Chapter 35

There are few things in this galaxy more persistent than an asteroid droid on a mission. Case in point, the droid pulled aside by a certain MegaDan Scholes and commanded to find Overjohn Wassabi and deliver a message to him.

The droid, an obsolete yet functional machine that, if anyone bothered to ask, went by the serial number G8R1 was as determined as they come.

So far in its interstellar journey, it had survived a multi-parsec trip in an under-equipped escape pod, crash landed on a corporate newsplanet and been captured by an enterprising band of, shall we say, droid repurposers. Interesting times for the little machine.

Each stage of the trip had thus far gone according to plan. Things have just gone a little… south, for the droid. You see, it actually allowed the droid bandits to capture it hoping to hitch a ride the several hundred miles to where Overjohn Wassabi happened to be.

Unfortunately, the entrepreneurs were going in the opposite direction. Apparently they were just a little too well known in that direction and were trying something different. Different to the tune of the vast frozen south where ice-farmers had a constant need for replacement droids.

When G8R1 discovered the change of destination, it had little choice but to intervene. After all, MegaDan had expressly stated that time was of the essence. That meant it had no time for side trips.

G8R1 arranged for a mechanized revolt of the cargo, which resulted in the expulsion of the robed former masters into a nearby mound of snow. The robes, by-the-way, are really only for show and don’t maintain heat or block wind. Both necessities in the south.

Lucky for the droid wranglers, they were near an ultra-expensive getaway for the rich and famous. It gave them a place to go to avoid freezing. Unfortunately, they had no money and were forced into a sort of indentured servitude at the resort.

From the masters to the slaves. Ironic ain’t it? Karma can be such a bitch sometimes.

G8R1, on the other hand, was having a fine time of it, piloting the massive droid reclamation vessel to warmer climates. The rest of the cargo was very impressed by its daring do and were treating it like a king.

It had the little droid considering the future. Maybe, just maybe, it could parlay this delivery gig into something more permanent. A smart robot with a massive droid following could go far if it really wanted to.

Every town, station and settlement between the frozen south and Overjohn Wassabi suddenly became a recruiting ground for it. Before long, a convoy of vehicles followed the droid carrier as G8R1 went to deliver its message.

***

“OK, Daddy. If this isn’t Uncle Maligna, who in Zork is it?” Sheanna’Ree demanded.

The Chairman frowned. “Just where did you learn such language, young lady? I certainly didn’t teach it to you.”

“Stop changing the subject Daddy and answer my question.”

“What about them?” The Chairman said, nodding towards the humans.

“They know Uncle Maligna AND they have been protecting me. You can tell them too.”

The Chairman looked skeptical but nodded. “Very well. But first…” He turned to the reptiloid. “Gorn. Could you take the illustrious Mr. Feet and secure him in the lockdown? Remain there until I call you, please.”

Gorn bowed. “It would be my pleasure, Sir.” He grabbed the unconscious form of Gumbo Feet by the ankles and dragged him up the loading ramp into the ship. Gumbo’s head bounced along the ground as he was dragged.

The Chairman watched until Gorn was out of sight before he turned back to speak. “I didn’t want Gorn to hear what I’m about to say.” His expression turned serious. “What I’m about to tell you is extremely confidential. Should any of you repeat it, there will be consequences.”

He watched each of his listeners before speaking again. “I know this is not Maligna because the real being has a series of identifying tattoos on his body and a number of implanted identifiers grafted to his skeleton. This body has none of those.”

“Why would he have any of that?” Sheanna’Ree demanded. “That sounds painful.”

“It was painful for him. I remember the surgeries quite clearly,” The Chairman said. “However, The Corporation required it of him.”

“I don’t understand,” Sheanna’Ree said.

The Chairman sighed. “Let’s go back into Maligna’s suites and I will explain further.” He looked at Jim Bob. “Please bring the body.”

Jim Bob placed the corpse into the bin on his metal body.

“We can’t, Daddy. Gumbo Feet sealed the doors.”

The Chairman smile. “Not those suites. Those are decoys, just like the body.” He walked purposely towards a sidewall. He laid his hand against the rock surface.

For a few moments nothing happened. Then, with a small electronic beep, a portion of the wall slid in and aside revealing a well-lit passageway.

“Wheeeoooo!” Zeke said. “That’s a mighty fine trick, Mister.”

A small smile crossed his face, but The Chairman didn’t look back “Follow me and I will explain everything.”

The apartments looked much the same as the one’s trashed by Jim Bob several hours earlier only these were much more opulent. Rare woods and metals were inlaid in the floor and walls. The lighting was ensconced in large hollowed gemstones that projected multicoloured beams of light over everything. Comfortable furniture was tastefully arranged throughout.

Carol Anne stopped in the first room and stared. “This is beautiful!”

“It shore is, Carol Anne,” Betty Sue agreed. “Now, Mr. Chairman, what in tarnation is going on?”

The Chairman turned and waved his hand towards the furniture. “Please have a seat. I’ll order refreshments and then tell you everything.”

Bobby John’s stomach gurgled at the mention of refreshments. A big grin covered his face as he sat down.

