him at age 8. Guilt was overpowering him so much. He depended too much on people and now he's lost and confused and can't do anything by himself. He even depends on Haechan too much. Haechan is independent and strong. Sure he gets in trouble by at least he isn't a burden like Donghyuck. He cried harder and screamed into the soft belly of the bear, the red bow on its neck tickled his forehead.
Soon he had no more tears to cry. His eyes red and puffy and sore from the consistent crying, his nose stuffy, and cheeks itchy due to the dried tears. He was so exhausted from his breakdown that he fell asleep.

When Donghyuck wakes up he doesn't expect it to be Jaehyun. He blinked a few times. "Jaehyun hyung?" He whispered.
"Hey man, Johnny wanted me to wake you up. He brought back dinner and a few of the guys" Jaehyun seemed to hesitate for a moment before speaking. Donghyuck slowly sat up still holding his bear, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment realizing that he was still holding the old toy but Jaehyun didn't seem to pay attention. "I also wanted to check up on you since earlier was probably very stressful" he said. Donghyuck nodded.
"Uh yeah. I'm okay now. Thank you hyung" he smiled brightly.
"No problem" Jaehyun smiled back with his perfect dimples and got off the side of the bed and left the room. Donghyuck set the bear aside and got up. He made sure to look at least a bit presentable and put some pants on and hoped his eyes weren't too puffy. He walked out and saw all of Johnny's—and his?—friends. "Hyuckie!" Taeil exclaimed softly and walked over and hugged him. Donghyuck let himself melt into the older's arms. Once Taeil let go Donghyuck was beckoned over by Johnny who asked for help with the plates. Donghyuck noticed the pizza boxes and raised a brow.
"Johnny messed up the original dish before we got here so we bought pizza" Taeyong said and Donghyuck nodded with a knowing smile.
"You don't have to throw my failures in my face" Johnny groaned and everyone laughed. Donghyuck smiled and gave his brother a comforting squeeze on the arm. Everyone collected a few slices and went to the small living room where they crammed together and ate. "Come on, please let's watch a scary movie" Yuta said and wiped the sauce off of the corner of his mouth with his thumb.
"No way!" Jungwoo pouted.
"It's a school night, no scary movies" Johnny said with a flat tone.
"Okay dad" Doyoung said and everyone laughed at that. Donghyuck couldn't help but look at Mark. His nose scrunched from laughing. He's very cute when he does that. Donghyuck looked away blushing and took a bite of his pizza. Instead they put on a comedy and everyone was laughing. Donghyuck finished his pizza and took a few empty plates to the sink so he could wash them even though Johnny told him he'd do it later. He smiled and said he could do it. Donghyuck needed out of the room anyways, it was starting to feel crowded with the amount of people and the loud laughing; he loves them, he does, but his anxiety spiked a bit. He set the plates in the sink and turned on the faucet letting the water warm up before he started to scrub each plate one by one with soap and made sure to rinse it off and put them neatly on the drying rack.
"How are you feeling?" Someone suddenly said behind him and he yelped and fumbled with the plate he was holding and it started falling. No shatter was heard, Mark had caught it. "Woah, sorry I didn't mean to scare you" he said and offered the plate back. Donghyuck took the plate saying a small thank you and putting it on the drying rack.
"It's okay, it was unexpected" he laughed it off. Mark smiled and dried his hands that were wet from the plate.
"So uh, how have you been?" Mark repeated himself.
"I've been good hyung" he lied, he felt bad for lying. It wasn't exactly a complete lie though right? "And you?" He questioned and looked up at Mark. Mark smiled.
"I'm good, stressed with school but that's it ya know?" He said and pointed behind him with his thumb. "Should we go back to the living room?" He asked. Donghyuck nodded and the two walked back out. Donghyuck was itching to he held, to be comforted. I bit his lip and looked over at Johnny, and then Taeil, and then Jaehyun. Would they let him cuddle? He must've stood there for too long because Mark had grabbed his hand gently.
"Are you gonna sit down?" He asked.
"Oh uh yeah" he said and sat down on the large beanbag Johnny had bought about a week ago. He grabbed a blanket and met Johnny's eyes who was looking at them wearily. Donghyuck mouthed 'cuddle later?' with a pout and Johnny fell for it with a nod and looked back at the TV.
"I'll be back" Donghyuck said and got up. He walked to his room and grabbed his favorite fluffy blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders and then walked back.
"You look comfortable" Yuta smiled.
"Mhm!" Donghyuck smiled and sat back down by Mark.
"Hey share" Mark said and Donghyuck considered it before passing over a bit and moved closer in order to share it. Mark wrapped it around his shoulder and pulled it around himself and moved even closer, their thighs touching. Doyoung stole the remote and started flipping channels.

