11 | hugs and kisses

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That night, Chat Noir landed on Marinette's balcony—a smaller one than what he'd been used to, considering her apartment wasn't as spacious as her old bedroom. But what felt so ironic to him was that the balcony was connected to her new bedroom now... and did he think that to be just a coincidence? No, no he didn't.

The curtains were wide open when he landed, giving him a perfect view inside of Marinette's bedroom. It was late, well past midnight, but Marinette seemed to be wide awake, leaned back against the headboard of her bed as she clicked through the channels on her television. Adrien let out a heavy sigh. So it seemed he wasn't the only one struggling to sleep.

He forced himself to tap on the window before he could chicken out.

He watched as Marinette instantly froze. She slowly turned her head towards him, her eyes instantly widening when she realized it was him. In response he offered her a small, sheepish smile and a shy wave, his other hand clasped around the back of his neck as he rubbed the skin there nervously. He watched as she threw the covers off of her legs and practically rushed to the glass door, sliding it open and granting him access once again to her bedroom. He wasn't given the chance to even say anything before Marinette quickly threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. Chat Noir instantly melted in her hold, his arms slowly coming around her waist to pull her even closer into him.

He'd missed this. He'd missed her.

Marinette quickly pulled back to get a better look at him, her hand slowly lifting to place delicately to his cheek. Chat Noir instantly leaned into her touch, the familiar gesture sending his heart spiraling into the pit of his stomach like a sawrm of butterflies, filling his insides with both warmth and anxiousness. This was the intimacy he'd longed to have once again... and not just with anyone. No one could ever replace Marinette.

"You haven't changed a bit." Marinette chuckled sadly, her half-smile already falling as she searched his eyes carefully. What she was looking for, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that he was elated to be in her arms once again.

He cracked a small grin. "I'm a bit taller."

That earned him the corner of her lips turning slightly upward. "Yes you are."

He loved her smile too much to see it vanish so soon. "And a bit more handsome, too." Chat winked, and somehow found enough confidence in himself to actually flirt with her again, back when they were still teenagers themselves just learning how to love each other. He offered her one of those smirks she used to say were his 'signature look'... and he really hoped that his innocent advances to keep her smiling weren't too much.

He was relieved when Marinette actually chuckled. "Don't get ahead of yourself."

The tension in his shoulders quickly vanished, allowing him to actually relax. In truth, he was honestly surprised that Marinette was actually relaxed herself—for the most part, that is. Adrien could tell she was still unsure of what to do... or better yet, what to say. He, himself, didn't even know what he was supposed to say.

He found himself slowly frowning as his mind began to cloud. There were so many thing he wanted to talk to her about. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to make things right between them. He wanted to ask about his daughter. He wanted to meet his daughter. He wanted to ask why she'd never told him about their daughter. He wanted to ask her if she would ever consider taking him back... if they could be a family. The thought of even wanting to marry her constantly invaded his mind.

His arms fell from her sides as these thoughts slowly consumed him, and he couldn't even feel disappointed when she let them fall too. "I'm so sorry, Marinette."

He watched as her brows slowly pinched together. There was pain in her eyes, an emotion he hadn't even noticed until now... and perhaps it was because along with his apology came the past, and it was obvious what he had done to her had caused too much damage—damage that he wasn't even sure could be mended. He cleared his throat when she chose to remain silent. "I'm sorry for what I did... for leaving you... for completely giving up on us. You have no idea what I would give just to go back and redo it all. Everyday I thought about what I did and regretted it so much."

His words only seemed to further confuse her. He watched as her expression twisted unsurely, mixed emotions clearly running rampant. She pulled away from him slightly. "If you regretted it so much, why are you just now telling me this?" When her gaze lifted up to his once more, there was a pain in her irises he couldn't even begin to measure. The confusion that resided there hurt him the most. It was almost as if she assumed he no longer cared about her... which he supposed she had every right to assume.

He ran a hand through his curly locks. "Because it took me this long to actually consider facing my mistakes; to come back home."

"And what exactly were you expecting?"

He lifted his eyes to hers, the hand that had gone through his slightly oily blondes already resting on the nape of his neck. "Who says I was expecting anything?"

"Weren't you?" Marinette asked as if it were a challenge. "Why would you come back after all this time if there was nothing you were expecting, or hoping, to gain in return?"

He frowned slightly at her implication. "It hasn't been that long—"

"Are you serious right now? It's been five years, Chat."

He folded his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling as if he needed to protect himself in someway. He couldn't even deny this truth, nor could he find any excuse to even make it sound justifiable. But even so, he still felt annoyed for having her prod as the obvious. "Yeah, and?"

