Bernice

I wiped the living room table off vigorously out of nervousness. Today Malachi is coming for his first monitored visit. Dave's mom was bringing him then someone from the adoption agency is also coming. I sprayed the Pledge onto the wooden table beginning to wipe once more when I heard, "Yo, B! Chill out you're making me nervous." I looked up to see him coming from the hallway. I put my hand on my hip breathing out deeply.

"What makes you think I'm nervous?" I asked going back to wiping.

"Because you clean when you're nervous. Momma said she's on her way. C'mon, just relax until they get here." He grabbed the Pledge bottle from me and the paper towels. He kissed my forehead before taking them to the pantry when there was a knock at our door. Dave came back out and we went to open the door. It was a Caucasian woman I assumed was from the adoption agency.

"Is this the Brewster residence?" She asked looking down at a paper.

"Yes, are you from the agency?"

"Yes, I'm Rachel and I'll be monitoring your first in home visit." Dave opened the door wider letting her in.

"My mom's on her way right now to bring him."

"Oh, that's fine. It gives me time to tour your place. Do you mind?"

"No, not at all. Come with me!" I said, so she followed me. I showed her the living room, dining room, kitchen then we went down the hall. I showed her the guest bathroom then the two extra bedrooms. "We just moved in, that's why these two rooms are empty."

"Oh, it's fine. You have a lovely home and I see everything is baby proof." I showed her our bedroom then we were walking back to the living room. "Whenever the child gets here act like I'm not even here. I'm just a fly on the wall taking notes." I nodded as she sat in a chair placed in the corner of the room.

Twenty minutes later there was another knock at the door. I opened it seeing Mrs. Janice holding Malachi. "Sorry, it took so long. New York traffic has been the vain of my existence since I moved here." I laughed as I helped bring the bags she had in. Dave came over hugging his mother. Malachi reached for me, so I grabbed him. I've only been around him a couple of times, so I'm surprised he did that. He's literally the cutest thing on earth.

"What about me? You forget about me?" Dave asked getting in Malachi's face then kissing him making him laugh. He wrapped his arms tighter around my neck resting his head on my chest. "I see how it is, Kai."

"Don't hate because he likes me!" I said sticking my tongue out at Dave.

"It's coo, because he's gonna like me in a few seconds. Watch!" Dave said going down the hall. I went to the couch with Dave's mom sitting down with Malachi on my lap. Dave came back with the toys he bought him. Not all of them because some of them are for his birthday. Dave took Malachi placing him on the floor sprawling out right next to him. I giggled at his long legs as he showed Malachi how to work his new toys.

I turned to Janice saying, "Oh yeah, I found a place for his birthday party. It's called Apple Seeds. I just need your help with who to invite."

"You already booked it?"

"Yeah, if that's fine with you? I just figured since it's coming right up."

"No, that's great. It's better than the little backyard party that I was thinking about. How much was it?"

"Oh, don't worry. I got it." It was about $500, but I didn't mind. "He only turns two once," I said looking over at him and Dave playing smiling.

"This is too adorable, I can't deal!" Janice said smiling ear to ear. "You guys are naturals. Speaking of kids when will you be blessing me with my grandbabies? Times a wasting!"

"Sooner than later," Dave said looking over grinning.

"Oh, I have to show you something." I said getting up. I went to the bedroom grabbing the ultrasound skipping into the living room.

"Slow down, child!" Janice said chuckling as I slid to her on my socks stopping right in front of her. I handed her the ultrasound. "What's this?" She looked down at it. She was quiet, which surprised me. Janice always had something to say. Her hand flew to her mouth then she finally looked up misty eyed. "I was just kidding. You guys are really having a baby?"

I nodded my head then Dave said, "Two actually," correcting her.

"Yup, see!" I pointed to each then she lit up with a smile.

"That comes from my side. Twins run in my family. I'm so happy for you guys!" I leaned down hugging her then sat back next to her. "You know I was starting to worry..."

"Why?" I asked confused.

"I thought Dave's soldiers didn't march," Janice whispered to me sending me into a fit of laughter.

"Why'd you think that?" I asked.

"I heard that! You ain't right, ma! My niggas definitely marching and they packing heat too!" Dave said sounding actually offended.

