I debated for a long time on whether I should find Zeph or now. A discussion started among the Hawks, I couldn't pay attention to it. From the looks of it, almost everyone had the same thought process as Zia. And Zeph surely needed me more. 

I slipped out of the room, unsurprisingly, without catching anyone's attention. He would be on the roof. Unless he had decided to simply wander out in the streets. 

I walked up the staircase and onto the pathetic excuse of a 'rooftop.' Just the barren top of the warehouse. My heart sunk however, when I saw that it was empty. There was no way he would be found if he didn't want to be. He could slip in and out of shadows like a ghost. What chance was there for me to find him even?

I went back downstairs and stepped out into the filth covered streets. Where could he be? I couldn't possibly search for him all over the savage town. He couldn't have gone that far, could he?

I walked around aimlessly for a while, trying my hardest to avoid the shady alleyways and ruffians loitering around in the streets. A few of them glanced my way, making me pick up my pace immediately. 

"Zeph," I muttered to myself. "Please be close." 

In my desperation to find him, I broke into a run. Although my frantic movement did catch a few eyes, no one seemed to be interested whatsoever. I soon reached a part of the underbelly that I had never been to. The rundown buildings and occasionally open sewers were an even more common sight. The Light forsaken place seemed to emanate an almost unearthly smell. A nauseating, eclectic blend of alcohol, garbage and something else I was trying hard to ignore. Although, through my walk in the town I had mostly been unbothered, save for a few whistles and a few toothless, scarred men beckoning me towards them from under dirty hoods. Here however, things were different. 

People of all genders seemed to flock on either side of the alleyway I was in. Dressed in contrastingly bright, skimpy clothing that seemed vastly out of place. A few people even called endearing terms at me, and it was then that I realized I had come to what I could only imagine to be the red light area. 

My stomach turned nervously, a strange, unexplainable fear finding root in my belly. The Capital city had always looked down on people who sold their bodies for monetary gain, however, they merely did it because they had been condemned to. Being such a frequent visitor of the underbelly, I was mildly surprised to have never come across a sex worked before. Although I had spend years trying to desensitize myself to everything in here, I couldn't help but feel sick to my stomach. 

Just as I turned to leave however, an unfamiliar hand grabbed me and I quickly shrugged it off, scalded. It was a woman, three of them in fact, leering at me. 

"Hi, sweetheart," one of them said, batting her clumpy, artificially long lashes at me. "Are you here to pay us a visit?"

I took a step back, my heart rampaging as sweat broke out on my forehead. "Er...no, I was just...looking for someone."

"Maybe we can help?" another woman purred, reaching for my arm again.

I took another step back, hyperventilating. What the fuck had I got myself into?

"I'll...I'll just go," I turned to leave, but the grip on my arm tightened as another woman cooed. 

"Don't be scared, sweetie," she said. Then she leaned forward with a leer, her voice low, "It's always scary the first time." 

Before  I could say anything, a familiar voice called my name and relief washed through me. 

"Aster?" 

The woman let my arm go immediately and we turned to see Zeph, standing a few feet away from us. He was accompanied by another woman in identical, vibrant, scarce clothing. My heart dropped to my stomach. 

"You know him?" one of the women said. "How come?"

Zeph sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "Yeah. And you guys are scaring the fuck out of him," he smirked as he glanced at me. "Man looks like he saw a ghost."

One of the woman gave a simpering laugh before leaning over me as I struggled to keep a straight face. "Sorry, honey, we tend to come on a little strongly."

I gulped. No way I could say anything without my voice breaking. Why was Zeph here anyway? 

"Doesn't look he belongs here," someone said. "Are you from the city?"

"Er-" 

Before I could make up my mind on whether to answer or not, Zeph jumped in. "We should leave. Thanks for all your help," he nodded at them and grabbed my hand, quickly leading me out of the alley. We walked in silence for a few more minutes before he dropped my hand and turned around to face me. "What the fuck were you thinking? Walking around here alone? Do you want to get killed?"

"I was looking for you," I said. "Why were you....why the fuck were you there?"

