Adrien wasn't usually one to sulk. He had learned over time not to allow disappointment to affect him, because as a young man still under his father's roof, that was all he had ever expected from the stone-faced Gabriel.

But Marinette telling him he needed to leave hurt more than he liked to admit.

In truth, he really had no right to be upset. He knew that, and yet, he was utterly shattered. He wanted to be with Marinette and a part of her life, and he wanted to be in Emma's life too! But something was holding him back. And that was the mortification that he was also in love with Ladybug.

Adrien rarely thought about Ladybug nowadays, especially now that they had mended their friendship, but when he did think about her, his heart would always swell, and butterflies would start fluttering in his lower stomach. That was how he always felt with Marinette too. That was how he knew that he loved her.

After realizing what a fool he'd been for rejecting her as Adrien, he really did try to make things right—but as his true self, which would always be Chat Noir, but it didn't work as planned. Before he even realized what he had done, Chat Noir had leaned in and kissed Marinette. After that, instead of apologizing, he'd deepened the kiss, and ended up getting her pregnant.

Adrien should've been the one to kiss Marinette. Adrien should've been the one to ask her out. Adrien should've never gotten her pregnant.

Instead, he'd used his superhero persona for his own personal gain—the one thing he wasn't supposed to do beside reveal his identity. He should've never hidden behind his mask in the first place. He should've never allowed himself to get romantically involved with anyone if he was still pinning after Ladybug.

How was that even fair to Marinette? He'd been selfish. Even now he was still selfish. She had every right to be angry at him. He lied to her. He had deceived her, but that had never been his initial intension. In truth, he was ashamed with everything he had done and all the choices he had made and continued to make. But there was no way Marinette would give him the chance to explain that, and did he really want to? Did he really want to admit to her that he was ashamed for loving her because he was also still in love with Ladybug?

That sounded like something only a jerk would do, and perhaps that made him one. He should've never kissed her last night. What was he even thinking when he did that? He had no right. Absolutely no right.

"Adrien?"

The blonde quickly looked up, snapped out of his reverie, as he caught Nino underneath the threshold of the apartment. He hadn't even heard the door open. Nino stepped inside, his shoes squeaking against the floor. He had just returned from a run. Adrien could tell because his best friend was dressed in black gym shorts, was shirtless, and had worked up an incredible sweat.

"What?" Adrien was trying his best not to be harsh, but the word left his lips sounding bitter and surely snappy. He looked back down at his suitcase stuffed with too many unnecessary items and continued to busy himself.

He heard Nino kick off his shoes by the door. "What are you doing? Are you packing up all of your things?"

"Yeah. I'm leaving."

"Why?"

The blonde shoved another piece of clothing into his suitcase, but it didn't fit. Why didn't it fit? It all fit before when he brought it here.

"Marinette told me that she wants me to leave."

His best friend slowly moved across the room before settling on the edge of Marinette's couch. His elbows came to rest on his knees as he asked, "Did something happen between you two?"

"Yeah," Adrien scoffed at the irony behind that question. "We got into a fight. Well, Chat Noir and Marinette got into a fight."

Nino clicked his tongue at that, and that caused Adrien to look up from his suitcase. When he did, he found Nino's narrowed eyes and his disapproving frown. "What did you do?"

"Of course it's always my fault." Adrien slammed his suitcase closed. It didn't stay closed.

"It usually always is when it involves Marinette." Nino said matter-of-factly. Adrien didn't like how calm he sounded. "I'm assuming it has to do with her finding out that you're Chat Noir, doesn't it?"

The blonde's eyes widened slightly at that. His head whipped around to face Nino. "How-How did you know?"

"Well, if Marinette got into a fight with Chat Noir, that wouldn't be a reason for Adrien to leave. Not unless she knows you two are the same person."

Adrien's response was simply an annoyed grunt as he returned to forcefully trying to shut his suitcase. It was no use. His suitcase was too full which meant he would either have to resort to repacking everything and hope it all fit or buy another small carry on. The thought of having to go through all of that trouble again made him want to slam his forehead into the nearest wall.

Nino's sigh was clearly audible. "So... how did she find out?"

"She heard us..." Adrien replied defeatedly, "That night in the living room."

Nino hummed idly at that. "And? How did she react to finding out it was you? Surely not as bad as you expected since the day you left her?"

Adrien's shoulders involuntarily rose into the crook of his neck, and his skin prickled with tension. He didn't like the way Nino formulated those words. "It doesn't matter what I expected. She hates me."

