12 | cold feet

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His lips were warm.

That was the first thought that crossed her mind—and Marinette had to admit, she was rather surprised that she was even capable of thinking in that moment. With his lips molded into hers, it was hard to even have any rational thoughts. But even so, she found her eyes fluttering closed as she readily melted into his embrace without hardly any care in the world, because no matter how hard she tried to resist, she couldn't deny that she hadn't missed this—hadn't missed him. And when you miss something, its hard to not reconnect with the one thing you've longed to have for so long when the opportunity is presented.

His lips tasted exactly how she remembered them. His touch was too familiar, only arising a feeling that she had desperately longed to feel again. When his leathered hands hesitantly lifted to hold her waist and pull her body even closer to his, Marinette found that her own arms had involuntarily wrapped themselves around his neck, allowing the space that had once been between them to be completely non-existent.

Chat Noir deepened the kiss, and Marinette obliqued. She even smiled against his lips, deeply overjoyed upon their reunion. There was no denying that he too was equally happy over their reconnection, because she felt him smile just as wide, all the while keeping their lips locked after many years of separation.

But the high that their reunion resided on quickly died out when it all fully registered in her mind like a light switch being turned on. They were kissing. Marinette had vowed not to let him in so easily back into her life... and especially into her heart, and already their lips were pressed together and roughly reconnecting in a hazy frenzy.

And so that's why she abruptly pulled away and used her hands—which were now on his chest—to push him back, ending their kiss with a loud POP.

The sudden separation had been unexpected to Chat, that much she knew. His eyes quickly fluttered open, widening as his bruised-kiss lips parted slightly in a 'O' shape. His lips, which looked too darn kissable were distracting enough, but as soon as his brain seemed to catch up to what had happened and his eyebrows slowly furrowed in confusion and slight hurt, that was enough to distract her further—so much so, that she was forced to avert her gaze.

She couldn't do this. Not now. Everything was moving too fast.

"You..." She forced herself to swallow, unsure herself of what she even wanted to say. "You... kissed me."

She wasn't looking at him, but she could picture he was just as flustered as she was. Who could blame him, or her, for that matter. They had just finished making out after all.

"I-I'm sorry!" He stuttered out. "I didn't—GAH! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to overstep...!"

She wanted to hide her face into the palms of her hands, especially knowing that there was a rather prominent blush that currently fanned her cheeks. Better yet, she wanted to burry herself into a deep hole and never come out again.

Marinette had to admit, she already missed the feeling of his lips, but she wouldn't dare admit that to him. She finally looked up to catch his eyes. "You actually kissed me."

He was already looking at her with so much desperation. It seemed he didn't know how to decipher her bland reaction, so he chose to ring his hands together nervously instead. "I... I should've asked... I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to make you uncomfortable—"

"Uncomfortable?" She shook her head at that. She wasn't about to let him finish that assumption. "You didn't make me uncomfortable. But you have made me mad, and annoyed, and frustrated, and irritated, and conflicted—"

"I'm sorry, Marinette. I'm so sorry—"

"I mean... why would you kiss me?!"

It was all starting to click now. The adrenaline that accompanied the high of their reunion was slowly wearing off, revealing the reality of the situation—that he had kissed her! On the lips! Not only without her permission, but thinking that he had the leisure to do so after all of their years apart. Not only that, but she had dumbly kissed him back, and she wasn't about to admit that she liked it!

The dumb blonde in front of her, covered in black leather, blinked serval times with wide, fearful eyes. "I didn't meant to—I mean, well, that would be a lie. I meant to! But... I didn't mean for you to not like it?"

"You kissed me!"

"I know, and I'm sorry—!"

"Without my permission!"

"I—yes, that was stupid of me—"

"On the lips!"

A sheepish smile slowly tugged at the corners of his lips, followed by a faint blush that danced right below his mask. "Yeah... and they were exactly how I remembered them."

In that moment, she was very tempted to punch him square in the face.

"Wipe that dorky smile off your face!"

In an instant, his smile was gone. As if being caught in lie, or reprimanded—like a child would be—for sticking his hand into a cookie jar, Chat's ears fell flat to his head. He pressed his lips together, his eyes unsure of where to focus as they darted between her and the floor.

Marinette rubbed at her temples in frustration. Her lips still burned from where his had once been, and a small part of her even craved for them to return. But there was still so much pent-up resentment that she had against him that she couldn't just ignore. Her heart had been ripped into two because of him. She wasn't sure if he could put it back together.

"Firstly, y-you don't get to just... walk back into my life and kiss me." By now, she was no longer looking at him. She was too flustered to look at him. Marinette folded her arms across her chest protectively. "Don't do that again."

"You're right," he instantly agreed, sounding solemn. "I'm sorry."