She was looking at him now as if he were absolutely insane... and he didn't like that look. He preferred her fondness over anything. "What do you mean 'and'? Five years is a long time! So don't you dare sit there and say it hasn't been!"

He wasn't sitting... he was standing, and the petty side of him was desperate to throw that out there. But he decided not to—because that would only irritate her further. He raised his hands in a surrendering motion instead. "Okay! I'm sorry... clearly I shouldn't have said that."

But even that didn't seem to fully placate her. Marinette took his words for sarcasm (which he had to admit, when they left his lips, they had sounded a bit sarcastic, even if that hadn't been his original intension.) But that only further boiled her frustration. "Clearly! And why are you even here anyway? What exactly do you want from me?"

"Who says I want anything from you?" Oh god, but he did. He wanted her. He wanted to be a family. He wanted to be a father. "Stop making assumptions—I just wanted to apologize!"

"After five years? Really?"

"Yes! I needed to clear my conscience!"

Marinette let out a bitter chuckle, her hands moving to her hips as she shook her head. "And has your conscience been cleared yet?"

His mind screamed to be honest with her... and yet, he'd already started off with a lie—that he was here simply because of his conscience, and after all these years, clearing it only seemed to matter now. No wonder Marinette wouldn't take him seriously. That logic and reasoning sounded absolutely ridiculous.

He shook his head. "No, it hasn't."

She nodded as if she had already anticipated that answer. "Then why are you still here?"

For many reasons, his mind supplied. Because he obviously missed her, because he now knew he was a father, because he was lonely in America and honestly didn't have anyone like he did back in Paris, because he missed being a superhero, because he missed Ladybug—who he was fairly certain was Marinette by now.

Because he needed answers.

His eyebrows slowly began to furrow as his frustration resurfaced. "Why didn't you tell me about our daughter?"

Chat Noir watched as all of Marinette's confidence vanished in the blink of an eye. The sight somewhat brought him satisfaction, knowing he had been able to catch her off guard. But even despite her obvious shock, Marinette was able to recover rather quickly—though there was still a tint of fear that glazed over her eyes. "How do you know about her?"

He ignored her question. "What, did you honestly think you could hide her from me forever?"

Marinette's eyebrows furrowed just a hint. "I wasn't trying to hide her from you."

"So.. what? You were just... never going to tell me?"

Something uncomfortable twisted inside of his stomach when Marinette actually seemed to relax. And he was close to even throwing up himself when she gave him an answer that was nowhere near hesitant. "Yes."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "How could you do that? I deserved to know—why wouldn't you tell me that?!"

"Why would I?" She retorted with little-to-no-emotion, completely unfazed by the raise of his voice. "As far as I was concerned, you walked out of my life the night I found out I was pregnant. There was no point in telling you if you weren't even willing to make our relationship work."

"That doesn't give you the right—"

She interrupted him with a loud, bitter laugh. "It gives me all the right. You left me, remember? As soon as you chose to do so, you renounced all rights you had about what happened in my life after you chose to exit out of it. And I tried to convince you to stay... don't you remember that? In fact, I even begged you. But you can't make a person stay somewhere where they don't want to be. I had to learn that the hard way."

He growled in frustration. Adrien refused to admit that she was right, no matter how much he knew she was. But Chat Noir was so upset, and most of his frustration was directed at himself. "But she's my daughter! I'm her dad! God Marinette, I've been a father all this time and I never even knew it! Do you know how much that hurts me?"

"Do you know how much it hurt me when you told me you wanted to break up?!" Marinette threw right back at him, and when her voice rose so suddenly, it made him flinch back since he hadn't been expecting her outburst. "When I begged and begged for you to reconsider what you wanted; for us to stay together and try long distance or just to... work something out... and yet you still refused!?"

His expression instantly fell from angered to conflicted. "Marinette—"

She didn't even give him a chance to finish that thought. She stepped forward and shoved him back, her hands only brushing his leathered chest for a second. "You don't have any right to tell me that I hurt you! You completely shattered me. I was going to tell you that I was pregnant the night you dumped me. I had just found out earlier that day too... and I was so excited to tell you because I thought..."

He watched as she swallowed slowly, and he knew she was struggling to hold back her tears.

He was struggling to do the same.

The silence that loomed between them remained heavy until she decided to break it. Marinette ran her fingers through her hair, exhaling a shaky breath. "...Because I thought we would be a family. I thought you would be excited and happy like I was."