"And why does she hate you?"

"Because I kissed her. Without even asking her if it was okay!"

Angrily, Adrien shoved his suitcase to the side. It tipped over with his brunt force, and it with it, the contents of it spilled all over the carpet. Adrien couldn't find it in himself to care. He was tired of that damn thing.

The sound of Marinette's leather couch creaking as Nino leaned back into it was deafening amongst the silence. Nino gruffly folded his arms across his chest and a frown quickly adorned his lips. "C'mon, Adrien, pull yourself together, alright? That's not fair to her and you know it."

"Don't you think I know that?!" Adrien whipped his head around to face Nino once again, his brows furrowed deeply and his eyes narrowed, anger ablaze in his fiery emerald irises. "The guilt is eating me up alive! You have no idea how much I wish I could redo everything I've ever done to her."

"And yet you're still leaving her... again?" Nino arched an unconvinced and unamused brow at that. He couldn't even blame Nino for not believing a single word that let his lips. After all, Nino was like an older over-protective brother to Marinette. After everything he'd witnessed Marinette go through over the years, Adrien knew his best friend would stand by her over him.

And yet, he would still defend himself no matter what Nino thought of him.

"You think I want to? She told me I was no longer welcome here!"

"So that's it then? You're just going to accept that? To leave that easily? You're not going to fight for her or for your daughter?" Nino scoffed in disbelief. "That's not the Adrien I know. The Adrien I know doesn't give up on the people he holds dearest to his heart."

"Well... I'm not the same Adrien you once knew!" Adrien exclaimed angrily. He rose to his feet, facing his best friend head on. "I'm not the same kid you met in lycée! I'm not the same innocent sheltered little boy my father kept locked away all his life in a giant mansion, that didn't know shit about the world, or about love, or about true happiness! I've changed!"

"Yeah, you have changed." Nino stood to his feet as well. Anger was evident in both of their features, but Nino's eyes held rage. "You've become an asshole."

"Right. Of course that's what you think!" Adrien let out a bitter chuckle. "That's what everyone thinks! You, Alya, and Marinette all think I'm the worst person to ever exist!"

"Stop trying to make yourself the victim! Nobody ever said that... but you've become such an ass, that much is true. You have the audacity to come back to Paris, thinking you could come back to the life you left. You reconnect with not only us, but with Marinette, and then you even made a bond with Emma, but now you're just running away again! What do you expect us to think?"

"Maybe look at it from my point of view? I destroyed Marinette in every way imaginable. How could I ever make that up to her?"

"You could start by being there for your daughter. Do you really think you're doing Emma any good by leaving after you've gotten her comfortable around you? She likes you, Adrien. She'll be devastated if you leave!"

"So what would you have me do? Be her father?"

"That's exactly what you should do!"

"I don't know the first thing about being a father!" Adrien ran hand through his blonde locks in frustration. "Do you think I'd be good at it? Do you honestly think I know how to be a father? What if I become just like my father?"

"Now you're just making excuses." Nino shook his head in disappointment at that. "No one knows how to be a parent at first, but just like anything new, if you truly want to succeed at it, you learn."

Adrien huffed, turning his head to the side only slightly. "And even if I were to stay and be a father to Emma, Marinette would never allow it. She already said that she's changed her mind about allowing me to tell Emma that I'm her father. So what difference does it make?"

"If you really want it, you'll fight for it. So far, all I've gathered is that neither Marinette nor Emma are that important to you at all."

Adrien whipped his head around to meet Nino's eyes once again. "Don't put words into my mouth. Marinette and Emma mean everything to me."

"People don't leave behind the things that mean everything to them, Adrien."

"There's no point in trying to explain it to you." The blonde shook his head and scoffed in disbelief. "You have no idea what I've had to deal with all these years being apart from her, and then on top of that to find out that I missed out on four years of my daughter's life. You just don't understand."

"Help me understand then." Nino responded strangely calm. "Why did you even leave?"

Adrien let out a bitter laugh. "So many reasons. Because I was finally free from my father. Because I was no longer trapped and knew I now had the chance to see the world. Because I wanted to make a name for myself and not just be 'Gabriel Agreste's son'. Because I thought I could make a difference."

"You did make a difference." Nino reassured. "You built that school, right? That was your dream."

