EIGHT.
the forgotten!

❝ some days, i feel everything at once. other days, i feel nothing at all. i don't know what's worse: drowning beneath the waves or dying from the thirst ❞

⎯ unknown, via pinterest

REINE IS LOST in her memories.

    It usually doesn't hit her this hard, but today they crash over her, a tidal wave of emotions that break her heart in two and leave her scrambling to find footing. She's young, still figuring out the ways of the world, so these hit her hard. They hit her hard and without remorse.

    They're back on the jet, changed out of their uniforms, and now sit in different spots around the belly of the ship. Bucky is on top of a pile of crates, his head hung and his hands in his lap. Sam lays along the wall. Reine is farther away, on the floor near the back of the room. Her knees are up to her chest, and her head rests against them, looking down into her lap.

    Though she doesn't see anything.

    Her eyes are closed, sealed shut by the ache of tears that sprout along her eyelids. Her hands are shaking, only slightly, the nerves torn to shreds under her skin. All the blood is gone, but she can still feel it seeping down her skin, hot and putrid, sticking to the hairs along her hand, a burning crimson.

    The florescent lights that surround them are a blur in her eyes, and memories barricade Reine inside herself.

    It is one year that Bucky has been living with them. Night shadows over the city like a blanket, and for little Reine, it's as if the whole world has gone to bed. The girl herself is nestled under her covers, warmth cocooning her as she hugs her stuffed teddy bear and tucks her neck into Bucky's oversized red t-shirt. Her sweat-slicked hair hangs in strands around her tan, round, face.

    Mama has always said Reine was beautiful. Bucky says she'll have no shortage of suitors, whatever that means, when she grows up. Reine likes this. She likes knowing she'll be good when she's older. Mama and her have been called mean things before, things that chip away at the naive girl's heart. She doesn't know what they mean, but she does know that they're not compliments. They're never compliments.

    Mama has told her countless times to forget it, to hold her head up high and forget all about them. So Reine has. Every time an intimidating tourist or an exchange student at her school makes a faceat her, Reine gives them the best death glare she can. She defends the others at her school, too. She fights back against the bullies and the mean girls who laugh at how Reine's skin is paler than theirs, that Reine's papa, whoever he was, wasn't Hispanic.

    Reine doesn't understand it. No yet, anyway, so it's harder for the others to get under her skin.

    Her rampant thoughts are interrupted by a small noise. She peels back her eyes slowly, and cranes her neck to look at her closed door. The noise comes again, and this time she hears it more clearly. A whimper, like the ones she sometimes lets out when she pokes at bruises on her legs.

    Reine sits up, shaking off the dream that edges along her mind, and pushes the covers off her. The whimpers, louder this time, sound from in front of her. Then, quietly, a door opens. Mama's door. Reine purses her lips. That means the sound is coming from Bucky.

    Reine gets to her feet, limbs aching, and walks over to the door, opening it silently. Her usually clumsy hands, filled with a strength she still hasn't been able to manage, move like a mountain cat. Her feet make no noise as she tiptoes down the hall. The whimpers getting louder, now combined with the sound of someone moving on the ground.

    When she rounds the corner, she's met with the sight of Bucky being cradled in Mama's arms, his eyes closed shut so tight it looks like he's in pain. Marina sits behind him, her hands wrapped around him. Bucky's metal arm clenches and releases, his legs shaking under his thin blanket.

    In all the time Reine has known Bucky Barnes, she's never once seen him go to sleep anywhere else but the floor. Now that Mama and him have kissed, Marina has offered many times for him to share her bed with him, but every time he refuses, needing to be on the wooden tile of the living room, barely any support under his muscular back.

    This is where he is now, shirtless and sweating, his long hair draped over his clenched face. Reine puts her hands on the wall, peering around the corner. She watches, not saying anything. The pain on Bucky's face is all to familiar, and it scares Reine.