She nodded to acknowledge his apology. "Secondly, our daughter is entirely my call to make. Only when I say the time is right will you get to introduce yourself to her as her father."

Much to her surprise, he remained entirely silent to that. She'd been anticipating him to argue. Confusion convinced her to give in and glance up briefly, only to find a stupid, toothy grin had pulled at his lips. That was enough to confirm his silence. It quickly dawned on her that perhaps he hadn't expected to be able to meet his daughter properly, and now that the opportunity to do so was presented to him, she could only assume he was ecstatic by the news.

However, there was a catch to her proposition, because there was no way she was going to make it that easy for him. If he was going to meet his daughter and tell her that he is her father, he wouldn't be doing so as Chat Noir.

He would be doing so as Adrien.

"Thirdly," Marinette cleared her throat, hoping to mask her own anxieties. "I know who you are under the mask."

A choked gasp was enough for her to fully lift her head, keeping her gaze stern as she watched him double over to catch his breath. Chat Noir's coughing fit was enough to assume he hadn't expected her to know. She kept her arms folded, silently mulling over patting his back or continuing on as un-emotionally as possible. She quickly decided on the latter option.

"Because of that, you'll only be meeting Emma outside of your superhero costume, and there won't be any exceptions to that condition."

He slowly lifted his head to meet her eyes, his expression entirely pained. Even his bangs stuck to his forehead due to the amount of sweat that now plagued his skin, indicating just how nervous he suddenly was. "H-How did you find out?"

"You've never been the best at whispering," Marinette said nonchalantly. "So, I overheard your conversation with Nino."

She watched the color drain from his face in a matter of seconds. "Please don't be mad... I can explain—"

"What's to explain?" She interrupted. In truth, courtesy to Plagg, Marinette already knew that Alya and Nino had been able to crack down on Chat's secret identity and succeed. That meant not only did they know she was Ladybug and Adrien was Chat Noir, but also that neither of them had bothered to share that information with her knowing just how detrimental ignorance was when aligned with the truth. "That you seem to be more comfortable with them knowing and not me? Or that this whole time Adrien Agreste has been messing around with my feelings?"

She watched him visibly flinch as soon as his civilian name left her lips.

"Adrien rejected me, don't you remember that?" Marinette's reminder left her parted lips bitterly. "That's how our relationship started. All because heartbroken Marinette needed comfort and Chat Noir just so happened to be there. Except, it wasn't a coincidence. You came to my balcony after you rejected me that night on purpose. What I don't understand is why."

His eyes were now focused on his feet, having no intension of meeting hers.

That only fed her irritation and her heartbreak. "Why would you reject me only to come back behind a mask pretending to be someone else and then tell me you love me? If you want to explain something to me, explain that."

But Chat Noir remained silent, which only further proved that he really had no valid explanation. The only explanation there was remained simple: he'd done it to mess with her feelings, perhaps finding something entertaining about further breaking her. Just that thought alone brought tears to her eyes, and a choked sob escaped her lips before she could stop it.

He looked up when he heard the sound, and his emerald eyes conveyed she wasn't the only one who was heartbroken, but Marinette didn't have the strength to feel any remorse for him.

Instead, despite her tears, she furrowed her brows, and demanded, "Release your transformation."

His eyes widened at that, fearfully so, and she didn't understand why it scared him. She already knew who he was under the mask. He couldn't hide behind it anymore when it concerned her. He took a step back from her nonetheless though, his hands raising protectively. "W-Why?"

"Why not?" She countered. With one brow raised, she watched him slowly retreat with little-to-no-emotion. The only reason she knew she could still feel anything was because of the tears her eyes were still capable of shedding. "I already know who you are. You can't hide from me anymore."

Chat Noir anxiously shook his head. "I...I don't want to."

"Then get out of my house." Marinette told him coldly. "And I mean both of you. Adrien can pack his things tomorrow and he can leave too."

"W-What?" This time, Chat Noir took a step forward, with worried hands extended out to her. "But... you said Adrien could stay for as long as he wanted—"

"Well, now I've changed my mind. And I've also changed my mind about introducing you to Emma as her father."

His eyes widened, and she was certain tears were beginning to collect on his bottom lids. "N-No, Marinette, please don't do that to me—"

"I don't pity you, Adrien," her eyes fluttered closed as she said this, her head also shaking. "And I'm not changing my mind. Not unless you stop hiding from me behind that stupid mask."

A tensed silence fell once again, almost like a wall separating them from one another. But Adrien had been the one to build this wall. Adrien had been the one to lie to her and deceive her, making her believe all this time that he hadn't been in love with her, only to turn around as his alter ego and claim that he couldn't live without her. Not only had he done that, but he'd left her, choosing a dream that she thought she was a part of over their so called love.

Then he had the audacity to return, to seek her out, to spend time with her daughter, to kiss her—as if he had any right. As if he had a place in the new life she had built for herself and for her daughter.

