Bloodstream - ed sheeran

Hope was once again determined. But this determination was from a new place within, a Hope that would no longer allow fear to rule. She had so many regrets about leaving the last bonfire two years ago, some that she was just now beginning to understand, that she refused to let her fears create yet another reason for regrets. She wasn't going to leave as soon as it got uncomfortable, not this time.

Once again she found herself in a campground bathroom, brushing her hair and looking at the brown hair and eyes looking back at her. But this time she allowed herself to see beauty in her "vanilla" features. Maybe she was enough. She wanted to stop seeing herself as "less than" everyone else. She new that wasn't really true, but she didn't know how to build her own confidence.

She once again made her way down the trail leading to the beach, but rather than gripping her flash light from anxiety, she held it up to shine the way to new possibilities. Even though she felt the ever present butterflies, she continued forward without thoughts of changing course. She didn't want to let her fears get a hold of her. She wouldn't let them paralyze her anymore.

Hope came to the opening in the trees, signaling the beach ahead. She once again peered around the tree trunk and to her relief(and a little bit to her horror) she saw the light from the anticipated bonfire. Deep breath, no more fears, not less than, enough.

She stood watching for a while, remembering the last time she stood there and had almost left before even going. She remembered bumping into Ethan as she had stepped back. Her heart raced just thinking about his blue eyes looking into her own, telling her to follow him over there. She wondered...maybe he could be here tonight. That thought both caused her to want to step back, and encouraged her to step forward.

It's now or never.

Are you sure you want to do this?

You have got to be kidding me...

Just saying...

So now I'm defying my thoughts and my mom. Perfect.

Hope stepped out onto the beach and strode to the bonfire, feigning confidence, fake it till you make it, right? She took in her surroundings as she walked forward. Similar music, the same red cups, and towels and beach chairs. I can't believe I forgot something to sit on, again! Hope looked in vain for the one person she wanted to see but knew wouldn't be there, Ethan. Of course he was no where to be found. It seemed to her that there were a few of the same people as last time, even though she hadn't stayed for more than 15 minutes. As long as no one shouts, "Dude, who's the chick?"

Thankfully, no one did. But before she knew it, someone did place a red cup in her hand. This is easier than I thought. She took a sip, whoa, not just Coke this time. Coke...and something more, but she was too inexperienced to know what it could be. It felt warm going down her throat, much different than Coke should feel.

The whole bonfire had a different feel than last time. She couldn't put her finger on it exactly, but there was an energy or vibe that seemed wilder perhaps. She wasn't expecting marshmallows this time, that's for sure.

Hope chose a spot to sit, not too close to the fire but close enough to see faces and to be seen. That was new for her, being seen. She sipped her drink and watched others interact. There were people, mostly girls, dancing to the classic rock song playing. The song seemed somewhat familiar to her, something about thunder.. Some of the guys were bro-ing it up, fist pumping, shoulder bumping and "dude"ing constantly. They sure seemed happy to her, but again, no marshmallows. A few people passed by her and smiled, some said hi or something like it. She was feeling okay, not too uncomfortable yet. But then again, no one had tried to start a conversation with her. She thought about trying to start one with one of the girls or something, but then she felt sick and decided she wasn't ready to try that. Baby steps.

After a while, she started to feel something else new and different, and even though she was too inexperienced to know what else was in her Coke, she knew enough to to realize that she was feeling buzzed. The fire looked a little fuzzy, the motion around her seemed to slow down. Even her thoughts seemed slower to her. She was not excited by this revelation, but not surprised. She had figured the Coke had been spiked but drank it anyway, well, that's what you get for drinking it. The next thing she knew, a strange guy plopped down next to her and slurred "hey, you're new"

Warning bells were screaming inside of her head. Her butterflies were trying to climb up her throat. But the buzz made her reply, "yeah, I'm Hope" Her fuzzy thoughts told her, this is easy, talking to people. She wondered why she hadn't tried it before, she could have saved herself years of regrets.

Get up

Be quiet

The slurring stranger just winked at her.

Go now

Leave me alone

But just as the slurring stranger started to put his arm around her, she looked past the fire and saw the most beautiful man walking straight to her with a huge grin on his face.He looked just like the blond theater geek of her dreams. Tall, with messy, shaggy blond locks bouncing as he walked. Slightly tanned, or so it seemed in the firelight. It looked like he was surrounded by a glowing light, but it must have been the glow from the fire. As he approached she looked from side to side to see who he could be smiling at. Oh, he's smiling at me. He got closer and she saw that his eyes held a sparkle she had never seen in any eyes she'd ever looked into. Maybe I haven't looked into that many eyes.

Something about the way he looked at her beckoned her to go to him. Without another thought, she pushed slurring strangers arm off of her shoulder ("hey where you going?") and walked to the beautiful stranger, who took her hand and walked with her, away from the bonfire. She wasn't nervous, or sick to her stomach. The warning bells and butterflies were silent now.

He led her to the trail back to the campground. "I don't think that guy had good intentions for you" he said. Hope felt a shiver go down her spine. When they reached the trail, Hope stumbled and the beautiful stranger put his arm around her waist to steady her. They continued walking like this up the trail. She felt safe, protected, guarded.

Hope giggled, giggled. Oh, my. "Who are you?" She giggled again. Why was she giggling? This wasn't funny and she didn't feel like the giggly type of girl.

"Will" he stated. He looked down at her, deeply into her eyes.

"Oh" she replied, looking back into his sparkly eyes, without a giggle this time.

To her own shock, she proceeded to talk to him, a lot. Something about him made her feel safe, and comfortable enough to have a conversation. "My family came here every summer since I was little, well until last year, that's when my parents ruined my life by getting a divorce. So I didn't get to come last year" Was there truth serum in that drink? "I've been really mad, so mad, at them. I'm mad!" Hope yelled that last part. Will chuckled and shushed her gently.

" The last time I was here I went to the bonfire but I was too shy to stay, even though he invited me to hang out. But the other guy said, "who's the chick, and then he left me but he came back. I couldn't talk...so shy...man, I shoulda stayed." Hope shook her head. She had left out Ethan's name but that was about it. She wasn't sure if it was due to the buzz, or him, that had brought out her voice. By the time she finished they were back at her tent. Suddenly Hope wondered what Will's intentions were.

As if he read her mind, he said " you should get some sleep so you don't have a headache later." He smiled. He leaned down and opened her tent for her. Just as Hope gasped, he gestured to the tent door and stepped away. Hope climbed inside and looked back at Will.

"I'll be surfing tomorrow on north beach, so if you want to talk, come by in the morning. Goodnight, Hope" and with that he walked away, back down the trail. Hope scowled at him leaving, she wasn't ready to stop talking to him yet.

But then something occurred to her that wiped the scowl off of her face. Hope thought to herself, how did he know my name? She was sure she hadn't told him.

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Author's notes:

What?? Who's this Will guy, and how did he know her name? Don't you wish you knew, but don't worry, you'll know soon enough. Let me also say that I don't condone underage drinking. There are consequences to every choice, luckily Will stepped in before Hope really had to suffer. Coincidence???

Notes on chapter title - bloodstream

I love this song by Ed Sheeran. That being said, it's not entirely about what happens in this chapter. I first heard it and thought of another character, in another book I was reading. But as this chapter was being created, I realized it had a connection as well. The song is about someone who is broken hearted and sort of drowning their sorrows in a destructive way... I can't say more without spoiling later chapters, but I will divulge the details after "that" chapter is written.

And because I love it, here is Ed playing it live at the BBMA's last year...off the hook!

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]