"Yeah..." Another bitter chuckle passed his parted lips. "And yet, I feel like I haven't accomplished anything." A defeated sigh left his lips, and with it, he hung his head, staring idly at his hands which were now in his lap. "I should've listened to Marinette when she said we could make long distance work. We could've made it work, but I was being stubborn... and-and—"

"Afraid?" Nino supplied when the blonde seemed to be struggling for the right word.

Adrien regretfully lifted his gaze, guilt-filled irises meeting his friend's. "That, and ashamed."

"Ashamed?" Confused, Nino furrowed his brows. "I get feeling ashamed for leaving, but we already passed that—"

"No." Adrien shook his head firmly. "As much as I love Marinette, I was ashamed to be with her—and it had nothing to do with her. Marinette is amazing in every way imaginable. But..."

Nino arched a guarded, confused brow. "But?"

Adrien ran a hand through his hair. He was nervous to admit this; ashamed even, but he had to tell someone. And if he couldn't work up the courage to tell Marinette, perhaps he could tell the guy who once used to be his best friend. "But... when we were together... I was ashamed to be with her because I still had feelings for Ladybug."

Anticipating his friend's possible uproar, Adrien squeezed his eyes shut. He expected Nino to lecture him. He even expected Nino to yell at him. But when the silence stretched on and Nino remained quiet, Adrien peeked an eye open to spare him a glance.

Nino was simply staring at him, his expression unreadable.

The blonde cleared his throat. "Aren't you going to say something?"

Nino simply blinked. "That's it?"

"What do you mean 'that's it'?" Adrien asked indecorously, "I just confessed to having feelings for Ladybug while dating Marinette and you don't think that's an issue?"

"Is that the real reason why you broke up with Marinette?" Nino countered with another question.

"I wouldn't say the real reason, but it was a reason."

"Why couldn't you have just told her that then?"

"Are you insane?!" Adrien quickly stood to his feet. He waved his hands in front of him. "If I would've told her that, Marinette would've hated me even more than she does now!"

"You don't know that."

"Dude, I do know that. I was basically cheating!"

Nino rolled his eyes at his friend's dramatic outburst. "Although I never approved of your methods at trying to move on from Ladybug, Marinette knew Chat Noir was in love with Ladybug from the start. If she agreed to begin a romantic relationship with you, she must've known it was a possibility that you weren't entirely over the bug yet."

He wouldn't dare admit it out loud, but Nino did have a valid point. But even if that were true, that didn't justify his actions no matter how much he wished it did. If he was still having feelings for Ladybug, he should've never gotten into another relationship. That was the whole reason why he'd rejected Marinette as Adrien. So why did he come back to her as Chat Noir?

"Besides," Nino's words cut through his thoughts. "You should've just been honest with her. She probably would've understood and probably would've tried to help you."

Dammit. Nino was right again. Why was he always right?

"Anyways," Nino slowly stood up from his seat on the couch. He stretched his arms over his head. "I'm going to go take a shower, but you should really think about what I said. Consider staying around, bro. They need you a lot more than you think."

With that, Nino took his leave. He disappeared down the hall and into the bedroom he shared with Alya, and Adrien didn't try to stop him. Instead, he was left to ponder over everything they had talked about, his suitcase long forgotten in a sprawled mess across the floor.

The lock on the front door suddenly clicked. His head snapped up just in time to catch the door opening as an exuberant little Emma skipped inside, sporting the widest toothy grin as she held a Ladybug and Chat Noir themed lollipop. She was dressed in a pink dress this time, with white sandals adorning her little feet. Adrien couldn't help but smile. His daughter was adorable.

Behind Emma, Marinette stepped inside, her arms covered with grocery bags hanging from every available free space she could find so that she wouldn't have to make a double trip to the car. Instinctively, he moved to stand so that he could help her, until he remembered that the last thing Marinette probably wanted was his help. So, he frowned and stayed put.

Marinette shut the door behind her with her foot, oblivious to his presence. She set everything she'd bought on the counters, while Emma disappeared down the hall to her room. Grunting in frustration, Marinette began unpacking everything, and called over her shoulder, "Emma, don't get undressed! We have to leave again in ten minutes!"

"Okay!" Emma called back.

Marinette continued to busy herself with putting away groceries. She still hadn't noticed him. Realizing that he'd rather be noticed than discovered, Adrien decided to clear his throat to spare them both the possible awkwardness of his presence.

It didn't work. Marinette turned around, her already frustrated gaze meeting his. All he could do was swallow uncomfortably as her eyes silently sparred with his. The uncomfortable silence that stretched on between them only made things even more awkward. Despite her anger, there was something else swirling in her irises that he couldn't quite pinpoint.

