[005] a social construct

(trigger warning for mentions of grooming and molestation)

                             From the time that Roman Roy was born, it was as though he had never gotten a chance.

                            He was the youngest boy and therefore, seen as the weakest. Even though Catherine was the youngest, she was a girl and therefore she didn't have to be strong. His father belittled him every chance they could get, hoping he'd one day grow stronger and finally bite back. But Roman never did. He just settled into the role of his father's punching bag and he also became his siblings' punching bag too. Emotionally, of course. They may not have laid a hand on him but they made him feel small every chance they could get, forcing him into that stupid dog cage and making him act like a dog. Roman only did it because he felt he had to, so he could please them. Just as he did with his father, doing whatever he could to earn his love.

                           And really, Roman had been born into his own personal cage long before his siblings had forced him into one.

                           So you see, Roman would always be punished for wanting the one thing he'd never be able to get from his dad: love. And boys desperate for a father figure tend to look for that approval in the wrong places which was Roman did. Of course, it wasn't his fault. he was a friend of Dad's so how could he have known that he didn't have good intentions? How could he have known that the man who'd take the time to talk to him and make him feel special and even buy him a gift would end up chipping away at his innocence until there was nothing left?

                          Perhaps all those jokes about Lester hadn't been jokes after all. Perhaps Roman should've listened, but he had just been a boy and no one had been there to protect him when they should have.

                          Maybe Alice should've known better as well. Maybe it should've been a bad sign when her own uncle always paid special attention to her, telling her that she was such a beautiful young woman and always making sure she kept sitting on his lap. As she got older, her uncle only sought to get closer and closer to Alice until she felt as though she only had him to rely on. Alice was clueless to the fact that her uncle had been watching her grow up, noticing how she was growing up to be beautiful. Alice blindly trusted him and eventually, he used it to his advantage. Eventually, it escalated into inappropriate touches and then... 

                          Alice knew she had to tell her parents. Even though he had told her not to tell, it felt wrong. Alice had only been twelve and yet, her parents turned around and blamed her for it. The accusing look in her father's eyes made her believe that it was her fault and from that day forward, Alice never spoke about it again. Her parents forced her not to. She just punished herself instead, self destructing in any way she could.

                            Nonetheless, her parents made sure to send her uncle away so he could never come around Alice again. And Alice hadn't seen him in years but she'd forever be haunted by what had happened. She'd try to forget about it, drinking those memories away and finding love and acceptance in all the wrong places. From a young age, Alice had learned that her worth came in the form of her last name and her body. If she wanted to be loved, she'd have to give up her body in the process. That's how it was and that's how it always would be.

                         And Alice assumes that Roman is no different.

                        Why else would he want to be so close to her? He just wanted to sleep with her. That's why he had been seeking her out all this time. Alice assumed there was no other reason since no other guy would put an effort in getting to know her off of pure friendship. Maybe it was due to the things Alice had gone through but Alice didn't really believe that anyone had pure intentions any more. Every one wanted something. 

                       But it was nice to pretend. It was nice to pretend and act like someone could possibly like her for her. So much so that Alice completely abandoned her date with Andrew so she could hang out with Roman. Feeling trapped by her parents, Alice was desperate for some sort of escape. When Roman had called, Alice immediately accepted his offer to go out - lying to her parents and saying that she was leaving early for her date.

                         Unbeknownst to Alice, Roman had been using Alice as an escape too. Logan had decided to take his anger out on Roman yet again, resulting in a bruise on his eye. A bruise that Alice had quickly taken notice of.

                      "What happened to your face?" Alice noted, resting her chin in the palm of her hand as she looked over at him.

                       The two of them had found their own private little booth inside the restaurant, closed off from the rest of the world. Or rather, the press. Seeing as Alice was trying to sneak out without being noticed, she knew she couldn't let any of them snap a picture. Not unless she wanted to instantly get found out by her parents. While Alice knew her lies would eventually catch up to her, she didn't care at the moment. All Alice wanted to do was try and have some fun.

                     "Turns out, I'm so hot that even the street poles are attracted to me. Yeah, they can't get enough of me," Roman easily lies with a shrug.

                    Alice scoffs. "You walked into a street pole? You have got to be more careful."

                   "For someone who acts like they doesn't give a shit about me, you sure do care a lot," Roman smirks.

                  "I'm not caring about you. I'm making fun of you, huge difference," Alice corrects him.

                  "Are you sure you won't get in trouble for this?" Roman questioned, referring to them sneaking out. 

