Anonymous reader...

So basically I feel alone right now, even with really close friends sometimes even with family. Basically I end up third wheeling a lot because one of my best friends constantly tries to get attention from my other one. I always feel alone when surrounded by people and I don't know if I should try and get new friend or not because I really like my best friends but I think one or all of us had changed and I don't know what to do.
Ps attention seeker is apparently depressed but it seems she just bitches and moans to get attention. Like I've tried to help and stuff but she completely blocks me and only shares stuff with other friend but then some days she will be fine with me. Other bestie feels stuck because she knows I'm slightly hurt(well I'm really hurting but they don't know that) but doesn't want to risk upsetting attention seeker in case she's actually not just an attention seeker (but it always feels she'll do something to get eyes back on her if other friend talking to someone else. Other friends have acknowledged this) please help I feel so alone even when I'm with people

This is what I refer to as a 'friendship triangle'. I have actually been in one of these before (not naming names but cough cough Charlotte cough cough) and witnessed many more. It is a very difficult think to recover from, most of the time leading to one straying from the others or becoming sworn enemies. But, there are ways to avoid this possibility.

Step One. Tell the other bestie, not the attention-seeker. I know that I say this to almost everyone but it's true that communication is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, friendship or not. She may have her suspicions that you are uncomfortable but will not know for sure until you tell her outright. Letting her know how you feel against attention-seeker will help, trust me. I'm just advising to not let attention-seeker know because she might get offended and not like you more.

Step Two. Try and resolve your friendship with attention-seeker. You say that you are all besties so you should know what kind of thing she likes. Talk to her, don't give up and continue to smile even if you feel like punching her in the face. Any mutual hobbies or likes? Talk about those to slowly rebuild your friendship. It may not be sharing the stuff that she shares with other friend but it's progress.

Now, the previous step may go in one of two ways depending on whether she accepts your attempts or not. I'm going to start by writing the steps for if she does and then the other outcome starting from step three afterwards.

Step Three. Make time. Bond with her, removing her of all the times you have shared together. Bring other friend along but sometimes just go alone. Make sure to tell other friend ahead of time so she doesn't feel left out, tell her that it being just the two of you may neutralise the conflict between you.

Step Four. Comfort her. Throw all suspicions of her faking it out the window and assume everything she says about it is true. Let her know that you are there for her even if she doesn't want to talk but just company. Respect her boundaries, don't try to cross them without permission and she will hopefully do the same back.

Step Five. Tell her. Once you feel comfortable that your friendship strong enough again, tell her how you felt before. Maybe leave out the whole faking part but tell her that you felt alone. Tell her that you felt like you were third wheeling, that you didn't fit in with them. Tell her that you feel alone in a crowded room even when they all try to help you. The only depressed people I know also feel alone a lot. Maybe she may be able to relate or at least understand what you're going through.

Now for the not so positive part

Step Three. Find new friends. If attention seeker doesn't want you then she can't have you. You mentioned the friends who also picked up on her dramaticness, talk to them more. I know that you really like you current best friends but if attention seeker is going to be rude like that she doesn't deserve you, I'm sorry but it's true. Who knows, maybe you'll find that one of your friends is more interesting than you thought!

Step Four. Become independent. I realise that this isn't just about the friendship triangle, it's also about how you feel alone even in a crowd. If you aren't getting what you need out of others, get it out of yourself. Be there for yourself, partake in solitary activities. Some ideas would be painting, drawing, writing, puzzles or maybe even take up an instrument. Rely on yourself for entertainment as much as others. Just don't go too far, socialising as much as we try to deny it is something we all need to carry on through life. And when I saw we I include myself.

Step Five. Stay on good terms. You don't have to be the best of friends, but keep on the neutral side with the two current best friends. Having enemies who know an awful lot about you is not going to bow well in your favour. Leave them on a good note to avoid future arguments.

Step Six. INTERNET FRIENDS! This works for both outcomes so listen up. Internet people are some of the best people to be friends with. I have had nothing but happiness since I started this account, becoming really close to some of my readers. They are what get me through long lessons, their words swimming in my head. Almost every single one of the amazing fangirls/guys I have met have been supportive when I go through all my real life drama. They are my anchor and the words I can type will never be as effective as the hugs I want to give them all. What I'm getting at is that internet friends are great and respect you for who you are. I am a social awkward, British teenage nerd with slowly healing acne but no-one judges me because of any of those factors, unlike a lot of people at my school. Team Internet is the most awesome and I love it! Plus they understand your fangirl attacks :3

So to wrap stuff up, follow my steps and if all works through, you should be out of your little friendship triangle. I'm sorry if this isn't as good as you would like but I try. Also, I am not trained in psychology or anything proper like that, I am just trying to be there for the people who have been there for me. Don't forget step six.

From ciaramaeflower

xxx