Donghyuck was getting tired, everyone around him were talking and some were suggesting Uno. Johnny went to search his closet for the game while the others created a circle on the floor. "You joining Hyuck?" Jungwoo questioned. Donghyuck shrugged.
"Feeling tired Hyung" he said and rubbed his eyes. Doyoung cooed and patted his leg.
"Didn't you just nap?" Jaehyun chuckled. Donghyuck laughed.
"Yeah haha" he said. Johnny came back with the card game.
"Okay found it" he said and set it in the middle of the floor. "Tired Hyuck?" He asked.
"Yeah just a little" he yawned.
"Go take an hour nap" Johnny smiled. Donghyuck nodded and raised his arms and then realized what he was doing—which was asking to be picked up—so he quickly pretended to be stretching. He blushed as he got up letting Mark keep the blanket.
"Rest well Donghyuck" some said and others waved.
"Thank you!" He smiled and shuffled back to his room. He shut the door quietly and laid back down.

—

Haechan woke up feeling groggy. He sighed and sat up and got out of bed. He looked down at his outfit and raised a brow. He changed into more decent clothing, darker clothing of course to feel more like himself. If he remembers correctly Johnny might still have friends over. He heard Taeyong shout "uno!" Proving his assumption was correct. He sighed as he walked out to the living room.
"Ready to join us-" Yuta started to say and then raised his eyebrows in confusion.
"Going somewhere?" Doyoung asked. Donghyuck shrugged.
"I might go out for a bit" he tried to say in a soft voice.
"Where to?" Johnny asked looking at Haechan. Haechan already knew Johnny figured out who he was.
"Convince store to grab some snacks" he lied.
"Okay, be safe" Johnny said.
"Want some company?" Mark asked with that goofy smile of his. Haechan politely declined.
"No thanks hyung, I'll be okay!" He said as he grabbed his keys and quickly headed out. He walked out of the building and down the street. It was almost completely dark out now, street lamps illuminated the sidewalk. He plugged in his headphones and played his playlist he had saved and strolled along down the sidewalk. He debated on going to the club two blocks away and decided to do so.

Once he arrived he quickly made it in by flashing his I.D and went straight to the bar and sat down on the plush, red leather seats. The bartender, a handsome and tall man, walked over and asked for his order. He simply ordered a coke and rum and the man nodded and went to grab his desired drinks and slid them over. Haechan thanked him and glanced at his name tag. Namjoon. He started to sip his drink and looked around. The rainbow lights, the smell of sweat and beer and a tinge of pot, music blaring from the speakers, people dancing and grinding on the dance floor. It felt nice, felt the adrenaline kick in as he continued to drink. Girls and guys sitting together and laughing. People making out no matter the gender, people dancing on poles as others cheered them on. Haechan smiled and continued to drink. He thought of dancing, when he was about to grab his wallet to pay a man sat beside him.
"You have a pretty smile" he said and Haechan looked at him and smirked.
"Thanks" he said and saw his drink was now empty.
"Let me buy you a drink" the man said. Haechan nodded.
"Sure, that's a good offer" he smiled. The man ordered him a margarita and also one for himself.
"What's your name?" The man asked.
"Haechan, yours?" Haechan questions taking a drink of the liquid and smiled at the feeling of it soothing down his throat.
"Mingi; it's nice to meet you beautiful" he said. Haechan finished his drink quickly.
"Let's dance Mingi" he said and got up. Mingi paid for all the drinks and Haechan dragged his to the dance floor where they started to dance. Swaying their bodies, lifting their arms in the air, and getting closer and closer. Mingi moved his hands to Haechan's hips and gripped them as Haechan ran his hands down his body.

About 30 minutes later Haechan was getting a bit worn out. "Okay Mingi, I need a break" he panted. Mingi laughed and nodded. Haechan felt hot, his cheeks are flushed, and his vision blurry from the drinks.
"Want me to call you an uber? I don't think you can stay much longer, you look tired" Mingi said.
"Nah I can walk, it's not that far away" he said and Mingi led him off the dance floor and towards a wall. Mingi rested his arm by the side of Haechan's head and placed a hand on the younger's hip.
"Walking home all drunk? Not a bright idea" Mingi said. "I could call someone for you" he offered. Haechan looked at Mingi's lips and felt the desire to kiss him. So he did. He grabbed the taller's collar and got on his tiptoes a bit and smashed his mouth onto his. Mingi immediately responded, pushing Haechan against the wall and putting his hands under his shirt holding his waist, and biting his bottom lip and then continuing to kiss the life out of him. Haechan opened his mouth and Mingi dived his tongue in immediately. Haechan pulled at his hair and had to separate for a second for a breath. Mingi pressed him further into the wall and soon pulled himself away. "Fuck you're a great kisser" Mingi said and Haechan laughed.
"You're not too bad yourself" he said and patted the male's chest. Mingi removed his hands.
"Let me walk you home okay? It's the least I could do" he said. Haechan soon agreed and they headed out.

