All my Fault
By: Gavriella
December 16, 2021

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I.

In this dark, gloomy room
I lay, thinking, regretting
Choices I made, come spinning
Inside my head, haunting

II.
It was all your fault,
You can't cry, no right
Emotions I sealed in a vault
Came out flooding, overwhelming

III.
I know it's all my fault
I had 24 hours of nothingness
I decided not to be productive
And now I go down be depressed?

IV.
Who is to blame but me?
Not the face to face exam definitely
Not the lack of materials and time
Because I have plenty to study

V.
But I decided to play games
Spend 500 for skins
Spent 5, 10 hours playing
But in end, it gave me nothing

VI.
What am I doing?
From God, I am miles apart
From school, I am failing so hard
From life, everything is dark

VII.
I do want to quit
But what do I do without it?
Without the degree I studied for?
Without the title, registered micro?

VIII.
Where do I go but down?
Like the tears falling, cascading
So is my life crumbling
When do I get things right?

IX.
I am so lost, so alone
No one to help me in this miserable hole
I let Satan dragged me down and break me
But I can't find the strength to call

X.
Call for my God for help
Be committed in Him once again
Surrender my life, make it His
I know, I know, I know this

XI.
I know I am struggling, in pain
Because He is not in my life
Neither my heart is His throne
Because I tried to make it on my own

XII.
Who am I kidding?
This is what it gets me
I tried to be who I want to be
But who is that exactly?

XIII.
I tried to commit
3 hours of gametime
That's all I get in a day
But I never went through, till the end

XIV.
Everything is a mess
Everything is wrong
Everything is breaking down
And it's all, my fault.