     She has nightmares too, dreams that turn dark, that make the bad men that harass her on the street become monsters that chase her in her mind. The edges are red, a burnt ruby that reminds Reine of the pits of fire, underneath the ash, where it's hottest. She has the same symptoms, too. The sweating, the whimpering, the fear. This is why Reine doesn't move, why she doesn't go to help Mama.

    "Bucky, Bucky." Marina says soothingly, pushing a strand of his hair away from his face. "Despierta, Bucky, Despierta." Bucky shakes his head, almost hitting Mama's face. She doesn't wince, she just looks more determined.

    Reine looks at her mother's face. It's free of makeup, and she glows like an angel. Reine often thinks her mother is from another world, somewhere heavenly. From what she's seen, there's no one else as kind, and there never will be.

    "You're safe," Marina whispers, still holding onto Bucky as firm as she can. "You're safe, Bucky."

    The man's eyes open instantly. He bolts upright, and Marina doesn't have the strength to stop him. She leans back, pursing her lips, as Bucky heaves in breaths, gulping in air. When he looks up, Reine has never seen more terrifying eyes. They burn, as if they're filled with fire, and Reine takes a step back. Bucky keeps his gaze on the girl, which alerts Marina of her daughter's presence.

    Instantly, her mother is up and walking over to her, and Reine doesn't hesitate to run and jump into her arms. Bucky watches them from the ground, heaving.

    "Why are you still awake?" she asked soothingly, and Reine tucked her head into her mother's shoulder. Marina turns away so that she is facing Bucky and Reine is looking at the wall. The woman looks down to the man on the floor, and he peers up at her with pleading eyes.

    A million apologies run through him, Marina can see it plain on his face. A hundred sorry's. A thousand forgive me's. Marina nods, and Bucky blows out a breath.

    Reine is carried out of the room, waving goodbye to Bucky as they leave. He slowly waves back.

    It goes on like that for three more months.

    Reine is pulled back to the present as her step-father's voice rings out through the silent ship.

    "Let's take the shield, Sam." Reine looks up, her eyes narrowing across the room. Bucky looks over to her, his face like hardened stone. Reine meets his gaze firmly, her arms around her knees, and Bucky purses his lips. There's a flash of something in his eyes, but Reine is too distracted to try and figure out what it means.

    Sam sits up instantly, his eyes trained on Bucky, who sits forward with his elbows and his knees, jaw clenched tightly.

    "Let's take the shield and do this ourselves." Bucky continues, turning back to the ground. Reine is frozen in place. Her lips quiver.

    "We can't just run up on the man, beat him up, and take it." Sam argues.

    "Why not?" Reine mumbles under her breath, but only Bucky is able to hear her, his heightened senses picking up on the hint of sarcasm laced between her words.

    "Do you remember what happened the last time we stole it?" Sam asks, and his head swivels towards Reine.

    "Maybe." Bucky says, his voice hoarse.

    "I'll help you in case you forgot." Sam answers softly. "Sharon was branded enemy of the state, Steve and I were on the run for two years, and you had to leave Marina and Reine." the girl in question stiffens, biting down onto her tongue. Bucky's numb look turns into a glare.

    "I don't know about you." Sam continues. "But I don't wanna live the rest of my life la vida loca, and I don't think she wants to either." Sam points to Reine, and Bucky passes his gaze over her young face. Reine's eyes are hard to keep hold of, and her usual spark of mischief has died out.

    Everything that once made her the fun, alarming little girl, it's all gone.

    "We just got our ass handed to us by Super Soldiers," Sam says. "We found out that Reine is one of 'em, and we got nothing." Reine nods her head slowly, clenching her fists.

    A super soldier. The girl rests her head against the wall, looking up to the ceiling. She's a super soldier. It makes sense, it explains why she's always been the way she is, but that doesn't make it any less shocking, any less heartbreaking.

    How? How is it possible? Then, the more terrifying question. Did Mama know?