Evenually they made it to Johnny's apartment and Haechan was starting to feel needy again, god, Mingi is such a good kisser and handsome. He grabbed the back of Mingi's neck. "Can I kiss you again?" He whispered and Mingi nodded. Haechan kissed him and was shoved against the door causing a thump. "Not so rough, my brother is home" Haechan pulled back to whisper and went right back to kissing. Mingi nodded and picked Haechan up causing the younger to laugh.
"Think he's asleep?" Mingi whispered.
"Maybe" Haechan said and Mingi started kissing his neck. Haechan lost himself in the sensation. He let himself drop from Mingi and opened the door and stumbled in backwards and Mingi shut the door behind him and quickly pinned Haechan to the counter top and continued to attack his neck.
"Donghyuck?" Haechan heard Johnny and whacked Mingi on the shoulder lightly.
"Stop" he whispered and Mingi pulled away and wiped his mouth. Johnny came into sight and Haechan saw he mouth turn down and his eyes narrow.
"Who the fuck are you?" He asked, protective big brother mode on. Haechan sighed.
"He was just leaving" he said. Jaehyun made a grand entrance.
"Yo what's—oh" he said a bit awkwardly. Great. Mingi rubbed the back of his neck.
"Uh yeah, I'll just go" he said and he left quickly, Johnny must've scared him off. Johnny walked over and sniffed him.
"Shit you smell like alcohol, go shower" he sighed and Haechan rolled his eyes.
"Whatever" he said and walked off grumbling about a cock block.
He passed the living room where he saw only a few people stayed. Mark, Taeil, Jaehyun, and Doyoung. He waved and walked to his room feeling aggravated. How hard is it to get some action? He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Someone walked into his room and shut the door. He sat up and saw Johnny approach and then sit in the desk chair.
"Haechan" Johnny said and rested his elbows on his knees.
"I don't need a stupid lecture John" he said and rested on his palms.
"That was dangerous Haechan, you can't just... do that" he said and pushed his fingers through his hair. Johnny looks tired, stressed even. Haechan sighed ultimately feeling bad.
"I won't do it again, sorry" he said and looked down. Johnny placed a hand on Haechan's knee.
"It's okay, just worried me. Please be safe when you do that stuff" Johnny said and took his hand away.
"I will" he said and Johnny got up and ruffled Haechan's hair.
"I was serious about the shower, you smell like alcohol and sweat" he chuckled. Haechan pushed his hand away and laughed.
"Whatever" he said back jokingly. Johnny left and Haechan took a deep breath and got up, still a bit dizzy from the alcohol in his system. He grabbed some pajamas and walked to the bathroom and shut the door and locked it. He grabbed a towel from the cabinet and hung it on the hook on the wall and turned on the shower.

After he was done he brushed his teeth and walked out with his clothing he wore earlier and put it in his hamper and walked to the main part of the apartment and saw everyone had left, he saw Johnny on the couch going through the mail and bills. "Hey, I'm gonna head to bed" Haechan said and Johnny looked over.
"Okay, night. Sleep well Haechanie" Johnny said.
"Night man" Haechan said and walked away and back to his room. He shut the door and turned off his light and used his flashlight to navigate through his room and plopped down on his bed. Donghyuck doesn't have classes tomorrow so he's free to sleep in. He put his phone on the charger and turned on his fan. He got under the comfortable covers and yawned and rested his head on his pillow with a sigh. He quickly fell asleep.
—