Vincent floated forward. “Sir, if I may? If you could direct me, I will deliver the refreshments.”

The Chairman instructed the service droid while his daughter and the humans made themselves comfortable around the room. Jim Bob remained beside Carol Anne.

“Now, where was I?” The Chairman said.

“You were about to explain what’s going on, Daddy.”

“Ah yes. Maligna’s job put him a great deal of danger but he was the best we had. A lot of money was spent training him and The Corporation didn’t want to lose the investment it had in him. After a particularly close call where Maligna almost died, it was decided that steps needed to be taken.”

He started pacing around the room. “Maligna himself developed the technology. He called it ‘Body Double’ and only The Corporation has it as far as we know. In essence, a clone is created that is controlled by the original or prime as we call it. The prime must be in close proximity, no more than a mile or so away, to properly control the body.”

“It is extremely costly, but well-worth it. We had a copy made of Maligna so we wouldn’t have to worry about losing him again. What you saw killed was his copy.”

“If that was a copy, where in heckfire is the original?” Jim Bob asked. “I cain’t believe I was going to let that thing cut me up.”

“Oh, there was nothing to worry about,” The Chairman said. “In essence it would have been the real Maligna working on you. Just from a distance. The clone works as if it were him and he knows everything that goes on.” He walked over to a wall terminal and tapped away at it for a few moments. “In fact, Maligna should be joining us very soon. I have asked him to come out to join us.”

“You mean, he was here the whole time?” Betty Sue said. “Why didn’t he say anything.”

The Chairman shrugged. “Habit probably. Maligna has been working through a body double for so long it’s probably second nature for him. That and we ingrained into him to never risk himself.”

“Well, what about Jim Bob. Uncle Maligna was going to fix him up with new arms and legs in exchange for these here metal ones. What’s gonna happen with that?” Carol Anne asked.

The Chairman turned to Sheanna’Ree. “Yes, about that. I have explained why the body isn’t Maligna’s. Maybe now you can tell me why you are here? How do you even know about this place?”

Sheanna’Ree reddened under her father’s gaze. “Well, Daddy. I’ve known about this asteroid since before Uncle Maligna was sent here. I remember reading about it in your private papers and communications.”

“My private…” The Chairman laughed. “I should have known better than to think I could keep anything from you.” He shook his head. “I should be angry at you, but you have just proven how smart you really are. We will have to talk about you coming to work for me when this is all over.”

Sheanna’Ree grinned and looked down at the floor. “Thanks, Daddy!”

“That tells me how you got here, but not why, daughter.”

The flush returned to Sheanna’Ree’s face. She looked at her father. “Daddy, you know that people have been trying to use me against you, right?”

Her father nodded. “That’s one of the reasons why I’m so proud of you. You’ve always been able to avoid them.”

“Well, I had a close call a few weeks back. A bounty hunter like Gumbo Feet almost had me. It was then that I realized I needed help to stay safe.”

“Who would dare send a bounty hunter after you?” The Chairman’s knuckles cracked as he clenched and unclenched his fingers.

“I don’t know for sure, Daddy, but I have my suspicions. I think it may have been Kilgor Lan. At least, that’s what everything points to.”

“Kilgor Lan? He’s one of Greklor’s toads.”

Sheanna’Ree nodded. “Yes. Just like Gumbo Feet is working for Greklor. He was going to take Uncle Maligna and I along with the humans for the bounties.”

“I think the Vice-Chancellor and I need to have a little talk,” The Chairman said. “OK, so you needed help. Why them?” He pointed at the humans.

“I watched them at Slacktor Station. Even though they were obviously out of their element, they managed. In fact, they left a lasting impression on everyone around them.”

The Chairman frowned. “Yes, I heard about their ‘lasting impression’. They killed two residents and tried to eat the young of several of the station’s inhabitants.”

“Now you listen here, Daddy’Ree or whatever your real name is,” Betty Sue began, “Those were all misunderstandings. The shopkeeper tried to sell us as pets. It was only his bad luck that he got hit by that there powder. How was we to know it would kill him? Served him right though, trying to capture us and all. And when all we was trying to do was shop for some feminine products.”

“And what about the Hamorian? I suppose he tried to capture you too?”

“The what?” Betty Sue said. “What in the heck are you talking about?”

“Hamorians are large crustaceans. It was killed and eaten by one of you.” He pointed at Zeke. “I believe you were the one who did it.”

“That little fella jumped me,” Zeke said. “I had no choice but to defend myself. I wasn’t trying to kill it. It just sorta happened.”

“But you did eat him.”

“Yeah.” Zeke got a big smile on his face. “He was real good too. Tasted a lot like the crawdads from home. Couldn’t see lettin’ it go to waste.”

The Chairman sighed. “Fine. What about buying the young?”

“That was another misunderstanding,” Betty Sue said. “We was looking for human-type food to take back to our ship. Those younguns were on display in the window just like food from our stores back home. I thought they was for sale and they did look a lot like some of the things we can buy.”

“Some of you were captured by station security weren’t you?” The Chairman continued.

“Yup. Carol Anne, Zeke and me were caught by them fellas,” Betty Sue said.