    "Not entirely true." Bucky's voice is barely a whisper, but it's enough to make the air leave Reine's lungs. Sam looks over to the girl, and they share the same confusion on their faces.

    After a moment, Bucky looks up again, getting himself up from the box he sits upon. Reine stares up as well. Bucky walks forward, looking at Reine. She crosses her arms, wanting nothing more than to tuck her entire body into the folds of her hoodie.

    Bucky walks towards her, lumbering like he regrets even getting up. Reine's brows furrow. His figure casts a shadow over her face, and Reine barely sees the glint of his metal hand reaching towards her.

    For several moments, the girl does nothing but stare at him. It should be simple, taking his hand, getting up, leaning into him. She's done it before, found comfort in the only person she trusts completely, the only person besides Mama she's loved with her whole, fractured, poisoned heart.

    She should want to be close to him now. With her mother gone and the revelation that she's a super soldier weighing heavy against her youthful body, Reine should need bucky more than ever. He's also a super soldier, he has the serum running through his veins, he's been through this before.

    But right now, all Reine wants is to be alone. She doesn't care if the memories of a better time consume her, of her dead mother coming to her in the night like a ghost. She doesn't care. Anything would be better than here, with the feeling of blood still on her hands, the anger welling up inside her, threatening to swallow her whole.

    Reine takes a deep breath, filling her insides with air, as if that will reassure her that she is still alive, that she is still human. It's a dramatic thought, but Reine Castell was never known to be subtle.

    Finally, Reine reaches up and grabs Bucky's hand, allowing herself to stand. Together, they walk over and sit beside Sam. When they get to the seats, Reine takes her hand out of Bucky's, putting them back in her lap.

    Her step-father's jaw tightens.

    He looks at Sam, eyes sad. "There is someone that you should meet."

A couple hours later, the trio finds themselves walking down a nearly deserted street in a neighborhood in Baltimore, Maryland. Both Reine and Sam are stiff with confusion, not understanding why they're here. Reine looks around at her surroundings.

The streets are cracked and overgrown with ivy. The houses are small and remind Reine of the houses back in Madrid, in the parts of town that were not infested with tourists. There's a rigid air about the place. In New York, Reine never feels like that is home. Everywhere is too busy, too crowded, and everyone is always rushing to be somewhere else.

But not here, here it feels.... Reine doesn't know how to describe it. She's never been good with putting her thoughts out in a cohesive manner, even when she spoke almost everything in her native language. Her mother always said she was better at expressing her thoughts through movement than words, and that that was nothing to be ashamed of. actions speak louder than words, Marina told her.

    Reine isn't so sure anymore. There are a million things she's thinking right now, but not one of them she is strong enough to speak out loud.

    "Hey, it's the Black Falcon! What's up?" a small, childlike voice pulls Reine's attention to a small boy sitting alongside his friend on the fence. He stands up instantly, smiling widely. Reine cocks her head to the side.

    "It's just Falcon, kid." Sam says, a hint of a laugh in his voice. Reine and Bucky say nothing.

    "No, no." the kid argues. "My daddy told me it's Black Falcon." Sam slowly halts to a stop in front of him. Bucky and Reine turn back to look at him.

    "Is it because I'm black and I'm the Falcon?" he asks.

    "Well technically, I mean, yes." the boy answers, stumbling over his words.

    "So are you, like," Sam says, and Reine can't help but smile a little bit. "Black Kid?" the moment he says it, both boys sigh, rolling their eyes at Sam. The older man laughs and gestures to the boy's friend. "I got him, right?"

    "Whatever, man." the kid says, and sits back down as Sam walks away, back towards Reine, who now stands alone as Bucky makes his way up the steps. Sam claps a hand on her back and Reine leans into him. Together, the two climb up the steps of an older house, slightly shabby but clearly well-loved.

    After a moment, an older boy walks up behind the screen door, watching them with a hint of suspicion in his eyes. Though it's hard to see the boy fully in the darkness of the house, Reine has to admit that he looks kind of handsome. He reminds her of the boys at her old school, where every time they looked at the girls, their faces lit up, as if they knew a secret no one else did.

