It took me a while to realize that Kai was talking to me. 

He nudged my shoulder and I forced myself to tear my eyes away from Zelos. He looked so similar to Zeph, and still, something felt off. He looked too...well kept. Although I was relieved to see that the Academy was atleast providing the kids with nutrition, I could see what Zeph meant. 

"Let's go out. Don't wanna be here when their training starts," Kai whispered and it was then that I realised that almost the entire hall had cleared out of everyone except the Shadowcasters. I nodded and followed him outside, taking one last look at Zelos. His powers, were they similar to Zeph's? Except perhaps, better trained?

"Do you want to see the Academy?" Kai asked. "I mean there are a few cool places here. You will stick out like a sore thumb though."

"Oh," I glanced down at my burgundy t-shirt as he explained. 

"During academic hours it's usually forbidden to wear anything other than the uniform. But you're a visitor so they'll make an exception. But you'll still invite stares," he hesitated for a bit, his mouth open as he tethered on the edge of words before finally speaking in a hurried tone, "If you want...I have a few spare t-shirts in my room." 

"Yeah, that would be good," I looked at his much smaller frame. "Er...I'm not sure your t-shirt will fit me."

"Oh, I have one that is pretty big. I got it for winters. It should fit you just right." 

I shrugged. "Worth a try I guess." 

He led me through the hallways as I immediately felt better about my decision to wear something that would fit in better. Everywhere we went, heads would turn to look at me, unabashedly. I picked up my pace as we made our way to the third floor and through a long, narrow corridor. I was slightly disoriented by the white walls everywhere, forcing myself to look down at the grey stone floor just for some change.

We reached the very last door of the room and Kai swung it open, leading me inside. He switched on the lights, or more appropriately, a single dim light, casting the room in a dull glow. The walls were off white, mounted with a bunch of diagrams and charts. Cheat sheet for his exams I assumed. A bunk bed stood on my right, although the upper bunk was just a bunch of books. A pillow lay on the bottom bunk. A cupboard on the opposite wall and a small window with an off white curtain stood opposite the entry. 

"Wow," I gave a low whistle. "How do you manage to live here with another person? It's tiny." 

"I don't," he said, rummaging around in his cupboard. "Not anymore. I did have a room mate. My friend. He moved out though."

"Oh. Is it like a rule or something? You have to take individual rooms in senior year or something?" I asked, leaning against the wall. 

He fished out a blue t-shirt and turned around to face me, shrugging. "No." He handed me the t-shirt, now meeting my gaze as he continued. "He er...moved out. He requested to be relocated." 

"You guys had an argument or something?" I unfurled the t-shirt. It was navy blue, same as the uniform colours at the academy. It looked big enough to fit me, and oddly ironed and washed. Despite his scarce belongings, he seemed to be taking care of his things. 

I tugged off my t-shirt, pulling on the blue one before I finally glanced back at Kai. Much to my surprise, his face was bright pink.

"N-not r-really," he stuttered. Then he gulped, taking a step backward as he stared at me, his eyes wide open. "I j-just-"

"You okay?" I raised an eyebrow at him, concerned by his behaviour getting weirder and weirder by the second. He seemed to be chewing on his own tongue for a few strained moments before he finally nodded. 

"Yes. Er...it wasn't really an argument...things just got...weird," he sighed. "He was weirded out when I came out so...I mean-" he shrugged. "He didn't say anything. But I could tell. And people would snicker and make these rumours so he got really uncomfortable around me and finally just switched rooms."

My stomach turned, an angry fire burning in my chest. "That's fucking pathetic."

He shrugged. "That was ages ago. I'm sure people have matured since then."

"Well...I'm glad you've found people who accept you as you are," I said. Much to my surprise his face turned impossibly more pink but he didn't say anything. 

"Okay, lets go. You should be fine now," he nodded before turning to open the door. I followed him back into the hallway and down the staircase we had arrived. 

"Is it fine for you right now to be showing me around?" I asked. "I mean, what with your classes and all?" 

He nodded. "Yeah. It's all good. I don't have any class for today except one session in the evening." 

He led me through the downstairs corridor and I was relieved that there wasn't nearly as much staring as before. I no longer stood out like a sore thumb. He led me in front of multiple rooms, each of which seemed to look exactly the same. He pointed to a staircase leading to the basement, on the opposite of the training hall and spoke, "That's the library. It's got really cool stuff if you wanna check it out." 

"Uh...maybe another time," I shrugged. "I'd rather be outside right now."

He nodded and started leading me towards the grounds instead. He made a sharp turn just as we passed the central building and I found myself in a very unkempt garden. It barely qualified as a garden, more like a dilapidated backyard. Empty barrels and anthills decorated the sparse grass. 

He led me a little further away, with practically no change in scenery. Barre lands as far as I could see, and the Academy behind us. "Where are we going?" I asked. 

"You'll see," he said mysteriously. 

After what felt like atleast half an hour of straight walking, a massive lake materialized in the line of my vision. The sparkly surface visible behind the wild grown grass. As we walked closer to the lake, I was stunned to see that it was completely empty. Devoid of any sign of life at all. On the opposite end of the lake was a thicket of trees that led into a forest, presumably. 