                    His dad luckily didn't care but he had a pretty good idea that Alice's parents wouldn't be so carefree. Neither would Andrew, if he ever found out. Before Alice had told him anything, Roman had already known about the big date thanks to Andrew's own big mouth.

                  "Even though she's acting like a total bitch right now, I'm still excited for the date, dude. Or rather, how it ends," Andrew had told Roman over the phone just the night before. "Alice Kim's only good for one thing after all. It's what makes this relationship worth it in the first place."

                  "I probably will get in trouble for this. But no matter how hard I try, I still end up pissing off my parents. So I might as well do so intentionally," Alice shrugged.

                  Alice would probably regret her words but for now, she didn't want to spend another night with Andrew. She knew that she had to for the sake of their "relationship" but it was growing to be torturous. 

                 "So... what does a rich bitch like you eat? Besides air," Roman remarked.

                 Alice hums for a moment, trying to figure out what to eat. Usually, Alice would just order a salad or just opt to not eat at all. When Alice did eat, she usually planned on throwing it back up. So maybe she could allow herself this one cheat night. Knowing her, she'd just find a way to throw it back up anyway.

                  "I want a sandwich," Alice declared.

                  "...A sandwich?" Roman furrowed his brows. While he hadn't known what to expect, he hadn't expected Alice to answer with something so... simple. "I thought you'd go for filet mignon and those fuckin' fish eggs."

                  "I hate caviar. The thought of eating the eggs of any fish makes me want to puke," Alice remarked, almost laughing afterwards. She would puke regardless. "And I want a lot of French fries. You know, the big basket so we could share."

                  "Do you really think I'd want to share my fries with you?" Roman raised a brow.

                  "You don't really have a choice," Alice responded.

                  Roman playfully rolls his eyes. "Fine, boss. I'll just have what you're having then."

                  Alice chuckles before flagging down the closest waiter she could find. Soon enough, she'd manage to capture the attention of a waitress walking past who pulled out her notepad to take down their order. But upon taking one look at the couple, she instantly knew what she was going to say instead.

                 "You two make a lovely couple!"

                  Before Alice could answer, Roman grabs her hand and immediately smiles at the waitress. Alice turned red as she felt Roman continuing to hold her hand, surprised by how warm and soft it was. She can't remember the last time anyone's ever held her hand before. "Thank you! We've only been going out for a couple of months but I'm just head over heels for her already."

                   "Ditto," Alice manages to get out through gritted teeth, plastering a smile onto her lips.

                   "Oh, I remember when I was that age. Things were so magical and romantic back then," the waitress notes with a soft chuckle, her eyes sparkling as she recalled the happy memories.

                   "Wow, that must've been a while ago," Roman remarked with a smug grin.

                   Alice kicks Roman hard in the shin, causing him to cry out in pain. She then turns back to look at the waitress with a small smile. "Please forgive him. He hasn't been out of the house in a while. He's forgotten how to interact with people."

                   "It's, um, fine. Would you two like to order right now?" the waitress shakes her head, trying to keep the smile on her face.

                   "Yeah. As soon as I get feeling back in my fuckin' ankle," Roman groans, rubbing his ankle afterwards.

                    Alice ended up ordering for the both of them and after half an hour of waiting, the food would arrive. Roman watches with light amusement as Alice began to dig right in, stuffing her face with food. She didn't have to worry about being cute or impressing Roman so she could just be herself. And Roman was loving it.

                    "You know, if you keep moaning while you eat your food, I'm just gonna assume that you're having sex with it," Roman chuckled.

                    "Maybe I am," Alice cheekily responds in between bites, "This is honestly way better than having sex."

                   "Geez, all your boyfriends must've sucked in bed," Roman comments, taking a fry for himself and eating it.

                    "I don't really have boyfriends," Alice admits with a shrug, looking over at Roman. "Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

                    "I dunno," Roman lies with a shrug.

                    Alice scoffs. "Bullshit. Of course you know why. You don't have to tell me but you don't need to lie either."

                    "Fine. Why can't you keep your legs closed?" Roman shot back.

                    "Because I like to fuck a lot. It's kind of like an addiction. Once you start, you just can't stop," Alice responds, not looking the least bit fazed by Roman blatantly slut shaming her. She's heard it all before and then some. "You get it, right?"

                    "Uh...," Roman trails off.