    Reine used to want to beat those boys up, but now she finds herself forcing her hand not to reach up and fix her hair.

    "We're here to see Isaiah." Bucky says softly.

    The boy looks at each of them in turn, and Reine suddenly becomes very interested in her shoes. "Nobody named Isaiah live here." the boy replies.

    Bucky sighs. "Look, we just want to talk to him." Reine bites the inside of her cheek. Her and Sam share a look. What is going on?

    "You must not hear what I just said." the boy replies, more forcefully this time. "You ain't getting in this house." Usually, Reine would make a remark, or do something less polite when someone talks to anyone like the way this boy has, but somehow, she knows that will only make things worse. "Y'all can leave now."

    "Tell him the guy from the bar in Goyang is here." Bucky continues, and Reine's eyebrows furrow. She's heard a lot of stories from the days of the Winter Soldier, but Bucky's never mentioned this one. "He's gonna know what that means."

    The boy gives them all a skeptical looks, but after a moment nods and disappears into the dimly lit house. He shuts the door behind him.

    "Nice kid." Sam remarks. "How do you know this guy?" Reine nods slowly, her curiosity brazen in the pit of her stomach.

    "I used to." Bucky replies solemnly. "We had a skirmish during the Korean War." At that moment, the door opens again, and Reine's breath is trapped behind her ribcage. There's another figure in the room now as the boy opens up the door, allowing them through.

    "Today's your lucky day." he says, and stares at Reine as she passes him, sticking close to Sam and Bucky. She holds in a breath as the door closes behind them. The man before them, the figure she saw, is older, with broad shoulders, greying hair, and bronze skin.

    "He said he wanna see for himself." the boy continues. The man walks closer to them, a frown on his face, and in his eyes, Reine sees a flicker of pain pass across his pupils. She's become good at reading people, but this is something deeper. This is something she can feel radiating off him.

    "Isaiah." Bucky says courteously.

    "Look at you." the man, Isaiah, answers. He has a gruff voice, and holds his head up high, peering down at them over the bridge of his nose.

    "This is, uh, Sam." Bucky continues, pointing to the man in question, then turns to the girl between them. "And my daugh-..." he hesitates. "This is Reine." he looks back up. "This is Isaiah. He was a hero. One of the ones that HYDRA feared the most. Like Steve."

    Isaiah says nothing.

    "We, uh, met in '51." Bucky says.

    "If by met," Isaiah speaks up. "You mean I whupped your ass," Reine scoffs, biting down on her lip. "Then, yeah." Bucky smirks a little. "We heard whispers he was on the peninsula," Isaiah tells the other two. "But everyone they sent after him, never came back." Bucky stiffens, and Reine can't help but pause. "So the U.S. military dropped me behind the line to go deal with him. I took half that metal arm in that fight in Goyang, but I see he's managed to grow it back."

Sam shifts from foot to foot, and Reine puts a hand on his arm.

"I just wanted to see if he got the arm back." he looks down at the little girl between the two men. "Or... if he'd come to kill me." Isaiah doesn't back down, seemingly unfazed by his own words.

"He doesn't do that anymore." Reine speaks up, but her voice is weak, and her softened accent is still present. Isaiah raises an eyebrow and looks down to her. "He doesn't kill... anymore." Bucky looks at her quickly, his face softening, but the girl won't look at him. She stares at Isaiah, her hands clasped in front of her.

"You're not from around here, are you?" Isaiah says to her, and Reine pauses before shutting her mouth with a snap. She shakes her head in answer.

"Yeah," Isaiah says, and promptly turns away, leaving Reine to try and hide the red flush that blossoms across her cheeks. The older man peers at all of them with a blank stare. "You think you can wake up one day and decide who you wanna be?" Bucky reaches down to Reine, but her hands are tucked deep into her pockets now. "It doesn't work like that."

