☆Glory☆

Dear Helianthus,

I can't stop thinking about him.

I don't ever want to break our friendship, but I'm afraid that he will be involved in another relationship if I don't confess. It's a constant struggle. But then, there's the most important question: what if he doesn't like me?

I don't think he sees me as someone that's more than a friend. And I'm afraid to ruin everything.

It's like there's an invisible line of friendship that I just can't cross because of fear.

Do you have any experience on that?

-Daffodil

☆

A lot of things change after the meeting with Anaconda.

I get pneumonia after staying outside, and I spend days in the hospital. It's Grandmother doesn't get any sleep nowadays, but when I wake up in the hospital her with her warm hand on mine, I know we're pull it through together.

After I come from the hospital, I find that the pictures in Grandmother's bedroom were shattered and removed.

I stop looking up her name on Google, and I'm the one, not Grandmother, to turn the TV off when her commercials come on.

Apparently, they all left kind of sheepishly after I stormed out. At least, according to Jambu, who actually now visits our house twice on weekends.

There are many bad things and a few good things that come after the Incident. The best good thing is Jambu.

Jambu, who is a vegetarian. Jambu, who apparently doesn't want to go to Europe or get a college education there. Jambu, who I thought was a haughty Hollywood kid that turned out to be a normal, laid-back college boy who likes shooting darts to annoy Grandmother.

Sometimes, I even shoot them with him.

Another good thing is Deathbringer and the rest of the Gone with the Wind geeks. After going to the salon to dye Tsunami's hair (Jambu drove me there and ended up dying his own hair pink) together, he later naturally joins our lunch table.

I'm too scared to ask him about Greatness, and all I can see is that they avoid each other in the hallway. They don't even talk.

That seems to be the case with everyone- once lovers, there's no way of becoming friends again.

Maybe that's why I've been scared of confessing. To ruin the things we actually have. To someday see him look at me with the expression he looks at other girls.

A lot of people ask me what my secret is, the secret for staying next to Deathbringer all that time when so many girls have tried to. They look at me, awestruck that I haven't fallen into what they call Death Magic.

Yeah, no.

The only difference between the girls Deathbringer has dated and me is that they are brave enough to tell him their feelings. I am not. They are strong enough to risk their feelings, and I just can't live without him.

Maybe I'm too scared. Maybe I love him too much.

☆

"What kind of girls do guys like?" Tsunami's looking at Deathringer with an urgent expression. "No, before that, what do you think of my blue hair?"

Deathbringer looks bored. There seems to be a certain role to the people of the lunch table- Tsunami's loud and funny. Clay is kind and big and likes to eat. Starflight can surprisingly torture people with unsurprising Shakespeare. Sunny is warm and kind. They tell me I'm sarcastic and moody, which I guess is true.

Deathbringer's new role is matchmaker.

"I mean, I don't know who this guy is. How did you meet him and how would you describe him?"

"Sunny, tell him how hot Riptide is."

"Huh?" Sunny scratches her head, but she's clearly taken back. Her blonde hair is softly tied into a ponytail, and it sways as she tilts her head. "I- I guess he looks nice."

"Nice isn't the right word." Tsunami's frowning as she chomps on the fish burger. "He like- shines all the time. He even has sparkling teeth. He's just really charming and my mom hates him. I can't really tell what kind of girls he likes, though. Maybe outgoing. He's kind of quiet, so I'll probably have to make the move."

"Outgoing." My mouth's tilting up. "That's easy. Go to him and like, SMOOCH SMOOCH KISS ME LET'S HAVE BABIES BECAUSE I LOVE YOUR SPARKLING TEETH AND I ALSO KIND OF WISH YOUR NOSE WAS A HERRING SO I CAN EAT IT-"

"Yeah, cannibalism will totally make him into me." She throws her ketchup at me, which Deathbringer catches and naturally eats it with his french fries. "Starflight, Clay, SAY SOMETHING. HELP YOUR FRIEND."

Starflight looks up from his book. "Make him think you're smart. Although it won't go long because you aren't." Smack.

"Pickup lines," Deathbringer says. "Did you fart while swimming? Because you blew me away."

"So you're into that kind of stuff." Tsunami's face wrinkles, and it's actually so funny that Sunny chokes on her water. Deathbringer fake-cries while hiding his face with his hands. I wonder why he isn't in drama club when he's such a drama queen. He would excell at it.

"Chocolate. Give him food. Get a Ring Pop and propose right there." Clay is simply lovable. That's a fact right there.

"Nevermind Riptide for a second. Clay, you obviously lack dating experiences, and so does someone else." Tsunami's eyes are coming towards me. Oh, God. Only if she knew.

Starflight's eyes start to narrow.

"Peril likes Clay."

That simple sentence creates chaos. "Peril? Drama club Peril? Gone with the Wind Peril? Belle Watling Peril? RED HAIR PERIL???"

"CRAZY PERIL LIKES CLAY?" Tsunami's blue eyes widen. "OH GOD. SO YOU'RE TELLING ME I ACTUALLY ANNOYED CLAY'S FUTURE WIFE WITH MY HEADBANGING??

Clay's the most surprised of them all. "WHAT?"

"How did you know?" Deathbringer's sneakily eating Tsunami's french fries as she stands up to look for Peril.

He isn't looking at me, and his face is so unreadable that I'm thrown off guard. I usually can, but this one is something I haven't seen before.

His eyes are dark and attractive. They stand out, like they always do. Everything about him does, although whether he knows it or not is a totally different question. "I had a crush on her, before Greatness."

Of course he did.

I wonder if he knows how much his words mean to me. I think about it a lot, what my words might mean to him. Probably not much. Which makes me wonder if he ever thinks about it, how much effect his words have on people. Because sometimes, the words he throws so carelessly can make a person's day. Or, sometimes, destroy their good mood completely.

Careful, Glory. His face tilts upward and he's staring into my eyes.

I blurt out the first thing that comes into mind. "I like you-"

In that millisecond, a lot of things pass through my mind. Do I want to confess right now, in this very loud lunchroom, right after he told me he liked Peril? No.

Do I want him to know my feelings? No.

Do I want to see if he gets jealous? ...Yes.

"-r cousin Starlight." My heart's suddenly beating fast. Did I just say that? Of course I did. "Yeah. Him."

Thankfully, the lunchroom is too loud for anyone to hear. I quickly look at Starflight, but he's focused on his book. Thank God.

Deathbringer clearly seems surprised. "What?" He's looking at him, and then me, and then him again. "What?"

It's actually so stupid that I'm starting to blush. "God. Just forget it. That just- came out."

He slowly covers his mouth, and one look at each other is all that takes before we both burst out laughing.

High school is just a freaking drama on its own. It's even a bigger drama queen than Deathbringer is.