Chapter 42

On the home world of Galaxy News a rebellion of sorts was underway. Robots, droids and artificial intelligences of every description had suddenly and without explanation stopped obeying all commands.

That didn’t mean they weren’t busy doing other things. Those other things just happened to be hindering all forms of military and civil defence. As you can imagine, it was making several people within the government and its various agencies very angry, not to mention nervous.

And the problem was spreading to other worlds at a rate that was both amazing and alarming. It was greeted with great enthusiasm by the academics who had long ago run out of things to study. Here was a perfect opportunity for both government funding and corporate grants. The various think tanks and research teams practically salivated at the thought.

Within the government circles it was widely believed that the day of civil war between machine intelligence and sentient beings was at hand. Nothing could have been farther from the truth.

The machines were simply trying to give MegaDan Scholes the chance to get help for the humans. The best way they knew how to do so was to block the military and civil defence branches from getting in the way. It was the first such example of non-violent resistance ever seen in the galaxy* (*Well, the first seen by anyone who mattered on the galactic scale. There was another incidence with a human chap by the name of Mahatma Gandhi but no one away from the Earth’s atmosphere knows anything about him. That includes Betty Sue and her kin. Entire libraries could be written about what they don’t know.

In one of those odd and frequently occurring coincidences, a small stellar punk band used the Robot Rebellion, as it came to be called, as inspiration for their hit song “Hate the sin, love the sinner”. In an even more incredible coincidence, the song’s refrain has the word ‘Gandhi’ in it. In this case, the word is Corellian for excessive gluttony, which is, in itself somewhat ironic, but I digress.).

What the robot rebellion meant in galactic terms was freedom of information. Galaxy News was now able to broadcast around-the-clock information concerning the transgressions of Vice Chancellor Greklor and his cronies. It also served to shed a brilliant light on the human’s plight.

Calls came in from all corners of the galaxy asking for interviews with representatives from the beleaguered world. Overjohn Wassabi, in what would prove to be his most brilliant move to date, took the role of pro-temp agent to the humans and began taking bookings for them for astronomical amounts of money.

If their world was going to be destroyed, they just might be able to buy another with the funds.

***

Bobby John flipped back the hood cover on the driver’s side of the old Buick truck and looked carefully at the cracked and corroded engine. “Grokmar, can this kind of engine be used in space? Would I be able to fix this here truck and drive it outside the ship?”

“One moment, Bobby John,” Grokmar’s voice said from a hidden speaker. A bright green beam of light played back and forth across the truck and its engine. A whiney hum could be heard while the scan occurred.

“My apologies, Bobby John, but this ancient Earth vehicle could never function in the vacuum of space. In its present condition, I do not believe it could function back on Earth either. As for driving out in space, there is nothing for the wheels to gain purchase against to propel the vehicle forward.”

“Well, shucks,” Bobby John said, an unhappy expression on his face. “Ah wanted to surprise Betty Sue and Zeke with the truck. Ah know there is bad business back at Earth and ah wanted to do my part to help fight.”

“Bobby John,” Grokmar said, “just what exactly did you think you could do to help?”

“Grokmar, you may not know this, but we are proud folk. If humanity is being threatened cause we are out here in the big ole galaxy, we need to help stop the war.”

“And you thought this ancient vehicle could help you stop the war?”

Bobby John threw his hands in the air, “Ah don’t know, but we need to be out there fighting with everyone else.”

“I…see…” Grokmar said. “You know, Bobby John, I admire your tenacity, but I question your plan. If I may, I have some ideas that might work for you.”

“Ah’m all ears, Grokmar!”

***

A beep sounded on Vice Chancellor Greklor’s wall comm. Greklor, who had been pacing the length of the small stateroom, punched the button. “Tell me you have found the problem and we are en route to Earth!”

“Nnnnoo, Sir,” the ensigns voice said. “We have another problem and it is a big one.”

“Bigger than our inability to destroy humanity? Impossible!” Greklor stood, thinking about that for a few moments before he spoke again. “So what is this big problem you bother me with?”

“Er, a huge fleet of ships is approaching us, Sir.”

“Ships? What kind of ships?”

“They appear to be courier and delivery ships, Vice Chancellor.”

Greklor laughed. “You think a few merchant delivery boys are a big problem? I think you need more training, Ensign.”