Isaiah turns to the "reformed" soldier. "Well maybe it does for folks like you." Reine and Sam become intrigued with the floor, and Bucky takes a deep breath before continuing.

"Isaiah, the reason we're here..." Bucky starts. "Is because there's more of you and me out there." Reine's jaw is locked in place, and Sam glances down at her. Isaiah too.

"You and me." the older man states.

"And we need to know how." Bucky says. Isaiah frowns, his eyes growing dark.

"I'm not gonna talk about it anymore." His voice is like a thunderclap, and instantly, the large man reaches down to grab a metal tin on the table, and throws it to the side. The force of impact with the wall is so much that the tin embeds itself in the wood. Reine tries not to show her flinch. She glances behind her, and the boy she now assumes to be his nephew looks to the floor, his eyes closed.

Isaiah walks around the table towards them. "You know what they did to me for being a hero?" Reine thinks back to her thoughts earlier, to when she damned herself for being a super soldier, and it leaves her stomach roiling. "They put my ass in jail... for 30 years!" Isaiah's voice wavers, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. "People running tests... taking my blood... coming into my cell." he hits Bucky's chest. "Even your people weren't done with me."

"Isaiah..." Sam speaks for the first time since they've walked in, but he doesn't get very far before Isaiah screams.

"Get out of my house!" He yells, and instantly Bucky is turning away. Reine backs up, hitting Sam, and soon Isaiah's nephew is by her side, leading them all out. She stuffs her hands into her pockets, not wanting anyone to see how ferociously they shake. Sam hangs back for a second, watching Isaiah with wide eyes.

    The door opens, and soon Reine is trailing behind both Bucky and Sam, who rushes out into the street.

    She can't get the image of Isaiah Bradley's throw out of her head. Someone so strong, someone so brave, a hero, now diminished because his country couldn't honor him. Reine's mouth fills with the taste of blood, the side of her cheek chafed raw. But she doesn't care. How can she, after what's just happened?

    Just a couple hours ago, Reine was cursing whatever Higher Power there was for giving her this strength. She hated the idea of being a super soldier, wanted nothing more than to rip the serum out of her veins. However it happened, Reine doesn't care, she just wanted it gone.

    But Isaiah Bradley didn't have a choice. He didn't have a choice to go out and fight Bucky when he was still the Winter Soldier. He didn't have a choice when he was experimented on, and now lives with no one but an old enemy to remember him.

    At least Reine has a choice, at least she has some control over who she is. No matter how angry, how volatile the serum gets, Reine knows she'll never have to live like Mr. Bradley. Now, as she stands beside Bucky, watching Sam seethe with justifiable anger in front of them, she wants nothing more than to rush inside that house and give Isaiah Bradely what he deserves: the deepest respect.

    "Sam..." Bucky starts.

    "Why didn't you tell me about Isaiah?" Sam cuts in, clear frustration in his voice. "How could nobody bring him up?" for a bit, Bucky doesn't respond, and they continue up the street. "I asked you a question, Bucky."

    "I know." her step-father replies.

"Steve didn't know about him?"

"He didn't." Bucky replies honestly. "I didn't tell him."

Sam turns to them, and Reine watches the two with downcast eyes. "So you're telling me that was a black super soldier decades ago and nobody knew about it?"

There is silence left in the wake of Sam's question.

Then, the shrill whoop of police sirens ring out across the open space.

a/n: this is kinda a short chapter, but not at all an unimportant one. I want to take this moment to just say that I really, truly commend the show for not glossing over or brushing off the story of Isaiah Bradley and the topic of racism in America. While I am biracial, I have very pale skin, and have not gone through the injustice that some of my other family members, as well as people of colour go through. Isaiah's story is so important and I hope that when dealing with these topics in this book, I have done it justice and treated it with the respect it deserves. ISAIAH BRADLEY DESERVED BETTER.

As always, don't be afraid to comment, vote, and follow me! until next time <33

Love you, Mal