"This...is strangely lifeless," I admitted. 

"Yes," Kai agreed as he sat on a large rock facing the lake. "It's only crowded with birds during monsoon. When the fishes from the ocean migrate to lay eggs. Rest of the time its just empty. Some say it's er...cursed."

"Cursed?" I scoffed, taking a seat beside him on the rock. "How so?"

A dark shadow passed across his features. "Not all the students respect the Authority's academy. Some rebel. And some...in the past have drowned themselves in this lake."

My fingers felt suddenly numb at the revelation. "So you mean there are...corpses below us?"

He shrugged. "Just legends I've heard. I'm not sure how correct they are. But I think it's all nonsense. It's just sad, if anything. And I've spent days....possibly months here. Never seen or felt anything except serenity."

"You come here a lot huh?" I asked, surprised. "I thought with your training, classes, friends and stuff, you'd barely find time to wander off for hours on your own."

He didn't say anything before he sighed, chewing on his bottom lip. "I'm a fucking idiot, okay? But...I lied."

"Huh?"

"I...I made them up. I don't have any friends. The girl? Syndra? She doesn't exist. I made them up so you don't think I'm a fucking lonely loser."

"Oh."

He turned his face away from me, his shoulders slumped as he continued speaking. "I know it's pathetic but...I...I wanted you to think I was cool...I know it's pathetic. Sorry. If you wanted to leave right now I'd understand."

"Why did you have to lie though?" I asked, a pang of pity in my chest as he finally turned to look at me, his eyes bloodshot. 

He shrugged. "I don't know...I...you know how I am. I overshare. I talk so loudly. People find me obnoxious I suppose. Why do you think Arden Lightwielder chose me? Because I didn't really have anything to do. I had no friends, no extra-curricular to distract me. So he chose me so I could focus completely on training for the carnival.

And...I tried to make friends. I really did. But...they would be so mean. They'd tell me that they're going to hang out somewhere and when I reach, no one was there. It's dumb stuff really. I felt...so much stress when I was with them. Like...like...I can't really be myself. And...then I just...found my own shell. And I'm not popular or fun good looking at all. So everyone just let me be...which is...fine...I suppose."

I glanced at my sneakers, unable to look at him. If those ruffians hadn't found me that one fateful day years ago, I would have never found the Hawks. And possibly be same as him. Or worse off. 

He was rambling now, but I didn't have the heart to stop him. Was it a strange defensive tool he had somehow developed? To talk to loudly, to talk so much that he didn't have enough time to think. That's what he had said, hadn't he? That when he was loud, the voices in his head were quiet. 

" -every festival...I was always by my self. So I stopped trying to make friends. And then my professor told me about this opportunity so I jumped in. And..." he sighed. "I guess I just really wanted you...anyone  to like me. But I guess I failed miserably." 

"What about that day, at the arcade?" I asked. "I thought you said your friends were waiting there?" 

"I initially planned to tell you the truth then," he chewed on his bottom lip. "But then you left so...I thought maybe I annoyed you as well or that you'd got...kidnapped or something." 

"Oh, well er...sorry about that," I sighed. 

"No no...it's fine. I still...appreciate the time you spent with me. And this-this time too. Even if your dad forced you or whatever..."

"He didn't force me," I lied. "I mean...he suggested and I agreed."

"Whatever it is. I appreciate it...a lot," he said softly. "I...I think you're really amazing, Aster."

"Er...I wish you were right," I shrugged. "But thanks I guess."

"And I really appreciate you putting up with me," he rambled on. "And...your father is wrong. On several accounts. You're not...whatever he thinks you are. You're really smart and sweet and understanding and funny and handsome and-" he bit his tongue, his eyes widening and his entire face beet red. "I m-mean- like...nice to look at. Like...like a... a flower pasture or like...like a fountain or...or-"

I felt my neck heating up and didn't really know how to respond. I wasn't used to such gracious compliments. I wasn't sure if he really even meant them, but nonetheless it was flattering. 

"I also wanted to ask...if youdliketogoutagainsometime?"

"-huh?" I gaped at him wordlessly. 

He shook his head and spoke slowly, "Would you like to go out again sometime?"

"Oh." My face was burning, I suddenly wished I hadn't understood what he had asked. Of course I had been stupid to think that going for an ice cream had just been a friendly trip. It had been a date in his head, and this would be the second. 

"I...I'm sorry, Kai," I said, hoping the earth would spilt open and pull me inside as guild writhed in my stomach. "I...I have plans."

"Oh," his face fell. "I...didn't even tell you the day though."

Shit.

"Uh..."

If there was any time for an apocalypse to happen, it would be now. The perfect time for the sky to thunderously collapse to the ground so I would no longer have to be there in front of Kai. 

"I mean...I only meant like...as a friend," he said. "I enjoy your company"

It wouldn't be so bad to just get something to eat, would it? He hadn't really said that his feelings towards me were anything more than platonic. Perhaps of admiration. 

"Oh, sure I guess. I'll let you know if I'm free next weekend," I replied.

His face lit up in a beaming smile, which almost made it worth all the awkwardness. 