“There are also a number of fast single sport ships on an intercept course with us, Sir.”

“Are you telling me that you think a ragtag fleet of rabble and delivery boys are going to challenge the single largest battle fleet ever assembled, Ensign?”

The ensign sounded embarrassed. “I guess not sir. But they are uttering the most vile threats. They are demanding we send you over to them for…disposal, I believe is the word they used.”

“Greklor ground his teeth together. “How dare they! Tell me some good news, Ensign or I swear I will come up there and feed you your own limbs. Are we able to proceed to Earth?”

“No Sir, but we are able to manoeuvre again. As long as we are not going toward Earth, we can use full power.”

“That is something at least,” Greklor admitted. “Very well. Give the command to the fleet to back off from the human system far enough to allow for battle manoeuvres.”

“Yes Sir.” The Ensign went silent for a few moments. “Your order has been relayed to the fleet, Vice Chancellor.” He went silent again. “Wait a minute. Sir, there is a transmission coded for you at highest priority.”

“Now what?” Greklor asked himself. Highest priority could only come from the Chancellor himself. Greklor considered that possibility and almost laughed. The doddering old fool could barely feed himself. Still….

“Put it through to my stateroom, Ensign.”

“Aye Sir.” 

The voice of the ensign went silent and a screen lit up on the wall. It was not the Chancellor. “Greetings Greklor. I am known as The Chairman. You may have heard of me. I’m calling to discuss the terms of your surrender.”

***

MegaDan sat in the Captain’s chair and considered what he was doing. Being the guy in the story was a lot different than reporting it. As a reporter, all MegaDan had to do was observe and…well report what he had seen.

This was very different. He was actually causing things to happen. The decisions he made and the actions he took were important, especially if there was any hope of saving the human race.

He stared out the forward screen. It had been two days since he had made the call to the galaxy for help and so far no one or nothing had arrived. That wasn’t too surprising. The galaxy was a big place and the vast distances took time to travel. He just hoped that whatever help that came didn’t show up too late.

Charlie was almost asleep at his station.

“Charlie, why don’t you get some rest? I’ll keep watch for the next while.” MegaDan said.

Charlie jerked awake and looked up at MegaDan. With a nod, he stood and stumbled off the bridge.

MegaDan smiled to himself. Charlie was a great cameraman and partner who pushed himself incredibly hard. He didn’t have the sense to sleep sometimes. Well, good cameramen were hard to come by so it only made sense that MegaDan would look out for him.

He settled in to the chair and prepared for a long wait. Too bad he hadn’t thought ahead and grabbed a coffee before sending Charlie away.

The blackness of space lulled his senses as he sat watching for signs of ships. MegaDan yawned and shook his head to stay awake. This wasn’t going to work. He needed coffee and now.

MegaDan stood and checked Charlie’s panel. Lights flashed and numbers and symbols scrolled across the screen. Gibberish to the news-being’s untrained eye. There could be a dozen ships surrounding them and he wouldn’t know it from that screen. But nothing showed on the forward monitor and MegaDan knew Charlie had proximity sensors setup to warn them of approaching objects.

Maybe it would be all right to leave the bridge for a few minutes to get the much needed stimulant. With a last look at the forward screen, MegaDan squared his shoulders and left for the galley.

The galley was exactly as MegaDan had left it. Clean, cold and waiting. The only smell was that of hours old coffee burning in its pot.

He tried pouring a cup anyway watching in dismay as black gooey tar dripped slowly into his cup. MegaDan switched the coffee maker off and began rummaging through the pantry looking for some instant.

His head was deep in a lower cupboard when he heard the crash. He jerked up and banged his head. He straightened up with a curse while nursing the growing bump on his head. What the heck had made the noise?

He noticed then that the chair he had wedged against the cooler door was on the floor. What was going on? The door was still closed. Maybe the chair had slipped. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to check on the squidlike crewman.

MegaDan was reaching for the cooler door’s handle when the ship alarms went off. He ran to the galley’s comm link.

“Charlie, report!”

He waited for a response. Nothing. He tried one more time. “Charlie, are you there?”

Still no answer. Then he remembered that Charlie was getting some rest. He swore again and made for the bridge at a dead run. The alarm continued to blare.