He sighed. "You're not supposed to be here, Goldie. Don't just-"

"That's not what I asked," I said, balling my fists. "You argue with everyone then just leave without saying a word. I was worried"

His eyes softened for a second but he scowled. "Why the fuck would you get worried about me?"

"Because- because this place is not good and...well you could get into some fight or get beaten up or-"

"And what if I do?" he clicked his tongue, towering over me as he placed a hand on the wall behind me. "What the fuck will you do? Protect me? Fight them?"

"I-I-" I stuttered, unsure of the answer. Maybe he was right. In any case, I was much more of a liability to him. 

"Look, Goldie," he sighed leaning closer. "Solve got to be stop being so reckless. You keep doing this and-"

I scoffed, affronted. "Hypocrisy is fucking jealous of you." 

"It's different for me," he said. "I can get out of anything. I know how to fight this stuff. You don't. And you keep putting yourself in these situations... just making things difficult."

"Why are you even here?" I asked, defiant. 

He clenched his jaw. "That's not really your business." 

I clenched my fists but didn't say anything. Maybe he was just worried about everything. Maybe this was some sort of a defense mechanism. Maybe I was assuming the worst about his presence here.

"Let's leave," he said, leaning back. He grabbed my hand and started leading me away. 

"Do you go there often?" I asked after a bit, unable to hold myself in. 

He shrugged. "Occasionally."

"Does Zia know about it?" 

He cast me a sideways glance before shaking his head. "No."

"So you've just been going there, while in a relationship with her?" I asked, my stomach knotting uneasily.

"What does this have anything to do with her?" he asked, gritting his teeth. "And what's with the questions?"

I blinked in disbelief. Did he actually think it was all okay? That he would go sleep with other women while he was still in a relationship? 

"How long have you been going there?" I asked, although I could sense that I was pushing him to the edge. He didn't answer this time, instead asking me another question. 

"What do you think about it?" he asked. "The peace token or whatever. Do you think...we should surrender?"

"I'm not really in a position to answer that," I replied, honestly. "I...do understand the sentiment on both sides."

He scoffed. "Nice, diplomatic answer, Goldie. Well played."

"I'm only telling the truth," I said, clicking my tongue. He seemed so impatient, like he would only hear what he wanted to hear. 

"I don't trust those scumbags, that's all," he said. "I don't really have any reason to trust them either. Once we surrender, there is no going back." 

"What will you do if the rest of them decide to surrender anyway?" I asked. "Gould you give in?"

"Never," he said. "They can do whatever they want. I prefer to work alone for this stuff anyway."

"And what do you plan to do?" I asked, unsure if I wanted to hear the answer. 

"Cause chaos at the carnival for one," he replied nonchalantly. 

"That will trigger them to immediately attack the underbelly," I said quickly, my blood turning cold at the idea. "You can't do that." 

He shrugged. "It's inevitable. I am hoping if I can intimidate them enough somehow, if I can cause some sort of commotion, it will scare the House to lay low and leave us alone for a while. Buy us some time."' 

"What are you planning to do?" I asked. "You're not going to...hurt people, are you?"

"Not mortally, no. Perhaps some injuries," he responded after an uncomfortably long pause. He answered slowly, as if mincing his words. "It's not my primary aim. I just want to..." he glanced at me once before quickly looking away, "-send a message."

"Through innocent people?" I asked softly. 

"Innocent?" he laughed mirthlessly. "None of these people are innocent. Knowing what their city lies on,  knowing the agony half of the population lives in, and deciding to shut their eyes and go on about their day." 

"I'm not even sure everyone knows what they do, you know?" I said. "If I hadn't met you guys, I probably wouldn't have known either." 

"But you did meet us, so you do know," he said. shrugging.

"You can't do that, Zeph," I said. "Or at least...you shouldn't." 

"I still have to talk to others about this anyway," he said. "Although, I pretty much know what they will say."

He picked up pace, as if he was purposefully trying to avoid talking to me. I had to jog to keep up with him as we  made our way through the underbelly and back to the Nest. 

"Don't tell anyone about this," Zeph said in a low voice. "I'm not even sure I'm going to tell the others."