Sadness? Pain? Longing?

Whatever it was, he knew it was his fault.

He licked his lips nervously, deciding he would take a leap. "Need any help?"

Her eyebrows furrowed. He deflated. Then, her eyes broke from his and lowered to the sprawled mess of his clothing all across her living room floor.

"No." Her answer was hard and clear.

He nodded a bit sadly, averting his gaze.

"Do you?"

His head snapped up, his wide eyes catching her gaze once more. Out of all the things he expected her to say, he surely hadn't expected her to offer her help.

Swallowing nervously, he nodded, "Please."

She nodded. Abandoning her groceries, she moved around the counter and began heading for the living room. He forced himself to look away from her as she approached and began busing himself with his array of clothing. Under his lashes, he watched as she kneeled in front of him. She reached for a piece of his clothing and began folding it.

As it turned out, Marinette was a pro at folding clothing. Perhaps it was the designer in her, or maybe it was the fact that folding her daughter's clothes had given her plenty of practice. Either way, she had some type of skill when it came to fitting clothes in seemingly impossible places.

"I never thought about folding my clothes like that." Adrien broke the silence with a chuckle as he watched Marinette roll a pair of jeans.

He didn't think she would engage in conversation with him, considering she had made it clear she no longer wanted him in her life. But when he looked up, he caught her already looking at him, and surprisingly, there was a small smile playing on her lips.

"It's a parenting hack." She said somewhat lightly, as if her previous frustration had vanished in seconds. "I learned it in a young mother's group Alya signed me up for towards the beginning of my pregnancy."

It was just a little piece of her shared past, but it was enough to have him leaning forward in interest. "I'm assuming you learned a lot from that?"

Her eyes lowered to his suitcase as she placed another rolled up piece of clothing in it. She nodded silently, her smile seemingly fond.

Adrien couldn't help but reciprocate that smile. "And that's why you're such a great mom."

Unprepared for his compliment, Marinette's gaze snapped up to his. Her eyes were blown wide, her lips slightly parted in surprise.

"You are." He insisted before she could respond. "I just realized that I've never told you that before. You've done a really great job with Emma... and-and I'm proud of you."

To most it would seem like he was just grasping at straws in order to remain on her good side, but in truth, Adrien was just trying to be honest. Even if he couldn't tell her the reason why he was such a douche, he could at least be honest with her about this. He was genuinely proud of Marinette and all she had accomplished—including raising their amazing little girl.

Marinette's smile fell slightly to reveal her uneasiness, but she quickly covered it by recovering her seemingly believable bright smile. He chose to pretend he hadn't noticed.

"Thank you, Adrien."

"You're welcome." He responded softly.

Marinette was placing the last rolled up piece of clothing into his suitcase when their eyes met once again. He was truly marveled as to how she was able to accomplish what he couldn't, but he was even more mesmerized by the familiarity in her eyes—her beautiful bluebell irises which shone like priceless sapphires. She was looking at him the same way she'd looked at Chat Noir the day she agreed to date him.

She was happy.

But that happiness didn't last for long. It was almost as if she realized what she was doing; caught herself from doing something she'd forbade herself to do, and then that was it. Like a snap of one's fingers, her frown returned, and she quickly pulled away, and whatever moment they'd just had was gone just like that.

Marinette stood to her feet and turned to leave. Her shoulders were tense and her posture was stiff. Sighing in defeat, Adrien ran a hand over his face.

"Marinette, wait."

She paused in her step, but she didn't turn around to face him.

He figured that was his opportunity, and he wasn't going to waste it. "I just want you to know that even though you hate me, and I've been super shitty towards you, I still love you so much and all I really want is what's best for you and Emma. So... if that means not having me in your lives... then I'll go easily. I can promise you that."

He was somewhat stunned when Marinette turned back around to face him, but what surprised him more was that she wasn't angry. Instead, she just looked emotionally exhausted. She looked defeated. "I want you in our lives, Adrien. More than anything. But not if you can't be honest with me. Love by itself isn't enough. I-I can't trust you as much as I wish I could."

"I understand." He said solemnly.

She pressed her lips into a thin line before turning on her heel again. That time, he didn't stop her as she headed out the front door, probably heading back to her car to retrieve more bags of groceries she hadn't been able to carry on the first trip.

Once again, a defeated sigh left his lips. If only he had the courage to tell her the truth...

"Are you leaving?"