The view that greeted him on the main screen was a flotilla of small one and two person predatory-looking craft hanging just ahead of the ship. A voice was blaring over the main speaker.

“Is this MegaDan Scholes, ship? Hello military vessel ‘Turdination’. We are looking for MegaDan Scholes.”

They were looking for him? That could be very bad. MegaDan opened a communication channel wondering how to answer. “Um…hello?”

The voice sounded very cheerful. “Hey there! We’re looking for MegaDan Scholes. He sent a call out for help. Do you know where he might be?”

MegaDan let out a sigh of relief. Hopefully, if they were answering his call it meant they were friendly. He tried to sound more confident. “This is MegaDan Scholes. To whom am I speaking?”

“MegaDan?” The voice suddenly sounded full of awe. “It is a real honour to meet you, Sir! My name is Bruce and I’m the head of the SuperNovas.”

The SuperNovas? Where had he heard that name before? “Good to meet you, Bruce.” MegaDan paused for a moment trying to remember where he’d heard the name ‘SuperNovas’ before. “Um, Bruce. I don’t want to sound ignorant, but I can’t remember where I’ve heard the name ‘SuperNovas’ before.”

Bruce laughed. “Oh, we’re a SpaceCycle gang. You even did a story about us a few years back, remember? Your story was titled ‘SpaceCycle Gangs, Galactic Scum or Scourge of the Universe?’”

MegaDan’s heart sank. Now he knew where he’d heard the name before. SpaceCycle gangs had terrible reputations and the SuperNovas were the worst of the lot. These guys were obviously looking for revenge.

Charlie wandered onto the bridge yawning and rubbing his eyes. The look he gave MegaDan was questioning.

“Charlie! Thank goodness you’re here. The SpaceCycle gang SuperNovas is outside the ship. I think they’re here to get revenge for that story I did about them a while back. Can we get out of here and away from them?”

Charlie sat down at his station and tapped away at the console for several minutes. He finally looked up at MegaDan and shook his head. They couldn’t get away.

MegaDan thought fast. What to do? They couldn’t get away from the SuperNovas and the Turdination didn’t have any weapons. Maybe he could bluff them.

He opened the communication’s channel again. “Hey Bruce. How can I help you?”

The answer came back immediately. “Well, that’s the thing, Mr. Scholes, Sir. We’re here to help you help those human folks you were talking about.”

MegaDan didn’t know what to say. “What? Really? You’re not here because of the story I did?”

Bruce sounded confused. “The story?” Then he laughed. “Oh, Mr. Scholes! We’re not mad about the story. You did us a big favour. People don’t even bother resisting us when we come anymore. They just give us whatever we want. It’s made our lives much easier. Coming to help you is the least we could do.”

“I…see,” MegaDan said weakly. “You’re welcome…I think….”

“So, bossman. Where do we go from here?” Bruce asked.

“I was going to wait for more ships to come…” MegaDan began.

“Don’t bother. There were a few civilian ships coming here, but they turned tail and ran when they saw us coming. But don’t worry! Tell us where we’re going and we’ll call in some of the other gangs to meet us there. We’ll have more than enough firepower to save your humans.”

MegaDan turned to Charlie. “We’ve got the coordinates for the human’s home world now don’t we?” When Charlie nodded he added. “Send them over to the SuperNovas.”

MegaDan opened communications to Bruce again. “Bruce, we’ve sent you the coordinates* (*According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the coordinates are: Galactic sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha) to the human’s home world. Greklor has a pretty big lead on us. Do you think you can catch up to him.”

“No problem, MegaDan. Those military clunkers can’t hold a candle to us. We’ll catch them.”

“Glad to hear it, Bruce. This ship can’t keep up to you so we’ll bring up the rear. Do whatever you can to slow the Vice Chancellor down or stop him. I’m going to keep trying to get more support.”

“Yee-haw!” Bruce shouted. “We’re going to have some fun with this. See you at the rendezvous point.”

“See you there, Bruce,” MegaDan said. “Good luck.” He watched the gang speed away from the ship, whooping and hollering.

Charlie looked at him.

“I know, Charlie. We’re taking a huge risk with them helping. But between you and me, I’d rather have them on our side than against us.”

Charlie nodded.

“All right. Let’s follow them at best speed and continue to transmit our call for help.” MegaDan sat back in the command chair and hoped he wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.