"I am happy." His words came out shakily in response. "I was so happy to find out that I'm a father. Do you know how much I wanted to have a family of my own someday?"

"No, I don't actually." She answered. Her pained eyes lifted to his. "That's not something we ever discussed."

"Then lets discuss it now." He proposed.

Two emotions flashed in her eyes in that moment, and he recognized them both. One was hesitance to actually take him up on his offer, and he knew it was because she felt vulnerable to accept. The other was simply the anger that still resided in her... and he couldn't even blame her for the resentment she still held against him.

"Fine." But surprisingly, she agreed to his proposition. "So you're telling me if I would've told you that I was pregnant that night, you would've changed your mind about wanting to break up?"

"Yes." He replied in an instant.

"And why would you have changed your mind?"

Chat Noir's eyebrows furrowed slightly, mostly in confusion. He didn't really understand why she was asking him that. The reason, he assumed, was pretty obvious. "Because you were pregnant? If I would've known, I would've stayed to help you raise Emma—"

"So you only would've stayed for the baby?"

"Of course not." His response implied that her words offended him—which they kind of had, and that only caused his frown to deepen. How could she think so lowly of him? Sure, both Chat and Adrien had done stupid things which had affected their relationship greatly—but he had already made it pretty obvious that he longed to be a family. "I've always wanted more than anything to have a family of my own someday... and I always saw that possible with you. I know I never said that and we never talked about it but its true."

He was telling the truth, pouring his heart out even, but Marinette didn't seem to be entirely convinced. "How could you see that becoming a possibility when you left? You chose to leave me behind to pursue your dream. What family did you think would come out of that?"

"I didn't choose my dream over you." He argued.

"Didn't you?" She folded her arms over her chest. "What exactly would you call leaving your girlfriend to achieve your dream? Sounds like you chose success over me."

"I didn't choose success." He stressed through gritted teeth. He wasn't his father. "I chose to do something that I wanted to do for a change. Something that I could do without having to worry if my father would approve or not."

"And I was never against that." Marinette said desperately. "You could've still done that without kicking me out of your life. I would have supported you along the way. We could have made our relationship work if we really wanted it, but you didn't want it! Don't you see that? You didn't want it enough so you just gave up!"

"I didn't give up!" He argued. "I was being realistic!"

Marinette was eyeballing him as if he were insane. "Realistic?!"

"Yes! Long distance relationships hardly ever last. If anything, all they do is cause more pain!"

"Cause more pain for who?" She challenged him. "You? Because you wouldn't be able to deal with having your girlfriend on the other side of the world? Or is it because you didn't think you would stay loyal?"

His eyes widened at her next implication. And now he was glaring at her. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I would've never cheated on you."

Marinette matched his glare. "One can never be too sure."

All he could do was stare at her in disbelief. "What exactly do you take me for? A player?" He grounded out the world in disgust. "When we were together, you were the only person I ever wanted to be with. You're still the only person I want to be with."

A flash of hesitance crossed her eyes. Marinette was still angry herself, but there was a bit of uncertainty there when she asked desperately, "So then why did you leave me?"

Chat Noir didn't even know the answer to that himself. He had convinced himself that it was because he desired the freedom to make his own decisions, and therefore, followed one of his passions that was actually his and not his father's. But Marinette was also a part of his dream. So instead of actually fulfilling his dreams, he had chosen one over the other, rather than accomplishing both.

So what exactly did that make him?

Was he just like his father after all?

That thought only furthered tears to threaten spilling over his bottom lids. His worst fear had always been turning into his father—but Marinette was right. He had turned away love to follow some sort of dreamy success—and for what? He accomplished what he had gone out to do, and yet, he felt nothing from that success. Only emptiness.

So in reality... he hadn't accomplished anything and had lost everything.

He couldn't even give her a valid answer; anything that would somehow excuse his actions. Why did he leave her? Because he honestly didn't think he would be able to keep her.

But he didn't know how to tell her that without sounding like a victim. So, filled with a sudden sense of determination, his eyebrows furrowed as he suddenly marched forward with only a few, smooth strides, and before he could even second guess himself, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

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I'm so sorry for taking so long on this chapter. Honestly, I've just been super depressed. Lots of stuff has been going on in my life which hasn't really given me the time to write. But I'm happy this is out, and hopefully I'll see you soon in the next chapter! :)

Tune in for chapter 12 (next week? idk but let's try for then), where the aftermath of their kiss leaves Marinette in absolute shock and scolding herself for actually wanting more. Some more feelings are spilled and Marinette decides to actually admit she knows who he is under the mask.

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