Marinette had done a lot of things she wasn't proud of. One of them was never revealing her identity to Chat Noir when they'd been younger; when he'd begged to know who she was underneath the mask. Now it seemed that their roles had been reversed. Now, all she wanted was to see Adrien underneath that mask, and he was the one hesitant to show her.

But she hadn't gone as Ladybug to try and start a romantic relationship with Adrien. Ladybug hadn't slept with Adrien. Ladybug hadn't started a family with Adrien. Ladybug hadn't gotten Adrien to fall in love with her. Ladybug hadn't abandoned Adrien.

Chat Noir had done all of that. Adrien had done all of that.

Chat Noir exhaled a shaky breath. That was enough to break her out of her reverie, but it wasn't enough to mend the brokenness her thoughts had added to her already pained heart.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered out, "But I can't do what you want."

His apology meant nothing to her. Even with trying to get him to explain why seemed to be an impossible task. She wanted to understand him; at one point, she even wanted to see if she could help.

But he was unwilling to explain it to her. He didn't seem to want her help. It seemed he was once again taking the easy way out; running away like he had done in the beginning when their relationship first began to crumble.

And his running away, to her, seemed like she and her daughter didn't matter enough to him to want to try and fight to stay.

"Then I want you gone." Her words were as cold as ice, and she meant every single one that left her lips with every fiber in her body. She would not allow him to toy with her feelings any longer. Marinette was certain what she wanted, but if he wasn't, then there was nothing she could do to help him. "Tomorrow you will pack your things and you will leave. You will not come back here, you will not come looking for me or Emma, and you will pretend like we don't exist."

Chat Noir simply hung his head, and the only response he gave to acknowledge he had heard her was with a single nod.

However, she could also make out the tears that dripped from his chin as he silently wept. Seeing such tears only fueled her anger. He had no right to cry. She had given him chance after chance to be honest with her, and he continued to lie and deceive her every chance he got. Marinette couldn't trust him.

And if she couldn't trust him, he couldn't be in her or her daughter's life.

Perhaps that was the worse part of it all—knowing that she couldn't trust him, and yet, despite all the pain he'd caused and continued to cause, Marinette still loved him. She wanted nothing more than to be able to spend the rest of her life with him, to finally have that little family she'd always dreamed about having with him someday. She truly loved him with all of her heart, and discovering Chat Noir had been Adrien only made her love him more.

But what was love without trust? Unhealthy.

Chat Noir's ears were pressed against his head of blonde. He made no move to leave, simply standing before her in her bedroom unmoving, staring down at his feet as silent tears cascaded down his cheeks and hit his leather boots drip after drip. A tiny part of her longed to reach out to him and hug him, to welcome him back into her life with open arms. That was the part that loved him.

The part that didn't trust him, however, was making the more rational decisions for her aching heart. Deep down, she knew pushing him away for good was best for her and would eventually be best for her daughter.

Finally, after the silence had stretched on between them for quite some time, Chat Noir shifted on one foot to the other. Then, he slowly turned around and headed towards her open balcony window.

He didn't look over his shoulder, didn't turn back around to insist that he changed his mind. What she saw was the man she loved once again turning his back on her, leaving her, abandoning her.

And she allowed it. In fact, she told him to do it.

But it still hurt... because a part of her still hoped he would change his mind.

But he didn't. Chat Noir stood atop the railing of her balcony. The night wind whipped through his wild blonde locks, cascading his profile from her view. His long bangs fell into his eyes and he didn't even seem to care. In fact, he must have considered it a favor for wiping away his lingering tears.

He stood there for a little longer, as if he were about to change his mind. But Marinette didn't hold her breath. Instead, she watched as he finally leapt down, his baton twirling in front of him as he launched himself into the distance.

She watched until she could no longer make out his figure in the night. Then, she stepped forward and closed her window, also shutting the curtain behind it. She walked back towards her bed and fell face first into it without so much as a grunt leaving her lips.

She knew this was for the best. No longer having him in her life was the only way she would truly be able to move on. It was the only way she could properly heal, too.

Marinette knew all of that was true, and yet, she couldn't stop thinking about what his lips had felt like pressed against hers after all that time they had spent apart.

_______________________________

I'm back! I know the announcement for the next update in chapter 11 didn't age well, but I'm back, AND fully recovered from hiatus (for now) 😅

Tune in for chapter 13 on (5/20/2022) where Adrien will begin to pack up his things. Nino gives the blonde a serious lecture, and in the midst of that, Adrien confesses to Nino his reasoning for hiding behind his mask from Marinette all these years—because he still has feelings for Ladybug too. The tension is thick and so is Adrien's shame, but his guilt only rises when little Emma is sad to see him go, and innocently asks if he's leaving because of her.

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