☆Glory☆

Now that I'm here, I don't know what to do.

I apparently have my phone in one of the pockets of the dress. But what am I going to do? What do I want to do? Tell him everything that happened?

Yeah. That's exactly it.

But no. I stand at the doorway, too afraid to ring the doorbell.

He's not like Anaconda, I tell myself. He won't look at me like she looked at me. He knows me better, he cares about me.

Does he, though?

I slide to the ground. Suddenly, I'm so timid. Everything that I had without giving a second thought has become scary. All because of Anaconda and her stupid family.

The phone buzzes, and I find ten missed calls from Grandmother. My hands are starting to shake from the cold, and I don't know what to do. Would she be with them? Would they have gone at this point?

I don't really want to know.

Then the phone rings again, flashing the name Bringer of Death.

"Hello?" I wonder if he can hear the shake in my voice. I'm suddenly scared again.

"Glory, where are you? Your grandma just called and she said you were missing-"

Shouting. "Who is it?"

"Let me take- why are you-"

"What's wrong, Glory?"

"So it's-" A pause. "You- going away- I- for you-"

Should I hang up?

"I was stupid..."

Before I can say anything, he hangs up. And I sit there for a few moments, wondering what it was. It's lonely there, sitting on the doormat of your crush's house, stars. It isn't bad, but it's lonely.

When I look at my phone again, he's calling.

"Where are you?" Deathbringer's voice suddenly cuts in. "Your voice is trembling."

So is yours. "I can call some other time. It's alright." It's not alright. I want to talk to you. I'm at your house. His voice is like magic- tears are dripping from my face. Just talking to him makes me feel better. "I-Is it a bad time to call?"

"No, it's okay now. I'm outside, I'm heading to my house now. Are you at your house?"

"I'm at your doorstep." I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I try blocking my mouth, but I'm sobbing. "I'm sorry...I was planning to go now." I don't know what to do. And the wailing sounds are escaping my mouth, and I hate myself. I absolutely hate myself.

For days I barely talked to him, and now I'm sitting at his doorstep because I don't have anywhere else to turn to. And now just hearing his voice is making me cry. God. The power this boy has over me.

Maybe I love him more than I think. Which is bad.

"Don't go. It's okay. It's alright." I can hear him running. "Okay?"

He must have had a tough night. His voice is trembling, too.

"Okay." I'm leaning on his door. I'm thinking about my mom, my half-brother, the man, and Grandmother. I'm thinking about how selfish I am. I'm thinking of the daffodils on the ground, with the vase. I'm think about the shattered new beginnings.

I'm thinking about how Anaconda is running away from everything. Not meeting my eyes, hiding her face in her hands like I'm something shameful to talk to. Maybe I am. Maybe I really am.

"Okay."

Maybe "okay" will be our "always".

"Okay." I close my eyes, listening for his footsteps. Soon, I hear them. He's coming closer. I lower my hand, and I faintly hear him hanging up.

When I open my eyes, he's standing in front for me. I wonder what I look like, with my crazy blonde hair and puffy red eyes. "Hi."

I was expecting him to open the door, but instead he gently comes to his knees, looking into my eyes. "Glory, you're going to get an infection. You need to go inside."

Me and my stupid leukemia. I am trembling, but it's like I'm planted there. "Just-for a moment. Please"

I can't see his expression, but when he wraps his arms around me, I just kind of break into a horrible sob.

I know it's stupid, but I'm so scared that he will somehow leave me so I keep hugging him tighter, touching his back to make sure he's there.

And he is.

It's crying, but it's a different kind of crying. Necause it's warm, because his hug means everything that my mother didn't give to me. Words spill from my mouth, mixing with my tears, mixing with the warmth of Deathbringer's arms. And he listens.

The best thing is, it's not a lonely sob, it's a sob that comes when you are in someone's arms.

And that's the best kind of crying.

Because he's has been there, and he is there. Because he will be there.

Always.

☆

Deathbringer has a habit of becoming a chocolate maniac when he is sad.

This, apparently, is one of those times. He stuffs his face with chocolate ice cream while gobbling down double chocolate-chip cookies, his eyes glaring at the Gone with the Wind movie.

"Are you okay?" I hand him a cup of milk as I set my own cup of green tea at the floor. "You look kind of- angry."

"Greatness broke up with me." He won't look at anything but the screen. My heart kind of stops, and I don't know what I feel. It isn't happiness, that's for sure. Not at all.

"Why?" I hate it. I hate the tortured look on his face, I hate the regret that fills his eyes. I hate it more than the jealousy. "Why did she break up with you?"

"For a lot of reasons. Mostly because of me. I wasn't good enough for her. I wish I was."

I don't think I have ever realized how lonely Deathbringer looks sometimes. Behind all that charmingness and smiles, he's just a boy. I wonder if he's letting me see it, or if I knew him long enough to know myself.

In my dark side, I want them to break up. I have to admit I do. But his happiness is more important than my longings. And he seems happy with her, he really does. "Call her. Tell her you'll do better." Don't make the same mistake my mother did. "Don't let her go."

His face is emotionless. "I do want to. I really do. But all I do is hurt her. I can't do better." He takes a sip of his milk. "It's not like I don't love her. But I know I can't do better, it's just who I am. But more than anything, I know I don't deserve her. That's why I wanted to leave her before. Not because she isn't enough, but because I am. I really want to run away until she forgets me. Because that's probably better for her, too. It was guilt."

"Do you have other things on your mind?" I'm thinking of Anaconda- my mother- more than anything else. She prioritized her acting life, her own family, more than me. Maybe that's the case with Deathbringer.

He reaches out and touches my messy braid. "Can I do something with your hair?"

"Sure." Anaconda and Deathbringer. The person I hate the most, and the person at the top of my favorites list. Maybe they aren't too different.

He gently brushes my hair with his long, thin fingers, braiding it and brushing it loose again. We used to do it a lot when we were younger- when Deathbringer came to my house with his bruises, when I had to go to the hospital because I was bleeding too much. He would always be there, brushing my hair. That's one of the reasons I kept it long.

As I watch the screen- it comes to a scene where Rhett is leaving Scarlett. She's confessing his love for him and everything, begging him to stay, and he's so tired of everything. It's clear he doesn't love her anymore, he's too tired to feel anything. The famous line comes on- "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn"- and I feel something wet dropping on my hair.

It's a rough day for the both of us.

I know he doesn't like it when I see him cry, so I just watch the movie like nothing's wrong. And the teardrops keep falling, and I keep watching. I don't turn around even when the movie ends and the music comes on, listing the names of the actors.

All I can do is stay there, like he has done for me. Letting him brush my hair, trying to give him comfort, even if it's small. Acting like the sobbing in the bathroom is covered by the noise of running water.

Which kind of makes me wonder how many lonely nights he spends in bed crying himself to sleep without telling anyone.

Smiling at him when he comes out of the bathroom, his eyes slightly red. Hugging him when I go out of the house. Calling him the way home.

It's all I can do. Because maybe he isn't ready to share his pain with me like I have shared with him all these years. Maybe because he's so used to being the wall that he doesn't know how to lean on somebody else. Because he might want to act like he's perfect for a little longer.

But I will wait. I'll go to him when he's ready. I'll wrap my arms around him and tell him that it's okay to feel pain. That it's alright. And maybe one day he'll realize how it feels good, to cry with someone by your side. To let go of his loneliness.

Always.