Once again, Adrien's head snapped up to the new voice. This time, it was Emma who stood at the entrance of the hallway. Her lollipop was gone, but in its place, she now held a stuffed toy of Chat Noir. She was frowning, and her lips were pulled into a pout—the same pout he'd seen her mother make so many times before.

He offered her a sad smile. "Sorry, kid. But yeah, I am."

"Why?" She stepped forward. "You don't like it here anymore?"

He found himself chuckling at her innocence. "I love it here. But... me being here is making other people sad, and I don't want to make anyone sad."

"You're not making me sad."

The corner of his lips quirked upward.

Emma's expression didn't lighten. "Please stay."

His heart physically throbbed in his chest. There was pain behind her words... pain a four-year-old should never experience. It made his guilt even heavier. This was all his fault. "I can't. Being here makes your mama unhappy."

His daughter's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why do you make Mama unhappy?"

How could he explain this to her? Should he even be honest? He decided he would be, because he was tired of lying and keeping secrets. So, inhaling a deep breath shakily, he began to explain the best he could to a child's understanding. "A long time ago, I hurt your mama's feelings real bad. I didn't mean to... but I guess because I was hurting too, I hurt her by accident."

Emma sat down on the floor across from him, his opened suitcase separating them. Her features were incredibly serious.  "Did you say sorry?"

He let out a sad chuckle. "Yes, but sorry isn't always enough."

"Why not? I say sorry to Mama all the time, and she always forgives me."

If only it were that simple. Adrien pressed his lips together, considering an answer. "I'm sure you haven't hurt your mama like I have."

Emma pursed her lips in thought. Her fingers were idly playing with the Chat Noir doll in her lap, and he found his eyes lowering to watch.

"Why were you hurting?" She decided to innocently ask.

Adrien licked his lips. He couldn't explain that to her no matter how simple he tried to make it. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's-It's hard to explain. You wouldn't understand it, kid."

"Did you tell Mama you were hurting?"

He frowned slightly in thought. "No, I didn't."

"Why not?"

That simple two-worded question had him stumped. Why hadn't he told her? Why didn't Adrien tell Marinette that the real reason he rejected her wasn't because he didn't like her, but because his heart was already broken? Why didn't Chat Noir tell Marinette that he was trying to get over Ladybug? Was it really because he was ashamed?

Or was he afraid of rejection?

Maybe that was it. Ladybug had rejected Chat Noir, and now the other half of him was worried about being rejected too. With Chat Noir, Adrien could flaunt his charisma, and if he was rejected for it, no harm foul... because no one knew who he was behind the mask. But with Adrien... there was nothing he could hide his false confidence behind. If he got rejected, that was it. It would hurt and everyone would see his pain. 

Sure, Marinette claimed to like both sides of him, but she didn't really know Adrien, did she? She had no idea that Adrien wasn't as confident as he made himself to be for the cameras. That all of it was an act. That he was actually super insecure.

And maybe that was it. The answer to the entire reason as to why he'd hurt so many people.

Because he was insecure.

"I don't know." He shrugged, "I guess I'm just... stupid."

He tried to offer his daughter a smile, but it was extremely pained.

Emma's expression was just as sad. "Are... Are you leaving because of me?"

"What?!" Adrien eyes widened at that, and he quickly shook his head. "No! Of course not. None of this is your fault, Emma. This is between me and your mama, okay?"

"Okay." Was her passive answer, but it didn't seem like she entirely believed him.

Adrien felt more and more guilty by the second. Exhaling shakily, he decided to ask for something Marinette might disapprove of. But she wasn't here, so what did he have to lose? "Can I get a goodbye hug?"

That seemed to lift his daughter's spirits. Her lips pulled upward into a half smile, and then her Chat Noir doll was abandoned. She crawled over to him and launched herself into his lap. With a grunt, Adrien adjusted her before she could crush his precious cargo, and then he was wrapping his arms around her tiny body, caging her in. Her little arms wrapped around his neck, and she propped her chin on his shoulder. Forcing himself not to cry, Adrien held her close.

This was the first and last time he would ever be able to hold his daughter like this.

This was goodbye.

And with that thought in mind, his dam broke, and he couldn't stop his silent tears from cascading down his cheeks.

_______________________________

Tune in for chapter 14 on (6/17/2022) where Adrien decides Chat Noir ought to make one last stop for Ladybug's sake before he leaves for good. During his visit, he decides to explain his feelings for her—not even realizing that the secret he's been trying to keep from Marinette he's just told straight to her face.

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