☆Deathbringer☆

If there was one thing that set Greatness from others, it was this.

When I got a new girlfriend, I always told Glory first. At first, it was a big deal. She teased me around in elementary school, whistled when I was with my girlfriend, and laughed when I told her about my first kiss. In middle school, she just listened when I ran on. I think I did it because I was lonely, and Glory was kind enough to listen to me. It wasn't like I ever took them out on dates-- with school in the morning and weekly assassination training at night, I simply didn't have any spare time. And if I had any, I spent them with Glory.

Yeah, I was total trash when it came to dating.

The day after I my first kiss with Greatness, I finally mustered the courage to tell Glory. We hadn't talked for a long time, so we met at her house for a sleepover. We were talking about getting ready for high school. After watching a movie, we started to talk about it more.

And then I told her about Greatness. I was surprised myself- I sounded so genuine. Like I did mean it. I could tell Glory was a little surprised, too.

And then I thought about what Greatness told me- about starting over. Telling Glory my secrets to see if she accepted them.

But how could I? The Deathbringer she knew wasn't me. If I took that mask off, what would our friendship be? It would be something like talking to a whole different person. Letting Glory know how I killed mercilessly, how I had blood on my hands- never.

So I went on and on about Greatness. Maybe I sounded obssessed to her, but the truth was, I didn't want her to think that I was simply hiding the truth. So I kept covering it with long descriptions about Greatness. How she liked dark chocolate, how we talked about some things while eating chocolate ice cream and how we confessed.

Glory's reaction was a little different that day- she was listening carefully, dropping small nods here and there, a frown on her face. That made me more scared, so I kept going, even making stuff up. I couldn't stop, because I had tried the method to get Glory uninterested, but she was interested more than ever.

Did I drop a hint about who I really was? Why was she staring at me so strangely? Did my mask come off? My heart started thumping too loudly and I had to stop. And Glory kept staring at me without a word. And she kept stsring until her grandmother came to turn the lights out.

We usually talked until late at sleepovers. But this time, neither of us said a word.

The next day, I invited Greatness to our lunch table.

☆

It might have started as a means to keep Greatness' mouth shut, but I think it did get bigger until I kind of recognized it as love. I don't know what made her so special, but maybe it was the fact that I didn't have to act around her. She knew what I had done, and yet she stayed by my side. She was a breath of fresh air.

Greatness was always the leading one in the relationship. She bought me frozen yogurt whenever we rode home in Greatness' car. When I called, she always came to my house, even when she was busy. I tried to mimick her, but it wasn't as good as what she tried to do for me.

She was always very careful with me, careful when we held hands, when we hugged. And her eyes were so vulnerable that I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing. There was an eager look on her face when she stared at me, somehow expectant and encouraging.

I didn't know why she gave me those looks.

I talked to Glory at school like I always did, but Greatness didn't mind. She just watched me carefully, like she wanted a reaction out of me. It was the first time a girlfriend ever looked at me that way, and it always puzzled me.

We even held hands in school, and it was funny how people reacted. Only if they knew what had brought us together- they wouldn't be able to even imagine.

Greatness always came to my house, and never allowed me in hers. And even though we were supposed to be in love, I never allowed her in my room. It was a relationship where we were both falling in love with each other, but was prepared to be betrayed anytime. Maybe that was what really brought us apart. Trust and vulnerability, because neither of us had been in a "real" relationship before.

"I'm going to join the UN when I get older," she said once, her hair tied back with a lot of locks loose. She was leaning on my shoulder. "What do you plan on doing?"

The future. I had never dreamed so far. "I mean. Go to a college thst accepts me, and maybe I can join the army or something."

It clearly wasn't an answer she wanted. "Maybe you can become a bodyguard. That would suit you."

"Yeah, why not become a sandbag so I can get shot myself when assassins come along. I value my life more than I value famous people's lives."

Greatness snorted. A silence followed, and then she started whispering lowly. "Do you ever plan on turning yourself in?"

Fear was the first thing I felt. Traitor. She was a traitor that had turned against her own blood. Why wouldn't she turn me in?

But no, she loved me. She would do what was best for me. Love was so hard to bargain with- there was no saying what she would do. Who did she love more, me or the world?

My assassin instincts always flew out first, and I told myself to think it over- I loved Greatness. I could take her thoughts into consideration- after all, going to jail could help me. Maybe.

"Would you like me to?"

Greatness narrowed her eyes as I placed my arm around her shoulder. "How many have you killed?"

How many? The women and the other people that were in buildings. At least five. Slaughter. The man I shot in the head when he was driving with his daughter.

"I might get death penalty if I did turn myself in. It would certainly make sense." I couldn't tell her. After all, she didn't know how many I had killed- did she?

My love for Greatness was big, but not big enough to erase my instincts completely. I couldn't bring myself to trust her. After all, she had been involved with the assassins.

She started giving me the sharp grin. "You don't trust me, do you?"

Well, shit.

"I love you," I said quite truthfully. She laughed and pinched my cheek. "Besides, it's not like you trust me, either. Our relationship isn't built on trust, is it?"

"That's true." Greatness seemed disappointed, though. And maybe so was I, because she never denied the fact that she didn't trust me. "You can love someone and never trust them. Well, you made a good choice. You should never trust me, just like I will never trust you."

No, Greatness. I should have trusted you. And you should have told me that you trusted me, because you did. Then maybe it would have ended better for the both of us.

☆

Nightmares always struck when I was alone and Mother wasn't there.

Sometimes, I was back in the white rooms. Or Slaughter was raising a knife over my head, getting ready to slit my throat. Or Glory, watching me as I shot the man in the head. And then she screamed at me. Monster, she cried out. Don't come close to me. You are a disgusting beast, a horrible monster.

I really was a monster.

I would wake up, soaked in sweat, and turn on all the lights, for once not caring about he electric bills. I would wander around the house holding a gun, which I hid underneath my pillow. Sometimes I would start choking randomly, my heart beating too hard. Even when I found nothing, I kept thinking that Slaughter was there, ready to raise a knife and slit my throat. Those nights I didn't sleep on the bed because it brought too much memories of the women.

And in those particular nights, I called Greatness. When she thought I was in too much of a bad position, she even came to my house because she knew they happened when Mother was not there. She would wrap me in blankets and we would just lay on the floor, me trembling and crying. She didn't touch me because she knew it would make it worse, but she instructed me to take deep breaths. When I did, she just whispered things over and over again until I calmed down.

"It's not happening again, Deathbringer. I know it feels real, but it's not happening again, I promise. They won't come here, I'll keep you safe."

When I calmed down, she asked if she could hug me, and when I said yes, we would just stay there hugging each other until the dawn came. Even when it was a school day, Greatness always dropped everything she was doing to help me. In a way, she was risking everything for me, loving me with everything she had.

And I threw it away.

☆