                    "You seriously don't? I was totally joking about you being a virgin but I didn't know it was true. Look, I was being a cunt earlier but... it's really not that big of a deal if you're a virgin. I mean, virginity is a social construct," Alice reasoned with a shrug.

                    "What the fuck does that even mean?" Roman frowned.

                    "What it means is that it doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't matter if you fuck twenty girls and it doesn't matter if you've never fucked any of them. it's your sex life so you're the only one who should care," Alice reasoned.

                    Roman knew Alice's words rang true but he had a complicated relationship with sex. He was clueless to the fact that Alice too had an equally complicated relationship with it too. Roman was scared to have sex and Alice couldn't seem to stop... didn't they make a perfect pair?

                    "You should be a guidance counselor but for sex. I'm sure you'd be great at it," Roman teased but Alice took him seriously this time.

                    "Right? I could even hand out those little brochures on the street. It'd be so cute," Alice smiles. "Maybe you could help me. You'd be my assistant, my oompa loompa."

                    "Is it because I'm short?" Roman huffed.

                    "Duh. Oh, can you sing the oompa loompa song?" Alice suggested, making the cutest face she could muster just so she could get Roman to agree.

                    But he seemed completely immune to it.

                    "No," Roman shakes his head.

                     "Please. It'd be so cute," Alice begged.

                    "Nope," Roman denied.

                    "Pleeeeaaasseee," Alice begged.

                    "What part of no do you not understand?" Roman narrows his eyes.

                   "I'm used to getting what I want," Alice shrugged.

                   "I bet. You remind me so much of my sister," Roman remarked.

                    Catherine always got whatever she wanted from their father without even trying. Maybe it was because she was the youngest daughter, but Catherine had some sort of spell over their dad. He treated her just a little better than he did the rest of them. Even though Roman loved Catherine and thought of her as a twin sister in a lot of ways, he was jealous of her for it.

                   "You mean Catherine?" Alice asks. Because she obviously had nothing in common with Shiv Roy. Except the fact that they were both major bitches.

                   "You know her?" Roman chuckled.

                    "Yeah, we're sort of cool now," Alice remarked.

                    "That's not shocking. But she better not steal you away from me. We were technically hanging out first," Roman replied.

                    Alice smiles. "Aw, would you miss me if Catherine stole me away?"

                    "Shut up," is all Roman says before he continued to eat.

                    Alice chuckles when she looks over at Roman and before he could ask what was so funny, she leaned over to wipe the corner of his mouth free of ketchup. And when she was finished, she licked it off of her thumb with a playful wink followed behind it. Roman thought he was going to explode in that very moment.

                    When they finished eating together, Alice would pay this time and then they'd leave together. Roman hoped this wouldn't be the last time they'd come back. But he wouldn't say it out loud and risk looking like a pathetic loser. Even if he was a pathetic loser.

                    "Rome?" Alice called his name, causing the boy to look at him

                    "What?" Roman answers.

                    "I know you're lying to me about what happened to your eye," Alice replied.

                    Roman falters, forcing a chuckle past his lips. "What? Are you fucking psychic or something?"

                    "Maybe," Alice shrugged.

                    What Alice really wanted to tell Roman was that she understood. While her parents rarely got violent with her, it always shook her to her very core when they did. She wanted to let him know that he didn't need to lie to her and she'd understand if he talked about it. But Alice doesn't go that far. After all, half of her is still convinced he wanted to get in her pants (she doesn't think she's ever been someone's first before) and they didn't need to go that deep.

                    "Uh, well, this was fun. I'll see you around?" Roman remarked. It was supposed to be a statement but it sounded a lot like a question.

                    "Yeah," Alice smiles, "Of course. I had a lot of fun with you, oompa loompa."

                    The smile that had once been on Roman's face turned into a frown which made Alice actually laugh.

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word count: 2831
notes: i've seen a lot of takes on tumblr where people say roman was molested as a child and honestly with the way his behavior is towards sex, it makes a lot of sense. of course we'll never know since the show purposely left his past and the past of the others completely ambiguous but it would explain why roman's the way he is. and then alice also being molested explains why she's so hypersexual (some kids who are molested can either grow up to have lots of sex or not really want to do it at all). unfortunately, neither alice or roman will ever tell each other which is why roman constantly slut shames (jokingly) alice and why she makes fun of (and eventually) belittles him for not having sex. it's not that they don't trust each other. they'd just rather not talk about it and pretend it never happened instead.

but on a lighter note, the rest of this chapter was actually so fucking cute LIKE WHAT???