When Donghyuck woke up he felt like his insides were going to come up through his throat. He stumbled out of bed and hurried to the bathroom where he opened the toilet lid and immediately started puking. He heard footsteps and then pats on his back. "Get it all out" Johnny said tiredly. Donghyuck teared up from the acid burning his throat. Once he was done he sat back against the shower wall and wiped his mouth on his sleeve and cringed at the taste on his lip. "I'll grab you a bottle of water" Johnny said and got up and popped his neck. He walked out and Donghyuck felt bad cause Johnny was yet again taking care of him.
Soon Johnny came back and crouched down and handed Donghyuck the bottle and Donghyuck gulped it down. Johnny ran his fingers through Donghyuck's hair and Donghyuck stopped drinking and wiped his mouth once more.
"What happened last night hyung?" He asked and Johnny sat down by him and Donghyuck leaned against him.
"Haechan went out drinking" he said and Donghyuck nodded.
"My head hurts" Donghyuck whispered. Johnny nodded and got up and helped Donghyuck to his feet and opened the medicine cabinet and handed over two ibuprofen. Donghyuck took it as Johnny flushed the toilet and washed his hands.
"I'll make breakfast" Johnny said and walked out. Donghyuck brushed his teeth and then put his toothbrush back in the cup after he finished and rinsed his mouth. He looked in the mirror and gasped. Bruises were on his neck, red and purple littered around and he pouted and wiped his eyes. He sped walked out of the bathroom and to the kitchen where Johnny was cooking some eggs.
"Hyungie" Donghyuck said.
"Yes Donghyuck?" Johnny yawned.
"D-did Haechan do something dirty last night?" He asked and crossed his arms as if he were protecting his body. Johnny turned and Donghyuck saw how his eyes widened and then went to his neck. He sighed and rubbed his head and flipped the eggs.
"He made out with someone" he answered.
"W-who?" He asked.
"I don't know" Johnny said and Donghyuck looked down and bit his lip.
"Did he have... um... you know" Donghyuck said and played with his fingers. Johnny finished the eggs and set them aside and started making some toast.
"I highly doubt it" Johnny answered.
"Are you sure?" Donghyuck asked feeling fearful. His body doesn't hurt so he was a bit hopeful. Johnny sighed.
"I really don't know but I doubt it cause he came home completely dressed" Johnny answered and started buttering the toast. Donghyuck sat down at the kitchen island.
"Where did he go?" Donghyuck asked and Johnny set the knife down and groaned.
"I really don't fucking know Donghyuck" he raised his voice. Donghyuck flinched and picked his nails.
"S-sorry" he ducked his head down and a plate was pushed in front of him.
"No, no, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have raised my voice. I just have a headache" Johnny said and walked around the counter, turned Donghyuck gently, and embraced him and ran his fingers through his hair.
"It's okay, sorry for annoying you" Donghyuck said into his chest.
"You're not annoying. I just... I'm a bit stressed out" Johnny said, "I shouldn't have taken it out on you."
"It's okay. Do you want me to sing for you?" Donghyuck asked and Johnny pulled away and nodded.
"Will you?" He asked. Donghyuck nodded and they left the kitchen leaving the plates of food. Johnny walked to the couch and sat down. Donghyuck sat on the end and Johnny rested his head on his lap. Donghyuck grabbed the blanket hanging on the back of the couch and covered Johnny up and then started to run his fingers through his Johnny's hair and started singing a lullaby. Soon Donghyuck noticed Johnny was asleep and smiled down at his older brother. He wished he could help. He had a feeling he was part of Johnny's stress. He grabbed his phone and started playing a random game.

About an hour and a half later Johnny woke up. Donghyuck watched as his brother sat up. "Feel better?" Donghyuck asked.
"Yeah, thanks Hyuckie" Johnny smiled at him and then checked the time on his phone. He got up and kissed Donghyuck's forehead. "I have work soon, I gotta get ready" he said and Donghyuck watched as he shuffled out and to the bathroom. Maybe I should get a job too. Donghyuck thought and went to the kitchen to clean the dishes from the breakfast they didn't eat. He finished and dried his hands and walked back to his room and went to his desk. He sat down crisscrossed on his chair and opened his laptop and put in his password and went to Google Crome. Jobs near me. He had to put in his ZIP Code and scrolled through the various websites as he bit his lip feeling a bit worried. Would they hired someone with DID? He sat back and then a random thought. Would someone date a person with DID? Thinking of that made him feel lonely. He curled up a bit and Johnny opened his door dressed in work clothes. Donghyuck minimized the tab on his computer and Johnny hugged him goodbye.
"I'll be back soon. Text me if you need me" he said. He nodded and smiled. Johnny left shutting his door behind him. Donghyuck heard him leave and opened the tab once more but his thoughts returned to the dating question. He had a image in his head of him holding hands with a guy and walking around and going on dates and having fun. He thought of kissing someone, hugging them, waking up to them in the morning. But he knows Haechan isn't one to like relationships. That worried him. Will anyone love him for him? Romantically and unconditionally? Would he ever get married or be alone forever? He hugged himself and rested his chin on his knees. Gosh, if he ever got with someone would he be a burden? Would they think he's technically cheating on them if Haechan goes out and hooks up with people? He was scared and lonely and just depressed. He started to cry and whimpered. He was tired of crying, he wished he wasn't such a crybaby. It'd be easier. He wished he could live a happy life. He's happy don't get him wrong but he wishes for a normalish life like getting a job, meeting new people and not being in constant fear, or no nightmares. He sighed and buried his face in his knees. He pulled his hair trying to distract him from all these thoughts. He feels so bad for all the stuff he's put his family through. He grabbed his headphones and went to Spotify on his phone and plugged them in and played his favorite playlist trying to lift his mood. He got up out of his chair and placed his phone in his pocket of his pajama pants and started to clean his room. When there was nothing to clean anymore in his room he moved around the around sweeping and dusting the shelves and wiping the counters. He can do this. He can take care of himself. He can help himself get better.

But somewhere in the back of his mind he doubted it.
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A/N: according to Wattpad this is 25 pages :^)