"This place is pretty nice," I commented, looking at the shimmering light dancing on the surface of the lake. "Nothing creepy so far."

He shook his head. "I'm glad you like this place. It's...really special to me."

"Why so?" I asked, my eyes roving over the deserted place, the eeriness making me feel like I was being watched. 

He shrugged, but his eyes seemed suddenly darker. Whatever was the reason, he wasn't telling me. Should I ask him? Maybe. But what if I was overbearing? 

"Kai, I needed to ask you something,"' I said, turning to look at him to ask the question that had been gnawing away at my insides to also hopefully change the topic.  "The shadowcaster orphans, what does the academy do to them?"

"Oh," his shoulders slumped again and he lowered his head a little, speaking softly. "I...honestly I'm not allowed to tell you. It's like...in the rules."

"Oh," I nodded, realizing that I would have to pull a very different tactic if I wanted to find out. One that I wasn't proud about, but would surely work. The only problem was, I had never flirted with anyone. What if I came across as creepy?

I took a deep breath and glanced away. No way I would ever be able to pull this off. I had to find something else. Maybe try to know him a little more? 

"This place," I said, hugging myself. "Doesn't this place creep you out? Even a little?" 

He was quiet for a long time. So much so that his eyes turned glassy. He seemed to be staring at the surface of the water as a strange stillness settled around us, making me shudder. Was it even safe to be here? I wasn't sure. The place was too calm. Too serene. As if harbouring silent demons. 

"Have you ever....drowned, Asteroth?" he asked, his gaze still on the surface of the lake. 

The way my name slipped off his tongue, the way his mouth barely seemed to move, made my blood run cold. 

"No," I said. "Why do you ask?"

"My room mate...he didn't just move out because he got uneasy," he said softly. My heart leapt to my throat. Had he drowned in the lake? 

"Oh," I was afraid to be too loud. Afraid to break the terrifying silence closing in like a suffocating hand on my throat. 

"We sort of had a thing," he said. "It was just sexual. I'm not proud of it," he continued. "But then we got found out and...he pretended like I coerced him into everything. Like I brainwashed him somehow..." 

I felt a sick putrid taste in the back of my throat, nauseous from the nervousness of what he was about to say. 

"So he just joined the other people in making fun of. To really sell it...he sold...me," he said. "Everything I had ever told him, everything we had ever shared in confidence. He exposed it. And then joined the others to make fun of me. It was humiliating."

"That's...really disgusting of him," I said, my chest suddenly hollow. 

"I told my teachers but...he was given a warning. They didn't take it seriously," he said, his voice oddly even, devoid of any of his normal exuberance. "I didn't know what to do. Where to go. So..."

He trailed off, shutting his eyes as his face scrunched up, as if he was reliving it. He continued speaking, his voice rising, deeper than I'd ever heard it. Almost as if he had somehow completely detached from himself. 

"It's kind of a blur, but I remember crying and running towards this very lake. The water...the surface of it looked so calm. So peaceful. And next thing I remember, was mind-numbing pain. I mean...I don't really remember the pain. Strange how the mind works that way...all I remember is...just wanting it to end.

And then...I had never felt so calm. So...happy. I have never felt that sense of analgesia...it was the most beautiful thing I had ever felt." A chill ran down my back as a tiny twinkle appeared in his eyes, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Almost as if he was remembering it....fondly. 

"And for some reason...I really remember...the warmth," he laughed, a twinkling laughter that made my blood run cold. "It's odd, isn't it? You wouldn't expect water to be warm...but it was comforting. Affectionate. Something I had never really felt."

My heart raced, my fingers cold as he spoke. I couldn't imagine someone like him, ever going through something so horrifying. And a part of me didn't want to imagine. Maybe in a way, now that he seemed to have lost it somehow- I had found solace in his over excitement about everything. His loudness. 

"Woke up at the infirmary. I'm not sure what the authorities told everyone happened...but no one mentioned it. I don't think they know. Of course, it's better that way."

His eyes were void of darkness. No trace of the goofy smile I had unknowingly gotten used to. It was hard to imagine how much Kai had been through. He was as much of a victim as Zeph was. It was just so much harder to take him seriously.

"Sorry for dumping all this on you," he said, raking a hand through his hair. He shrugged. "I guess I just wanted someone to know."

"I appreciate you trusting me enough," I said. "And...if it means anything, I for one, am glad you were found that day."

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips before he spoke, "If you say so." 

He reached down and picked up a flat rock, throwing it so it bounced thrice on the water, the ripples stirring the lake which made consecutive 'plop' sounds as if in disagreement. 

I glanced at Kai from the corner of my eye, my heart wrenching in pain. I had only seen what had befallen on the Shadowcasters, what had happened to Zeph and his people. And never once had I imagined what it would be like to be Kai. To have no one in the world to truly call your own. Especially for him. I could suddenly see why he didn't have any friends. The darkness he hid behind his façade seemed to slip through the cracks, flowing like venom that drove people away. 

There really had been no victors in the war.  

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Super curious to know what everyone thinks about Kai? Is he endearing in a creepy way? Or just creepy? Annoying? Mysterious? Would you trust him?