"I mean, I just thought. You're 28 with no kids. Everybody in this day and age got kids. You should have at least one by now and a baby mama too." That made me think about the baby I got rid of by him. I've really been keeping this secret from him for 9 years. Now that I'm pregnant again it's eating me up inside.

"Maybe I just know how to wrap it up, ma! You know you and pop's didn't play that bringing home babies nonsense. I knew better!"

"Well I'm glad I taught you well, son. Two in one, ain't that something!" She looked down at the ultrasound once more smiling.

"I'm glad. That's two out of the six we're having. Get used to B being pregnant because she's going to be pregnant for about four more years. They coming back to back, wam bam!"

I shook my head because this man is crazy. "Who said I'm having all these kids back to back?"

"Me. You're having these two then when they're one, you'll be pregnant again then so on so forth. Like ma said we're old, we gotta late start."

"We're not even 30 yet. You're really buggin'! I don't know about you, but I have stuff I want to accomplish!"

"We gon' do that too! We'll take them on the road wit us. On some real family hustle type shit!" I gave him a look and he covered his mouth, "I mean, um...I don't know what I meant, but not that." I laughed. He can be so stupid sometimes.

. . .

I was fixing dinner when I heard a loud thud then crying. I quickly looked over my shoulder to see Malachi on the ground crying. Dave picked him up as I went over. Before I could even get over to them Dave had gotten to Malachi to stop crying. "He just hit his head a little. He's okay," Dave said giving me a reassuring smile.

"You sure?" I asked touching Malachi's head softly.

"Mhm," Dave said nodding cradling him in his arms. I looked up smiling at Dave. He's going to be such a good dad. I wiped Malachi's tear stained face as his round eyes looked at me. I went back to the kitchen to finish cooking.

"Welp, it's been 3 hours and I think I've seen enough. Enjoy the rest of your evening. The agency will be calling in a week or so." Rachel announced. Dave showed her to the door then she left.

Dave

I flew onto the bed out of exhaustion. My mother had just left with Malachi and I was tired to say the least. I turned the tv on trying to find something to watch. Bernice came out of the bathroom in her pajamas with her in a bun. She sang some song while stirring her hips. "How do you have so much energy? Especially since you've been up since 5am. I'm tired as fuck!"

"You're tired from just that? That was nothing!" She said getting in the bed laying her head on my chest and putting one of her legs across mine.

"Oh, I forgot you're part Jamaican. Y'all used to working 10 jobs. Got mad energy! Now it makes sense why you want to do so much," I chuckled.

"You actually have a point. Guess that's where I get my work ethic from. Speaking of that, I have a photo shoot next week."

"I thought you quit modeling?"

"I did, but Tori convinced me to do one more shoot. Also, I booked a place for Malachi's birthday. Your mom's helping me plan it and invite people. I also need to get a cake made."

"That's nice of you. You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to. If we plan on adopting him I might as well. He probably won't remember it, but he deserves it."

I kissed her forehead. "This is why I love you. Always thinking about others. Like real shit, I'm glad I have you. I don't know what I'd do without you. You take my problems on as yours without a single complaint."

She looked up at me smiling. "Of course not. We're a team!" She held up her fist, so I bumped it.

"But I am gon' say one thing..."

"What?"

"I know how you get. Always trying to do a million things at once, so I'ma need you to calm that down while your pregnant. I know it's early, but just chill. I'm saying it in advance."

She smacked her lips, "I'll try."

"Bernice, don't play!"

"Fine, I will! I'm just doing one shoot next week then I'll be confined to an office at Def Jam."

"What about your pajama line? And no more club hostings with me."

"I'll do it from my office. What? Why?! That's my excuse for going to the club with you and watching you. Making sure these bitches stay away from what's mine!"

"Woooww! That's why you do it? I thought you actually liked coming and making money with me."

"You know damn well I don't like the club. I just gotta keep my eyes on you!"

"Aiight, I see where your heads at." I sucked my teeth, "Time for bed. Get off me!" I said moving her leg off of me.

"Why you always gotta do that? So mean!"

"I can't do all that cuddling shit when I'm tryna sleep. All in my personal space making me hot! Stay on your side, I'ma stay on mine. Coo!" I turned the lamp off rolling over. She wasted no time getting right up on my backside. "Move, yo!" You're gonna be snoring all in my ear in no time."

"I do not snore!"

"Yes the fuck you do! Like a grown ass man who's been through some shit!" I imitated her making her laugh loudly.

