Here we see you, Grif, Simmons, and Sarge standing by Red Base and you all are looking at the camera and giving out a PSA.

(Y/N): "Hello everyone, I'm Agent California and this is Simmons, Grif, and Sarge."

Simmons: "And if you have been watching the news lately, first of all I'm sorry and second I'm sure you heard about microplastics."

Grif: "The word Microplastics like the substance itself is in everyone's mouth these days."

(Y/N): "Unlike a certain group of succubi."

Apple: *Off-screen* "You know we can't resist your little sausage between your legs sweetie."

(Y/N): "I nearly died from that!"

Verosika: *Off-screen* "We said we're sorry!"

Grif: "Okay....anyways we're here to shine some light on it on the subject."

Sarges: "Chances are by the time we've been talking you have already consumed some form of synthetic material, from the plastic coating inside your to-go coffee cup to the pen cap you're chewing on right now because you're nervous about microplastics."

(Y/N): "To the plastic sex toys owned by a certain blue haired general used to nearly break my sanity and almost killed me from overstimulation, I had play dead just to get out of there. Right Esdeath!?"

Esdeath: *offscreen*"You know that I can't resist the screams of my tortured victims."

(Y/N): "Tell that to my butt! I've been bleeding out from the butt for weeks!"

Esdeath: *Off-screen* "Sorry!"

Simmons: "Man it's a miracle that you have so many sex crazed women dating you and be still alive."

(Y/N): "Thank god that Alcina Dimitrescu hasn't appeared yet in the main story or my life would be over."

Grif: "...Right, Anyways-"

Simmons: "You see plastics never break down, they're the 1996 Honda Accord of Ubiquitous man made substances."

Sarge: "Plastic many street names but you can call them: Poly Methacrylate, Polycarbonate, Polyethylene, Polypropylene, Polyvinyl Chloride. My favorite."

Grif: "And these polys also dig our vibe and love being inside us."

Simmons: "Apparently the average person consumes a credit card's worth of plastic every week without even knowing it."

(Y/N): "Or in my case, have a dildo that is as tall as the average human shoved up my butt because someone one wants to see if it's possible, right Courtney!?"

Courtney: *Off-screen* "It was Izzy's idea!"

(Y/N): "Tell that to my hospital bill! And my ass!"

Grif: "Okay aside from (Y/N)'s girlfriends shoving things up his ass, it's like having 8 spiders we eat in our sleep every year, I guess you could use skee-ball prize tickets and kill two birds with one stone."

(Y/N): "Yeah except it's kinda hard to eat anything for months after the SEX TOYS RUINING MY DISGESTIVE SYSTEM! Right Izzy!?"

Leshawna: *off screen*"We tried to stop her!"

(Y/N): "The doctor has to surgically remove the dildo in my stomach! The next hospital bill will be on your wallet!"

Sarge: "Uh..."

Simmons: "(Y/N), I am so sorry that happened to you."

Grif: "Remind me never to date anyone that's like my sister."

Sarge: "While everyone yapping about eating microplastics, no one's talking about eating macroplastics which when properly prepared are a delicious source of brominated flame retardants and scrumptious pigment dyes, mmmhmm."

(Y/N): "Or in more simple English, eat plastic. And speaking of your sister Grif, she made me put on butt plugs like a horse and my ass is sore!"

Grif: "What!? Kaikaina, you are not ready to date anyone! You know better!"

Kaikaina: *offscreen*"I got the invite from Izzy!"

Grif: "Of course you did."

Simmons: "Are you seriously eating that garbage?"

Sarge: "Absolutely if we eat plastics anyway they should at least taste good."

Simmons: "How do you even prepare plastic?"

Sarge: "You can read all my favorite recipes in my new macroplastics Harm to Table. There's my chicken corded blue which uses only the finest ethernet cable but for those on a budget a jump rope will do in a pinch."

Grif: "Well this is the first for Grif, I don't think I have an appetite anymore."

Sarge: "Oh and if you're counting calories I recommend my slimming Turkey Cellophane Wraps, really cling to your ribs and summer backyard would be complete without my mouth watering Sloppy Hose, that's right a garden hose. You get it, just eat plastic."

Simmons: "Yeah I think I'm gonna pass on this diet."

(Y/N): "For some reason I like this diet."

Sarge: "Are you sure, it encourages foraging, it helps to get pollution out of the environment and into your pantry. Sure you might have to fight off some pesky raccoons but my homestyle spaghetti and meat bottles are worth it."*in a italian accent*"Mmm, that's a spicy meat bottle."

(Y/N): "What's for dessert? Straw Berry Shortcake?"

Sarge: "Oh I see you've already read the book."

Grif: "Wait, if you make an original meal out of leftover containers, what do you call it and what do you call the leftovers from that meal? This conversation is hurting my brain."

Simmons: "Studies about the effects of microplastics on the human body are currently underway but we can already see the negative effects in the ocean as plastics are killing more turtles than a certain italian plumber."

Grif: "Where did you hear that?"

Simmons: "I accidentally subscribed to marine life magazine thinking it was about soldiers."

(Y/N): "Or in my case, enough used condoms that piled up to the height of Mount Everest because of a one night stand with your girlfriends."

You then point to a large pile of used condoms that is directly behind Red Base as Sarge, Simmons, and Grif were horrified at the sight.

Simmons: "Wow...."

Grif: "That's not physically possible!"

Sarge: "My eyes are scarred for life!"

Then there was smoke coming out of the base and a buzzer was heard.

Sarge: "Well my pool noodle casserole is done, mmmhmm, yummy I can smell the polychlorinated basinals now. Who wants some of this?"

(Y/N): "Not hungry!"

We then see you, Simmons, and Grif run away and Sarge sees you running.

Sarge: "Working up an appetite I see, I'll save some for you boys. Mmmhmm, this is good eating."

Next: Chapter 8: Meeting Superheroes