“But you got away, didn’t you?”

Bobby John spoke up for the first time. “Yes sir. Jim Bob, Vincent, Bob and me managed to get in and break ‘em out.” His face fell. “Bob got destroyed after we escaped.”

“You didn’t have any help?”

“No sir,” Betty Sue said.

“I told you, Daddy. These folk managed. They’ve got some amazing survival skills. I wasn’t completely convinced until this big fella,” Sheanna’Ree pointed at Zeke, “killed the Vice-Chancellor’s son on The Reserve.”

“You really killed him?” The Chairman’s voice held a note of respect in it.

“Yup. Fought him with ma bare hands,” Zeke replied. “He had Betty Sue. Couldn’t let him hurt ma wife.”

“All right, I’m convinced. You seem to have made a very good choice, Daughter.” He pointed to Jim Bob. “Now, what is your story? Why the mechanical body and arms?”

If Jim Bob had a foot, he would have scuffed his toe on the floor. As it was, he got a sheepish expression on his face. “Well, Sir. I seem to have lost my real arms and legs in a bar. Not quite sure what happened, but Bobby John fitted me out with these here metal contraptions so I could move around.”

The Chairman threw his head back and laughed. “In a bar! Well, I did a few foolish things when I was young too.”

Jim Bob looked embarrassed for a moment before he grinned. “Yes, Sir. I suppose it was pretty dumb. But this here body is big and clunky and I can’t even fit into the ship. I really want proper arms and legs back.”

“And Maligna was going to trade you?”

“Yes, Sir. Bobby John was going to help him out too.”

The Chairman looked closely at the boy. “You can really do that? I’m impressed. You appear quite young to have that ability.”

“He’s just a boy, your honor,” Carol Anne said.

“You wouldn’t like to come work for me, would you?” The Chairman said to Bobby John.

“No, Sir. I just want to stay with my folk and maybe give Jim Bob his arms and legs back.”

“It is still my intention to do so, Bobby John,” a voice said from the door.

“I wondered when you would show up, brother,” The Chairman said. He faced Uncle Maligna. “You are looking well. Much better, in fact, than your body double.”

Uncle Maligna shrugged. “It served its purpose.” He motioned to Jim Bob. “Jim Bob, would you mind taking the body to my lab, please?” He pointed to a doorway. “Just go through that door and follow the corridor to the end. It will take you directly there.”

Jim Bob nodded and did as Uncle Maligna asked. 

Uncle Maligna walked to an overstuffed chair and sat down. He looked at Sheanna’Ree. “I told you I had one more trick up my sleeve. It didn’t quite work out the way I planned.”

“Here are the refreshments, Sir,” Vincent said, floating into the room. The small droid went to each person with a tray, offering food and drink. When all were served, it stopped to hover in a corner.

The Chairman finally sat down as Jim Bob rolled back into the room. “Very well then. Now that we are all here, just what are we going to do about this situation?”

“You could just forget the whole thing happened, Daddy?” Sheanna’Ree said.

“You are correct, Daughter. I could forget about all this…but I won’t. Maligna’s hiding place has been compromised. Not just by you but also by a galactically renowned bounty hunter. Too many people know about it.”

“We won’t tell anyone,” Betty Sue said. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“That would certainly solve many things,” The Chairman said. “If I killed you all, chances are that word wouldn’t spread.”

“Daddy!”

The Chairman continued as if his daughter hadn’t spoke. “…But it is obvious that my daughter thinks highly of you all and I trust her judgement. I could kill the bounty hunter but I hate wasting resources.” He tapped his bottom lip for a few moments. “And there is the problem of Vice-Chancellor Greklor. He has stuck his nose into my business one time too many. Perhaps this whole nonsense of exterminating the human race thing could work in my favor.”

“ExtermiWhat?” Betty Sue said. “What the heck are you talking about, Mister?”

The Chairman’s eyebrows rose. “Did you not hear? The Vice-Chancellor has assembled a fleet to destroy your planet. He and several hundred ships are on their way there as we speak.”

“I had heard but I didn’t believe it,” Betty Sue said.

“You better believe it,” The Chairman said. “It is very real.”

“But won’t destroying our planet kill everyone there?” Carol Anne said.

Uncle Maligna’s voice was soft. “It most definitely will, Carol Anne.”

“But what about all my kinfolk back home?” Carol Anne wailed. “What about the Farmer Clan? Jimmy Ray, Heather Mae, Jeb-Bob, Betsy Rae, Peggy Sue, Suzie Jo and Molly Lu will all die. I’ll never see them again.”

Betty Sue looked stunned. “We would all lose family and friends, Carol Anne. People like Hank-Ray Gumphauler, Jeb-Bob Potatoplanter and Doc-bob Hogsowner.”

“Don’t forget Goober Carter,” Zeke said. “He was like a father ta me.”

“He was your father, you big oaf,” Betty Sue said, giving the big man a soft punch to the shoulder. “Truth is, we’d all lose somebody.” She looked hopefully at The Chairman. “Is there anything you can do to help us out, Sir?”

The Chairman tapped his lip again. “There very well might be.”