"About...what?" It made sense if Zeph didn't want anyone to know about his little detours to the red light district- the thought of which made a rock slide down my stomach. 

"Everything," he clicked his tongue dismissively. "Just, not right now. I gotta figure out some stuff."

"Zeph," I called, although every cell in my  body was telling me that it was a bad idea. 

He didn't respond, simply picking up pace. I grabbed his hand and he finally turned to face me, one eyebrow raised quizzically. 

"Have you thought...about it? Like...really?" 

"About what?" he turned to face me, crossing his elbows in front of his chest. 

"About this situation...have you tried to put your prejudice aside for a second and tried to imagine how it would be if it actually works out? If you guys can finally live freely?" 

"I don't believe in dreams," he said softly. "I only believe in my self. Our self. And I know that we can fight them. They're never going to give us what we want. They don't give a fuck. I'm sure about that." 

I gazed at him silently, flinching slightly at the venom in his voice. The pure, naked hatred he had harboured for the Lightwielders in his heart. Hating the House. Hating my people. 

He stood still, staring at the floor for a few seconds, as if, contemplating my words. "You told me you saw Zelos, and the others. They seemed...fine?"

I gulped. I had to lie to him. I had to. If I told him the truth, there was no way he would even consider peace. 

"Yeah, they did," I nodded. 

He stared at me for a few more seconds, his eyes narrowed. "You're lying." 

I took a step back, deflating under his piercing gaze. He took leaned closer to me as he spoke, "What did they do to him?"

How could I tell him? There was no way he would handle it well. How could he? He was his little brother. A five year old Zelos was all he remembered. 

"Zeph...I don't think..." I sighed, stuttering like a fool. "I...I don't-"

"I don't have time for this Goldie," he snapped. "What is it? What do they do to him?"

"Just...bad...stuff," I said, lamely. His eyes narrowed even further as he grit his teeth. 

"Thank god you're not being vague," he said in a dangerously low voice.

"I don't want to tell you that," I said simply. "I cant...it's not good. It'll hurt you. I don't need to tell you specifically what it is."

"Yes you do," he scoffed. "You do fucking need to tell me. You can't just keep me hanging like this."

"You don't tell me a lot of stuff," I shrugged. Maybe defiance was the way out of this? "You don't tell the others lots of stuff too. So let this just be one thing that I'm not telling you."

"I don't tell you people stuff to protect you," he clicked his tongue. 

"And I'm doing the same," I said, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "I've told you all you need to know."

"Who the fuck are you to decide what I deserve to know and what I don't deserve to know?" he said, his eyes darkening. And for a split moment, I couldn't see the Zeph I'd known, the one who had always looked out for me. And all I could see was the leader of the Hawks. The most feared and revered in the underbelly.

"No one," I said, all my conscious efforts poured into making sure my voice remained stable. "But you can't force me to tell you something I don't want to tell you either." 

"Are you just going to keep protecting your mongrel father?" he said, his nostrils flaring. "Or are you ever going to open your eyes and see the fucking truth? That your entire kind are cruel sadistic bigots?" 

I flinched, taking a step back as his voice rose. 

"There...are casualties on our side as well, you know," I said, staring back at him. "Orphans of war on our side. Kai-"

"Whatever came to that creepy loser, he fucking deserved it," he said, hatred dripping from each of his words. 

"Deserved to have his entire family taken away from him? He was a child then. Not much different than you guys. And there are many others like him." 

He was quiet for a long time, staring at me before he finally spoke, "I have ran out of sympathy, Lightwielder." 

An ice pick seemed to pierce my heart. I scoffed. "Lightwielder," I shook my head. "That's what you think of me? After all this time?" 

"Yes," he said, without a second's pause. "Always have. I just thought...hoped that you would understand." 

"But when the time comes and this...conflict makes you face against me, or maybe...if you find me at your mercy, you will just kill me to get what you want?" I asked, terrified of his answer. 

"It's not what I want, Goldie. It's justice. It's what should have happened long ago," he said. 

"Is that a yes then?" I prompted, my voice suddenly thick. 

"I'll do what it takes," he said simply before turning around and disappearing into the shadows, leaving a gaping, bottomless chasm in my heart.