"You must be hearing yourself because that's not me. I'll rub your head until you fall asleep if you cuddle."

She knows that's my shit. That's my weakness. It makes me feel like a big baby, but I love it. "Alright, come to papa!"

"Yay!" She cheered. I turned over putting my head on her chest and wrapping my arm around her. I closed my eyes as she began to stroke my head.

Bernice
The Next Morning

I didn't have work, but I was getting dressed to go visit my mom. I threw on a matching Nike set and sneakers. I grabbed my purse, phone and keys then left. I got in my car driving to Queens to her house. Before I rang the doorbell I sighed deeply. Soon her husband finally opened the door. "Bernice! You came!"

"Yup," I said as he opened the door wider. I followed him down the hallway.

He opened a door saying, "Benita, your daughter is here." She said something then he motioned for me to go in. I walked into the room where she was sitting up in a bed. She looked bad, but not too terrible. I smiled and waved at her sitting down in a seat adjacent to her. Her husband closed the door leaving.

"I'm glad you could come. I heard you visited when I was in the hospital, but I was asleep." She said smiling then letting out a small cough.

"Yeah, I would've visited you again sooner but life's been hectic. I've been working a lot. Um, also, I got married." I said flashing my left hand with my ring. I didn't know if I should tell, but I did.

"Really? Congratulations! Who's the lucky man?" She's being unusually nice, but I think sickness will do that to you.

"Do you remember Dave? Him."

"David Brewster?" I nodded my head up and down. She smiled. "I knew you liked that boy. He was your world from middle school to high school. David this, Dave that." She chuckled, "I always liked him for you. I could tell the exact day you had sex with him too. You were different." She laughed and I did too kind of blushing, "He was good for you."

"Still is. It was a destination wedding in Jamaica. I figured since you're sick you couldn't come," I slightly lied. "I met my dad too. He says hello."

She smiled slightly, "Oh Ronald, oh Ronald!"

It was quiet for a minute. It's hard to bring up our issues, but it needs to be addressed. "Mommy, be honest with me...Why were you the way you were? What happened to make you so angry?"

"I don't think you'll ever understand, child."

"Make me understand! I need to know! Just tell me why you treated me the way you did! Tell me!" I yelled in a slightly shaky voice. I was on the verge of tears.

"That's how I was raised. Strict Caribbean household. I can admit my treatment towards you was a little worse, but I was hurt. I was angry. Angry at the world. I was a single mother at 16 on my own. My parents kicked me out. Your father left me with no one. Then he goes and marries someone else. The love of my life broke my heart." She had tears streaming down her face looking straight ahead.

"I took us back to Trinidad hoping to start over, but the family members we were staying with gave me a time limit. We were staying with my aunt and her husband. She let us stay there for awhile, but soon wanted us to leave. Her husband went against her and said we could stay. I didn't know it was at a price though. He thought I was pretty. He wanted something from me I didn't want to give. He assumed because I had a child out of wedlock I was a whore. For two years he violated me. I had nowhere else to go, so I put up with it. Then one day he asked for you. You were only 9, I said no. Nobody is going to touch my baby. I used all the money I had saved to leave and go back to the U.S. I had nothing, so we stayed in a shelter for a little while. You probably don't even remember. Nobody couldn't tell me I wasn't a good mother. I protected you, I did!"

I was crying now too. "You protected me from other people, but who was going to protect me from you? You hurt me! You abused me! You're the reason I'm so angry and insecure. I just want an apology, that's it!"

She looked over at me with red eyes and a wet face. "I'm sorry, Bernice. I tried, I really did. I guess this is my karma," she said pointing to herself talking about the lung cancer.

"I forgive you. I just know now I need to let the anger and hurt go, so I'm not like you with my children."

"Are you pregnant?" I nodded my head. She smiled, "I can tell. There's a certain radiance and calmness to you. I'm happy for you."

"Thank you. I have to get going, Mommy." I went over hugging her, something I haven't done in who knows how long.

"I love you. I always have. Don't ever doubt that."

"I love you too." I smiled at her before leaving. Once I got in my car I sighed deeply beginning to cry again. I cried as hard as I really wanted to cry in there, but this time it's tears of joy. Decades of pain fixed just like that. It was way overdue to heal those old wounds.

Do you think what happened to Benita is an excuse for what she did to Bernice?

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